Laura Bush's Diary

Well W is off to another one of his Star Trek conventions. You know most people don’t know that he is such a big nerd. He loves Star Trek and Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings and all of that science fiction stuff. And he loves his video games. Why he will stay on the computer all night and all day with these strange people playing the World of War craft or sum such nonsense. And the names these people have Lawgiver and Dust Bunny Queen and Hoosier Daddy, where do they come up with this stuff.

Now it was all relatively harmless when W was governor of Texas and the worst he could do is invite Mr. Sulu to the mansion for the Star Trek anniversary. I remember when we found him with our houseboy Paco in the Jacuzzi. I thought old Barbs pop eyes where going to pop right out of her Easter Island head and roll across the floor. But when W became President he got access to all the high tech super secret weapons and science that was in the arsenal of the United States of America. There was the Laser sword that they are working on. Boy that was dangerous; he almost cut off Rummy’s leg with that. Everybody wondered why we kept him on so long but he had W over a barrel with that one. Then there were the x-ray vision goggles like the ones you used to see in the comic books. The twins and I loved them. We would take turns wearing them when the sports teams would visit the White House. I can understand why all the girls love Derek Jeter. I mean even if he choked up on the bat he still has that good wood to send it out of the park if you know what I mean.

But the most dangerous thing was the reducing ray. The Pentagon invented this machine that could shrink things down to 25% of its actual size. The effects only lasted for about six hours but they thought there might be a battlefield application. You know shrink down the commandos so they could tunnel in or some such bullshit. But W loved it because he would have them shrink himself down and he would dress up like a hobbit. Then we would play Arwin and Merry Pippen all afternoon if you know what I mean. And as I have told you W is all man so 25% is still more than good enough to complete the quest if you know what I mean.

Anyhoo, one of the last things W told Barry O about was the reducing ray. He got really excited and started muttering about somebody’s humungous snatch and her mother’s big fat mouth but we didn’t get all of it. But he was fingering the machine as we left and snickering. Oh well it’s not our problem anymore.

I do miss my little hobbit though.