Toot’s Shors Saloon June 25, 1960
(Ted Williams and Johnny Pesky walk in after a Yankee, Red Sox game)
Toots: Hey Ted howz ya doin kid. To bad the Yanks kicked your ass today.
Ted Williams: Fuck you, you stupid jewboy get us a fuckin’ table before I pound you one.
Toots: How many times do I have to tell you I don’t like that kinda talk in here you ignorant meathead?
Ted Williams: What do I care you sheeny bastard. Just get me a table before I have my boy Pesky here give you a knuckle sandwich.
Johnny Pesky: Can I Ted, can I, I can do it Ted, I swear I can, let me at him, I’ll pulverize him.
Toots Shore: Shut up you midget fuck before I step on you and squish you like the bughouse cockroach that you are. I thought you retired you midget cocksucker. What are you a fuckin coach. Jeez why are all you Red Sox guys such assholes. Com’on there’s some people in the back you might want to say hello to!
(Toots walks them to the back where Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are sitting at a banquet. Joe is wearing two World Series rings. Marilyn is not wearing any panties)
Toots: Joe look who’s here. It’s Ted and his shoe shine boy.
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: (in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Ted. Nice to see you again. (She stands up and extends her hand shyly and shakes with Ted, she nods at Pesky)
Ted Williams: Nice to see you again doll. What are you doing with this lousy Dago! I thought you got a divorce and was married to that jew writer. Whaz da matter. He is a salami smoker or what? You could do better doll.
Johnny Pesky (hopping around like a Chihuahua with a chili pepper up its ass) Yes you could Miss Monroe, yes you could….Ted is the greatest…the best ballplayer in the world. There ain’t nobody as good as Teddy Ballgame.
Joe DiMaggio: (takes off one of his world series rings and starts to shine it with a napkin, he looks up and smiles)
Toots: Hey why do youse crumbums have to always start shit. Lets siddown and have a couple of pops.
Marilyn: That sounds like fun. (Marilyn sits down opposite Ted, and as she does her legs are slightly open. She is not wearing any underwear. Curiously Ted does not notice and Marilyn pouts) So Ted you have a very large head do you know that? I love good head.
Toots Shor: Blleeaaaahhhh (spits out his drink he’s laughing so hard)
Marilyn: What’s so funny Toots? Why is he laughing so hard Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: (Joe just smiles and looks down at Marilyn’s twat which has been furiously queefing like a mallard in heat)
Toots Shor: Yeah come to think of it how come I never see you with any of the broads who hang around the ballplayers. Whaz-a-matter the Baseball Annies are too good for you, you putz.
Ted Williams: Thanks Marilyn. I like good head too. And you better shut up you dumb ass hebe before I wallop you one on that giant ugly head of yours.
Joe DiMaggio: What’s the matter Ted. Did that hit a nerve. Or does your crazy mama not want her little boy to have any girl friends.
Johnny Pesky: You better shut up you no good wop fuck. Teddy loves the ladies. Just last night he went out on the town with his pal Rock Hudson and they banged a bunch of chicks. He’s a big time movie star. Him and Rock are best friends and go on double dates all the time. I mean they even banged Doris Day. At the same time. Theys was all in the bed at the same time. And she’s a real movie star! No offense Miss Monroe.
Marilyn: Hhnnnpphhh!!!! (she hisses and her queefs getting even louder, so loud that Pesky looks for where the sound is coming from, )
Ted Williams: Is that a duck? And why do I smell tuna fish?
Johnny Pesky: (realizes when he doesn’t find a duck that is coming from under her skirt and whispers under his breath) She ain’t got any underwear on Ted, nothing I swear, look it looks like that Fidel Castro guy eating a piece of liver.
Marilyn: No wonder they call you Pesky. Joe they are starting to bore me.
Joe DiMaggio: (looks over to another table where Frankie Carbo is sitting with a few of the boys) Frankie?
Toots: Oh shit Joe, no trouble please. (Four of Carbos guys grab the two Red Sox players by the arms and give them the bums rush out the door)
Ted Williams: I get you for this you fucking wop bastard…you too you dirty hebe ……hey take it easy. I just got this suit from my mother at the Salvation Army.
Marilyn: Don’t hurt his head; it might be only thing he is going to have left someday. Hee.
(Ted Williams and Johnny Pesky walk in after a Yankee, Red Sox game)
Toots: Hey Ted howz ya doin kid. To bad the Yanks kicked your ass today.
Ted Williams: Fuck you, you stupid jewboy get us a fuckin’ table before I pound you one.
Toots: How many times do I have to tell you I don’t like that kinda talk in here you ignorant meathead?
Ted Williams: What do I care you sheeny bastard. Just get me a table before I have my boy Pesky here give you a knuckle sandwich.
Johnny Pesky: Can I Ted, can I, I can do it Ted, I swear I can, let me at him, I’ll pulverize him.
Toots Shore: Shut up you midget fuck before I step on you and squish you like the bughouse cockroach that you are. I thought you retired you midget cocksucker. What are you a fuckin coach. Jeez why are all you Red Sox guys such assholes. Com’on there’s some people in the back you might want to say hello to!
