Get well soon Beth!!!!!

Our favorite liberal Beth from New Orleans recently got out of the hospital and all of us at Trooper York wish her a full and complete recovery.

Beth never fails to bring a well reasoned and compassionate liberal perspective to every thread she visits. Although we don't agree on everything, but I think the things we agree on are much more important than the things we disagree on.

Like the fact that Jeremy Shockey sucks donkey dick.

Beth is one of the good ones.

Get well soon you maniac. Football training camp opens in six weeks.

Tyler Perry's White House of Pain

Hallway of the Family quarters, upstairs at the White House)

Madea: Whose that up this time of night? I can’t even get a glass of hot milk without running into someone in the hallway while I am in my nightie.

Malia Ann Obama: It’s me Auntie Madea.

Madea: Why you up at this hour child?

Malia Ann Obama: I was scared Auntie. Mommie and Daddy went up to New York and left us here with you and Grannie. I heard on the radio everyone was mad at them because they caused a lot of problems with traffic and that people were very angry.
Madea: Where did you hear such foolishness child? Those people in New York always complain about traffic and inconvience. But the po-po will get it all fixed up never you worry. Even though your sorry ass daddy should have thought it out a little better.
Malia Ann Obama: But daddy is the president? Doesn’t he have a lot to do at home?
Madea: Well he needs to take a break. And your momma deserves one too! Those silly people in New York should take a chill pill. There be just one big problem though.
Malia Ann Obama: What’s that Auntie Madea?
Madea: That skinney ass quadroon daddy of yours ain’t never gonna get cab in the Village after midnight.

Malia Ann Obama: What's a quadroon Auntie?

Madea: Well...it's a kind of cookie. You get it when a slutty white bitch has one in the oven. But never you mind. You go on to sleep and let the grownups take care of things.

Malia Ann Obama: Thank you Auntie. I feel better now that you’re here.

Madea: You’re welcome sugar. Now sweet dreams and I will see you tomorrow. I think we are having waffles for breakfast again.

Major Kendall: I suggest you see a doctor.

Colonel Marlowe: I don’t care what he does… he can only make it worse. He’s a doctor. They claim they can heal and they feed you all their pills and such but you still die anyway.
Hannah: Someone close to you?
Colonel Marlowe: My wife. She never had a chance once the doctors got a hold of her. I held her in my arms as she let out her last breath. And I swore I would never let one of those butchers ever get close to anyone I loved.
(The Horse Soldiers 1959)

Hey don't forget our old friends!

I realized that when I was pumping up our new bloggers that I neglected to pimp out our old friends who have been blogging away merrily for these many months.


You have to check out Sire Says which is Zachery Paul Sire’s really cool blog. Lots of cool information about gay stuff for us straighty’s and he always has fun cultural stuff from the land of fruits and nuts. So to speak. See he likes nuts and not the fish taco. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Check it out if you haven't already and leave a comment.

Hey don't forget our old friends!

I realized that when I was pumping up our new bloggers that I neglected to pimp out our old friends who have been blogging away merrily for these many months.


You have to check out THE MATERNAL OPTIMIST which is Ruth Anne Adams really cool blog. Lots of cool information about catholic home schooling and she always has a pun in the oven. So to speak. Check it out if you haven't already and leave a comment.

Laura Bush's Diary

So I came home today and there was a message on the machine from W’s mother that bug eyed bitch Barbara. She wanted me to come to see her. I hate to do that because even though we have found our peace through the years it is still dicey when we get together.

You see whenever you the First Ladies get together there can only be one “First Lady.” And that would be me. You see Nancy Reagan never passed on the Traveling First Ladies Underpants to old Bug Eyes because she hated her guts. She was happy to give them over to Hillary because she recognized another strong willed bitch, who would do the right thing for her country. And Hillary passed them on to me. So you see Barb was out of the underpants loop as it were.

Anyways I figured I had to go because the old bag had been sick and who knows maybe she wanted to make nice before she started to fry down below if you know what I mean. So I got W to take a trip up to Maine with me to visit his folks.

When we get there, Barb sends for me right away. I wonder what it was all about as I got over to her sickbed. Now she had a heart thingey not too long ago and was taking it easy. But she seemed very agitated and I wonder what it was all about.

