Why Glenn Reynolds never has a post about Meghan's Law?

Just sayn'

Commentor Memories Number 29

John from Arizona is all ready. He found his own makeshift Hot Tub Time Machine. His only question?

Where's Snookie?

Commentor Memories Number 28

Our old friend Meade is continuing his trip through the highways and byways of middle America with his lovely bride. They are enjoying the sites and the best fast food that America has to offer.

It just seems that someone is not up to the task.

Tssk, tssk.

I guess AJ won't be commenting for a while?

Philalelphia Inquirer (Philadelphia, PA) --

The man who pled guilty to vomiting on an off-duty police officer and his daughter at a Philadelphia Phillies game in April will serve jail time.

The "Philadelphia Inquirer" reports unnamed fan has been sentenced to 60 to 90 days behind bars, 50 hours of community service and two years probation. The judge suggested the commuity service be cleaning restrooms at the Phillies' ballpark.

The case made national headlines after the rowdy Phillies fanatic vomited on Michael Vangelo and his daughter when he returned to the ballpark after being ejected by security for heckling them. Witnesses said he triggered the puke attack by sticking his finger down his throat, but he maintained that it was caused by the Phillies lackluster play and pleaded innocent because of temporary unsanitary.

You are Potsie.

I was thinking a lot about the effect of fame on some people after my experience yesterday. A little of it goes a long way to mess you up. Just look at the kids on Jersey Shore. I saw the premiere last night and they have really lost it. If in fact they ever had it. But give someone their five minutes and they think it will never end.

I tell my wife all the time that the two things that people never seem to have is some self-awareness and some humility. Once people get a little notoriety it really goes to their heads. Even when they are just bloggers or even lowly commenter's. People think that other people actually care what they have to say. In reality 99% of the world can't give two shits about what they think. But they scribble furiously on their blogs or in comments in other bigger blogs and think that it all means something. It doesn't.

Even the best bloggers and comenters can go away and most people won't notice after a week or two. People got to get over themselves. I mean everybody is staring in their own movie but to everyone else you are just a bit player. You might think you are John Wayne but in reality you are just Potsie. So have a little humility when you deal with other people. Have a little self-awareness. You are not a big enough deal to get to act like a diva. Get over yourself. Seriously.

You are Potsie.

Whose that girl?

You ever wonder what happened to the fourth best star of a TV show. Ralph Malph. Dwayne from What's Happening. Thelma from Good Times. You know not Joanie or Chachi but the supporting players.

Are they doomed to a lifetime of authograph shows with a table between Eddie Munster and Eddie Haskell. What do they do? What do they do?

Whose that girl? What did she do?

Commentor Memories Number 27

Hannibal: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. My then live in girlfriend left me for a plumber and I moved to Boston and gave up the bugle. Now I stick to the flute. It is better for my blood pressure. But I don't know. It's cenus time again.

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo asks the question: "Why did President Obama appear on The View this morning.

Because Whoopi Goldberg sent him this picture of her naked in the bathtub.

And she said if he didn't show up she would send one without the bubbles.

Hell needs a New PA Announcer

Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. How is it we can’t find anybody to be the new PA announcer. Maybe we should broaden the search a little. Who has slid down the shute lately Forcas?
Forcas: Well we don’t have anybody for PA announcer but I think our football season is looking up.
Lucifer: Really? Did the Cowboys team plane crash?
Forcas: No that’s not for a couple of years yet when Romo tries to give the pilot a hummer. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But one of favorite son’s is about to show up.

Jack Tatum: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…what’s fuckin motherfuck the fuck?

Lucifer: Jack. Son. You are here at last!

Jack Tatum: Where the fuck is here blood?

Forcas: Why you are in Hell Mr. Tatum. And this is your father, Lucifer.
Jack Tatum: Well I never knew my daddy so I guess it be possible.
Lucifer: Damn straight son. I have been waiting. You have to get out practicing with the rest of my sons. They are all from the Raiders, Eagles, Cowboys and Steelers. Now we just have to wait for Big Ben to show up after that girl’s father shoots him and we will have a Quarterback and we can finally beat Heaven’s team.
Jack Tatum. We’s gonna beat Heaven’s team? How dat be possible?
Lucifer: Well the big guy doesn’t care all that much about football. He only watches the New York Giants games. He is really a baseball fan and when the Yankees are in the series he doesn’t pay too much attention till after the series is over and sometimes I can cause an injury and fuck up the Giants and then he loses interest. But he does root for our annual Homecoming Game.

