So I am walking out the door of my house and leave the gate and there is this yuppie couple walking down the street arguing. Now he’s about my size 6’3” and around 220 and looks pretty fit. She is a skinny little bit of a thing around 5’4” or so. She’s shouting “I hate you, get away from me, you bastard.” Now it wasn’t a stalker thing or anything like that because they were obviously together. Then she hauls off and punches him right in the balls. Now it seems comical that this little girl would punch this big guy holding his briefcase and her bags but she obviously hurt him. The UPS guy delivering across the street was laughing his ass off. I mean what could you do. I had to wince because all my life women have always punched me.
Now I never really did anything that I deserved to get punched for but it happened all the time. But when you are a big guy, girls think they can just haul off and punch you and you are just supposed to shrug it off. Well here’s a news flash: it hurts. It doesn’t matter what the relative sizes of people might be, if someone punches you it hurts. Especially if they get in a bad spot (the balls) or if you aren’t expecting it. The Irish barmaids at the pubs I used to hang out in were the worst. I would be sitting at the end of the bar and they would get a table and they would come back and slug me “For fooks sake, I got a table of German tourists, or women, or black people (all people who don’t tip). Stop whimpering you big gob shite, don’t be a pussy.” So I would end up with a bunch of bruises when what I only really wanted was a pint.
So girls, no matter how big the guy is, don’t hit him. It hurts.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Those barmaids thought you were hot because you're a real man. So they had serious fantasies of you manhandling them onto a table and banging them right then and there. You, having been raised well by your parents and being the gentleman you are, kept your hands to yourself. Therefore, according to their women-are-always-innocent-even-when-they-are-evil + men-who-admit-to-being-hurt-can't-be-real-men x feminism-tells-me-it's-a-woman's-world calculus, you deserved to suffer.
Timeless.
Dude trust me, it's no fun to have sex on top of the table. First of all you almost always rollover and there's the splinter factor. Plus they put glass on top of some of them so if your pounding two hard you have a problem. Go with Doggie style over the bar, you can put you feet on the rail and look in the mirror over the bar and grab her hair and then....well not that I ever did anything like that in my younger days. Just speculatin' ya see.
Someday ask me about the Kelly twins who bartended split shifts, one on days and one on nights. Split shifts...hee, hee.
Another good point. Women don't hit me in general--I'm not nearly as good looking as you--but I trained in martial arts for years with women, and they can hit quite hard without even knowing it.
They said the same thing about me, too, but I figured they were just being girls.
Dude, I am far from good looking. In fact I am proud to say that I am downright ugly. But that's the problem. I am so obviously heterosexual, these bimbos knew they could wrap me around their little finger. But when you are a big guy, two kinds of people want to hit you. Women and dudes under
5'4" as it is the Napleon thing.
Maybe you should yell "Sthtop that!" next time.
Kill a couple birds with one stone.
Yeah. Or just pull out your pistol, shoot them in the arm and say, "There. See how it feels?"
Well whenever I tried to pull out my pistol, I got bitched slapped for real. Or at least laughed at.
(I am half Irish after all. Small caliber so to speak).
Post a Comment