Dude listen to your song!!!!

The Tao of Poo

Such passionate actions and amorous gesticulations or movements, which arise on the spur of the moment, and during sexual intercourse, cannot be defined, and are as irregular as dreams. A horse having once attained the fifth degree of motion goes on with blind speed, regardless of pits, ditches, and posts in his way; and in the same manner a loving pair become blind with passion in the heat of congress, and go on with great impetuosity, paying not the least regard to excess. For this reason one who is well acquainted with the science of love (Kamasutra), and knowing his own strength, as also the tenderness, impetuosity, and strength of the young women, should act accordingly. The various modes of enjoyment are not for all times or for all persons, but they should only be used at the proper time. and in the proper countries and places.

Whose that girl?

Here is a good friend of chickenlittle so he is not allowed to guess. She is a nasty nurse who was in a show named after her underwear.

Whose that girl?

(Hey we have a nurse theme today)

Unforgiven Part 2

Blake asked for my opinion of the Clint Eastwood movie "Unforgiven" and as with most things it is a mixed bag.

It is a far cry from the traditional John Wayne Western that we all know and love. All of the romance and symbolism is leached out. Or at least the optimistic symbolism. It is a gritty, dirty and realistic Western and one of the movies that best depicts real violence that I have ever seen. I am sure AllenS or RogerJ can give a much better description of what it means to be in a violent situation as they were soldiers and real first hand experience. In my somewhat limited but intense experience with the same a lot of what happens in this movie rings true. It is not a great thing to be a witness or to be involved in violence. You can get sick to your stomach. People bleed and they die crying out for their mother as they void their bowels and whimper as they pass. It is not beautiful and noble and painless like a shootout on "Gunsmoke." It is real meat as it were. Unforgiven shows that in all it's realistic pain and shit and piss and lack of glory. So it does have that to say for it.

Will Munny is a sociopath. He kills and shrugs it off because people are not real to him.That was what a lot of the famous Western hero's were really like. They never show that in the movies even the ones they today. For instance the Earps were pimps and gamblers. They wore a badge to protect their business interests. Wyatt Earp mainly lived off the monies he made from the whores he lived with. The last one was an "actress" who cleaned up his image with her biography of him in the 1920's that has been made in many a movie even to this day. But Wyatt had more in common with Iceberg Slim than he did with John Wayne. So the character of the Sheriff was right on the money.

The ultimate in realistic Western film making was in view "Deadwood" on HBO. It had all the gritty and realistic takes on violence and frontier life but still had poetry and optimism. You see we can forget the actual tenor of the times. The educated types would much more be likely to quote Homer or the Bible or Shakespeare and there was the glimmer of a Victorian sensibility. I mean they did the dirty deeds but they tried to cover it up a little better than you see in "Unforgiven."

I think "Unforgiven" is the best of all of Clint Eastwood's films but it still lacks poetry in my view. But it is well worth a viewing if you have the time.

More of Allie's Tales of Nasty Nurses

AllieOop said...

I haven't worn a uniform dress for years and years, maybe not since nursing school, try bending over, stretching, lifting, twisting, reaching in a dress, even one not nearly that short.

No it was no pants since nursing school, didn't mean the old codgers still didn't try to cop a feel and some of them were quick!

But hey the tips were good.

Marilyn's Diary

I had a hard time after Uncle Herman left us and married Carol Herman.  Aunt Lily was mad at me. She kind of figured out what was going on when she went to clean my sheets and found a bunch of Uncle Herman's green pubes in them. Plus one of his fingers. He had left it to me to pleasure myself with after he left. After all he could just sew on a new one.

So I had to find another job. I was a fluffer on the Tonight show but Ed McMahon was always drunk and couldn't get it up. And Doc was gay so there wasn't much work.

I got a job washing My Mother the Car but that guy was a Van or a Dyke or something and he was just too weird.

My girlfriend Samantha called me to come over and work with her new husband Darren Two. She didn't want him to turn gay like the first one so she had me come over in a nurse uniform so we could double team him. I had that gig for a while but it eventually petered out when his peter petered out.