Jack Tatum: There be a Homecoming game betweens Heaven and Hell.
Lucifer: Oh yeah. This year Zsa Zsa Gabor is homecoming queen. Oh don’t tell her yet. I want it to be a surprise. Now get out there on the practice field and Darryl Stingley that fucking pussy Bob Hayes when he runs a post in practice. The fuckin guy won’t go over the middle for shit. I hate that I have to use fuckin Cowboys.
Jack Tatum: Ok boss, consider it done.
Lucifer: That’s my boy!

Another clue for Blake and Whose that Girl?

Here is another obscure clue for blake to figure out who we are filming with today on "What Not to Wear."

Plus who's that girl?

One clue, she is not the celebrity but she has something in common with her.

Obscure. Hee.

To busy to blog.

Hey it is summer and the blogging is easy. Time to kick back. Go on a cruise. Do some canoeing.

But it is important to wear the proper attire.

Congratulations

Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton on her upcoming nupitals. There are a lot of articles in the paper about the locals complaining up in Rhinebeck NY where the wedding is going to take place.

They should take it easy and let the bride enjoy herself for crying out loud.

Here's a clue.

Oh by the way, this will give you a clue as to who the celebrity is going to be. It's very obscure and hard to figure out, which is how we like it here at Trooper York.

"What Not to Wear" is Back!

"What Not to Wear" is back in the store today filming next seasons premiere episode. It is actually the last episode of this segment so the crew is antsy.

The subject is a celebrity from an eighties TV sitcom who is being dressed by Stacy and Clinton. Last season they kicked off the year with Mayim Bliack who played "Blossom" on the series of the same name. This year it is another celebrity who fits into our sizing which as you know ranges from size 10 to 28.

I can't say who it is yet, but you can guess.

I am waiting for the crew to show. The food is all laid out. The clothes are ready. It is going to be a long day.

But not as well as Beth knows her Saints!

And Beth claims that the Saints have the best cheerleaders!

I do think they overdo the beads thing down in New Orleans, but hey to each his or her own.

Michael Haz knows his Packers!

"Michael Haz said...
The Green Bay Packers do not actually have cheerleaders. They do, however, allow the cheerleaders form U of W Green Bay to dress in Packer regalia and cheer at home games. the cheerleaders are not paid, and they must buy their own cheerleader clothing.Packer management has strict rules about skin being covered."

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Garage keeps emailing me photos of hot Green Bay Packers cheerleaders. But I don't know if he has the right idea.

Here is his photo of three lovelies who all gave Curly Lambeau a hummer. That's how he got his nickname you know. He had extremely curly pubic hair that these poor girls had to keep spitting out of their mouth.

Green Bay has always been a very unsanitary team.

Don't worry...football will be back....soon!

Selma Hayak in a Packers Jersey?

Hah!

The RHONY Season 2 Reunion

Theo is right again!

Sometimes it is just not worth it.

I am relaxing today but am going Mad tonight!

We took the day off today so blogging and commenting are light.

But we are getting ready for the season premiere of Mad Men on AMC tonight.

I know our cousin Ron is all ready to go. He emailed me that he is already sitting in front of the TV naked and covered in butter while he is waiting for his first glimpse of Joan.

Enjoy!

Are there any possibilities there?

You know I poke around the internet looking for new looks. This dress caught my eye. I wonder if there are any possibilities there? We would have to change it a lot to make it work for plus but there seems to be something indefinable that catches the eye. I wonder.

Hey can you guess whose that girl?

Hey who is that with Dean?

Yeah who is that girl with Dean? She is a very famous actress who has passed on. But she is famous for something much different than her acting skills. Her real husband is in the news all the time these days. Of course he likes much younger women now.

But I bet he thinks about her a lot.

Whose that girl?

Commentor Memories Number 26

Our old buddy Cedarford sent us a copy of the latest ultrasound of his head.

