I fell like the Boss!!!!

Hey now that we have Simon commenting here, I feel like I have the All Stars from Althouse. I feel like George Steinbrenner. All of the great commenters without any of the idiots.

Now if Mort would only comment we would have our Mickey Rivers.

It's a contest!

It's looks like it is a two pie race. Apple and pumpkin are neck and neck. I have to post some recipes when I have a chance. But the taxes are piling up so it is only short posts and quick hits for now.

Did I tell you the wife got a paying gig as a blogger. How about that! Me all I get is complaints about not listing your favorite pies. Jeeeez.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene asks "When is hunting season?"

I guess it is in the fall right Redneck. I mean I haven't gone hunting in 30 years or so. Well not for deer.

Back in the day I bagged a few. So to speak.

Of course it did look funny when you had them tied on the hood of your car.

Life was different then.

How about that dress?

Isn't that a great dress. We are going to bring in a whole series of dresses like it for the fall. But check out the jewerly. That's what we are selling a lot of these days. Extra long necklaces that elongate your torso and little pendants or pins. Classic stuff.

Oh this is a thank you to our pal Simon for bringing his nerdy brillance to our comments section. She is stubbing out her cigarette before she jumps across the desk. Get ready. Enjoy.

There should be some diversity

I am sure that our pal Simon would agree that there should be some diversity on the Court. And only one man could be that judge.

We all know who he is.

Thank you sonny

Annie: Jessie, we're getting to the point now where we really need to commit...
Jessie: No front bottoms.
Annie: What?
Jessie: I'm in. Just no front bottoms. That's a sight I reserved for just one man in my life.
Annie: Do you think your husband would mind?
Jessie: It wasn't my husband.
Annie: Well then I will have to find someone to take the photos.
Jessie: I know we can get my neighbors boy Simon. He is at university and can use the money.
Annie: I hope seeing naked older ladies will not trouble him.
Jessie: I am sure he will be fine.
(Calendar Girls 2003)

Knock yourself out.

While the rest of you are busy wrestling a pig, so to speak, I am busy wrestling with some tax returns so no posts till later. So wrestle among yourselves.

Hot 'n' Nasty - Humble Pie

Yes that's the way we like it.

Our pie too by the way.

Hey this is the place for wise cracks!

Now that Simon has showed up can garage mahal be far behind.

No cracks from my regular commenters. You know I love all you guys.

Holy Ipso Facto Batman.

Hey our pal Simon popped by today. I don't know if he has been lurking but I want him to catch up on some of the Simoncentric posts we have done. So here is a tag line for you buddy.

Now we just have to wait for that nudnick garage mahal to show up and we will have a full complement of crazies.

Name that pie

At one time he was the most famous pie in America. Can you name him?

No cheating AJ.

Vodka and cranberry bitch.

Celebrity Apprentice was on last night and it was another fiasco. The task was that the two teams were supposed to run a hotel. The men decide to make Dennis Rodman the Project Manager. That is roughly equivalent to having Bernie Madow manage your money. Oh wait a minute.

Anyway the teams have to do everything from cleaning the rooms to getting theatre tickets to arranging pedicures. Rodman actually set a record for being coherent. He lasted a whole four hours. Beating HD house’s record by about, four hours. His great idea is to park fancy cars outside the hotel. The reaction of the members of his team can be summed up the three letters: WTF. Throughout the whole task Brian McKnight looks like he wishes he could just kill Rodman out of hand. The one guy who could do it is Hershel Walker but he is too classy and soft spoken. Hershel is genuinely puzzled by Dennis. He just doesn’t understand Rodman. At all.
Anyway there are the usual twists and turns. A room full of gay dudes hate the lady golfer who they torture with room service demands. I guess gay guys and lesbians really don’t get along at all. Zach? Titus? Your input please.

