Hide your heart girls.....he will be here soon!

Exile On Main Street (1972)

Whose that girl?

She is often mentioned here as a big time villain. We are always mocking her. But she was hot back in the day. She was a dirty girl. Always in the mud. Wrestling with another TV babe.

And when you saw that.....everybody went  Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!

Whose that girl?

Summertime is vacation time.....

And I wish we were back in Seatuck. We decided to go back for another week in August. We will be by ourselves this time as Chuck and Amy are too busy. We will miss them.

But you have to take your vacation when you can enjoy it.

We plan to take a variation on this photo every year.

I am kind of tired.

It has been a really busy week. Lots of orders to get out. We had to go to the fabric show. A whole big bunch of people coming to the store. Just busy every minute.

I am starting to fall asleep in my pasta.

That can't be good.

I try to be refined and genteel at all times

In view of my position as a reality star, I have to watch my image. No late night calls to the police. No vomiting in the gutter. No running naked down Court St. None of that.

At all times I have to observe the niceties and make sure that I project the proper image.

That is why I didn't enter the contest this July 4th.

It wouldn't be right.

I love fine dining.....

You know. When you go to a great restaurant. Look over the menu. Weigh you choices carefully. Think about an appetizer. Consult with the waiter and the maitre d.

And get that well deserved fine dining experience that you can only get in a sophisticated center of taste and culture like New York City.

I don't often drink beer......

Well not often enough for my taste.

But I have been pretty busy so I took some time at the Mexican restaurant to enjoy some Dos Equis.

And you know who was sitting at the table across from me?

Sixto. With Cal Ripken's Mom.

Sixty Already has his farewell planned.....just sayn'

The Sixto Sense

"No one is paying any attention to me anymore."
"I post comment after comment and no one cares."
"I must do something...anything to get a reaction."
"I know.'

"I will kidnap Cal Ripken's mother."
"I see TV coverage."

I am just not buying it.....

I mean you go to a Batman movie and the Catwoman is not Julie Newmar.

That's dangerous.

I mean a fella could go beserk or something.

Just sayn'

Marilyn's Diary

Uncle Herman and I had to find ways to spend time together that wouldn't make Aunt Lily suspicious. She was my Aunt and I loved her. I didn't want to hurt her. But I loved my Uncle Herman so much more.

We worked up this little magic act that we used to perform at the VFW and at the annual Monster Mash. He would do card tricks and different illusions and I was his lovely assistant. It was a lot of fun. And it gave us an excuse to spend time together to practice our act. I especially loved his favorite trick.

He would make his penis disappear.

But it would be hidden in just the right place.

Deep thoughts.....By Titus

Titus said...
Anyone been to the Dickeyville Grotto, Wisconsin?

It's where all the fudge packers hang out.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It's just my team.

Tits

It's all there in Black and White

"Can I help you little man?"
"No I think I am here to help you. I am here to replace Dr. Trey who is busy. My name is Ed. Are you the Blond?"
"I am sorry little boy. The Blond is a figment of your imagination. Now why don't you run along and write some fan mail to someone who is interested. Oh and one more thing."
"Yes?"
"Stop staring at my tits."
"I can't help it they are at eye level."
"Well cut it out. It's all fun and games until someone get's their eyes poked out."

Hey this is a pretty funny show...

I had a chance to watch a little TV a couple of days ago and caught this new show on TBS. Or TNT. One of them. Anyway it is called "Sullivan and Son" and it is kind of funny.

The premise is that there is this guy who has an Irish father who has a bar in Pittsburgh and his Mom is Korean. That is pretty funny to start with. Anyway the kid works in New York and he comes home for the bars 40th Anniversary and his father says he is going to sell it. So the son decides to quit his big job in New York and move home and buy the bar. The ethnic stereotypes are great. You have a bunch of knuckleheads hanging out at the bar who are all brother alcoholics. Brian Doyle-Murray plays a racist white guy who could be my doppleganger. Or maybe Sixty's. Or something.

Anyway I think it is pretty funny and it is On Demand so if you get a chance check it out.

There's no crying in baseball....

"I hear the Yankees got a new player...."
"Yeah I think from Japan..."
 "Wait I hope it is who I think it is..."
 "It's Ichiro."
 "Really....shit....nevermind."

Remembrance of things Pabst

So we went to the trade show at FIT (Fashion Institute of Technology) last week to source out some new factories and trim and fabricators. We went to the FIT museums which had a bunch of classic dresses from all the great designers.