I guess you could call it a glimpse into his mind.

Feel better soon!

I just don't like some of those commenters!

There was a lot of nasty people and nasty talk at the evil blogger ladies place today. It was all about the juice box mafia and Jounolist and Jewish people. From the tenor of some of these remarks I think some of these people have never met a Jewish person in their life. It was very nasty and un-called for.

Maybe Theo is right and I should just post boring stuff like he does. (he said that not me).

But it does leave a bad taste sometimes. Just sayn'

Hey time to go back to the Jersey Shore

MTV's hit show "Jersey Shore" starts this Thursday. I have already set the DVR. More fights. More suntans. More hot tub. It's gonna be a wild ride.

Hell Needs a New PA Announcer!

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord? I know that there are several new candidates.

Lucifer: Sure that sounds like fun. Hey I was listening to my lanzmen Sid Rosenberg on WFAN and I heard that Bob Shepard just croaked. Is he coming down to us?
Forcas: No I am sorry sire. You know all the Yankees go right to heaven. The Big Guy already has him announcing everything up there. Ralph Houk too. Even Steinbrenner is on his way after a little time in Limbo.
Lucifer: Well that sucks. Who do we have coming down the shute?
Forcas: Yes mi lord. We have the famous communist sympathizer and corrupt journalist Daniel Schorr.
Lucifer: Really. Well that should be good for a laugh. Send the old fuck down here.

Daniel Schorr: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…What’s Happening!

Lucifer: Hey Danny Boy. Welcome to Hell.
Daniel Schorr: Oh my God. I guess Nixon has a lot of influence and got me sent down here to be with him.

Lucifer: You got it all wrong as usual newsboy. Nixon ain’t here. He is playing pinochle up in heaven with the big guy and Patton and Nathan Bedford Forest. How did you think he got all those chances for a comeback? The big guy loves him. I only got to sneak in one of my guys like Jack every once in a while when the Big Guy wasn’t paying attention. And he would always get me back. You’re down here on your own hook. But hey you can try out for my announcer gig.
Daniel Schorr: Hello. ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! ALL THE TORTURED SOULS IN HELL!! I want to bring you the news. The United States government violated the Constitution by incarcerating a guilty man today after he killed his entire family and got no leniency because he was an orphan…in other news...AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE (a trap down opens and he is unceremoniously dropped into the hottest pit of hell).
Lucifer: Jeez I forgot how much I hate those NPR assholes. Wait to Amy Goodman gets here. You are really gonna see some fireworks. Com’on Forcas lets go see what old Robert Byrd is doing. I wanna see if he is finished shining Willie Horton’s shoes yet.

So long to the Major.

The Yankee manager of my youth has passed away. Ralph Houk died at 90 years old this past Wednesday at his home in Florida.

I had this exact baseball card when I was growing up. Ralph was the manager all of those years in exile with Horace Clarke and Jerry Kenny and Celerino Sanchez. I remember how all the fans would boo the crap out of him. But I also remember him managing the first game I ever went to in 1961 and how he was a solid guy. He was in fact a lot like Joe Torre. And like Joe Torre after a while he lost his grip. He had a good run with Tigers and proved what a whore he could be by managing the Red Sox. But I still have fond memories of him from when I was a kid.

He was a genuinely tough guy. A hero of World War 2 he fought bravely in the Battle of the Bulge. You have to honor his service. He won the Bronze Star, the Silver Star and the Purple Heart. When he was a young manager he would threaten to kick the shit out of his players and they knew he could do it. It was only later when young shits like Jim Bouton came along did he start to lose his grip. He couldn't do it the old school way and he could adapt to the new way of doing things. But he had a great run.

God bless you Ralph and Rest in Peace.

Commenter Memories Number 26

Hey even the blogger lady wants to get into the act. She sent me this x-rated shot. It's the first time she ever exposed her beaver.

And on a bike no less.

Freaky.

Commenter Memories Number 25

Dust Bunny Queen sends us this photo of what happened when the cenus taker approached her humble abode.

She takes no prisoners.

Hey they aren't twins?

Who are those girls? The same yet different.

And not a palace cleanser. Anymore.

Can we have a palace cleanser please?