“Laura” she said. “We have a problem.” “What do you mean we white man” I said quoting the famous saying of Tonto when he was with the Lone Ranger and they were surrounded with a bunch of pissed off redskins. “It’s that idiot Obama. He appointed that Latina twat Sort-a-rican to the Court. You can’t let that stand Barbara. She can’t have a confirmation hearing.” “Why not” I laughed. “Why should I give a hot shit.” “Because her real father is Pedro Morales and if all that shit comes out they will find about Atlantic City and then we are both sunk.”

Well I have to admit that the bug eyed bitch was right. You see as I have said before Babs and I are big time rassling fans and I have told you about my “friendship” with Gorilla Monsoon and Chief Jay Strongbow. Well what I didn’t tell you was what happened the first year of Poppy Bush’s presidency. You see W was still on the sauce then and he was fucking up all the time. One day he was on a toot and was sitting in the Oval Office in his underwear drinking tequila when the phone rang. It was Sadaam Hussein and he wanted to tell Poppa Bush that he was going to roll into Kuwait to jack some of the oil from those other ragheads. So W says shitfire go for it you sand monkey just make sure the Bush’s get their fair share of the pot. And old Sadamn said sure no problemo. Well of course the shit hit the fan when Poppy Bush got back to the White House and he was really pissed at W. He was going to disown him and everything. But old Barb had a plan up her wrinkled old sleeve. She called me in and said she would smooth it over if I got W to stop drinking. And if I got her a chance to meet with one of her favorite rassler’s Pedro Morales who was the former world champ right after Bruno the living legend. So I had to say sure, let me give Gorilla a call and set something up.

The next weekend Babs and I went down to Atlantic City on a “fund” raising trip and stayed at the Taj Mahal. Man does that place suck. Did you know that idiot Trump wanted to call it the Garage Mahal but thought better of it. What a dump.

So we get up to the suite and Gorilla was there with Pedro and Rick the Dragon Steamboat who was their protégé. Anywho we called down for room service and got a couple of bottles of tequila and some ribs and we had a little party. The Gorilla and I went down to shoot some craps and then we went over to his room to “talk.”

So when get back to the room it looks like the freakin Koreans had lit off one of their atom bombs. Man what a mess. And old Barb had her dress on backwards. I didn’t say anything because it was just some good ammunition for me. But Pedro was a real pain the ass. He kept crying and mumbling in Spanish. I mean he was really drunk which wasn’t surprising because you know Puerto Ricans can’t handle their booze. Not like Dominicans. I mean they can hold their booze but keep them away from the computer or the fuckers will email you fifty fucking times in a row.

Anyway he was crying about his little baby Sonia that he had to leave because his baby mama was married to another and he was married and it was a big mess. And now it dawned on me. He must have been talking about Judge Sotomayer. Hot shit we can’t let this get out. What if they call him to testify? He would be worse than fuckin Admiral Poindexter. I have to nip this shit in the bud.

I better get on the horn to Cheney. He will know what to do.

Remembrance of Things Pabst.

One day about ten years ago my brother called me up and said they had opened a new bar on the corner of Sackett and Smith. I couldn't believe it. One block from my house. Cool. We went there on the second night that Quench opened

It was the first of the "liberal" or what you would call "yuppie" bars in the neighborhood. What was really funny was their symbol was a big Q that they had embossed on the window. One day I was walking by when they first opened and I heard this guy talking to his wife. She says "Oh look here is that new bar they are talking about." The husband goes "Yeah it's a gay bar. That's why they have a Q. It stands for queer."

Now one of the owners was gay and a couple of the bartenders were lesbians but it wasn't a gay bar. It was what you called cosmopolitan. Cause they served a lot of cosmopolitans and mixed drinks as well as some good beers on tap. No food though and no credit cards if you know what I mean.

Anyway it became my last call. I would toddle home around three in the morning or so and they would still be open. I would sit at the bar till closing or till well after closing just bullshitting. It became the place for a lot of the guys who owned restaurants to come to for a nightcap. Especially on a Saturday night. So I got to know all the owners of the local restaurants which was pretty cool. I mean it didn't save me any money but at least I could always get a table and stuff.

When the competition heated up and more and more bars opened up it started to lose it's edge. Kathryn the owner got married and got tired of the bar scene and wanted to have kids and move to the island. So she sold out to the guys who own Stinky Cheese and they opened Jake Walk which is a wine and cheese joint and let me tell you that is full blown yuppie scumville now.

The funniest part of this whole story is when I googled imaged the bar, I found a photo that I think I am in. Kathryn is pouring a drink and I think that is me chatting with Julie one of the waitresses. At least that's what it looks like. From about 1998 or so. I think. You never know what you will find on the internets.