Since we found ourselves in the city in the middle of the week we decided to have "date night." We like to take a night for just of two of us to go out and hang out like we were dating. It keeps things fresh so to speak.

We wanted to go to this restaurant we went about a year ago but I couldn't remember the name. Lisa had her I-pad so we tried to look it up. We were in Madison Square Park and we saw they had all these booths set up. It seemed they were doing a charity event where all of these restaurants had set up booths for sampling. But you had to pay $175 per person! Holy shit Batman! Duck!

I mean they had duck but who wants to pay that much for little sample plates.

We sat in the park and tried to figure out the name of the place. I thought it was something like "Possibilities" or "Shenanigans" or some shit like that. In the end we found this restaurant that we were originally going to go to last year when we found this joint. We decided to just meander around and if we didn't find it we would go to this Italian joint on 17th St. Sure enough as we walked up 17th we found it. It was called "Incognito."

Now the last time we were there the guy up-sold us but it was a great meal. We got there at five o'clock which for us is unheard of. We normally go to eat around ten at night. So we decided to start with a cocktail before dinner. Something we almost never do. The wife had a incognito Cosmo and I had a "Cuban Collins" which was just a rum drink in lemonade. We ordered a couple of great appetizers.  One was figs wrapped in prosciutto with some Gorgonzola cheese. The other was a couple of veal meatballs. I got a very nice bottle of Tuscan wine to go with the meal. I had the special which was goat cheese ravioli in a tomato based sauce which had a heavy dollop of balsamic vinegar. It made the sauce both piquant and blood red. Really tasty. The wife had taglatini in a wild mushroom, butter and sage sauce. Really nice.  And two great deserts. A triple order of ice cream (cappuccino, vanilla and fig) and a chocolate mousse.  With a couple glasses of Muscato and Italian dessert wine.

Since we were the first ones in the joint we were there as the place filled up. They seemed to have a big reservation of about thirty people. What was weird was that it was about twenty six woman and four guys.  They had a table of eight set up right across from us. They were a bunch of typical New Yorkers. Or what the rest of you guys think of as New Yorkers. ( You know what I mean Amy) And something kind of funny happened.

You see we had a long conversation with the Maitre d' guy the first time we came. He and the bald headed dude in the photo who is the chef are the partners in the restaurant.  He up-sold last year because the joint had only been open a  month or so. But that was cool. Lisa wanted to see if he remember us. I told her to fuggedabout it since we hadn't been there for a year and he meet so many people there is no way he remember us.  Anyhoo they call him to the table next to us with the eight people. It seems they wanted eight separate checks. The waitress was losing her shit. So the Maitre d' guy figures it out. As he turns to leave I call him over. He goes "Yes sir is everything satisfactory?"  I go "Yes everything was great. Just one thing. My wife and I would like separate checks." He starts laughing and goes "Don't I know you guys." And we explained and did sort of remember us because we had talked about the show and stuff. It was pretty funny.

But I still had to pay the whole check.

The Sixto Sense

"Quiene es su Padre?"
"It is me....Sixto."
"Maricon."
"I am the one. You know it is verdad."
"I see Padres."
"Peeing."
"It is Padre Pios."

The Summer of Boo Boo

We tried to pinpoint just where Brother Bear went wrong. We think it came about one summer when a bunch of coed's from Michigan were staying in the park. They loved the wildlife and loved the nightlife and loved to give us treats. One in particular was very coquettish and was always flirting. One day she was in the shower and was soaping herself all up. She had long lustrous brown hair and a cute little caboose that she wiggled at all the campers.

Brother Bear was in love with her.  He sort of stalked her. He would take nude photo's of her in the shower or when she got drunk and went to sleep on the picinic table. Brother Bear had it bad.

So one night he snuck into the shower when she was all covered in soap and she was singing. I think it was "Push push in the bush" or maybe "Sexual Healing." You see she was from Detroit so she liked the Motown sound. Anyway when she washed the soap out of her eyes and saw an aroused bear in her shower she started screaming. The Rangers came and it was a big scandal. Brother Bear had to go to counseling and had to register as a sex offender. So he had a grudge against brunettes.

That was the begining of the "Summer of Boo Boo."
(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

My dick is for hire......