"El Pollo Real said...
Can we have a palace cleanser please?"

Ok here you go.

Grace Kelly.

A Palace Cleanser.

Another reason why all journalists are idiots.

So you say you want more proof that all journalists are idiots?

It really is no secret.

This girl comes to do a little blurb about us for Time Out New York. Now we have had a bad experiance with them before when they put the photo of an entirely different store in the magizine and make us look like we sold moo-moos. They used a photo of our main competitor in the part of the story that was about us.

Now my wife talks to these people because I think it is impossible to get them to tell the truth. They make shit up even when they don't have to just because thats what they do. The wife goes through the whole spiel about how we manufacture our own clothes and some of our best pieces that are perfect for a career woman looking for plus size clothes to wear for both work and play. And what does this "journalist" focus on? Accessories.

Specificly an accessory that has been in the store for months and that we haven't even sold one! They want to photograph it and put it in the story. We actually had called up the company and they had agreed to swap it out for some stuff that actually sells.

So you see the dilemna. You get free publicity but I don't think it is really effective. I ask everyone who comes in how they found us and a grand total of three people said it was from the five or six times we were in Time Out. So what's the big fucking deal. This mook was supposed to know fashion and in our whole store she picked out one of the things that nobody wanted!

So do you get in a beef with the girl and tell her she doesn't know her ass from her elbow. Do you take control and only get out what you want them to write about and take the chance that they won't write about you at all. I say you do. You need to control the narrative or it doesn't work at all for you. Fight them to make them tell the correct story. Or don't be in it at all.

We get all of our traffic from the Internet and "What Not to Wear."

PS. I am alone in the store and the writer calls. She said her editor wanted to know if the accessory came in different colors. Which is does. I have every color. BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS IT YOU DIPSHIT!!!! PICK SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY!!!!!

Once again they miss the story.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

What a beautiful skinny baby!

So let me tell you how stupid journalist really are. I get a call from this woman who is researching a story about plus size stores for children. I ask her is she really an idiot or does she just play one in the paper. There aren't any other real plus size stores than us in New York and there are about six real boutiques in the whole country. There is no way a store can exist that sells "Plus" size clothing for children. What kind of business model is that to think you can run a viable business selling "plus size" clothing to children. What a fucking idoit.

Plus the whole concept of "plus sized' children's clothing is fucking ludicrous. Another health Nazi concept that the douchebag mainstream media is pushing. I mean I went on my usual rant "What are you stupid. No grandmother ever pinched the cheek of her grandchild and said what a beautiful skinny baby. Babies are supposed to be chubby. That means they are healthy and growing. What you want to put the kid on a diet you fucking moron!'

Somehow I don' t think she thought she was going to hear that when she called up a plus size store. She probably though we were going to be jolly. But it was a fun way to while away a rainy morning.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

Sometimes we can get lost.

Sometimes you can get lost in the woods when you post comments on the Internet. You get caught up in the back and forth and the joy of argument and scoring points and you loose sight of the fact that you are arguing with an actual person. It's great to score a point or prove someone wrong but what does it really matter? It's unlikely that you are going to change anybodies mind or even get them to think at all. Pretty much everyone who is involved enough in an issue to post on the net is just someone who is set in his position and will never change.

You can get carried away and start saying things and taking positions that you don't even really mean. You start to freak out and it is not attractive at all. I know myself that I can take it too far so I have made a conscious effort to dial it back a lot and not be so personal. I mean I love to bust balls but not in a really mean way. Cause if you think some of the shit I write is really mean, well you have no idea.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to be the first one to dial it back. I tell my wife all the time when she has a beef with someone that it is not a contest. Or more correctly it's like a ballgame. I mean at any one inning one team might be ahead but you can get up and win in a walk off. At the end of the game you still win. Because the other guy is just a dick. Don't sweat it.

Go in the backyard with a beer and a cigar and put the game on the radio. It's summertime and the living is easy. Just sayn'

Shirley you jest?

When I heard that Shirley was in a lot of trouble and lost her job, I was very upset.

But it was a different Shirley.

Thank God.

Garage Mahals Road Kill Korner

Garage just emailed me some photos of how he is redecorating his spacious abode.

He is of course working with a roadkill motif.