Tales of Kelly's garden

Bigwig: Aren't you going to silflay?

Chervil: I don't silflay anymore sir.

Bigwig: What do you mean? All rabbits have to silflay.

Chervil: No I don’t make little pellets anymore. Now I pinch off a loaf.

Blackavar: [Mumbles] You better believe it. He leaves it all over the warren. Drops a load and then never cleans up after himself.

[Chervil swipes at him to make him speak up, and he does]

Blackavar: I... I... don’t know what the problem is sir. We are eating so well here. We have all kinds of food. Italian. Greek. Chinese. Even that nasty Indian crap. All of if makes us want to silfay our brains out. I mean it looks like somebody ripped open a bean bag chair.
[Chervil glares]

Bigwig. This might be a problem. I hope the new lady in the cottage won’t get mad. The other lady was very mean that way. Everything was always our fault. She was never responsible for anything.

Blackavar: I don’t think when and how much we silflay is anyone else’s fault but ours.
Chervil: We will be fine. This woman is great. She just likes to walk around in her bathing suit all day and take the sun.
Bigwig. Thank El-ahrairah, I love to see someone who loves their body. Just like me. I love a chubby bunny.

Stir fryed pork with scallions Trooper York Style!

I love to cook Chinese food and everyone loves when I do. I always use the freshest ingredients and obviously no MSG. The key is to have all the sauces and vinegars and spices that make the dish.

One of Lee Lee's favorites is stir fryed pork with scallions.

Ingredients:

2lbs of Pork Loin

6 cloves of garlic

1/4 cup of olive oil

8 Bunches of scallions

Hosin Sauce

Rice Wine Vinegar

Soy Sauce

Dice the garlic and put it in the wok with the olive oil. Saute until it is caramelized but make sure you don't burn it.

Now I like to use great ingredients so I don't stint when I buy meat I get the best. What I do is buy a pork loin without too much fat. Put it in the fridge until it is really chilled. Then take it out and slice it paper thin with a really freakin sharp knife. Each slice should be about the size and the thickness of a silver dollar.

Put the pork in the pan and fry it up. Make sure you slop the garlic and oil all over the place to give it some flavor. When you have browned it up, drain out the excess oil but leave just a little or add a fresh drop or three.

Now when you cut the scallions don't cut them the way you usually do. That is to say slicing from the white side down. You need to cut them in long strips about two inches. Use all of the scallion both the white and the green parts just leave off the fuzzy stuff at the bottom. Toss in the scallions and stir fry that stuff around.

Add three table spoons of rice wine vinegar and stir it around. Add in 1/2 cup of low sodium soy sauce and stir. Add two tablespoons of hosin sauce and mush it all around until you have a thick gravy.

Now you can spice it up with a 1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes.

Serve over white rice.

(Note the photo is of shredded pork which is just cut differently, and it is a cheaper cut of pork)

Problems of a shopkeeper!

Here is a dress we took in this spring. Now we were a little hesitant because we didn't know if it would work with the flowers so we only took in four units. We sold three of the four in a week. So that might have been a mistake. Or is it? Maybe if we took in more we would have them sitting around. You see this is a tough dress to sell. No sleeves so a lot of woman won't even look at it. The top requires a lot of boobage to fill it out. And there is a lot of detail at the bottom so you can't really hem it at all so that leaves out the petite girls. So you are limiting the pool of potential buyers. All in all selling three out of four right away is pretty cool. You can't get greedy. Or complacent. You just got to get the best clothes.

Hey don't forget our old friends!

I realized that when I was pumping up our new bloggers that I neglected to pimp out our old friends who have been blogging away merrily for these many months.

You have to check out the Fluffy Stuffin' blog which is Ron's really cool blog. Lots of cool fred and ginger posts and toys and interesting musings on life. Check it out if you haven't already and leave a comment.

Hey don't forget our old friends!

I realized that when I was pumping up our new bloggers that I neglected to pimp out our old friends who have been blogging away merrily for these many months.

You have to check out the Bit Maelstrom which is blake's really cool blog. Lots of cool movie reviews and interesting musings on life. Check it out if you haven't already and leave a comment.

Hey I like art!

I love art. It just has to speak to me. So to speak.