"I don't get it ND. How can they confuse us? We are two different people."
"Don't pay any attention Trooper. I mean that guy keeps talking about his wife when we know it is really just a blow up doll. He doesn't have a clue."
"Shouldn't we have a clue? I mean we are fucking detectives after all."
"Look if they can't tell the difference between the two of us it ain't work talking about."
"I guess that's the truth. Let's get some donuts."

Marilyn's Diary

When Uncle Herman started to touch me I could not endure the caress of another.We tried to be
discreet and I had to pretent to be interested in mere boys.

None of these pimply college boys could compare to my Uncle Herman. You see he was built from spare parts but in one part in paticular there was no room to spare. It was so huge and so agile and strong......it was hard to describe....well let me put it this way..... he could barely control it....we didn't know where the Doctor got it to attach.....but whenever Uncle Herman was around a bowl of peanuts it would worm it's way out of his pants and try to stuff the peanuts up his ass.

I had to keep up the pretense so my Aunt Lily and Grandpa would not suspect. Uncle Herman even helped. Through his baseball connection he fixed me up with a pitcher from the Angels named Bo who was a big playboy but the date was a dud. I mean he had a Corvette and a lot of money and good drugs but he didn't have a prehensile thirty inch penis. Nobody did. Except my Uncle Herman.

I miss him.

I still can't eat peanuts.

Yes I know we can star in this movie....

"Hey Bob do you have any weed?"
"Well Joe is a private person but I think I can get you an authograph."
"Have you ever been to Toot Shore's?"
"Oh and by the way."
"Stop staring at my tits!"

I hope I never lose my......... Sense of Wonder

I hope I never lose my..... Sense of Wonder

That's what we are doing......

Cleaning Windows

My Cross to Bear

I recently finished Greg Allman's autobiography "My Cross to Bear." It was remarkably good. He talks about what it means to be a rock star and didn't spare himself of make excuses. He told the truth about the lifestyle and all the missteps he had along the way. I enjoyed it.

I am not a big Allman Brothers fan. I like some of their stuff that everyone else knows "Sweet Melissa" "Dreams" "Tied to the Whipping Post."  I don't much care for Dicky Bett's "Rambling Man" because that is like "Sweet Home Alabama." Every freaking classic rock station plays that shit to death. I think the four most played songs on those stations are "Stairway to Heaven" "Rambling Man" "Thunder Road" and "Sweet Home Alabama." They are so played out that you just can't listen to it anymore.

It is funny to read the guy who wrote the song say the same thing. I remember when I saw Frank Sintra in Altantic City at the end of his string. He was just going through the motions. I mean the dude was about a million years old but too many people were riding his gravy train for him to stop. He did a half ass medley of songs that all the rubes cheered for: Strangers in the Night, Summer Wind, Fly Me to the Moon. But then he did a great rendition of "Angel Eyes" which was heartfelt and moving. He really turned on when he sang that song. It is realtively obscure but man he wailed. But the crowd was unsettled and unfamilar and didn't appreciate what they just had heard. One douchenozzle had to let us know by shouting out his request.

"FREEEEEE BBBBIIIIRRRRDDDD!!!!!"

The Sixto Sense.....

"Why are you staring at me like that chica?"
"You like my eyes I can tell es verdad."
"I have always had the beautiful eyes. Why do the chica's not dig me?"
"I sit here night after night and entertain you and you never reply."
"I am getting pissed."
"It is raining so there is no ball game."
"Maybe I will go to the movies."
"Look.....I see Batman fans."

Send it.............

"Sometimes I feel......."

"Into The Mystic,"

Rave On John Donne..........you didn't write that shit!

Whose that girl with the finger?

No she is not ND Spinelli's date to the senior prom. Although she also became a lesbian.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

She loves Rock and Roll and the Pink Taco. Or maybe the Crimson one when you irritate it.

Anyhoo whose that girl?

The Dogs Days are never over.....

Betty Rubble is a dirty girl....because the Dog Days are never over...for her!

Betty is just a dirty girl.

The dog days of the Summer are her favorite time.

She has a ticket to ride.

So to speak.

She is such a dirty girl.

In-sourcing is a bunch of bullshit.

I have been reading some of the political blogs and the new buzz work is "in-sourcing." That is taking manufacturing away from China and bringing it back to the USA. What a big bunch of bullshit.

I actually manufacturer clothes. In a small way but getting bigger every day. One of the main complaints I get from customers or actual people who complain but don't buy is that our stuff is expensive. Well it is all made in the USA and that adds a significant cost to it. We maintain strict quality control and are on top of our manufacturers. It is a non stop job.

