Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Tales from Amy's Garden, spring love edition.


Fiver: There's something very queer about the warren this evening
Hazel: Is it dangerous?
Fiver: No this time it’s different. It feels happy.
Bigwig: I know. It never feels happy. The lady in the cottage is singing and laughing and she isn’t even drunk.
Hazel: How do you know that? Did you see go to alcoholics meeting at the church?
Bigwig: No but I see her going around to the farmer and the passersby and showing them her finger.
Fiver: But usually when she does that people get angry and throw things at her.
Bigwig: No, I think that is a different finger. But the real reason she is happy is her new guest. The one who always has that noisy machine between his legs.
Hazel: Well I know she likes to have a noisy machine between her legs but it is not big enough to ride.
Bigwig: Well she called it a Harley and she jumped on behind him and went for ride.
Hazel: Thank God that she found a friend. No maybe the garden will calm down a little.
Bigwig: Well I don’t know about that. There might be a problem.
Fiver: What’s that?
Bigwig: It seems that her new friend only eats chili. It is very messy and smelly and stinks up the whole garden.
Fiver: Well they don’t use rabbits in it do they?
Bigwig: No only beans. Lots and lots of beans. That’s why the man comes out in the garden and lets out these awful smells. It’s like a monkey died in there.
Hazel: I wouldn’t worry about it. It is early days yet. Soon he will stay in the cottage to let out his stinks and we can go about our business. Oh look there they are now …why is he telling her to pull his finger….oh my God….quick get the babies into the warren. This is disgusting.
(Watership Down, 1972)

33 comments:

Trooper York said...

This is gonna suck. It is gonna kill all of my best bits.

TMink said...

Remember when Amy Winehouse was hot? Heroin really kills your curves.

Trey

Michael Haz said...

A good rule: never date a woman whose hair is bigger than her ass.

Jason (the commenter) said...

She needs to get her life together, get back in the studio, and make another killer album.

We love you for your singing Amy, not the drama!

Asante Samuel said...

Cheer up, dude. Maybe you can get a wedding dress deal out of it, maybe some bridesmaids, too. Go for the guilt trip and go hard. Start now. Good luck.

Peter V. Bella said...

Troop I do not know how you do it. Now you have a pic of Downtownlad. I guess he is trying to talk shit to that skank.

dr kill said...

Good rule, Mike. How about this one-

Never date a woman whose ass makes the saddlebags on your Softail Classic look small.

Jason (the commenter) said...

I know a girl I nick-named Amy Winehouse who looks (and acts) the part. So even if the real Amy Winehouse goes straight I can still get my fill of her antics.

Trooper York said...

Assante you are one smart cornerback. That's my plan.

blake said...

All things must pass, Troop.

I still think there'll be plenty of opportunities, you're just going to need to expand your horizons a bit.

If we need to call an emergency meeting of Althouse commenters and put in the late nights brainstorming, then that's what we gotta do!

dr kill said...

They say a Nip astronaut is, even now, as we speak, (so to say) testing odorless undies at the International Space Station. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Might be the perfect wedding present.

Asante Samuel said...

No two people ever see the same rainbow.

Trooper York said...

Oh the opportunities are rife already. But this is too fragile to mock so I will cease and desist a little. Which is very very hard for me to do.

I want Meade and the missus to have all the chance in the world to make this work.

Hey I bet she will love to be called the missus. Heh.

Trooper York said...

It is ripe for a few episodes of Maude you know. Very liberal wife, wimpy and confused but loving husband. Conservative vistors like Archie Bunker.

And of course, Adrienne Barbeau.

Trooper York said...

Or maybe a sex reversed Nanny and the Professor. With Titus as Charles Nelson Reilly and Palladian as the ghost.

blake said...

Ah, I see your point!

In that case, did I ever tell you about the time I ran into Gabrielle Anwar in an adult bookstore?

Trooper York said...

Hey I met Vanessa Del Rio in one once. I was picking up some videos for the video store from the porno lady and she introduced me. Later she moved to Cobble Hill and hung out at Cousins a bar on Court Street. Suspiciously she had lost a lot of weight then. She said it was because she was working out. And she is still around so I guess it must have been true.

ChocolateGodzilla said...

A hyphenated last name would be nice and progressive, no? Has a Wasserman- Schultz ring to it, no?

Ron said...

Will the blog be renamed Meadehouse?

Ron said...

Will her Marvel Comics Splash Page read:

"Ann No More! Face You Now the Rath of Mrs. Meade!!!"

What kind of stink is there when badgers have too much chili?

Ron said...

oops, "Wrath"!

Ron said...

Darcy and I will provide dancing comic relief, Trooper.

Trooper York said...

RON THAT IS BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!

Meadehouse it is.

Where did Beowulf hang out before he went to bitchslap Grendel.

The Meadehouse.

Trooper York said...

She's a meade----house
Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out
She's a meade----house
The lady's wacky and that's a fact,
ain't holding nothing back.

She's a meade----house
She's the one, the only one,
who's kindle is from amazon
We're together everybody knows,
and here's how the story goes

blake said...

OK, that's awesome, Troop.

Darcy said...

*dancing to the new song* Brilliant.

And Ronski! I'm not comic relief when I'm dancing! Pfft! :)

An Edjamikated Redneck said...

One quibble Troop:

Rabbits know stink. I had rabbits.

Trust me, they are well aquainated with 'Pull my finger' gas.

BUt, then again, I did feed my rabbits beans...

Meade said...

Funny stuff, my little Yorkies!

"who's kindle is from amazon " made me laugh very loud out loud. I'm sure she will enjoy the joke too.

Ron said...

Trooper, does the Meadehouse song you've got...is that to ZZ Top's "Brick House"? (mulls...is that?...can't recall!)

My theme song would indeed be "Heard it on the X."

Darcy, we can indeed work the dancing humor meme...just let me lead next time, m'kay? And I promise no chili with spaghetti or other such nightmares!

Darcy said...

The Commodores, baby. ;-)

I'm afraid to let you lead, Ron! What with the comic relief and all...you'll drop me, I just know it.

Ron said...

Visit my blog for the new theme music!

Ron said...

Darcy, The dropping...well, it's funny right? I'll slip and fall too...

Ron said...

Commodores? Really? Missed that one!