Quick and dirty pasta with garlic and oil

1 lb box of Bowtie pasta
¼ lb of Prosciutto
1 box frozen peas
8 cloves of garlic
8 sprigs of parsley
¼ cup of olive oil
1 cup of locatelli grated cheese

Here is a quick and dirty recipe that chicken little asked for with the pasta pictured in my first poll post.

Take ½ of the olive oil and put it in a deep frying pan under a low flame. Dice the garlic into small pieces and put in the pan. Caramelize but be sure not to burn it you gavone. Smell that delicious order. It’s just like grandma’s burps.

Take the peas and put them in a school-a-bast (a calendar) and run under the hot water until the peas are unfrozen and all the ice shit is gone. Then shake them up and down to drain out the excess water.

In a separate pot boil some water and then throw the pasta in. Cook for about seven or eight minutes. You want you pasta to be al dente, or sorta hard. You know the way you get when you look at that Betty Rubble picture. Not really hard just sorta hard. Take it out of the water before it gets mushy.

Cut up the pieces of proscuitto and throw them in the pan to heat up. Don’t burn them either you babbo. Just let them cook a little until the get a little stiff. You know how you felt when you first saw Honey Ryder coming out of the surf. When you cut them, don’t cut them too small. Just cut each slice into fourths. That should be good.

Put the peas in the olive oil and push it around for it to warm up. Thourghly mix the peas, the Prosciutto and the garlic in the oil. Then pour on the rest of the oil.

Take the al dente macaroni and gently pour it into the pan. Mix it all together as you heat it up and cook the macaroni a little more. DON”T COOK IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH! It will keep cooking in the bowl as you serve it piping hot. Take the whole hot mess and put it in your serving bowl. Take ½ cup of the cheese and put it on the pasta and keep turning it in the bowl until the cheese is all over the place. Then take some of the parsley that you have chopped up and sprinkle it on the top. Now the picture has it all neat on the top but I think it is better if the pasta and the peas and the meat and the cheese are all mixed up together. The parsley on the top is enough of a decoration.

This basic pasta with garlic and oil dish is a staple in my house. You can substitute different stuff. Replace the peas with green olives with pimentos. Replace the Prosciutto with mushrooms if you want to go vegetarian. Or maybe use some zucchini instead.
After you dish it out put the rest of the cheese in a bowl and let everyone put some more on if they want.

Hey, whats-a-matta with you? Eat-a you pasta and shud-uppa you mouth.

A word of advice

For all my buds who are starting a blog just a word of advice.

See if you can recycle some stuff.

It's hard to come up with new stuff every day.

Just sayn'

Good luck and I will be watching and commenting everyday.

Hey Michael H started a blog.

Hey I don't want to be remiss. Our good blog friend Michael Hasentab has a new blog called Michael Hasentab that you should check out.

He promises to have lots of cool pics of hot motorcyles and other pics of cheese and stuff from Wisconsin for you mo's and dolls. So check out the action and leave some comments.

Hey let's take a look at those breasts!

Hey I don't want to be remiss. Our good blog friend chickenlittle has a new blog called El Pollo Real that you should check out.

He promises to have lots of cool pics of hot chickens and other pics of hunky cocks for you mo's and dolls. So check out the action and leave some comments.

Hey check out Darcy!

Hey I don't want to be remiss. Our good blog friend Darcy has a new blog called Darcysport that you should check out.

She promises to have lots of cool pics of hot tennis babes and other pics of hunky tennis dudes for you mo's and dolls. So check out the action and leave some comments.

Skillet Gratinate of Eggplant and Veal

What I love to do is watch a cooking show and then duplicate the dish for the family. I would copy all of the shows on the local PBS station and watch them three or four times to get the hang of the recipe. My absolute favorite is Lidia. Here is a great recipe I made that the family loves. I fact I am going to make it tonight. I passed by the butcher and he had just pounded out some veal. Wait a minute that sounds dirty. Anyway check this out.