Yesterday I went to a trade show sponsored at FIT (Fashion Institute of Technology) where a bunch of factories and fabric makers and trim makers and other necessary parts of the manufacturing process came to get new customers. It was kind of a joke.

There were only two real factories there. One was a Chinese guy in Williamsburg whose numbers were the same as what I am paying now. Another is a big concern in Sunset Park which we might change our production to after this next run of dresses. These guys are Chinese too but they actually speak English and have a bunch of big clients. We might go with them because if we are going to pay this premium we might as well get it right the first time. Finding someone to actually make the clothes is almost impossible. A lot of our production is in LA but we are having problems because it is so far away. So we are thinking of doing a lot more here in New York. We need a factory that is hungry and will give us a break so we can give them more work. It is almost impossible without the hard work of beating the bushes to find these obscure joints that we can work a deal with. It is almost a full time job in itself.

Luckily it is not us that is doing this. Someone else did it. Not us. Or something.

People in politics have no idea how the real world works.

The Sixto Sense

"Come I always love to take the photo with my fans."
"So do you like the beisbol young man? I bet you like to play with the balls no? I know I do?"
"Say what kind of name is Garage? Swedish?"
"Anyway you must stay for after the game. We have a great tradition here at County Staduim. It is not the Old Timers like the Yanquis. Or Banner Day like the Mets. We take out the wieners and let them race."
"Do you like to race with you wieners?"
"Oh look....I see wieners."

Whose that girl?

Great Caesars Ghost her boss had the same name as Clark Kents boss but she never had to put out like Lois Lane.

She shuffled papers but you knew what was going on under those business suits.

A fifties cutie who did it with a PI. Jealous Spinelli?

Whose that girl?

My dick is for hire.

"It's not easy being a PI. You have be on stakeouts all the time. Bad coffee. Bad food. Finding out the worst about people. But Nd Spinelli never gives up on a case."
"The hardest thing is getting out from behind the wheel of my Lincoln when I have to chase a perp. Fucking Baranaby can do it faster and the douche is like 110 years old. I mean I know I have put on a few pounds."
"But this vest. Looking good."

Whose that author?

All I saw was the dame standing there in the glare of the headlights waving her arms like a huge puppet and the curse I spit out filled the car and my own ears. I wrenched the wheel over, felt the rear end start to slide, brought it out with a splash of power and almost ran up the side of a cliff as the car fishtailed. The brakes bit in, gouging a furrow in the shoulder, then jumped to the pavement and held.
Somehow I had managed a sweeping curve around the babe. For a few seconds she had been living on stolen time because instead of getting out of the way she had tried to stay in the beam of the headlights. I sat there and let myself shake. The butt that had fallen out of my mouth had burned a hole in the leg of my pants and I flipped it out the window. The stink of burned rubber and brake lining hung in the air like smoke and I was thinking of every damn thing I ever wanted to say to a hairbrained woman so I could have it ready when I got my hands on her.

That was as far as I got. She was there in the car beside me, the door slammed shut and she said, "Thanks, mister."

The Sixto Sense

"Why are you reading my posts."
"You know I am the only one awake at this time."
"I have no job so I can post nonsense all night."
"Since I no play the beisbol I just sit and listen to you tube video's all night  while I post on third rate blogs."
"But I was once the best player in all the Dominican."
"And my hair was perfect."
"Oscar Gamble was a pussy."
"He had the pussy hair."
"I had beautiful hair."
"My hair was just like Celia Cruz."
"Now my life is just like a canival."
"But yusted are the clowns."
"I see clown people."

You Didn't Build This City

Although he was often credited with inventing the telephone, in fact Alexander Graham Bell did not create the company the bore his name and brought instant communication to the masses. In fact it was a government bureaucrat who was responsible because with out the taxes put on communications there would be no phone company. In fact the first words spoken through this invention were not as common cited "Watson come here." It was in fact "Watson I must pay more taxes so my worthless neighbors can live a life of ease while I toil in their stead."

The first phrase was just for the common people who do not understand the nuances like the Harvard elite.
( You Didn't Build This City on Rock and Roll, The Government Did, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Harvard University Press 2012) 

It's all there in black and white.

