So we were sitting around the family room watching TV. We got a little tired of the Olympics and started flipping the channels. You see W kinda is off of the Olympics if he doesn’t get to feel the ass of the female volleyball girls and stuff. I mean in the Winter Olympics they are wearing snow suits and stuff so how much fun can that be?
Anyhoo as we are flipping we get the C-Span feed of this big hyped summit meeting regarding health care. W stopped for a moment because he just loves to see Barry screwing up. He just keeps replaying it and laughing and laughing. It keeps him happy so I don’t care if he does that now and again. After all women’s curling isn’t until tonight.
So they are taking testimony and debate from various people and this vicious old harridan named Louise Slaughter goes in there and tells this long involved bullshit story about some woman that had to use her dead sister’s dentures. WHAT? I looked at W. He looked at me. And we both burst out laughing. Because of course there is a story involved with that.
You see it all happened back in 1991 during the great porno summit. Oh you never heard about that? Well you see there was a lot of trouble in the porno industry back in the day when they began the change over from video cassette tapes to DVD’s. The industry was going crazy and there were a lot of threats going back and forth between the various producers’s over who had the rights to issue the films in the new format. Now a lot of Poppy Bush’s campaign funds came from the porno industry. Oh you didn’t know that either? Well Chaney was our contact as he had all the old files from J Edgar Hoover and he used them to gently “persuade” some of the big wigs to give big-time to the campaign. So Chaney said we had to sort it out if we wanted the pipeline to flow, so to speak.
So they arranged for all the big shots in the porno industry to come in. They were all there. The Dark brothers. Kirdy Stevens. Gloria Leonard. Ron Jeremy. Kay Parker. Honey Wilder. Ginger Lynn. Peter North. And of course Aunt Peg.
You see most of what they were trying to decide was the classic stuff from back in the seventies that was going on DVD. The new stuff was properly copyrighted and everything but the early days of the industry was sort of a Wild West Show. With horses and everything. Just like that movie “Boogie Nights.” So they had to negotiate a settlement that was pleasing to all sides so we could get our campaign money. Now most of them didn’t trust Chaney so he couldn’t broker the deal. But my old friend Robyn Bird put in a good word. You see she had met that pop eyed twat Barbara when we appeared on Midnight Blue and she vouched for her as a fair judge and mediator. If she only knew?
Bug eyed Barb was the farthest thing from fair. She never forgave me for marrying her W. The only reason she tolerated me was because she hated Jeb’s wife Juanita even more. So they decided that they wanted me and Barb to work as arbiters. Along with Sandra Day O’Conner. You see Chaney had some photo’s of her with her palomino that gave him a little leverage so to speak and got her to attend the porno summit.
So we all met in the East Room and there was yelling and screaming and cursing and that was just Barb when they ran out of her favorite tequila. But eventually we ironed everything out and they all signed onto new contracts that everyone could agree with. I had to get home to pick up the twins from Girl Scouts so I left. But I heard the after party got out of control.
You see Barb and Kay Parker and Ron Jeremy and Peter North and Aunt Peg where all hanging around doing shots of tequila and eating hard pretzels. That’s where W gets his love of pretzels you know. From his mom! She was queer for pretzels man. It was really weird. But what was really screwed up was that Bridget the Midget and her brother Weenie Man were also in the group. And you know there is not controlling Barb when there are midgets around! So hilarity ensued. The only problem was that Aunt Peg is also really into little people. So there was a sort of competition going on. And Aunt Peg backs down to no one. She will go down on anyone but not back down on anyone that’s for sure!
Anyhoo the party breaks up and Chaney gets a whole bunch of pictures that made a whole lot of money for Halliburton when W invaded Iraq….oh wait I wasn’t supposed to mention that shit…... anyhoo the party breaks up. But of course it doesn’t end there.
You see Aunt Peg kept calling the White House. She claimed that her dentures got mixed up with old Bug eyed Barb and that she stole her teeth! You believe that shit! A raddled old whore kept calling the White House. And the other raddled old whore wouldn’t take her fuckin calls! So all though W’s administration we had to deal with Aunt Peg claiming that she had to gum her boyfriends because W’s mother had stolen her dentures. She even protested outside the White House and everything with a sign just like that other whore Cindy Sheehan. So we had to put a kibosh on that. Because Barb would never admit that she stole Aunt Peg’s dentures. She just thought that they were better than her's and helped her crunch pretzels so much better.
And midgets too!
No comments:
Post a Comment