Party like it's 1999

The dude or whatever that did the Prince impersonation was pretty good. He ran and danced all over the stage and had Prince's act down pretty good. Since the girls were all eighties girls they loved it as they sang along.

CAN WEEE TAAAALLLKKKK!!!!

So they decided to get tickets to the Joan Rivers Review which is a bunch of dudes dressed up as stars with a Joan Rivers impersonator as the Emcee. So of the No Crack Emcee. Or no lady Crack. Or something.

Anyway Joan comes out and she was actually pretty funny. She came down into the audience and made fun of a bunch of people so it was amusing. Then they had people dressed up as Madonna and Dolly Parton and Patti LaBelle and Liza. The Finale was the pimp dude who was the choreographer and he impersonated Prince. They lip-synced like they were Beyonce at the Superbowl with four back up dancers and put on a good show.

Afterward like all cheesy casino shows they signed autographs on their posters and cd's and stuff. Lisa bullied them into taking a photo to commemorate the occasion.

Remembrance of Things Pabst

So we are out with the girls from Avenue M...enopause and unfortunately they were in charge of the dinner reservations. You see these are my wife's friends from childhood. They have all been friends since kindergarten. They get together a couple of times a year. Usually we only can go if they come to Brooklyn because of the store. Which they are glad to do since they are all originally from Brooklyn and we are actually equidistant from the New Jersey and the Long Island contingents. So when they come to Brooklyn they let me handle all of the reservations and ordering and what not. Since we have so many great restaruants in downtown Brooklyn I can hook us up with some great meals. But on this trip we were just along for the ride and the sister of the girl who turned 50 planned everything. Big mistake.

The first night we had a reservation at this joint in Resorts International called Carpriccio. It was a supposedly high end joint that did indeed have high end prices. But the food left a lot to be desired. The wine list was just adequate and I managed to find a Chianti that was serviceable. The food on the other had was basically your corporate restaurant style. Sort of like Carrabba's Italian grill if you are familiar with that. Erzat Italian food that is pretty much bland and tasteless. I started my bullshit like I always do and was joking around with the waiter. His name was Oscar and he joked that I was a lucky guy with seven woman. I told him sister wives are not all they are cracked up to be. And that we would be seeing his buddy Felix later. For which he had no idea about the Odd Couple because he was a Mexican. I told him we wanted some dishes without any meat because it was a Friday in Lent. So we got some stuff that was deadly bland. Now I don't think the meat would have made much of a difference as it was not spiced enough,. I had the gnocchi in cream sauce which was pretty bland. The wife had ravioli in a butter sage sauce that was also very bland. Which is hard to do if you cook it right. But hey waddaygonna do.

Now the next problem is that I always get stuck figuring out the bill. What I like to do is split it evenly. I don't pay attention to who orders what. Everyone should order whatever you want. Don't tell me you only had a main course and no appetizer or dessert and only drank water and only want to kick in $20. Nobody told you to do that. You should have order like everyone else. If you want to act like that then I don't want to have dinner with you. It is as simple as that. Or you can sit there and calculate what everyone should pay and tell me what my end is. I mean I would be happy with that. But don't task me with cutting it up and then bullshit me about it. I admit that this bill was kind of pricey. And it wasn't worth it. The joint was in the Resorts International Hotel and Casino. So they kind of gouged you out pretty good. Hey I didn't pick it. I knew a couple of great joints over on Atlantic Avenue away from the Casinos that were great. But they didn't want to go there. So we had to pay the piper and not eat top notch stuff.

You see the reason why they wanted us to go there was because they had tickets to the show. The Drag Show. Guys dressed up as broads singing and dancing.

Where the fuck is Titus when you need him.

Avenue M for Menopause

Where the hell was Trooper York?

In Atlantic City with the wife and all her friends.

We went on Friday and left all out troubles behind. No computers. No email. No internet.

Just drunken frolic. Me and seven menopausal women celebrating a fiftieth birthday!

Lots of stories to follow.

How did I turn into a hot Asian Chick?

And why can't we do that with all the old shows?

Hossaroni you can not ride Sarah Jessica Horseface!

"Or maybe you should try Mr Hoss. Then she die. Like all your lady friends. You one mean Hossaroni!"

Hey Zoot Suit Dude...Stop Staring at my tits!

Or at least where they would be if I had any!

Even Hop Sing thinks she is an ugly bitch!

I mean he and the rest of the chinks think she is a demon faced twat!

You would think with all the time he spent on the Ponderosa he would be used to a horse-faced bitch!