But then I met this strong silent Wisconsin dairy farmer when I was working as a roller skating waitress at Bob's Big Boy and we fell in love and I mover out to the dairy state. We had a bunch of kids but I really only love my boy. He is very artistic and loves his Mom. He likes to work out and loves to come visit me with his Indian husband and his spaniel. He is my hunny bunny.

Uncle Herman would be proud.

The Angel and the Badman

Penelope Worth: Surely you can walk to the barn without that.
Quirt Evans: What?
Penelope Worth: The gun!
Quirt Evans: Oh, well, it balances me. One leg's longer than the other. You know, the weight.
Penelope Worth: Thee are a liar.
Quirt Evans: Well why don't you hold it for me then while I go outside and see why that Indian in a hoodie is casing the cabin.
Penelope Worth: No you keep it. You might need it.

Unforgiven Part 1

Little Bill Daggett: You'd be William Munny out of Missouri. Killer of women and children.
Will Munny: That's right. I've killed women and children. I've killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned just because he was wearing a hoodie.

Whose that Girl?

Now don't try and be a smarty pants and say that it was ricpic's girlfriend.

And don't be mean Allie and say it was the first woman to give Fen a blow job.

She was really up to Paar in all her TV appearancees so don't look her up in a book or try to unring that bell because you can't hold a candle up to her heinie.

Whose that girl?

The Tao of Poo

What is best in life?  To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

The Tao of Poo

Just remember, when you should grab something, grab it; when you should let go, let go. Give it away freely. Learn to be one with your appetites. Let it go and watch the world pass you by. No one will care. You are an island.

Whose that girl?

Nobody puts this baby in the corner.

I always think of her as too young to be drinking when in fact she is older than I am.

Whose that girl?

The Searchers Part Two

Ethan Edwards is an angry man. He is enraged about the attacks and the crimes committed against his family and his community. He has no faith in the law enforcement (the Texas Rangers) or the government (The Army). He has to take the matters into his own hands. He is a loner with a gun. A vigilante if you will. Someone who feels that he has to step in to restore the peace of his community. He feels that he knows best. He is paranoid. Angry. Vengeful.

Racist? Perhaps but he bases his hate of a group on the crimes committed against his family and his community. He gets along more or less with harmless Indians like the "wife" that Martin collects along the way. But he is suspicious of every one of those "people" he meets because he knows what they have done and continue to do.

Is he wrong? Well his family was wiped out and his nieces carried off. Does he have reason to hate? Is he right to take the matter into his own hands regardless of the effect it would have on him and his life and those around him.

Ethan Edwards saw crime all around him and he took his gun in his hand and took a stand.

Ethan Edwards is George Zimmerman?

The first rule of Trooper York......

Is that you don't talk about Trooper York.


Just sayn'

The Tao of Poo

This is the Zen approach: nothing is there to be done. There is nothing to do. One has just to be. Have a rest and be ordinary and be natural. Sit and contemplate the empty peanut butter jar. Eat and rest. Do not toil overmuch. For in the end we all end up the same. Worm food. I think I just farted.

The Searchers Part One

Sixty Grit said...

Troop, what do you think of The Searchers. It was on last night and I sort of watched it. It didn't live up to the hype, primarily because they kept saying they were in Texas when they were in Monument Valley, Utah. Five years they wandered, never left a 10 square mile area.

My feelings about "The Searchers" are a little complicated Sixty. Although it is probably the most artistic and "deep" of the John Wayne and John Fork collaborations it is not my favorite. It is the Western most cited by the intelligentsia and the movie auteur's as their favorite Western which is enough to give me pause. It is a complete work and the absolute fruition of Ford's talent but it is flawed in many ways. But what piece of art doesn't have it flaws? (Well except for Angie Dickenson)

The reason it was shot in Monument Valley is because it was John Fords personal presevre. Where he was most comfortable shooting his movies. Away from the onerous hand of studio supervision. They lived in tents and had no running water or toilets. So the big wigs stayed away. It was supposed to mimic the Llano Estacado or great desert plain of west Texas where the Comanche ruled in the days of the frontier. Of  course it was much dryer and desolate but it was just a convention of the time. Like filming in front of a backdrop or wearing a white hat if you were a good guy.