2 pounds boneless veal, preferably in one piece

*1 1/2 pounds small eggplants (2 or 3)

1/2 cup canola oil or other vegetable oil

1 cup or more flour, for dredging

1/2 teaspoon salt=

For The Sauce

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

3 tablespoons soft butter

Freshly ground black pepper

2 dozen fresh basil leaves

1 1/2 cups Summer Tomato Sauce (see Primi section for recipe)

1/2 cup white wine, plus more if needed

3/4 cup grated Grana Padano or Parmigiano-Reggiano

1 cup hot Simple Vegetable Broth (refer to Primi section for recipe)

Place a rack in the center or upper third of the oven and preheat to 425°F.If you have a single chunk of veal, slice it across the grain into six equal pieces (Or substitute veal cutlets TY). Pound each piece with a mallet (or the flat bottom of a heavy pan) to flatten to a 1/2-inch thickness. Trim the stem and bottom ends of the eggplants. If they’re 6 inches long or less, cut them lengthwise and into 1/4-inch-thick slices. If they are longer, slice them on the diagonal at a sharp angle, creating large ovals. You should have two or three pieces to cover each veal cutlet. Put 1/3 cup of canola oil in the skillet and set over medium heat. Dredge the eggplant slices in flour, and when the oil is hot, put about half the pieces in the pan. Fry gently 2 to 3 minutes, and flip when lightly caramelized; fry for another 2 minutes on the second side. Remove to paper towels; salt lightly. Add remaining canola oil to the pan (if it seems dry) and brown the rest of the eggplant; drain on paper towels and salt lightly. Remove the skillet from the heat and pour out any remaining canola oil.

Starting on the Stovetop

Put the 3 tablespoons of olive oil and 1 tablespoon of the butter in the skillet and set over medium-low heat. Salt the veal slices, dredge in flour, and when the butter is just sizzling, arrange all six in the pan. Cook them gently for a minute or so, then turn and let them brown slowly while you make the gratinate and the sauce.

• Season the veal with pinches of salt and grinds of fresh pepper.

• Lay one or two basil leaves flat on each cutlet.

•Spoon a heaping tablespoon of tomato sauce on top of each

• Cover the sauced cutlets with overlapping slices of eggplant.

• Raise the heat; drop the remaining butter, in pieces, around the pan

• Pour the 1/2 cup of wine into the pan and let it heat briefly.

• Spoon the remaining tomato sauce in between the veal portions.

• Shred the rest of the basil leaves and drop into the sauce.

• Shake the skillet to mix up the sauce, and add more wine or water if the level is too low.

• Finally, sprinkle 2 tablespoons or so of grated cheese on each cutlet.

Finishing in the Oven

When the sauce is simmering, place the skillet in the oven. (Put the handle in the front and the food in the back.) Bake for 10 minutes- and have thick pot holders or dry towels in hand before you touch the handle or the skillet!-then open the oven and check the pan. Right on the rack, give the skillet another gentle shake. There should still be plenty of sauce, and the cheese should be lightly colored. If the sauce appears syrupy, or close to evaporating, add more vegetable broth, stock, tomato sauce, or wine to raise the level.Bake for another 8 to 10 minutes, until the veal is fully cooked and tender and the gratinate top is deeply and evenly browned. If the cheese layer still appears too light, raise the heat in the oven as high as possible (turn on the broiler if it is top-mounted) and bake briefly until it is as dark and crispy as you like.Carefully remove the skillet from the oven, handling it with plenty of thick cloths. I carry it right to the dining table, where it makes a beautiful presentation. While it is on the table, leave the cloths covering the hot handle. With a large, angled spatula, lift one portion of the veal-and-eggplant gratinate onto a dinner plate, then spoon over it some of the sauce.

You can get a lot of other great recipes at Lidia's Italy.

Hey how could you pick Veronica and not Betty? The right Betty of course?

Some people are so misinformed.

Archie would have picked Betty. He just had to meet the right Betty. Jeeez, haven't you learned anything over here at Trooper York?

Where does Sotomayor stand on Roe vs Wade?

I mean that's the important question isn't it?

If she buys Basic Brand paper towels to save about 20 cents a roll and will admit that Wade Boggs is not a "True" Yankee well then I might be persuaded.

See what happens when you eat Indian food?

Look at this poor slob. I mean he ate Indian food every day of his life. Would you want to look like that? Seriously?

Com'on you know you want a bowl of pasta. Some Oso Buco. Chicken fajita's with black beans and rice on the side? Maybe a Spinach pie with a gyro? How about some hot and sour soup and a couple of egg rolls?

You don't want to turn out like this dude do you?

No my friend, no curry here...only hot dogs and frozen drinks?

No, no my friend. No curry here. Only hot dogs that have been cooking for three weeks and frozen drinks. Newspapers and periodicals. Would Mrs. Biden like a hot dog?

What's your favorite Ethnic food?