Time to study this closely!

chickelit said...
Chip S. said...
Jeez, where is everybody?

This is starting to remind me of the time my parents dropped me off at the mall for a couple of days for a time-out.

February 20, 2013 at 1:59 AM

Studying 12 hrs/day for the patent leather exam. I only take breaks to walk the dog and slurp a G&T before bed.

Back on Saturday. 

I didn't realize that there was an exam for that. Good Luck dude! Hope you pass!

Women ricpic wouldn't bang for $1000, Alex.

But then who would?

Except for Cedarford.

The Summer of Boo Boo

It was hard to live with Brother Bear. He was just strange now ever since Mama Bear started up with him. He would start fires. Torture chipmunks. Eat out of garbage cans. All the signs of a bear gone wrong.

Papa tried to get him to act normal. He put him in Little League and the Bear Scouts. But he was obsessed with his bowel movements. He called it pinching a loaf. It was all he ever talked about. That and tits. And his pet dog too!

There was one thing he loved about the Bear Scouts. Well two things. How to tie knots. He loved to tie up Sister Bear and urinate on her.

And of course he loved to shit in the woods.

Did you ever get the feeling......

That Edutcher and the Blonde are different than the way he presents himself on the internets?

Did you ever get the feeling.....

That for all of his protests and posing .....the Palladian has experimented with pussy?

The Alley Oop Song!

What if?

Edutcher accidentally punctured "The Blonde" and he showed up at your house on Valentines Day?

What if?

They finally got serious and named a real tough guy as Pope?

Would he finally excommunicate the Kennedys and the Cuomos and Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden?

What if?

Sixty Grit was your neighbor and decided to help you out with his special snow blower?

What if?

There was a reason to club that seal?

What if?

Gene Simmons were turned into a Chihuahua?

How long would his tongue be?

Would the evil blogger lady rent him?

You know that's why she rents the St. Bernard.

What if?

The Dust Bunny Queen and the Evil Blogger Lady ever met in person. Would they wrestle?

Marilyn's Diary

I hadn't heard from Aunt Lily for many years. I knew that Uncle Herman was living with that dizzy Carol Herman in Madison Wisconsin where he mowed her lawn and make her pancakes. Grandpa was living in the Village and owned a bar called the Mine Shaft or the Rod House or something. And little Eddie was the senior Senator from South Carolina who stilled loved to sniff pee stained panties. But I didn't know what Aunt Lily was up too until I got an email from her.

It seems that she decided she liked the fish taco. I guess men were ruined for her when she lost Uncle Herman's 12 inch detachable penis. She sent me an email to tell me that she had moved in with this woman Portia something. An Eye-talian I think. She said they were very happy. And that they were going to open a hot dog stand.

It was very strange.

She was still obsessed with the foot longs.

Deep Thoughts........By Titus

Titus said...
The goal of my Tits For Tots program is to work in partnership with Toys For Tots.

Yet I also want to initiative some process improvements and reengineering efforts.

This will be a team effort, natch.

BUT, if things do not progress I am willing to consider a hostile takeover of Toys for Tots.

I also looking to bring a Tits On Wheels Program to compliment Meals on Wheels.

WTF-Meals of Wheels-fucking waste of money. My parents deliver those fucking meals every week to some of the biggest takers around. They are also some of the largest farmers who are republican and get farm subsidies-bull shit.

Thank God we don't have to send out for tits!

I remember when my mom and her friends would run around and bounce their tits in the house.

That is where my obsession started.

Tits.

Panda sex with Charles Bukowski (and Hillary Clinton)

we had goldfish and they circled around and around
in the bowl on the table near the heavy drapes
covering the picture window and
my mother, always smiling, wanting us all
to be happy, told me, 'be happy Henry!'
and she was right: it's better to be happy if you
can
but my father continued to beat her and me several times a week while
raging inside his 6-foot-two frame because he couldn't
understand what was attacking him from within.

my mother, poor fish,
wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
week, telling me to be happy: 'Henry, smile!
why don't you ever smile?'

and then she would smile, to show me how, and it was the
saddest smile I ever saw

one day the goldfish died, all five of them,
they floated on the water, on their sides, their
eyes still open,
and when my father got home he threw them to the cat
there on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
smiled like Hillary when she saw a cigar.

Frank Cannon got stuck behind the wheel of a Lincoln Contiental for your sins!

I am currently reading a history of Quinn Martin who was a producer of shows during the sixties like The Untouchables, Cannon, Barnaby Jones and 12 O"Clock High.