The boardroom turns serious as the men lose but Jesse James makes an impressive and heartfelt plea that Dennis Rodman has a big time drinking problem. Which is of course obvious to anyone who has been watching. Now Jesse calls him an alcoholic. That’s not true. Alcoholics go to meetings. Rodman is a drunk. He isn’t organized enough to go to a meeting. I have developed a lot of respect for how Jesse James carried himself in this game. He tells the truth and is an honest and intelligent guy. He points at Walker and Rodman and says they are two of the greatest athletes in American Sports. He said to compare the two of them. It is a savage point. There is not much you can say after that. He also says that Dennis is on his way to bad end. That is also pretty obvious. As is the fact that Trump doesn’t give a shit. This is just a TV show. So he fires Rodman and jus t shakes his head.

As they all walk out of the room Jesse James hugs the poker player babe who is the best player on the other team. I can see it coming down to the two of them. In fact the only three people with an actual brain in this show are the poker pussy, Jesse James and Brian McKnight. Trump will rearrange the teams next week to contain both men and woman. So whichever team has two of those three will kick ass. And if they are all on the same team forgetaboutit. Which I will now do about this show.

Oh baby you are as sweet as cherry pie.

Got to find out what I meant to you
You're the one who broke my heart
Got to find out what I meant to you
You're the one who broke my heart
When I met you boy
You were as sweet as cherry pie
That smile in your eye
You were as wild as friday night

I should have known
However hard you tried
Change would come and strangle it
It was bound to die

You were sweet as cherry pie
Wild as friday night
Sweet as cherry pie
Wild as Friday night

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Gotta find out what I meant to you
Oh Boy

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Where were you just when I needed you


You gave me your soul
For at least a day
Listen boy there was a time
When I wanted you to stay

You knew the cost
It's you who's gonna pay
I'm stronger now I loved you then
I ask you anyway

You were sweet as cherry pie
Wild as friday night
Sweet as cherry pie
Wild as friday night

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Where were you just when I needed you
Boy

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Ooh I needed you

Baa do do do do, do do, baa do do do
Baa do do do do, baa do do do

Baa do do do do, do do, baa do do do
Baa do do do do, baa do do do

You were the only one you were the only one
You're a son of a gun
You were the only one you were the only one
Oh Boy, you broke my heart

Sweet as cherry pie
Sweet as cherry pie

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Gotta find out what I meant to you
Oh Boy

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Where were you just when I needed you
Gotta find out what I meant to you
Boy

Doo doop doo doop
Doo doop doo doop
Doo doop doo doop
doo doo doop doop doop
doo doo doop doop doop
Where were you when I needed you

You were the only one you were the only one
ooh, son of a gun
You were the only one
I'm feeling stronger now I loved you then
So I ask you anyway

Gotta find out what I meant to you
(sweet as cherry pie) You broke my heart
(sweet as cherry pie)
Gotta find out what I meant to you
You tease me

You were the only one you were the only one
(as cherry pie)
Son of a gun
You were the only one you were the only one

Just like pie. Like warm apple pie.

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Oz: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Oz: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Oz: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
(American Pie, 1999)

Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie.

Vincent: Want some bacon?
Jules: No man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces
Vincent: Where the fuck do you buy your pies?
(Pulp Fiction, 1994)

Humble Pie - 30 Days In The Hole

This is not what you think it is Titus. Keep it clean.

I feel like pie

I feel like pie. Do you feel like pie. What's your favorite pie. And I am not talking out hair pie so lets keep it clean you Betty Rubble fans. The choices.

All american apple pie.

Cherry pie.

Pumpkin pie

Sweet potato pie.

Humble pie.

Pick the pie of your choice and let me know why you love them.

Oh and Titus "Thirty days in the hole" does not mean what you think it does. Just sayn'

Yabba-dabba-do-me

For the first time ever in our various series of polls, my candidate has won. Yes that slut Betty Rubble was chosen as the woman you would marry if you couldn’t score a hot blogger babe. The final tally:

Betty Rubble (That slut) 29
Laura Petrie 24
Samantha Stevens 16
Bree Hodge 4
Tony Randall 2

So all you perverts have jumped on the prehistoric bandwagon for a Yabba-dabba-do-me good time.

I am sure that the illustrations had nothing to do with it.

I feel like pie.

So long and thanks for the cheese.

