My dear Holmes. It is I, Inspector Lestrade who thought to drop this missive to you to inquire if you have been contacted in the case of the recent disappearance of Lord Douchebag. It seems he has stopped corresponding with various of his acquaintances and they have become concerned. It seems they miss his febrile witticisms and garrulous commentary in the post. They seem to not have much to do in their shallow lives.
None the less, the rotters have made several complaints to the Yard and I have been asked to investigate. It seems his gardener is particularly concerned. Perhaps he needs his correspondence for compost.
As you know the Earl of Douchebag comes from a long line of Douchebags, I believe he is the seventh of the line. I believe he worked for a time as a barrister although that is not verifiable. It is known that he often spoke of an inappropriate relationship with several close female relatives. Also there have been some accusations of plagiarism in his scribbling but that also has not been verified. I don’t know if any of this might have lead to his dissappeance but I must follow all avenues of investigation.
Have you been contacted to consult in this case? If so, perhaps I could drop by Baker Street to talk with you. If that is at all convenient please inform Dr. Watson who could pass on word the next time we meet at the club.
I hope all is well and that you are enjoying your cocaine and tobacco from Sumatra that I had Customs release to you.
You obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
February 14, 1896
2 comments:
1896 sees like it was a good year: X-Rays discovered, first modern Olympics, WJB lost the election. Fanny Farmer released her first cookbook.
That reminds me of an old Ed Gein joke:
Q. What did Ed Gein give to his girlfriend for Valentine's Day?
A. A box of farmer's fannies!
(I guess it worked better back in the 1950's rural Wisconsin).
Look at the bottom of Reichenbach Falls - the Bissage you seek is there, or so I have read.
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