It is amazing what you can find on kindle.

But you have to be careful. Some of the scholarly works are very expensive. There was a study about Medieval Knights in movies and television that went for over thirty bucks! I almost got it by accident.

Whose that author?

When I say impotent, I mean I've lost even my desire to work. That's a hell of a lot more primal passion than sex. I've lost my reason for being. My purpose. The only thing I ever truly loved. … We have established the most enormous, medical entity ever conceived and people are sicker than ever! WE CURE NOTHING! WE HEAL NOTHING! The whole goddamn wretched world is strangulating in front of our eyes. That's what I mean when I say impotent. You don't know what the hell I'm talking about, do you?...I'm tired. I'm very tired, Miss Drummond. And I hurt. And I've got nothing going for me anymore. Can you understand that?...And you also understand that the only admissible matter left is death.

Happy Valentines Day!

I just wish I could spend it like my buddy Al did but I can't get all of the people I need in the garage at the same time!

Happy St Valentines Day!

Whose that Girl who looks like Betty Rubble?

I mean she is not Betty but would have been my choice to play her on TV or in the movies.

She loved beer and riding on a motorcycle and is the subject of many posts here.

And she is not a cricket girl you poofters.

Whose that girl?

Betty Rubble is a Dirty Girl

But still and all she loved when Fred came over for lunch.

So to speak.

You see he loved crabs.

And Betty is a dirty, dirty girl.

nd spinelli has his say.....

We are all talking about what we are giving up for Lent and ndspinelli tells us he is giving up ball busting.

I had a suggestion for a better move. He should stop dressing like Frank Cannon. I know he bases his "look" and his career after him but it is time to change it up.

I think he needs to channel Dom Deluise.

AllenS can lend him his parrot.

Adele you need to get to Lee Lee's

Did you see Adele's dress for the Grammy's?

We were very happy that she decided to get away from basic black and we had high hopes when we heard she was being dressed by Valentino.

But they made a bunch of basic errors. I will detail them for you later.

The wife is preparing a post about this on Sulia which a site she is blogging on as a fashion blogger. I will put in a link after it goes up.

Some times it is hard to suspend your disbelief.....

I mean I get that this Downton Abbey shit is a soap opera but last nights episode was just a little too unbelievable.

I mean Thomas the valet guys tries to get it on with the dude who looks like "The Mentalist" and gets caught at it. And they just let it go and everything is cool and they try all this stuff to keep him on the staff even thought everybody hated him anyway. Way unbelievable.

I mean this was 1921 for crying out loud! Seriously. The lordship guy lost his shit over a former prostitute  cook who didn't even work in his house but a butt burglar is a-ok with him? Just not believable. You can't paint over the values and mores of 2012 onto 1921.

If they wanted to be so politically correct they should have gay married them or something.

The English are fucking weird.

Plus ten minutes of cricket. seriously.

Michael H has his say......

Michael Haz said...
I was sitting in the pew at St. Stan's this morning listening to Monsignor Jayr deliver his usual excellent homily and it started me (belatedly)thinking about what I will do this year as Lenten sacrifices. It's a Catholic thing. The idea is to make a small sacrifice - give up a thing or two that you like in remembrance of Christ's last days on earth.

I've not been good about this in the past. In earlier years I'd joke that I'm giving up opium and watermelon, or some similar mock sacrifice. I've been more serious about it in the past few years. Calendar, and all.

I'm giving up an number of habits this Lent. One of them is recreational use of my computer. I'm going to disappear from blogs beginning Ash Wednesday. I may make a comment or two on Sundays (that's allowed), but otherwise I'll be absent until Holy Saturday.

There are other things involved, of course, but those are too private to post. Things to help with the daily struggle to become a better person. You know how it goes.

Anyhow, those are the plans I made in the pew at Saint Stan's.

What if?

The Crack Emcee finally gave into the abuse of the new ager's and was finally cowed?

What if?

 

 

Ricpic was bitten by a radioactive gefilte fish and became a superhero?

I GOT MAIL

When you google Abe Vigoda with a cow......

This is the photo that comes up first.

ee cummings on Abe Vigoda

the way to hump a cow is not
to get yourself a stool
but draw a line around the spot
and call it beautifool

to multiply because and why
dividing thens by nows
and adding and(i understand)
is hows to hump a cows

the way to hump a cow is not
to elevate your tool
but drop a penny in the slot
and bellow like a bool

to lay a wreath from ancient greath
on insulated brows
(while tossing boms at uncle toms
is hows to hump a cows

the way to hump a cow is not
to push and then to pull
but practicing the art of swot
to preach the golden rull

to vote for me(all decent mem
and wonens will allows
which if they don't to hell with them)
is hows to hump a cows

Everybody is just screwing around on a snow day!