The story of the movie is one of redemption. Of love turning to hate and back to love again. Of the ties of family that bind even the loner and the outside with chains of love. It is a tale of endurance and perservance and stubborness born out of a sense of obligation and loyality. It is a tale of what America once was and will never be again. Much more now than in the days it was filmed. That America and those Americans are gone forever. It is an ode to an era that has passed and will not return. And like Ethan Edwards all we can do is turn our back and walk out into the darkness of the night.

A new rose for the Garden

A beautiful new rose has been added to the Garden.

Congratulations dude. You know what I mean.

Warmest Best Wishes!

I haven't been talking about the show much....

Because so much is happening I had to let it play out. We finished filming the bulk of the show and only have three or four days of interviews where they put the talking head part in the show. And no I don't get to wear the big suit or burn down the house.

The show changed a lot from what it was originally supposed to be. It sort of morphed into "Dress Boss' where Lisa is 99.9% of the show. Which is fine with me. That is what the network wanted and we have seen three of the rough cuts and it is very much a TLC show. So I think it will do very well especially as a companion piece to What Not to Wear which we will air right after on our premiere Tuesday
May 29th at 10pm.

Lisa and I taped a brief appearance on the live episode of WNTW which will lead right into the show. Stacy interviews us and pumps up the audience to watch us so that should be great.

We had a lot of bullshit go down and this week we just heard that the "show runner" who we had so much trouble with got fired. You see when the executives had to work with him ....well he lasted a week. I couldn't even hear it when they told us because the Munchkins where singing too loud. But he will not be in editing so who knows I might even make a minute or two of the show.

The crew was great and this a photo of our wrap party at the end of the shoot. I really appreciated all the hard work they did and the funny thing is that every one of them came up to me and said they would love to work with us again. Just not if the show runner guy was there. So if and when we get season two we might get some of them back. Which is great because it always fun to work with someone you know.

I will have more photo's and reports soon.

Oh did I forget to tell you we were all zombies.

Did I ever tell you my wife is crazy.....

All she does is love to decorate and she went all out this Easter again. She broke out all the bunnies and made little Easter gift bags for all the kids.

They not only got to have fun but the got swag too!!!

Did you ever get the feeling.....

That Beth and her best friend from high school took a turn when they had that experiance with the Bad Santa at the Neiman's in Baton Rouge?

Did you ever get the feeling.......

That Chickenlittle and the missus will have a great time at the Star Trek convention at the Las Vegas Hilton?

Did you ever get the feeling....

That Titus would have hung out with Hitler if he had a big hog?

Whose that girl?

She knows what it sounds like when doves cry because she was an angel.

Whose that girl?

Hell needs a new PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have several people that will be coming in. We have a young black kid in a hoodie. Well actually we have thirty six black youte in a hoodie. You can take your pick.
Lucifer: Nah, They are boring. Plus they can't read and that won't work for a PA Announcer. Hey is Vin Scully here yet.
Forcas: Not yet but soon. Very soon. We do have a famous artist named Kinkdude or something. He sold his soul to you some time ago and is here for you to collect.
Lucifer: Jeeeesssussss. Not a fuckin pretentious Artiste dude. I can't stand those guys. Why do you think I have Andy Warhol having sex all day with Elizabeth Taylor and Eleanor Roosevelt. I can't torture those artsy fartsy fuckers enough for my taste. Who else you got?
Forcas: Well we have noted communist commenter and patron of the Grecian Formula and former host of the Millionaire Mike Wallace..
Lucifer: Holy Shit. Finally! I have been waiting for this commie fuck for the longest fuckin time. Shove him right in Forcas.
Forcas: Right away Sire!
Mike Wallace: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas, he groans and rubs his fingers through his hair, which turns black with all the Grecian Formula he has soaked it in) What’s going on here? One minute I was walking to a bright light and met a man in a robe with a clipboard and the next thing I know a trap door opens and I am roasting my tootsies off. Don’t you know who I am?
Lucifer: Yeah. I know who you are asshole. You are one of the architects of the mainstream medias conspiracy to do my work on earth. You are evil. You are a liar. You are a cheat. You did my work every day of your professional life. You are a journalist. You are Mike Wallace the biggest douche bag of them all. Welcome to Hell sucker!
Mike Wallace: Wait a minute! This can't be right. I was on the side of angels. I am a journalist. One of the most admired and imitated of all the journalists who ever lived. How the Hell could I wind up in Hell?
Lucifer: It's quite simple you commie asshole. You were on the side of the Angels. The Fallen Angels. Everything you did was my handiwork. You betrayed your country and your fellow Americans. You destroyed lives. You always attacked businessmen and church going Americans to benefit your corrupt liberal agenda. Well actually my agenda. I love to work through liberals You are all such hypocrites that it is easy to manipulate you. Plus you couldn't even order take out meat loaf without getting in the paper for being a cheap douche. You are not even get a chance to try out for PA announcer. FORCAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Mike Wallace and drag him away as he protests feebly that he is a serious journalist who can't be treated this way)
Lucifer: What a maroon. Foras send him to the Wallace wing. He can join William Wallace, Wallace Shawn, George Wallace and Wally Cox as they all take turns blowing Marlon Brando. The fat Marlon Brando who can't get it up. That will teach him.
Forcas: Very well my lord. Who will we have announcing today?
Lucifer: I don't know. Let's get Red Barber out there. He can stand in till Scully comes in. Then it won't be first time he loses his job to him. Oh and make sure Walter O'Malley is there. Barber can stand on his balls while he is announcing. It feels so good to be bad.

