So we spent three days at the gift show at the Javits Center and I was bored out of my mind. We were looking for little gifts and stuff to add to the store for the skinny girls to buy while their chubby friends are shopping.
You see the skinny friends have no patience and always gold plated bitchs so I have to distract them. "Look over here skinny bitch...shiny...shiny...look." So we have tons of accessories and we brought in some candles and picture frames and other junk that they should like. But there was this one company that had more substantial stuff and we got these cool glass lanterns that you could put a candle in and have in your house or yard. As I was standing there I saw it lying over on a shelf. Right there....it was Bat Masterson's cane!
You see the wife and I have been having an argument lately because I wanted to use a cane when I traveled the railroad to Long Island. I don't really absolutely need it but I would welcome the support when walking up the many flights of stairs it takes at Flatbush Avenue and when I am exhausted at night. You see my fuckin leg really hurts sometimes and until I can get the operation I need to rest it as much as possible. But the wife says I am not an old man and I don't need a cane.
But there on the shelf was the perfect compromise. A walking stick just like the one Bat Masterson had in his TV show. I made her watch a bunch of episodes when Gene Barry died recently so she was familiar with it. But she still said no way Jose. The dude at the booth couldn't believe it. "You are going to let your wife tell you what to do?" I said "Pal, you obviously ain't married." "No" the guy said "I am gay." "Well I can't wait till you guys can get married so you will all shut the fuck up already." So we passed on it that day.
But the next day the little woman relented."You can have your walking stick if you want too" she said. "But I hope you don't want a top hat too!" I said "Of course I do. I am going to get a top hat and a monocle and go around like Mr. Peanut. Waddaya think I am gonna do. Jeeez, I am gonna be Bat Masterson for crying out loud!"
She told her mom that it was my midlife crises. Hey look, a walking stick is a lot cheaper than a motorcyle or a sports car.
Now I can strut around like Bat. Cool.
7 comments:
Not Mr. Peanut. You'd be more like Mr.Monopoly- shit get some tuxes too! That be something to see on the LIRR.
But Mr Peanut gets to let out those smelly peanut farts all the time.
Now that's cool.
BTW Ithink Obama & Biden are gonna spend some of that stimulus money on getting you NYers some escalators on your train stations. They should be done in about 20 years and I bet they actually work for six months or so.
They can help propel you up those stairs.
There's an outfit called Stauer. They have a website. Fantastic jewelry and watches at remarkably reasonable prices. I'll bet you could work out a deal with them and then resell they're jewelry, what gal doesn't love jewelry, at a profit in your store.
A cane or walking stick is one of the few weapons you can carry openly and not cause a ruckus. VEry hand when used properly.
Make that "handy."
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