Lucifer: Forcas I am
getting pretty fucking tired of waiting to find a new PA Announcer. I might have to have my son Barrack bomb North
Korea or something to shake shit up. Did anyone even vaguely appropriate fall
down the chute?
Forcas: Well we have several new candidates you can choose from. There is Carmine Infantino who used to draw comic books. And Jack Pardee famous American Footballer and homosexual. Also Tom Boerwinkle big doof from the Chicago Bulls.
Lucifer: Seriously. That is the best you can come up with. You want to give me a guy who draws DC Comics! You know I only read Marvel after that deal I made with Stan Lee and he gave me my own super villain character. Jack Pardee? Come on now I hate the Redskins and not just the real Redskins like Sitting Bull or Bald Eagle from F Troop. Now Tom Boerwinkle is a possibility but I think he is going to be too busy giving Red Auerbach a rim job throughout eternity. Who else do you have?
RogerEbert.
Forcas: Well we have several new candidates you can choose from. There is Carmine Infantino who used to draw comic books. And Jack Pardee famous American Footballer and homosexual. Also Tom Boerwinkle big doof from the Chicago Bulls.
Lucifer: Seriously. That is the best you can come up with. You want to give me a guy who draws DC Comics! You know I only read Marvel after that deal I made with Stan Lee and he gave me my own super villain character. Jack Pardee? Come on now I hate the Redskins and not just the real Redskins like Sitting Bull or Bald Eagle from F Troop. Now Tom Boerwinkle is a possibility but I think he is going to be too busy giving Red Auerbach a rim job throughout eternity. Who else do you have?
Lucifer: Holy shit on a
shingle. You got that commie cocksucker at last. His buddy Gene Siskel has been
waiting for him forever. Send him in.
Roger Ebert: (slides down the stairwell to
hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas ,
he blearily rolls over pushes himself and croaks with his
voice box battered beyond recognition) What the fuck...where am I?
Lucifer: You are in Hell you slimy douchebag. Man everybody hates you here in Hell. All those actors that you blasted with that bald headed scumbag on your show on PBS! Man they want a piece of you. Sal Mineo. Natalie Wood. Marilyn. Monty Clift. Judy. Man they can't wait to rip out your voice box and piss in the hole. You are in a lot of trouble.
Roger Ebert: But I was just giving my opinions. I am entitled to my opinion.What right do they have to be mad?
Lucifer: You are in Hell you slimy douchebag. Man everybody hates you here in Hell. All those actors that you blasted with that bald headed scumbag on your show on PBS! Man they want a piece of you. Sal Mineo. Natalie Wood. Marilyn. Monty Clift. Judy. Man they can't wait to rip out your voice box and piss in the hole. You are in a lot of trouble.
Roger Ebert: But I was just giving my opinions. I am entitled to my opinion.What right do they have to be mad?
Lucifer: You are entitled to shit you fucking commie cunt. You don't get it
do you shit head. You reap what you sow. Didn't you read the Bible or are you
too big for that? I bet you were. You were too busy making fun of believers.
And you always dissed John Wayne movies. Even I didn't fuck with the Duke. The Big Guy loves the Duke. Well now you get your reward. I get all the commie cunts like you. Every nasty thing you ever did is coming back to you ten fold. Forcas take
him away. (Two burly demons grab the shrunken movie reviewer and drag him face
first to the firey pits of Hell)
Forcas: What punishment to you have for him my
Dread Lord?
Lucifer: I don't know. Who
has the biggest thumbs in hell?
Forcas: Primo Carnera and
William Howard Taft. They are like little sausages.
Lucifer: Great. Have them
alternatively stick them in his eyes and then up his ass until he gets the
worst case of brown eye you can get. Then do it some more. You know what they
call that Forcas?
Forcas: No my Lord.
Lucifer: Two thumbs up!
Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha! IT IS SO GOOD TO BE BAD!!!!!!!!!!!
22 comments:
Finally, an interesting post on Ebert.
Man they can't wait to rip out your voice box and piss in the hole.
Inspired!
That was a little harsh....but I love it.