Ozzie Explains it all!

"No, no amigos you no understand. I said Fidel was good because he is muy viejo. He is very very old. He has been berry berry good to me. I do not want to offend anybody. Especial Los Cubano's. I love your sandwiches. And your cigars that I like to stick in young girls like me amigo Billie. I no like the Castro. In my mind was Espanol and when I speak I speak the Ingles and I make a boo boo. No not the little gay bear. Not that I hate gay people. That was when I was in Chi-ca-go and the maricon reporter got mad when I called him la flora. Why do you white people hate me so. I am white. Es verdad. If I shoot someone in Florida you would call me el blanco no? Give me a break. I am my sorry. I love the Cubano's. Please don't fire me. Por fabor."

Deep thoughts.....By Titus

Titus said...

I went to my fav park today with my husband and the rare clumber.

There was geese shit everywhere. Even in the most remote areas.

Those fucking geese get around and they are mean.

I say kill them.

Who wants to step in geese shit.

And they pinch some pretty big loaves. And they are fucking mean.

And they have scary fucking moustaches.

I would not do a goose.

Not hot.

tits.

Happy Easter Everyone!

I got up at six to start cooking today. We are going to the Mother in Laws and everyone is bringing some food so she doesn't have to cook.

I make a pork roast on the bone which is basically a crown roast of pork chops. Stuffed mushrooms. Roasted potatoes. And a antipasto.

We are away till Monday as we are staying over.

I hope that all of you and your families have a happy, healthy and blessed Easter.

Off to Church.

Whose that girl?

Today I ran into my friend Nicky who I haven't seen since we were in high school which made me think of someone else from high school.

Those student teachers!

Whose that girl?

Whose that author?

• The gentleman lolling back in the chaise was neither dashingly handsome nor yet unbearably ugly, neither too stout nor yet too thin; it could not be claimed he was old but he was no stripling, either. His arrival in the town created no stir and was not marked by anything out of the ordinary

Rethorical questions for which we all know the answer...

Does anybody want "Whose that Girl" back?

Rethorical questions for which we all know the answer

How much fun did Allie have at the minor league pre-season game in Austin?

Retorical questions for which we all know the answer

Sixty Grit said...

Is anyone more pathetically stupid than Chumley?

Did you ever get the feeling.....

That they should have recognized Allie when she went to the Wisconsin protests. Maybe she dressed too conservatively?

Did you ever get the feeling......

That what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas. Just sayn'

Deep Thoughts.....By Titus

I have been feeling poorly the last few days so I am sorry if I have been mean to you. I didn't mean it. I just had a bad reaction to my latest cycle. Sometimes I get things injected into my butt that make me out of sorts.