"Whose is this Selina? This is not group week?"
"Oh I don't know Trey. I thought we might try a different group thing this week. I invited an old friend. He used to help me with my last boyfriend when we wanted to do group things."
"Oh what do you mean....like go to the ball game?"
"Well balls and games were involved but not the way you think. Why are you turning so red Trey? He doesn't have to slide onto your Bat Pole if you don't.......oh my goodness it looks like he has fainted."
"Holy Mouth to Mouth Selina.....I know just what to do....Bruce had me do this all the time>"
"Wait I don't think you are doing this right....you don't put your mouth there."

The Sixto Sense

"Hey I know it is late night but I would like to talk."
"Why don't you answer my calls anymore?"
"I was busy listening to music today and I thought of you."
"Remember when we used to drive to the ballpark and listen to Celia Cruz on the radio?"
"And what we used to say when we got to County Stadium?"
"I see white people."

Can you cano as good as the kid from Kalamazoo?

Most teams have a tough time when the fans have to pick their all-time teams. Not because there are a lot of great players competing for a spot. More that there are not enough a good players to field an All Star team let alone an All-Time Team. I mean the Mets fans are arguing about the relative merits of Eddie Kranepool and John Olerud. Or the Brewers fans deciding whether to vote for Sixto or Sevento Lezcano. Or ask nd whose the bomb......John Mayberry or Steve Balboni. The only team that will have a bona fide Hall of Famer at every position is the New York Yankees. And what is remarkable is that it is quite possible that three of the All-Time Yankees are on the team right now.

Now it is obvious that Derek Jeter will go down as the greatest Yankee shortstop of all time. Five rings. Maybe four thousand hits. More pussy than the port-a-potty at the Lillith faire. The popular choice before was the Scooter Phil Rizzuto but even he acknowledge that Jetes was the man and would take his place with Ruth and Gehrig and DiMaggio and Mantle and Berra. You are witnessing the career of the greatest shortstop on the greatest franchise in all of professional sports history.

The toughest thing for me to admit is that A-Rod might end up being the greatest Third Baseman in Yankees history. By the time his career is over he will have played the majority of his career as a Yankee. He might hold the all time home run record. I wish I could vote for Jumping Joe Dugan or Craig Nettles or Clete Boyer or Jerry Kenny or Celerino Sanchez or fucking anybody other than this annoying prick but waddayagonnado? He will have the stats and most likely two or three rings by the time his career as a Yankee is over. I am stuck with him and I think he will have the third base spot on the All Time Yankee team. That sucks.

 But the guy that is really surprising me is Robinson Cano. He has a good shot to be the All Time Yankee second baseman. I mean I guess most people would pick from a hodgepodge of Bobby Richardson or Willie Randolph or Tony Lazzari but I don't think any of them will measure up to what Robinson Cano is going to do if he doesn't get hurt or start hanging out in the Hamptons with Jason Kidd. Robinson Cano is on a tear lately and the last few years he might actually be the best player on the team. Which is saying a lot when you play for the Yankees. I actually plan my bathroom breaks around when he is coming up when I watching the game. If he continues on this pace he will have a sport with the immortals.

I feel honored to watch them play.

Whose that girl?

She was a hot television babe for a while and occupied many a fantasy of Jack Elam.

And best of all her name is what where all the guys wanted her to go.

Whose that girl stroking her breasts.

Marilyn's Diary

I loved my Grandpa. He came to Sunnyvale to pick me up after my parents were killed in that unfortunate incident with the villagers and the torches and pitchforks. He brought me to live with him and Aunt Lily and Uncle Herman. He loved me very much. But he never seemed happy.

You see he lived a secret life. He had to go out to suck to live. As a vampire he lived a life that dare not say it's name. He had to have encounters in strange places. The bus station. Restaurant bathrooms with swarthy bus boys. The park. He had to seek out them out where no one could see. It was a great sorrow for him.  He was not happy. He kept telling us that he didn't feel gay. Or carefree. Just sad.

But after Uncle Herman left everything changed. He decided to go and live his own life. He moved to NYC and went to live in the Village. And he started to sing. He got together with a bunch of friends and started a singing group. They called themselves "The Village Guys." They all wore costumes. He was the policeman. But they were ahead of their time. So it didn't work.

One of the main problems was that Grandpa kept feeling his nipples on stage. He was obsessed with his nipples. Tweaking them. Touching them. Twirling them. It was sad really.

He never made it in show business. Instead he started working in Human Resources and posting his fantasises on the Internets.

And he is still focused on one thing.