So yesterday my wife gets a call in the store. One of our customers is a writer and went to a conference in Italy before her next book tour. You know a promotional exercise. She was calling us from JFK airport because it seems that the airline had lost her luggage. So she had no idea of when her stuff would be returned to her. Now we had started this practice of cutting a very limited number of dresses, no more than 20 in a particular fabric. We would show a sample and the girls could pre buy it. Now the reason why that is important is that we only cut so many of a specific size. Let's say 3 size one and 3 size two. So if you don't get your size you are out of luck because there are no more. We had cut this green dress that looked really great. We basically sold 15 out of 20 before it even got to the store and this girl got one of them. She told us that she got a million compliments on the dress and it was her absolute favorite and if it was lost she had to replace it no matter what. Luckily one of the two we have left was her size and we put it on the side for her. She came right from the airport to buy it. That's when we heard the rest of the story.

You see on her way back from Italy she decided to smuggle in a huge wheel of Parmesan cheese that she put in her luggage. Fragrant Parmesan. So now that her luggage is sitting on the hot tarmac somewhere all of her wardrobe for her bookstore is going to sell like happy hour at the Olive Garden. So she is waiting a couple of days but she thinks she will have to replace a lot of stuff fast. She will be back on Friday. All I could think of to say is, "So long and thanks for the cheese."

Birds Do It. Beavers Do It. Even constipated cats do it. Let's do it. Lets wash each other.

You know I thought I was dating a woman under the influence not an influential woman. Put down that camera and get in the shower woman. I want to come clean. So to speak.

Why are you commenting on a Saturday night?

I mean I am stuck at work running off tax returns and dropping in comments. But you kids should be out on a date. At the drive in. Or the miniature golf. Or bowling. I bet he can show you where to put your fingers. So to speak.

You see it can be fun if I am on top.

You see I can brace myself on my hands. I don't have these guns for no reason you know. Thats why I took that bike ride past the nuclear power plant. I am like the Hulk. Anyway can you clear the table and make me my breakfast woman. And don't post a photo of it either. Hey what are doing with that cast iron skillet. The stove is over there......wait a minute.....ow...ow...that hurts!

Now I know why I loved "LIfe on Mars."

I finally figured out why I really love the show "Life on Mars."It is the sensibility of the creators. It was the second to the last episode and it costarred Peter Gherty as an FBI agent who is investigating the squad. Anyway he has a scene in which he is standing by coffee machine talking to the guy who came back in time. And you know what he is talking about? Angie Dickensen in Police Woman. He goes"I love Angie Dickensen." So Sam Tyler goes "Is that where you get your investigative techniques from Police Woman?" Gherty goes "You don't watch Police Woman for the police stuff, you watch it for Angie Dickensen." That's where he decided the guy is an alien.

I mean these guys pick Angie Dickensen as the hottest woman on TV. What's next, Harvey Keitel will have a poster of Stella Stevens on his wall. Cool.

Where no man has gone before.

Capt. James T. Kirk: Spock thank God you are all right. What happened?
Mr. Spock: I am afraid it was my spleen. It seems to have ruptured.
Capt. James T. Kirk: How is that possible? I was very gentle last night.
Mr. Spock: Unfortunately in many Vulcan's the spleen is located directly behind the anus. It is a
condition that strangely was first found in humans. It is called the Zachery Sire mutation.
Capt. James T. Kirk: Thank God you are all right. I can't quit you Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock: I am afraid you say that to all the aliens.
Capt. James T. Kirk: Well I do but that doesn't mean I don't believe it. Now get better. That Yeoman Rand is getting annoying. I think I will have to show her my swimming pool.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene comes to us from Amityville Long Island.

Get out!
Get OUT!
GET OUT!
GGGGGGGEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTT OOOOOOUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!!

Hey sugar I feel like some Chinese tonight.

Uhura: Hey what do say sugar I feel like some Chinese tonight?
Hikaru Sulu: I am sorry Lt. Uhura but you are not my type.

Uhura: Whats the matter Hop Sing, you don't dig a sister.

Hikaru: First of all I am Japanese not Chinese and I must tell you I am allergic to the fish taco.

Uhura: Well I declare, what is a girl to do if she wants some action out here in outer space. I know maybe I will start a blog.

(Star Trek, The Trouble with the Fish Taco, Directors cut Season 2 episode 24)

Holy cow Meade took our advice!!!

