My dear Holmes.
It is your most humble associate, Inspector Lestrade. I once again must beg to ask the question if you have any further information or speculation about the not so recent disappearance of Lord Douchebag. It seems that he continues to be among the missing and his case continues to cause consternation in the most unlikely places.
As I had previously noted I had attended several of the salons of the noted conversationalist and dilettante Lady Chatterley when Lord Douchebag was formerly a valued contributor. Although some claimed to revel in his good fellowship and wit, others were not enamored of his nonsensical mutterings and obscure meanderings in print. It seems that besides his admirers there were many who did not suffer this foolishness gladly. It seems that he had recently won a contest as to who was the most despised barrister who appeared before the bar. Quite revealing in fact as his competitors were among the most reviled members of that profession. As I have noted previously your brother Mycroft was among those who did not care for him and his ways. In fact I believe he once hurled a perfume bottle at him at the club. Mayhap you might discuss this with him the next time you might meet?
It seems that several of those who claim him as a friend have attempted to contact him and he has not responded in any way. In fact strangely enough an advertisement was recently to be found in the agony column of Wood Wind Weekly which seems quite a recondite locale but I must follow up any leads that present themselves no matter how obscure. I am not aware if there have been any replies as they have not been posted and will not be for the foreseeable future. Still I will monitor the situation and report to you if it changes.
It remains a mystery to me that so many claim such a close acquaintanceship with Lord Douchebag yet no one can actually say they have spoken to him or communicated with him in any way other than reading his often inscrutable scribbles. It seems that the degree of their friendship has been greatly overstated.
I did manage to acquire a rare photo of the Lord and Lady Douchebag at her Majesty’s Masquerade cotillion where they were attired in the garb of his most famous ancestor, the original Lord Douchebag. Perhaps you might use this photo if you decide to aide us in our enquires.
It remains a mystery to me that so many claim such a close acquaintanceship with Lord Douchebag yet no one can actually say they have spoken to him or communicated with him in any way other than reading his often inscrutable scribbles. It seems that the degree of their friendship has been greatly overstated.
I did manage to acquire a rare photo of the Lord and Lady Douchebag at her Majesty’s Masquerade cotillion where they were attired in the garb of his most famous ancestor, the original Lord Douchebag. Perhaps you might use this photo if you decide to aide us in our enquires.
Once I again I most humbly beg to inquire if you have you turned you hand to this most distressing puzzle? If not to find the missing Douchebag, then at least to explain the degree of comradeship claimed on such a bizarre and tenuous relationship. If you have any thoughts, perhaps I could drop by Baker Street to compare notes with you. If that is at all convenient please inform Dr. Watson who could pass on word the next time we meet at the club.
I hope all is well and that you have recovered from that unfortunate incident with Lord Baskerville out on the moor. I had thought that he owned that most famous and ferocious hound and had no idea that he actually raised rare clumber spaniels. They do not seem to be the breed that would terrorize a town but I venture to state that you never can tell what some people will be afraid of.
Thank you for your forbearance and your kind consideration of my requests.
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
February 22, 1896
11 comments:
It seems that the degree of their friendship has been greatly overstated.
When cousin Ron fell ill with that horrible French illness last year was it not a good thing that real channels of communication were able to kick in? I don't think anybody's identity was even compromised.
The person of interest should have left behind something, e.g., a working email, a Twitter DM connection. Otherwise these dreadful missing persons scenarios play out.
So sad, but also avoidable.
There is of course a differance between a real person and a fictional character.
So to speak.
Sheesh, I'd hate to get on your bad side. Assuming I'm on your good side now. One must never assume. Or care. That's the important point...not to care. I shoulda been a psychotherapist. Big bucks in that scam.
There is of course a differance between a real person and a fictional character.
Kinda like the difference between real estate and intellectual property. Problem is, lawyers get mixed up in both.
Ricpic, you could never get on my bad side. You are man enough to say what you mean and mean what you say. And you don't run to teacher to be the teachers pet.
Don't worry about it. You are the real deal.
Bissage is dead. Paul told me so.
That's pretty coarse, 60 grit.
The Walrus was not Paul.
The Walrus was Alice D. Millionare.
Bissage was more like Timothy Leary.
Plus Paul is just not believable.
He thought Stumpy the Golddigger really loved him!
How can you believe anything he says now?
Plus Billy Joel tells us that only the good die young.
So there you go!
That's par for the coarse, baby!
It is snowing in Dixie. Saints won the big game. Bissage has gone to the big courtroom in the sky. Objection, asked and answered, foundation, leading the witness, requires speculation and that is outside of the scope of this inquiry.
Your witness...
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