Tits.

The Summer of Boo Boo

That summer it got so hot that the family just sweated right out of their furs. Papa was always drinking and they all started to drink and do drugs to beat the heat.

Papa would go down to the local watering hole and get into fights. He even duked it out with Gentle Ben and it was really tough because he was a big pot head and he never got into fights. Sister Bear would smoke some crank and fuck everyone in the forest. Even Ranger Smith got him some bear-tang. So it was a crazy time at Jellystone.

I think that is what made Brother Bear start to kill brown haired campers.

They were just fucked up all the time.

Drugs and alcohol are terrible things.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

I wish I was still on vacation...

It was really hard to come to work today.

After church I thought about all the Sundays I used to have before we opened the store.

I would cook up a great old school Italian dinner. Or better yet my Grand Ma did. A big sauce with meatballs and sausage and braciole and a gravy round. Pasta. A big green salad with fresh olive oil. Fresh from the oven rolls and Italian bread to dip in the sauce. A cheese cake or cannoli's for desert with espresso and anisette.

A cigar while reading the Sunday papers.

But those days are gone.

As are the vacation days for now.

It's back to the UPS machine and people complaining about not getting their orders.

I miss sitting on the porch watching the sunset while having a Margarita.

Summer goes much too fast.

Deep thoughts....by Titus

Titus said....

I fucking love going to Clam Shacks in the summer.

One of them in Ipswich is actually shaped like a Clam Box.

The food is deep fried heaven. Right from the ocean, many times on the same day it was caught. No frozen shit. 

I love any kind of clam. Baked clams. Fried Clams. Raw Clams. Everything except the bearded     Clam. If I see one I throw up.

Unfortunately, I can't go to Clam Shacks with the hubby because there is nothing on the menu he would eat.

Have I mentioned that finding Vege food and non Vege food restaurants can cause much pain?

There is only so much Panera Bread, Thai, Indian, and Vegetarian restaurants one can handle.

No italian or seafood or mexican restaurants ever.

And he eats his green salads with no dressing, that is just wrong.

But he likes to toss my salad so that sort of makes up for it.

Tits.

The Dubious Case of the Dissappearing Douchebag

My dear Holmes,

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. It has been some time since I have last requested you assistance in the troubling matter of the not so recent disappearance of Lord Douchebag. As you are well aware the case is officially closed due to lack of interest. No one cares about the Douchebag's and their names are not mentioned from one month to the next.

I was tempted to consult you in what appeared to be another strange disappearance that had roiled the society pages. It seems that the famous Italian Count and Countess of Valise were not heard from in several days and their friends and acquaintances were quite disturbed. Although they hold Italian Titles they are in fact merchants so it is understandable that their creditors would be concerned when they are incommunicado but it seems that they have many friends who were concerned that they had not been heard from for a few weeks.

I took the usual steps to determine where they might be. And I found several strange and unusual occurrences that seemed quite interesting. It seems that the Queen of the Red Headed League had made several appearances at Lady Chatterley's salon which she had shunned for many a moon. And her good friend Miss Bartleby the Scriveners also appeared and sent several notes although as usual her meaning was incomprenhsible as she had struck through most of her correspondence with her quill pen and her meaning was just not clear as usual. Both however fled at the sight of Lady Chatterley's lover who has taken to removing his waistcoat at any occasion to display his physique which is quite unseemly to say the least. Although Inspector Gregson seems to enjoy it but that is not something we should examine too closely.

However all is well and I do not have to call on your considerable talents as the disappearance of Count and Countess Valise has been explained. it seems that they have traveled to Bath for a holiday which made most of their acquaintances so very happy as they have often suggested that the Count could use a Bath.  Hopefully a dip in the salubrious salt water will aide in dispensing the unfortunate odor which has clung to him and become his claim to fame.

I hope all is well with you and Doctor Watson and wish that you convey my best wishes to your estimable brother Mycroft. I have not seen him at the club since that unfortunate business with the sepoy in the Loo of Victoria Station. I hope that situation has been resolved amicably and without the need for further involvement of the Queen's justice.

I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
November 5, 1898

It's all there in Black and White...."

"So Trey you are back again. Look I dyed my hair black again. I know you like it in black and white."
"Well yes I do Selina. You do look very fetching in black and white."
"Oh I love to fetch Trey. You can just take it out and I will fetch it. I will put it in my mouth and hold it there while I make it slick with my saliva and wag my tail.......Trey?"
"Hamana, hamana, hamana, uuuurrrrpppphhhhh!!!!"
"Oh Trey you are so silly. Come let me fetch for you."