Meade took Niles Crane dare and posted his photo as his avatar. Cool. Now all you babes are seeing what you missed out on.

The trouble with Twitter

(Captain James T. Kirk opens up his computer and a mound of inane comments and meaningless tripe falls out and covers the entire room almost to his neck)
James T. Kirk: SPOCK! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!
Spock: It appears that your computer has been infected and overrun by twitters.
Dr. Leonard McCoy: What in blue blazes is a twitter!
Spock: It was a primitive form of communication in the early twenty first century normally engaged in by adolescent boys in the basement of their parent’s homes.
James T. Kirk: But how did it multiply so and why are there so many of them in my computer.
Spock: Logically Captain it would flow that stupid mutates and grows in a geometric pattern. One inane supercilious comment breeds another until we are inundated with the moronic musings of undeveloped minds. It was quite a problem at one time.
James T. Kirk: How do we control this mess? Boner.
Dr. Leonard McCoy: That Bones how many times do I have to tell you? Damn it Jim I’m a Doctor not an editor. I don’t know how to stem this tide of babble.
Spock: One would hope that eventually the people indulging in would grow up and want to communicate in full sentences and paragraphs. But it seems that each twitter is born pregnant and will give birth to more insipid twaddle. That’s the trouble with twitter.
James T Kirk: Well I don't know how I going to sovle this but the first thing we are going to do is arrest Patty Duke's father.
Dr. Leonard McCoy: WTF.
(Star Trek, The Trouble with Twitter, Season 2 episode 12)

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene asks "What is Meade going to do if the Professor doesn't have a couch?"

Just sayn'

Dennis Rodman is a useless knucklehead.

Well I caught the Celebrity Apprentice this Sunday and it was another suckfest to coin a phrase. The team leaders were Brian McKnight and the Model bitch whose name I can’t remember. The big hype was that Dennis Rodman was screaming at little midget Clint Black who didn’t back down. It’s almost like he knew it was fake or something.

Anyway Brian McKnight was smart. He did exactly what I would have done. He said Rodman is useless a total moron who could barely complete a sentence and was drunk and incoherent all the time. You know the full hd house. So Brian said go sit over there I have no time for you. This Jesse James guy did a great video for this video phone they were pimping by going to West Point and filming a soldier as though he was calling home then Brian did a great concert and got everybody shaking their booty. So to speak.

Now the girl’s team had no cohesion and was totally incoherent with a shitty story and a lot of stuff that didn’t make any sense. It was almost like it was written by hd house. Melissa Rivers jumped in to make the trains run on time and Joan Rivers did the mike work and told so ok jokes. But they were so bad that the guys finally won a task.

In the boardroom it was a complete catfight with the model bitch and Melissa going at it.
Most unsightly since no pillows or jello were involved. Anyway Trump dumped the model bitch and that was that.

This show is running out of steam rapidly. The celebrities suck. But next week they seem to stage an intervention to get Rodman to stop drinking the whole day long. Good luck with that. Still the passing an accident by the side of the road rubberneck rule still applies.

Hey would I cheat in the Poll? Seriously?

There is a lot of guff from uniformed sources who feel that I am trying to influence the poll in some way. When it is clear that Betty Rubble is a far superior choice to any of the others. I mean Sam has a pain in the ass for a mother, and Laura is too flighty and will want to move to Minnesota and Bree killed her first husband and emascultated her second and Tony Randall is always trying to clean the rug in his tuxedo.

It is clearly that dirty girl Betty Rubble that will win on her own merits. I don't like a stacked deck. (Remember I said deck)

Hey they took the Mo out of Motown

So it was Mo-town night and the biggest Mo of them all decided to mix it up. But later for that.

First up Matt the Piano guy did some Marvin Gaye and he did really well. I didn’t know he had the chops for this but it was right in his wheelhouse. Slightly derivative but still really good. In retrospect the second best performance of the night.

Next up is Zach’s boy Chris with a guitar and a version of “How sweet it is to be loved by you.” I bet Zach was singing along with it as he sends Chris flattering emails and posts mash notes in his blog. But hey you never know, it worked for Meade.