(Toots walks them to the back where Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are sitting at a banquet. Joe is wearing two World Series rings. Marilyn is not wearing any panties)
Toots: Joe look who’s here. It’s Ted and his shoe shine boy.
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: (in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Ted. Nice to see you again. (She stands up and extends her hand shyly and shakes with Ted, she nods at Pesky)
Ted Williams: Nice to see you again doll. What are you doing with this lousy Dago! I thought you got a divorce and was married to that jew writer. Whaz da matter. He is a salami smoker or what? You could do better doll.
Johnny Pesky (hopping around like a Chihuahua with a chili pepper up its ass) Yes you could Miss Monroe, yes you could….Ted is the greatest…the best ballplayer in the world. There ain’t nobody as good as Teddy Ballgame.
Joe DiMaggio: (takes off one of his world series rings and starts to shine it with a napkin, he looks up and smiles)
Toots: Hey why do youse crumbums have to always start shit. Lets siddown and have a couple of pops.
Marilyn: That sounds like fun. (Marilyn sits down opposite Ted, and as she does her legs are slightly open. She is not wearing any underwear. Curiously Ted does not notice and Marilyn pouts) So Ted you have a very large head do you know that? I love good head.
Toots Shor: Blleeaaaahhhh (spits out his drink he’s laughing so hard)
Marilyn: What’s so funny Toots? Why is he laughing so hard Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: (Joe just smiles and looks down at Marilyn’s twat which has been furiously queefing like a mallard in heat)
Toots Shor: Yeah come to think of it how come I never see you with any of the broads who hang around the ballplayers. Whaz-a-matter the Baseball Annies are too good for you, you putz.
Ted Williams: Thanks Marilyn. I like good head too. And you better shut up you dumb ass hebe before I wallop you one on that giant ugly head of yours.
Joe DiMaggio: What’s the matter Ted. Did that hit a nerve. Or does your crazy mama not want her little boy to have any girl friends.
Johnny Pesky: You better shut up you no good wop fuck. Teddy loves the ladies. Just last night he went out on the town with his pal Rock Hudson and they banged a bunch of chicks. He’s a big time movie star. Him and Rock are best friends and go on double dates all the time. I mean they even banged Doris Day. At the same time. Theys was all in the bed at the same time. And she’s a real movie star! No offense Miss Monroe.
Marilyn: Hhnnnpphhh!!!! (she hisses and her queefs getting even louder, so loud that Pesky looks for where the sound is coming from, )
Ted Williams: Is that a duck? And why do I smell tuna fish?
Johnny Pesky: (realizes when he doesn’t find a duck that is coming from under her skirt and whispers under his breath) She ain’t got any underwear on Ted, nothing I swear, look it looks like that Fidel Castro guy eating a piece of liver.
Marilyn: No wonder they call you Pesky. Joe they are starting to bore me.
Joe DiMaggio: (looks over to another table where Frankie Carbo is sitting with a few of the boys) Frankie?
Toots: Oh shit Joe, no trouble please. (Four of Carbos guys grab the two Red Sox players by the arms and give them the bums rush out the door)
Ted Williams: I get you for this you fucking wop bastard…you too you dirty hebe ……hey take it easy. I just got this suit from my mother at the Salvation Army.
Marilyn: Don’t hurt his head; it might be only thing he is going to have left someday. Hee.
12 comments:
I can't imagine being unhappy with Marilyn to plough.
Cashman, on the other hand, is unhappy because there's some kinda unwritten Yankee rule that no matter how great the crisis you don't bring a minor leaguer up to the big team until he's been seasoned. So Banuelos and Betances, who aren't "ready," won't be tapped and there goes the season.
I never heard "sheeny" till a couple of years ago. How do people not giggle when they say stuff like that?
It more old fashioned invective that has been lost.
Like mick and guinea and wop and dago and shade and hamster.
You just don't hear them anymore.
"Hamster"?
Any relation to "guinea"?
Sometimes I walk down the street, well actually the parking lot of our humongous Wegman's supermarket here in Ithaca and mark off (silently of course) dago, mick, mick, hebe, shvartz, greaser, jap, jap, chink, another mick, as I pass them on my way in to buy my ribeye. I think this is a perfectly tonic exercise, and more important a perfectly natural reaction to the obvious classifications of humanity. It is not hateful. What is hateful is the utter hypocrisy of our "betters" who deny the natural and make everything false.
No a hamster is a Canadian if you will.
What happens when Italian tires spring a leak?
Dago WOP WOP WOP.
That was my dad's favorite joke circa 1971.
I would loved to use Marilyn's tits as a pillow.
They would be softy and milky and inviting and ready for action.
You know that whore would of been up for anything.
tits.
Ricpic, can I ask how you got from NYC to Ithaca?
Titus - Pure accident. After about 10 years in Vermont I decided to relocate. First went to Florida. Couldn't stand it. Came back to upstate NY mainly because I had relatives nearby. Big mistake. Go west young man!
If you have to live in NY (grew up in Binghamton), the Finger Lakes ain't bad (moved to Watkins Glen in high school). Ithaca was THE town to party in. We had an annual bar hop that started in Corning and ended in Ithaca.
Nice to see the ducks making a cameo in this thread.
Thanks Ricpic. I think the finger lakes are really nice.
I can see why you would hate Florida though.
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