I think he should really try out for "Design Star." Just sayn.

Louie hits it out of the park again!

Man the last episode of Louie on FX was pretty damn funny. He flies to do a show in Alabama and runs into some interesting people. But that wasn't what was really funny.

He did this whole riff on the airlines. From ticketing to security to flying. It is hilarious.

If you get a chance, you should check it out.

Andrew Sullivan's Sex Crazed Beagle Quarterly

I am impressed that he got Sarah Palin to judge the Beagle Beauty contest.

It just goes to show you that even the most extreme foes can work together for a common goal.

Andrew Sullivan's Sex Crazed Beagle Quarterly

I hate when I get unsolicited emails asking me to suscribe to a new on-line magizine.

I mean who the hell wants to read "Andrew Sullivan's Sex Crazed Beagle Quarterly?"

Garage Mahals Road Kill Korner

Garage Mahal said on the evil blogger lady's site....

Eh, no. Not even close, jackass, by my own admission. I neither poached, or ate it, or ever mentioned I did. It's starting to make sense though - you guys either can't read, or you just read what you want to read.

Now you know that is not true Garage. Why did you send me this snapshot and your recipe for poached possum?

By the way, I think you went too heavy on the cumin.

Don't step in the mainstream!

To be a card carrying member of the Main Stream media it is required that you direct your stream solely at Republicans and conservatives. There has been long tradition of very pissed off journalists who enjoy voiding their bladders over anyone more conservative than George McGovern. It began with the rivalry between George Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst which originated in the frenzy that led up to the Spanish American War. Their competition was so fierce that it led to Mr. Hearst taking out his enormous penis to urinate on the steps of the White House to protest President McKinley’s inertia in light of the provocation of the Spaniards. This action led to two unforeseen consequences. The heavy yellow stream caused by Mr. Hearst’s addiction to pineapple juice led to the creation of the type of “Yellow Journalism” where the journalist is more important than the story. It continues to this very day in the work of such giants as Geraldo Rivera, Bill O’Reilly and Christine Amanpour. And the rumors of the size of his enormous penis led to long affair with Marion Davies as well as the fascination with black men by his granddaughter Patti that led to her alleged kidnapping by the Symboinese Liberation Army.
(Truth Doesn’t Even Have It’s Pants On, The History of the Main Stream Media, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2006)

Look out for the Main Stream!

The term main stream media was first coined by Walter Jenkins during the administration of Lyndon Johnson. President Johnson was fond of the saying that he wanted the press to on “the inside of the tent pissing out instead of the outside of the tent pissing in.” Mr. Jenkins was in charge of maintaining an clear even flow of news that would be going in the direction that the White House favors or what the called the “Main Stream.” It was also a handy device to refer to those members who liked to pee on Mr. Jenkins when he took a wide stance in various men’s rooms in the Washington DC area.
(Truth Doesn’t Even Have It’s Pants On, The History of the Main Stream Media, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2006)

Let there be blood!

I have to schedule my operation to cauterize my varicose veins for next month.

Which brings me to this question. Whose that girl?

If I wasn't a happily married man I wouldn't mind having her injected into my bloodstream. Can you guess who it is?

Commenter Memories Number 25

You know before Theo played the flute he was in a rock band. But it didn't work out. Nobody was interested in Beethoven goes Electric.

He is a man ahead of his time.

Commenter Memories Number 24

Hey our friend Vicky from Pasedena sent us this great photo of her party celebrating the Laker's win of the NBA Championship. She fired up the bong and even Miss Kitty took a couple of hits.

Those Californians are like crazy man!

Hey it's time for the wine tasting!

Hey it's time for the wine tasting!

Not the one on the cruise. That's over and done with and we feel good.

No it's time to adjurn to the wine and cheese and crack open a couple of bottles and try to relax.

Look out ....it's the towel ray!!!!!

I think that's the one that got the Crocodile Hunter!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah that's very interestin...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Yeah, I love it when you dicusss these important politcal matters it just so...............ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Sarah Palin is President!

There will be a moose in every driveway! And all the children will rejoice!

Hey my Uncle is not the only one who likes funny hats!

Now if mommy would only make me some fish sticks for dinner, I will be happy!