Then the blind piano guy comes out and plays from the piano a version of “You can’t hurry Love.” They can’t hurry fast enough to get rid of this douche. Everything he sings is like the Christopher Cross version and that sucks with a Motown Classic. I know why the judges aren’t thrashing him yet; I mean the guy is blind. He had to be to wear those fucking pink pants. He looks like the Patrick from Sponge Bob square pants. Oh and the part where Paula goes under the desk and pulls out crayons and a coloring book for Simon are as lame as the pants. Jeeez.

Megan the hippie disaster is up and absolutely murders “For Once in My Life.” Hey babe for once in your life shut the fuck up and go away. If there is a merciful God he will smite her and send her away this week. She is utterly and irredeemably horrible. The judges just went off on her and you could see she was ready to cry. Tough shit. You can’t tug the heart strings when you got a blind dude and the dead wife guy going for that demographic. So get gone already bitch and go get some more tats why don’t you?

Just before Anup came on I told my wife he should sing “Ooh Baby” and then he did. She started throwing cheese doodles at me. I didn’t know he would but it was the perfect song for him and he did a great job. Free refills in every 7-11 here in America baby.

The oil rigger guy is up next and butchers “Ain’t to Proud to Beg.” He was so sick he didn’t go and the road trip and he basically sucked. Simon flat out told him he can’t win and he kind of agreed with him. But what the fuck it’s better then working in the oilfield and maybe he can parley into a career ya know. People have done well with very little talent. I mean how else do you explain Lindsey Lohan?

Next up Lil Rounds shouts her way through “Heat Wave.” I was sure she was going to do some Aretha. I mean “Chain of Fools” or “Natural Woman” or “Respect” would have been a show stopper. She got some pretty tough criticism from the judges. I mean Motown should have been her chance to shine. I think she will be all right but she should have done better.

Next up is perhaps the best performance I have ever seen on American Idol. Adam does Motown and drops his Moness. He spiffs up in a suit and a slicked back haircut and looks all the world like Kurt Russell. He is in a suit and does an “Unplugged” version of “Tracks of my Tears” with a great solo guitar accompaniment. That dude can play. And that dude can sing. All I can say that this is the first song from Idol I ever down loaded for my store Ipod. He looks like a sure fire winner after that performance.

Then it is dead wife guy in a way anti-climatic song. It is “Get Ready” and what he does is totally dis Smokey Robinson who is the mentor this week. Smokey tells him to sing it one way and he totally does it another. I think this guy is too full of himself and is cruising for a fall. I just hope that they don’t use a bring back on him when he goes. It won’t be this week but I hope it is soon.

Then little Allison ends it with an awesome version of “Poppa was a Rolling Stone.” She has a strange Dusty Springfield vibe to her. She is my pick to win it all and kept pace this week.

My prediction the final two are blind guy and tattoo girl. And tattoo girl goes down. Which will be the only way she will ever have a career in show business. So she might as well start practicing.

Let's take a closer look at that beast.

Meadhouse is featuring an action shot of our hero in the wild. Strong, muscular and manly. I just hope that he dresses up a little when he takes the little woman on a bicycle tour.

Great news for Lee Lee's

Great news for Lee Lee's Valise. What Not to Wear has resumed filming the new season and will be coming to the store in the next few weeks. They had been on a long vacation and we really missed them. You have no idea how much business we get from the times we have been featured on the show. I love those guys.

And on an even funnier note, the wife has managed to score a paid gig as a fashion blogger. She will be blogging on a fashion website about plus size issues and fashion. And getting paid for it. How about that?

Todays gratuitous bathroom photo askes the ladys "Do you want a chocolate pudding pop?"

It is not right that we only have Betty Rubble cartoon porn for the dudes so we need something for the ladies. So Dr. Huxtable was nice enough to email over a photo of himself in the bathtub. So if any of you ladies might like a nice chocolate pudding pop I will be happy to pass on his information.

Watch out Darcy I know he likes those tennis players.

Betty Rubble loves PDA's it's just that she has a lot of STD"S but Barney says WTF.

So Betty Rubble that dirty dirty girl is tied with Laura Petrie for first place in our marriage pool. Betty loves public displays of affection and Barney know how to treat her right. You see Betty always wants a Yabba-dabba-do-me good time.