The only thing that makes me feel better is tits. Bouncy firm tits. Big beautiful tits.

And cake.

I love cake.

Tits.

Did you ever get the feeling......

That the movie of a Wisconsin Three Way would be more disgusting than "The Human Centipede?"

Did you ever get the feeling......

That Allie doesn't want to show us the photo's from her roadtrip to Austin?

DId you ever get the feeling........

That Seven Machos's dog is named Chunks?

Did you ever get the feeling....

That you really wouldn't want to go to a party at Don Draper's house?

DId you ever get the feeling.....

That the Dust Bunny Queen is such a strong woman that she potty trains her dogs?

Did you ever get the feeling......

That despite all his rants on the subject......the Crack Emcee really does well with the ladies?

Did you ever get the feeling.......

That Titus and Palladian shared and office cubicle or something and that is why they couldn't get along?

Arsenio freaks out-wait for it because it is worth it!

Why can't the girls get along?

Have you been watching the Celebrity Apprentice?

They always start off the season as the boys against the girls and every year the girls just get clobbered. This year they lost five out of the seven challenges. Now the girls have been fighting like crazy. The problem with these shows for some celebrities is that when you see them in action you start to hate them. Other's rise in you estimation. I mean who would have thought that Clay Aiken would have big balls and consistent act like a man. Not that there is anything wrong with that. And who would think that Lisa Lampenelli would be such a humorless bitch who couldn't laugh at herself. And who would have thought that Teresa Giudice would be a dumb twat.

Well everyone thought that so it don't count.

They had a double episode this week and in the second one they split up the teams with some men and some women in each. It was really funny how the guys wouldn't buy into the bullshit we saw every week with the girls. Lisa Lampenilli tried to get Dee Snyder to rag on the model babe but wouldn't have it. She did come up with some good stuff and he said so. Lisa lost it.

But not like Arsenio. He lost it in the boardroom. The worse I ever saw. I think I have to post the Youtube clip. He hammered this nasty twist Aubrey O'Day who is a bitch on wheels. She was the former head of a sorority and man she is like every one of those bitches you see on TV or the movies. Arsenio called her on her bullshit and Clay was right there with him telling the truth with no holds barred. It was great TV./

Next week should be a pip.

I still don't understand why women can't play nice. Just sayn'

Commentor Memories number 135 Titus and Allie meet up in Austin

But somehow his rare clumber wasn't into meeting Allie's friend.

I guess he has diferent tendencies so to speak.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Commentor Memories Number 134 Crack at home

Crack wanted you to know that he doesn't live in Utah. And he doesn't live in Florida and walk around with a hoodie casing trailer parks. And he doesn't live in LA. Please. You mock him.

He lives in the stately Crack Manor in Oakland Califorina. It used to belong to Joe Rudi until he sold it and joined the People's Temple. Crack did keep some of the furnishings though. The mirror was a present from Reggie Jackson who thought it was too small for him and the two bowls that he turned into lights belonged to Vida Blue who stored his cocaine in them.

And Bert Campaneris is his lawnboy.

All the big time bloggers have lawnboys you know. Just sayn'

An Annoucnement

I have been meeting with several television executives as the process of the show has enfolded. TLC is very fond of strange and different TV shows. They have such hits as "Strange Addictions" and "My 600pound life" and "Extreme Couponing" and "Sister Wives." They are always looking for new content and when they got excited about my performance and they started pitching some spin offs to me. I finally found one that looks like it might be fun.

You see I introduced them to our friend the Crack MC and they thought doing a salt and pepper buddy show was the way to go since all those cop shows and movies have to have the black guy and the white guy as partners. So the came up with the concept of our new show "It's not over till it's over."

You see the Crack MC and I are going to every Yankee game with members of various New Age religions and we will interview them during the game. I will be dressed like Yogi Berra and Crack will be dressed like that Maraschino Yogi guy. I will be quizzing them on baseball trivia and Crack will be ranting at them about how their philosophy will ruin the world. Salt and pepper. It will be a lot of fun.

I hope to have all of you guys appear as guest stars when the Yankees are playing in a city near you!

Look for it on TLC this July.

There is a reason they are called the greatest generation.

Michael Haz said...