When even a piddling shit snowstorm hits NYC everything goes south in a hurry!

People don't go to work. People don't shop. The store is slow. The wife makes me clean up all day!

I only have time to mock racist law professors.

Wadddayagonnado?

We have your Coat's Tex....

We sunk a lot of dough into making coats this season and they came out great. The only problem is that they came in late and lots of people had already bought one for the season.

Most of my "real" customers have bought one though. They love Lisa's designs and whenever she makes something like this they always buy one. I need some of my more casual customers to buy and they are doing it but it slow going. And the winter will be over soon. So I will have to store them over the summer.

Something I am not looking forward to doing.

There is a short one and a long one. I hope we can sell a bunch in this snowstorm.

Like A Candle Breaking Wind

We got a bunch of chatzkies at the gift show.

Mainly candles. They are great little gifts especially for Mother's Day or even Valentines Day. You see you don't have to worry about the right size.

Lots of great scents too!

I might need them when we have a lot of dog piss smells. Just sayn'

Heeeeeelllllllooooooo Norton!

Well Norton was born yesterday. Along with his sister Trixie.

The Moms was ten years old so there were complications. Luckily they didn't listen to Lord Grantham and the prissy society doctor and the took the Moms down to the vet for a Cesarean Section.

Mom and puppies are doing fine. Tiny though.

We should be welcoming him in about eight weeks.

Sorry I was busy......

Sorry that I haven't been all that creative lately but I have been extra busy. I am down to a couple of employees who have been calling in sick or not able to come in because of plumbing breakdowns because of the cold so I have been working the store.

When I work the store solo or with Lisa I don't have time to blog and when I do I don't have the energy to put up posts.

Hopefully we have it sorted out now and we can go forward with a new crew.

Hey I enjoyed the Superbowl!

We hit the pool.

It was a $100 a box pool and when I walked in I was kind of disappointed that I got the numbers 8 and 3. I offered to share the box with the other people who came with me but nobody wanted to come on board.  Until I won of course.

I hit the third quarter and had some hope of the final but it didn't happen as there were some late scores. Bastards.

The party was in the upstairs room at Marco Polo where they have the weddings and where we had our premiere party. It was very neighborhoody with an emphasis on "hoods." There were several connected guys with their young tootsies and a bunch of neighborhood knuckleheads. But there was a full bar and lots of food that kept coming out for only $45 a head. It was well worth it.

Oh I had three martini's.

My new rule for Superbowls. Three martini's is the way to go!

Gratuitous Bathtub Photo- Where's my crack at Bobby Edition

Cissy Houston the moms of Whitney has just written a tell all biography of her crack headed daughter.

There are some crazy photos.

Here Whitney is at the height of her fame where she spent all of her time in her bathtub which was filled with cocaine and Fruit Loops.

Why is everyone bitching at Ray Lewis

Lot's of other sports do worse stuff with antlers.

Just sayn'

I touch the Ravens....err....

I mean I pick the Ravens.

I will let them touch themselves.

So to speak.

Marilyn's Diary

There was no stopping Aunt Lily after Uncle Herman left her. She went off the rails. She was sexually voracious. Did a bunch of plastic surgery. Got a new nose. Eye lifts. And of course she got new tits.

She was proud of them. Walking around the house in just a lacy bra and a thong. It got so I couldn't take it anymore.

It was time for me to leave.

ee cummings on Ave Vigoda

i carry your heart with me(i carry it like
a fooball)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for I take deer antler extract)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it football)

and I know that the Ravens will win.

Undercover Hossaroni!

If you want to be a Hossaroni....do you have to go undercover.

Or do you expose your hairyness to one and all.

I don't know....what about your?

I have been reading about the movies

I have been reading biographies this week and I have been concentrating on bit players in the John Ford universe.

I read the biography or autobiography of John Agar, George O' Brien and Harry Carey Jr. They were all very interesting. I also dipped into a biography of Howard Hawks.

But I couldn't find anything for Victor McLaglen, Hank Worden, Ken Curtis or Francis Ford. What a rip-off.

Sometimes when I search Amazon I get results for book that cost about $50. That is freaking unbelievable. Jeez.

Anyway it was good reading as I read how they made movies like "Fort Apache" and "She Wore A Yellow Ribbon."