Every time Jesus rides by on a dinosaur he tells them to get a room.

I just can't watch boring heads at all.

So I actually saw the latest boring heads where head head Niles Crane cross examined one of our favorite brides to be.

Niles Crane: So who is this guy? Can we have a picture? Is he prettier than me?
Engaged lady: Well Niles the back end of his dog is prettier than you. Don't you read my blog?
Niles Crane: Yes I read it all the time. That's why I know that you police your comments vigorously and delete nasty comments and keep the ideologues out so there can be a give and take across the political spectrum.
Engaged Lady: That's totally wrong Niles. I only delete spam and the occasional psycho who provides a google map to my house. Obviously you have never read my blog or you are just pulling this out of your ass like a typical liberal who spouts bullshit when they have no idea what they are talking about.
Niles Crane: Well I might be totally wrong and not have any facts but I will still spout boring nonsense with a total sense of pretentious self righteousness. That's my style. Hey why don't your commenter's comment on boring heads.
Engaged Lady: Well mainly because it is so fucking boring. Most of them would rather stick their penises into a pencil sharpener than delve into the morass you call a comment section.
Niles Crane: Yes well thank you for appearing on boring heads. I think I will stick to chatting with Mickey Mouses perverted Uncle from now on.

Today's gratuitous bathtub photo says "Hey I am the fucking Alpha Dog here"

One of our favorite commenters emailed this cute action photo. It seems he was drawing a bath for his lady love. He likes to get it just right for her with the bubbles and loofah and all the bath toys with the water just right. But his jealous puppy that hogs all his photo's jumped right in. That will show who the Alpha dog is bitch. Hee, hee.

Diamonds are a girls best friend

George M Steinbrenner Field, Tampa Florida Yankee Spring Training

(Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada are soft tossing the ball on the field. Suddenly a very tan young man starts making a commotion in the box seats)
Lance Bass: A-Rod where are you? A-Rod I know you are out there where are you?
Joba Chamberlin: I am sorry sir but Mr. Rodriquez is hurt and had to have an operation. He is recovering at home right now.
Lance Bass: Oh damn him. He is just like all the rest. He will never call. (He turns and runs up the aisle weeping).
Jorge Posada: Hey rookie who was that?
Joba Chamberlin: That was Lance Bass. He was a famous singer when I was a kid.
Jorge Posada: Lance Bass? Isn’t he the guy from New Kids on the Cock? He is some kind of maricon right. What does he want with A-Rod?
Derek Jeter: Hey leave the kid alone. Don’t start that shit again. Who cares what he is into? It’s none of our business. More pussy for me ya know Chico.
Sweeny Murti (WFAN reporter is listening in) Hey Jorge don’t you know what’s happening. Selena Roberts’s book is coming out and she has a lot of stuff about A Rod and guys and stuff. He wasn’t just taking needles in his kesiter.
Jorge Posada: What the fuck? That jerk off was getting Julio in the Coollio? Man fuck this. (He throws his glove on the ground and goes into the clubhouse)
Joba Camberlin: Why is Mr. Posada all upset Mr. Jeter? I mean what is the difference if Mr. Rodriquez is a switch hitter?..
Derek Jeter: Don’t mind him rook. He is just sensitive. In the minor leagues Buck Showalter touched him in the shower and he got all freaked out and stuff. Showalter was always walking around doing shit like that. That’s why they called him Buck Naked Showalter. Now Jorge thinks everyone is checking out his ass when he squats and stuff. He will get over it. Hey Sweeny?
Sweeny Murti: Yeah Derek?
Derek Jeter: Is what you said true? Is this story gonna break. I mean I knew he liked muscle broads and Madonna only likes gay guys but is it true?
Sweeny Murti: Yeah I am afraid it is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Derek Jeter: Yeah not that there’s anything wrong with that. Like I said more pussy for me. Man it’s gonna be a long season.

The Hoff is devastated at the news.

