Deep in the bowels of Disney World is a cryogenic crypt. It holds the remains of several celebrities who have been frozen in the hope they can be reanimated. Walt Disney. Howard Hughes. Richard Nixon. Joan Crawford. The remains of the evil and poisonous cadre who have sold their souls in the hope of eternal life.
But now everything has changed. They have managed to reanimate one of the evil ones. The disembodied head of Ted Williams has come back to life. His acolytes approach and grovel before his noggin encased in a large glass receptacle.
Theo Epstein: Oh mighty oracle, tell us what we must do. It is only your help and the assistance of Satan that has allowed us to win the World Series and to establish our dominance over the Yankee menace as those pinstriped fools fight for all that is good. What can we do to maintain our supremacy?
The Head of Ted Williams: You fool. You must continue to spend money like water while bitching that the Yankees spend too much. Get more foreigners who will sell their souls to win. We have competition these days. Those dogs in Florida have sold their soul to a lesser demon. We must fear the Devil Rays.
Theo Epstein: But they are ahead of us in first place and the Yankees are not far behind. We must fear them. I think it might be true, God is a Yankee fan.
The Head of Ted Williams: Fear not, you have Satan in your corner. Lucifer loves three things. Indian food. Anal (as a catcher). And the Saux.
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