I spent part of the day with the old man. He has cancer now, abdominal mesothelioma. Not curable and the treatments available are mostly as bad as the disease. He's chosen to skip the treatments and let the cancer run its course.

He's lost 15 pounds in the last month. He was strong and muscular six months ago; the muscles seem to be melting off of him now.

We've had the long talks about his will and plans for funeral and burial. He's filled out the DNR form with his MD and hospital, gave me a copy, and posted one on his refrigerator door. Next week we'll sign him up for one of those emergency call button services, and he wants to pick out a walker because he's a bit unsteady on his feet now.

He hasn't uttered one word of complaint. Hell, he spent two damn years on Guadalcanal and never complained about that or anything else in his life. All he said about being in the South Pacific was that he learned to like papaya and guava and still likes to eat them.

When we discussed whether or not he'd have treatment he said that he believes the when we are born each one of us is given a number of days to live. Some are given more days, some fewer, but our days our numbered and his time is up. He'd rather live out the few days he has left in the way he chooses, not what some well-meaning physicians might suggest.

We've invited him to move in with us. Maybe he will, maybe not. it's his choice. I do know this: I won't outsource his care to strangers during the last months of his life.

I'm a fatalist by nature. Maybe that's because I'm RC to the bone. Maybe because that's how I was raised or maybe because I'm a realist.

When you scrape away all the other stuff we fret over, the only purpose of this life is to get to the next life, and to do some good stuff along the way while we're on earth.

What kind of cars we drive, how many "followers" we have, which social circles we are admitted into are all meaningless in the end. What matters is leaving our loved ones with good memories of us, for as long they are alive.

"Why should I have a big funeral?" he asked me. "All my friends are already dead. I want a small service, then take everyone out for lunch. All I am is what you remember. I'll be gone, and I'll see you on the other side."

Here's hoping we'll all see each other on the other side someday.

Winters coming!

In the spring.

Season Two of Game of thrones starts Sunday night. It covers book two and three of the series by George RR Martin. There will be several  new characters. Stannis Baratheon. The Red Witch, Melisandre.

And you old favorites. Tyrion. Jamie.Renly. Joffery. Cersi. Jon Snow. Samwell Tarly. All the the characters that made the first season so great.

Check it out from the beginning. It is great TV.

Shit Brooklyn People Say

The Rule of Three

Sorry that I haven't been posting but it has been a very crazy couple of days.

The wife has a group of close girlfriends since she was in grammar school. Just as I have several friends from grammar school. Nobody can call you on your shit like people who know you from when you were eating paste in kindergarten. These girls get together a couple of times a year to stay in touch and talk about what is going on in their lives. They all went to Catholic school together but what is even more interesting is that their mothers went to grammar school together too! That was what Brooklyn used to be like!

There are two sets of sisters. On set moved to Jersey and the other set moved out on the Island. Now one of the girls husbands has been sick. He was getting chemo but he seemed to be recovering. So we were really shocked two weeks ago to get a call that one of the other girls husbands had died. We all went out to Jersey for the wake and the funeral and it was pretty tough. This was out of the blue. It was very sad as the guy was only 57.

Well Monday we got a call. The other guy was dying and only had hours to live. He passed on Tuesday. We jumped in the car and went out there to be with the family. I got a bunch of cold cuts and bread and pastries from all the good stores in Brooklyn for them because so many people were coming to pay their respects at the house. We were there all day and have been going back for the wake. They are burying him on Saturday morning.

It is really really tough as they have young kids and they were a very close couple. They did everything together. It will be very tough for the wife to go on alone. So they really need their friends at a time like this. Lisa is a very maternal figure to them as she envelopes them in a hug and just listens. I help with the food and the financial questions. We need to be there for them.

The most fucked up thing is that these two girls and Lisa are very close. And about five or six douche bags have come up to me and said "Be careful Jim these things happen in threes." Can you punch somebody in the face at a wake?

I guess at an Irish wake but these guys are guineas. So once again I have to swallow it and not do what I want to do. Some people just don't know what to do. You can't teach them. You just have to ignore them.

Anyway I am not ignoring youse guys. Just busy. So carry on. Play nice.