Based on a recommendation from ace commenter chickenlittle we want to know what is your favorite ethnic food. Now a wise latina once told me that although she loved the fish taco she did love to pop some balls into her mouth. Meatballs that is. So the choices are as follows:

Italian (macaroni with peas and prosciutto)

Mexican (bean burrito)

Greek (moussaka)

Indian (some shit I googled because I hate Indian food it smells like dead cat)

Chinese (beef with broccoli)

In coming days I will share some recipes for my favorite dishes in each of these cuisines (except Indian because that shit sucks). The only downside for chickenlittle is that they will all be chicken dishes.

Sometimes the worst thing you can get is exactly what you asked for. Hee.

It's a tie! So let's tie them up and...err let me rephrase that!

It's a tie! So let's tie them up and...err let me rephrase that! Here is the results of our Bond Girl poll:

Plenty O'Toole 39
Honey Ryder 39
Pussy Galore 6
Jinx 4
Anya Amasova 1

So Plenty and Honey share the honors. And ATT had nothing to do with it.

Next up is your favorite ethnic foods as requested by chickenlittle.

Diamonds are a girls best friend, the next generation.

(Yankee batting practice, Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter just steps out of the batting cage)
Jorge Posada: Hey Jeter come over here.
Derek Jeter: What’s up dawg?
Jorge Posada: Hey I want you to meet somebody. This is Judge Sotomayor, she is a big Yankee fan and wanted you to meet her nephews (under his breath) she fixed a couple of parking tickets for me man, somebody you should know.
Derek Jeter: Nice to meet you judge. Hey fellas are you Yankee fans?
Conner and Corey: Yes sir.
Derek Jeter: Well let me get you guys a couple of autographed balls and maybe a couple of autographed bats.
Judge Sotomayor: Thank you Mr. Jeter.
Derek Jeter: You can call me Derek, Judge.
Judge Sotomayor: You can me Judge Sotomayor.
Derek Jeter: Sure thing Judge. Say do you guys know the three most important things about being a Yankee Fan?
Corey: Yes it’s great to be young and a Yankee.
Conner: It’s not over till it’s over.
Judge Sotomayor: Boston Sucks.
Derek Jeter: Hey you guys really are fans.
(A-Rod comes running out of the dugout)
Corey and Conner: Hey Mr. Rodriquez can we have an autograph.
A-Rod: Fuck off kids your mother is ugly.
Jorge Posada: (under his breath) what an asshole… (In a normal voice) Ah don’t pay attention to him guys,he is a little upset because he hasn’t been feeling well. He hurt his hip. I think he caught it from Madonna. All those old people have problems with their hips.
Derek Jeter: Sorry about that Judge. I hope you don’t hold it against the Yankees?
Judge Sotomayor: Never Derek. I have always been a big time Yankees fan.
Derek Jeter: Well there is one good thing.
Judge Sotomayor: What’s that?
Derek Jeter: A-Rod’s divorce should be coming up soon.
Judge Sotomayor: Great idea Derek. Can I leave the boys with you for a minute; I have to make a call.
Derek Jeter: Sure thing Judge. Com’on fella’s let me take you into the dugout. We can give Sabathia a hot foot. He’s so fat he can’t see his feet.
Corey and Conner: Cool.

Plenty is only down by 2, or a pair which is ironic, com'on pull it out for Plenty...err let me rephrase that!

Plenty O'Toole is only down by 2 with four hours to go. We can pull it out in time. So to speak. Let's go guys.

Penny needs our support. So to speak.

I always wondered what happened to her after she left Archie Bunker's Place

You know I always wondered what happened to Liz Torres after she left Archie Bunkers place. I see where she changed her name and became a judge.

That's very impressive. And now she is on the Supreme Court.

That is one wise latina.

