Joey Gallo's Lament

We walked upstairs to the detective room. Cousin Mick sat behind the desk. Joe the plumber made a beeline to the chair like he was royalty or something and copped a  squat looking pissed off. My Da leaned against a filing cabinet and looked at his cousin. I stood next to him and looked scared.

“So what is it all about boyo” asked Cousin Mick. He looked at me Da not at Joe. But Joe thought it was all about him so he had to spout off.

“That fuckin' sylph Jew cunt had my kid pinched. She claimed that he was looking at her in the tub. There is no way he was doing that. He is a good lookin' kid. He don’t need to fool around with a skinny ugly Jew cunt. Let alone look at her dusty twat.”

“I see” mused Cousin Mick. “That would be the dragon lady on your block Michael. The law professor from Brooklyn Law no?”

“Yeah that’s her” Da said. “She made quite the scene. Threatened to sue everyone and to get Flynn’s badge. She is a professor. That means she doesn’t know how it works. Plus the kid didn’t do it. He was up on the roof looking for a spaldeen that the kids launched up there playing stick ball. Like we used to do back on Hoyt Street Mickey.”

“So I suppose that that little Mikey is here to swear to that? Isn’t that right son?”

I swallowed and nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak. But me Da nudged me and I had to speak. “That’s right Cousin Mick. He went up there because we asked him too. We couldn’t afford a new ball and it was Saturday and everything and well we asked him and we are really sorry he got in all this trouble…..” I just trailed off when I couldn’t think of any more lies.

“Funny that. I heard the kids couldn’t play stickball on Tompkins because of some wop scumbag who had a fancy car and threatened them with a beating if they hit his car. Or was that story I heard at Christmas just a tale to amuse an old man?”

Joe the Plumber was fuming but he was smart enough to say the right thing. “How much Kelly?”

“Not in front of the boy” said me Da. “Oh I don’t agree Michael” chuckled Cousin Mickey. “The boy has to learn how the world works now doesn’t he. We did when he was about his age. It’s time for his education to begin.”

“Listen you wop scum. It won’t be easy to clean this up. I know your precious Junior is half a wiseguy. He has been hanging around with the Gallo’s and that is not going to end well. So this is gonna cost you. Two grand. Take it or leave it. I would be happy to put you good lookin lad in a cell with a couple of monkeys we just jugged from down Red Hook projects. Somehow I don’t think he would enjoy the experience.”

Joe the Plumber vibrated like a tuning fork. His face was red and he was shaking like Louie Nerve when he couldn’t get a curse word out. He reached into his green khaki work pants and pulled out a wad of dirty bills. Put them on the table. “When do I get my son” he said.

“Ah I like it when it all works out. Like a fairy tale with a happy ending. I will have the young fella released right now. FLLLYYYNNNN!” Patrolman Paddy Flynn came bounding into the room. “Yeah Kelly?” “You can release the dago peeper to his daddy. Any longer and he will grease up the cell till we won’t be able to use it anymore.” “Ok you cleared it with the Sarge right?” “Don’t question me you simple fuck or  pounding your pud in Red Hook Projects will be your fate toot suit. Just do it and do it now.”

Flynn walked out of the room and Joe the Plumber got up and left without a second glance. Me Da turned to go and I followed him as close as I could. “Michael” murmured Cousin Mick. “You have to be careful if you get mixed up with the dagos. No good is going to come of it lad.” I had to pipe up. “Me Ma is a Dago” I said. “Ah the exception that proves the rule young Michael. Your Ma is an Angel and that’s the truth. I hope you will have me over for a nice Eyetalian meal again soon.” “Sure Mick. I will set it up. I will get my Ma and your Ma and we will have ourselves a party.” “Good I look forward to it.”

We walked outside. Joe the plumber was already gone. I guess that’s what gratitude gets you. Joey and Bobby B were still across the street. “Looks like we have to walk home son. Don’t take this to heart. Sometimes you have to do bad things to help bad people to get a good result.” “What was the good result?” “We get to keep our apartment. Sometimes you have to eat shit to survive. It’s a hard lesson. But Mick is right. It’s time you learn it.”

Eat shit to survive. I was afraid that is all too true.