Marilyn's Diary

My Aunt Lily and Uncle Herman had a healthy sex life when I first moved in with them after my parents were lost in that unfortunate incident with the villagers with the torches and pitchforks back in the old country. They would go behind closed doors and I heard the screams and groans and roars that would shake the walls.

But they started to get bored after 350 years and Uncle Herman began to sneak into my room. Aunt Lily started to get more and more into drugs and alcohol and it made it easy for him to sneak into my room. Sometimes he would just leave his detachable penis so she could amuse herself. She wouldn't even notice that he was gone.

Uncle Herman had two detachable penises. Or peni I guess you would call them. You see his doctor back in Germany believed in redundancy. So he made sure Uncle Herman had some spare parts that came in handy over the years. He had six eyes, fourteen fingers, seven ears and of course two penises. So he was able to leave one with Aunt Lily when he would sneak into my room.

Once Uncle Herman left us to move in with Carol Herman back in New York he took all of his spares with him. Including his penises. But a funny thing happened. They eventually moved to Wisconsin where Carol started a blog and Uncle Herman walked borrowed dogs. But I heard he lost one of his penises. Actually it was stolen. The rumor is that it was stolen by a private investigator who broke into their house during a stake out and made off with one of the penises.

So Uncle Herman had to go back to using a candle as a substitute.

Life is strange in Wisconsin.