Hell needs a new PA announcer

Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. How is it we can’t find anybody to be the new PA announcer. Maybe we should broaden the search a little. Who has slid down the shute lately Forcas?Forcas: Well we don’t have anybody for PA announcer but I think we might have solved the problem of a new coach for our basketball team.

Lucifer: Really? You mean Hubie Brown is here? I been waiting for that pock mocked fuck forever.

Forcas: No not Hubie. He still has work to do on earth torturing basketball fans until they kill themselves. I will get the new guy.
Coach John Wooden: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…what’s going on? Where am I?
Lucifer: Welcome to Hell Coach. We have been waiting for you.
Coach John Wooden: Wait I’m in Boston?
Forcas: Oh shit, this isn’t going to go good.

Lucifer: (Spewing hellfire) WHAT ARE YOU…A FUCKIN” IDIOT! THIS IS HELL DOUCHEBAG NOT BOSTON! (Lucifer isn’t a patient guy)

Coach John Wooden: But why am I in Hell. I shouldn’t be in Hell. I ran a clean program. And I didn’t sell my soul to you like Rick Pitino and Tubby Smith.

Lucifer: No but you did something much worse.
Coach John Wooden: What could I do worse than selling my soul?
Lucifer: You kept beating Notre Dame. The big guy hates that. Anybody that beats the Yankees, the football Giants or Notre Dame are guarantied to roast here. But cheer up. You are our new coach for our basketball games. Every year we have the really Final Four. We play Heaven, Limbo and Purgatory. What kind of team do we have Forcas.
Forcas: Oh a pretty good one. Lot’s of Boston Celtics and tons of Lakers. And Magic Johnson should be here soon. I hear he has a bad cough.
Lucifer: Cool. So go start a scrimmage on the lake of fire. Shirts verses really burning skins. Cool.