The Hoff: My little burger, tell me it is not true. They must be lying.
The Hoff: I am sick with longing for your sweet, sweet buns. Your firm tasty patties. Even your salty pickles.
The Hoff: I long for you. Please tell me that it is not true. Please tell me that you have not taken the love of another.
The Hoff: How can it be my little cheeseburger. I long to slurp on you on the floor among the bust bunnies and discarded wrappers. Eres la persona más maravillosa del mundo.
The Hoff: How can you choose someone over my devotion to your sweet sweet meat. It can not be. What does this maricon have that I do not. Besides a clean driving record and a command of the English Language.
The Hoff: So he can give you chili. I can give you the real thing. The carne asada you need for you warm sesame seed buns.
The Hoff: This is not right. It is not verdad. It is terrible. I burn for you.
The Hoff: Esa mujer parece de otro planeta
La forma que ella se mueve no es natural
Los hombres no le aguantan su resistencia
Y uno detras del otro vienen y van
Y ha pasado la noche prueba que prueba
Y ya ninguno de ellos quieren bailar, bailar
Ella tiene fuego
Cuando mueves las caderas
Ella tiene fuego
Y tiene un ciclon en las piernas
Ella tiene fuego
Es la atracion de la fiesta
Ella tiene fuego
Y todo el mundo pregunta de que esta ella
Esa mujer parece de estar poseida
No hay nadie que la siga por donde va
No se de donde saca tanta energia
The Hoff: This can not be. What can I do…. Oh what can I do.

Tales from Amy's Garden, spring love edition.

Fiver: There's something very queer about the warren this evening
Hazel: Is it dangerous?
Fiver: No this time it’s different. It feels happy.
Bigwig: I know. It never feels happy. The lady in the cottage is singing and laughing and she isn’t even drunk.
Hazel: How do you know that? Did you see go to alcoholics meeting at the church?
Bigwig: No but I see her going around to the farmer and the passersby and showing them her finger.
Fiver: But usually when she does that people get angry and throw things at her.
Bigwig: No, I think that is a different finger. But the real reason she is happy is her new guest. The one who always has that noisy machine between his legs.
Hazel: Well I know she likes to have a noisy machine between her legs but it is not big enough to ride.
Bigwig: Well she called it a Harley and she jumped on behind him and went for ride.
Hazel: Thank God that she found a friend. No maybe the garden will calm down a little.
Bigwig: Well I don’t know about that. There might be a problem.
Fiver: What’s that?
Bigwig: It seems that her new friend only eats chili. It is very messy and smelly and stinks up the whole garden.
Fiver: Well they don’t use rabbits in it do they?
Bigwig: No only beans. Lots and lots of beans. That’s why the man comes out in the garden and lets out these awful smells. It’s like a monkey died in there.
Hazel: I wouldn’t worry about it. It is early days yet. Soon he will stay in the cottage to let out his stinks and we can go about our business. Oh look there they are now …why is he telling her to pull his finger….oh my God….quick get the babies into the warren. This is disgusting.
(Watership Down, 1972)

Todays gratuitous bathtub photo says I love you honey!

Oh honey I miss you. A long distance realtionship is hard but we can work it out. Thanks for the photo of the dead flowers. Everybody is so happy about us. Smoochy, smoocky snooky pants.

Hey I don't can what you say, Betty is the girl when you want to get Bam Bamed.

Madison Man gets all analytical about it but the heart wants what it wants. And so do the other parts of your body. Say what you want, that Betty Rubble is one hot cartoon slut.

And they are worried about kissing in public? Jeeez.

Ha made you look!!!!!!!

I am the Italian looking one. Boy that Christy Canyon sure is hot.

Hey I am really busy again.

I am swamped again so talk among yourselfs. Or date among yourselfs. Or whatever. Just keep it clean.

Who would you rather be married to?

So are new poll has to do with marriage. I mean rumors are flying all over the place and rather than speculate, I would like to find out the type of person you would want to marry. If you weren't married yourself. The choices:

Samantha Stevens from Bewitched. I mean a lot of guys marry a witch but this one comes with a lot of fringe benefits. Just sayn'

Laura Petrie. Think tight capri pants and little sweaters. Oh baby.

Bree Hodge. Smart and sexy and the best cook in the county.

Tony Randall. Hey your house will always be clean and who can argue with someone who vacuums in his tuxedo.

Betty Rubble. My choice. She is one hot cartoon slut.