Deep thoughts......by Titus

 



Titus said...
I am no good at cooking, home interior, gardening, or any so called gay shit.

I am pretty butch.


But I will do it with my hat on.

tits.

Laura Bush's Diary

So we were all sitting around on the porch having some tequila shots and shooting the shit. The twins are in town for the summer and we are living it up like old times.  Jenna and I are trying to fix poor Barbara up with someone but the tight assed bitch just can't get her mind right. I told W not to name her after his bug-eyed bitch of a Mom but does he listen to me....NO!  I wish I could get her to calm down and get laid. it would do her wonders for the frigid beyotch.

Anyhoo W was in the office on the computer as usual. I do declare he spends more time on the internets than is healthy for him. Some of my girlfriends complain that their husbands spend too much time on blogs and chat room and twitter and what not. Or that they are looking at porn all the time. But that doesn't worry me much. W knows where he gets the good poon. That's why we have been happy all these years. He knows he can't get it anywhere as good as he could right here in the righteous twat of Texas. Which is like the heart of Texas just wetter and hairier.

W comes out to get some lemonade and he is chuckling to hisself. So I goes to him "What's so funny honey? Did little Barry step in his dick again? Or did Mittens drive off with Condi strapped to the roof of his Cuntry Squire  or something?"

"Nothing as much fun as that Laura darling," he chuckled. " It was just that I was surfing the net and it seems that on some of these boring ass blogs they are trying to liven it up by talking about nipples and such. I had to laugh. What a bunch of bullshit. I mean if you want to talk about nipples especially man nips well how could you leave Ole Nipsey Russell out of the conversation. I mean he was the nipple master for crying out loud."

"Damn straight baby. I remember when Nipsey used to take his shirt off at those pool parties that your parents used to throw at the Naval Observatory when Poppy was the VP.  I mean those giant nipples he had on his man boobs. Those suckers were three times the size of Rumsfeld' dick. It used to make him cry like a bitch. Good times."

"Yeah ....Ha, Ha...I forgot about those parties. If only they knew why they called him Nipsey these little pissants wouldn't be bragging about their puny protrubences. It like a Irishman in a dick measuring contest.  Hee...." he chuckled as he went back into the den.

"I remember Uncle Nipsey Mama" Jenna said. "He always used to come to the White House while Grandpa Poppy was President. Weren't you guys great friends?"

"Yes, yes we were. But he was really Poppy's friend. You see Nipsey Russell was a hero in World War Two and he was a great friend of Poppy. They were on some War Bond tours together. You see Nipsey enlisted as private and fought up and down Europe and ended up a Second Lieutenant  by the end of the war. Pretty impressive for a poor black boy from Atlanta. He was a medic and was a real hero. He was always dashing out under fire to rescue people. He didn't care if they were black or white. So when shit happened later he would just laugh it off. Him and Poppy were great friends. That's how your Daddy met him. But I knew him before that. And in a different context. Hee."

"Oh no Mama" yelped that prissy bitch Barbara. "Is this another one of your filthy stories. I hate when you tell them."

"Then why do you always rub yourself with your little dog when I tell them you dumbass.  Jeez I gotz to get you some cock or you are going to be as loony as your Grandma. So forget it I won't tell you the story and you can go back to talking about how cute Kris Humphreys is and why Tom Cruise is so misunderstood. "

"NO MAMA PLEASE..."wailed Jenna " I  want to hear it! Please."

What could I do. I couldn't disappoint my little Jen Jen.

You see this was back in the days when I first started dating W. He was in Yale and I was still sharing an apartment in New York with Joey Heatherton, Anita Gillette and my besty Robyn Byrd. It was right before Grand Daddy Prescott Bush set me up in college after we met at the BohemianGrove thingy.  I met W at a tea that we all were invited too and we hit it right off.  You see W was a party animal back then which his family didn't really know about. Well Grand Dad Prescott did because he knew everything. He got reports from the Tri-lateral commission on everything that anyone did. But he figured let W sew his wild oats like he did back in the day when he used to do three ways with Gloria Swanson and old Joe Blow Kennedy. So W loved to come around the apartment and hang with all the show business people that would come by. Anita was just getting hot on Broadway and Joey's career was starting to reallyhit it off after she started to let Bob Hope butt fuck her. So there were a lot of show biz people hanging around. Chuck McCann. Arlene Frances. Soupy Sales. Gene Rayburn. Tony Randall.  Bill Cullen. Allan Ludden and that cunt Betty White. And of course good old Nipsey Russell.