Today was HUGE at work. I conducted a seminar for 100 employees in Cambridge, with callers from Princeton, DC, Oakland, Anne Arbor (our sad stepchild) and Chicago. Total participants 570.
The topic was Performance Appraisal and Salary Planning-What's In It For You....girl?
After I presented I went around to KOL's to gather feedback. The reviews were abs fab...."great", "excellent", "fantastic", "funny and informative" and probably most important...."love your clothes and shoes" (prada head to toe-black flatfronts and white shirt with gray piping/outline on the button area-in other words... Fucking Fierce!
Tonight I went to the dog park and there were like 10 gooks-all with Shiba Unu's-whassup with that?
Tits.
Oh and the pants and shit were both "slimfit/stretch"-natch.
And the shoes were just a tad pointy=but not over the top Euro pointy. Subtle and understated yet obviously very expensive.
Lastly I would "watch" the audience and constantly observe them look and it was all head to toe eye action. Much more important than the actual material I was "delivering".
Then I attended a "seminar" from a potential Senior Researcher-International. Her presentation was on poor people getting $20.00 in cash in shit countries and the "outcomes". Malawia, Liberia, The Congo, Nigeria, Ethiopia. Once they get the $20.00 they buy and sell goods and $20.00 lasts an entire month. They use the money to buy a hog, goat, hoe, grain, and yarn. They are really fucking poor-there kids have to attend school for them to get this cash and like 90% of their kids go to school. Totally winwin. Who do you think pays for this shit.... 13 million from Germany and some other NGO's-how fucked up is Germany? No businesses will go into these countries because of all the gangs. And everyone is totally corrupt and can be bought.
Fascinating, huh.
You didn't disappoint by sending that shithead to hell, but what.the.fuck.? Natalie Wood? She's an angel for crying out loud.
Titus, with your slim fit pants, pointy toes and gray piping, it sounds like you looked almost as special as those dogs wearing pantyhose.
Mama - Be careful. She took a risk, a big risk, that her colleagues might not like people who like pantyhose wearing dogs.
Unrelated, I was in Madison today and saw a guy from a blog in the pantyhose section of Walgreens.
Mamam, I thought you got me.
But you disappointed me in your response.
My assemble was completely appropriate.
No fucking faggy poodle wearing queer-that is not me Helen.
I know appropriate big time. I was trained in it for the past 20 years of professionalism big business.
You know I have been a high level executive in biotech, high tech, health care, new media and public policy?
You don't get there being a prancing poodle...bitch.
On a side note, Mamam Norman Rockwell MIchigan, Bain tryed to entice me to cum onboard.
Bain, based in Boston, and Romney's business, is so high culture.
But I couldn't. How could I? I am all about displacing peeps in grossie state, but I just couldn't.
The pay was amazing though.
And I could never work at a place where I wear a suit everyday.
The tie hurts after shaving and results in me sometimes bleeding-no way to live.
Do you even comprehend my dilemma Mama.
And if you don't you are not as cosmo and international as you claim.....you slut.
My claim to fame is 2600 connections on linkedin.
How many do you pieces of shit have?
I'm digging the large type font of Troop's post.
Old folk friendly.
Pieces of shit??? Seems as if the mention of chutes and people sliding in and out of them pushes some kind of button for Titus, sending him into a flurry of bluster about Appropriate Behavior.
Not impressed.
Hell, I've rejected over 2600 connection requests on LinkedIn. There's a lot of trash out there.
I wonder if the Yankees get a share of
these concession sales.
Oooh, baby. I'm lying in my bed on pinstriped sheets under a painting of ARod as a centaur...wanna pinch-hit me?
Black suit and black shoes, white shirt: sounds like a Blues Brothers outfit to me, Titus. I hope you didn't go off the reservation by wearing any neckware but the appropriate narrow black tie.
Separated at Birth: Roger Ebert and...?
Titus, any guesses who the four may be?
I call all my friends slut, whore, bitch etc.
It's a term of endurement.
Ebert was an outspoken atheist. He tried to lead as many as possible away from God and into Hell.
Just one more strike on his judgment sheet.
Sixty is so reserved in expressing how he really feels. But I think this is safely called as a thumbs down on Ebert.
Awww. You sent Carmine Infantino to Hell?
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