You see they all wanted to be Broadway stars but that is a tough thing to do. So they had to take other gigs to make some money to pay the rent.  I mean they didn't work the peeps like Robyn and I did but some of the stuff was even more degrading than watch some putz garmento whack it while you touched yourself. I mean game shows? What could be more degrading than that shit.

Anyhoo there was always a lot of drinking going on. And we were always having parties and smoking weed and what not. It was the sixties and everyone was turning on and tuning out. Well one day everyone was at the apartment and we were all stoned out of our mind. There was me and Joey and Anita and Robyn and Sandy Duncan and JP Morgan and Joyce Bulifant  and a couple of stewardesses. And  Chuck McCann and Soupy and that Wonderama kid toucher guy and Mr. Rodgers and Jim Henson and Tony Randall and Don Draper and some guy named Roger.

Then there is a knock on the door and Henry Morgan and Bennet Cerf and Nipsey Russell come in. They were crazy high and we wanted to know what they were tripping on. It turns out they had Dr Timothy Leary as a guest on "What's My Line." And he hooked them up with some primo LSD. And they had more. So we all got a couple of sugar cubes and all of sudden it's a party. I mean everybody got oversexed and went nuts. Tony Randall and Mister Rodgers were 69'ing it on the middle of the floor. Soupy Sales was rubbing one out with one of Jim Henson's new Muppets .....it was either Bert or Ernie I misremember which one.  But that was just the appetizer. 

Nipsey Russell pushes everybody out of the way and goes "Let me show how to do it bitches...cause you don't know what which's.....they call me Nipsey cause nobodies nips is anyway bigger ....why my erect nipples is bigger than the dick on an ordinary nigger." You see Nipsey always talked in rhymes and shit.

So he rips off his shirt and starts to play with his nipples. And sure enough they were monsters. I mean they were huge. That's how he got the nickname "Nipsey." I mean those two big ass nips he had....it was like he had two cocks on his chest. Well once he whipped those bad boys out it was crazy. At one point Sandy Duncan and Robyn Bird were each riding one of his nipples and Anita Gillette was blowing him and Betty White was peeing on his face. It was crazy. One of the wildest nights we ever had.

Soon enough the gang broke up and everyone went their separate ways. Nipsey became good friends with W and they hung out whenever he came to town from Yale. He was like his mentor. They would dress up and hit the town looking for trouble. We were dating at the time but Nipsey was always very discrete. He never mentioned those days back in New York. 

In fact he never talked about his nipples. Not in private let alone on the internet.

You see the moral of the tale is....if you got it .....you don't have to brag about it. Just Say'n!

Back in the belly of the beast......

Hey I am back from my vacation and I am so tired.

You ever notice how you are more tired after you spend a week relaxing?

It was so much fun. The Seatuck Cove House is a beautiful B&B and we are good friends with the woman who runs it. So much so that she also made us dinner a couple of nights. So we did nothing but hang by the pool and relax with our friends.

Even that fucking Nemo.

Being in the Belly of the Beast means something different when you are on vacation. Just sayn'

Oh yeah.....I forgot to tell you....

We are on our annual vacation to the Seatuck Cove House that we take every year with our best friends Chuck and Amy.

We are having a great time. Hanging out at the pool. Drinking beer. Eating great food.

We just got massages and are going to hang out at the pool all day.

We left all our problems and issues for a little while. I had to go on the computer for a minute to do one stupid transaction so I figured I would drop youse guys a line.

Right now we are relaxing.

Keep on talking amongst yourselves.

Where's my beer?

We're having a Heat Wave.....

AllieOop said...

Lawns too, my grass is crunchy.

Demented Popeye's 4th of July!

Hey sorry I have been away.

I had to live my demented Popeye persona this week.

My buddy owns a house in the Hamptons that he usually rents out for the summer. But this year he doesn't have a rental yet so he invited us out for the 4th of July.

So we called Hassan the car service guy and loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly....Hills.... that is....well I really mean the Hamptons.

I tried to stay drunk as much as possible.

So much so that even my pictures topple over.

HAPPY BELATED 4TH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!