Tyler Perry's White House of Pain,

(Family quarters, upstairs at the White House)
Michelle Obama: (walking in back from working out) Mama I‘m home!
Marian Robinson (Michelle’s mom) Thank God you are home. Your dumb ass husband just called and said he is bringing the new Supreme Court Justice for dinner. Don’t he know that Auntie Medea is gonna go crazy?
Michelle Obama: Now Mama don’t start what’s the problem. I am very tied and can’t get into this now. I was busy reading to the school children and toning my arms by putting Nancy Pelosi in a choke hold. That bitch ain’t gonna make us look bad no mo. I told her I would show her some torture. Waterboard my ass.
Marian Robinson: I don’t care about your foolishness. You best get this straighted out before that rice and beans bitch gets here and there is salsa all over the floor.
Michelle Obama (picks up phone) Hi, can you ask the President to come upstairs. Thank you.
President Barrack Obama: (Comes rushing in) Is every thing OK, are the girls all right?
Michelle Obama: My mother wants to talk to you.
President Barrack Obama (mutters under his breath) Oh shit. What now!
Marian Robinson: What did you say you skinny assed fool.
President Barrack Obama: Nothing Mother. You do know that I am President of the United States. You might show me just a little respect.
Marian Robinson: You better watch yourself you half a Muslim mofro or I’ll whip your bean pie ass. Don’t you know you are going to make Auntie Meada lose her shit?
President Barrack Obama: Oh no …what’s the matter with that crazy old bat now?
Marian Robinson: Madea come on out here!
Madea: (comes into the room) There he is that fool boy. What is this that I hear that your appointing someone called Sort-a-rican to the Supreme Court? What you couldn’t find a brother. What’s the matter with you boy? Do I have to whip your skinny ass so you can pick a fine brother like that nice Clarence Thomas?
President Barack Obama: But Auntie Madea it is time to put a Hispanic on the court. And I invited her for dinner tonight and I want you to watch what you say. She is a very accomplished and wise Latina lady and you should show some respect.
Madea: Show some respect. How can you respect one of those fool Mexicans who work for peanuts and take those maid jobs away from the sisters. Just because they don’t habla ingelish don’t mean I have to respect them. Let em stay in Mexico and eat taco’s. And I hear this bitch only eats the fish taco besides.
President Barack Obama: Now, now Judge Sotomayor is a fine judge and a good woman. And she is Puerto Rican not Mexican.
Madea: What do you know you pansy ass fool? Those Rican’s are worse than the Mexicans. Didn’t you ever see West Side Story? All they do is dance around in tight Capri pants and stab white boys. Well that’s one thing in their favor but still.
President Barack Obama: Here she comes now. NOW BEHAVE MEDEA! (he goes to the door to usher in the new Supreme Court justice) Come right in Judge and let me introduce you to my family.
Judge Sonia Sotomayor: Jelloo, everyones. It is pleasorre to meet with youselfs. Gracias for inviting me to ju casa.
Madea: This ain’t no jew casa you dimwitted beaner. Onliest black people live here. How stupid are you?
Judge Sonia Sotomayor: Jupid, I is no jupid. They onliest reverse thres out of quarto of mi descionies. I am aqui por me intellegencia. I did not even have to do the cucci-cucci to get here. Si es verdad.
Marian Robinson: This not going to go well
Michelle Obama: Come lets try to sit down and have some dinner at least. We can talk and get to know each other.
Judge Sonia Sotomayor: Beuno, Senora Michelle. Por Fabor can I have a fish Taco?
Madea: See, see what did I tell you?
President Barack Obama:(under his breath) Why did I ever give up community organizing?....(then loudly) Great idea Judge, fish tacos for everyone.

Would I be a cheater if I asked you to vote for Lana?

Hey our Bond girls poll is almost over and Plenty O'Toole is just a little behind. I mean she has a fine behind and a lot out front if you know what I mean. But Honey Ryder looks like she is going to go wire to wire.

So I wouldn't be a cheetah if I asked you to drop in a vote or two for Plenty now would I? I mean I have been good. There are a lot of great pictures I could have used but I restrained myself. So to speak.

Don't be a cheetah, vote for Lana!

She could be on the Surpreme Court.

Thanks to all you guys for commenting.

I always want to take the time to thank all of my regular commenters like Blake, chickenlittle,AJ,Ruth Anne,Darcy,Jason(the commenter),Titus,Zach,Windbag, Michael H,RC,Peter Bella,Theo and Trey.

And you occasional guys like Simon,blogging cockroach, Madison Man,Dust Bunny Queen and now Beth.

Reading your comments makes doing this blog a lot of fun. I feel I have the cream of the crop of commenters and you can be sure that we will always strive to keep your windshields clean.

Tales of Kelly's Garden

Bigwig: Aren't you going to silflay?
Chervil: I can’t sir. There seems to be a big parade. A lot of people are walking up and down the road shouting.
Bigwig: What do you mean? I thought this was a quiet garden. I hope that drunken lady didn’t show up here.
Chervil: No. It is something different. It seems that some people want to get married and other people are stopping them.
Blackavar: [Mumbles] You better believe it. Just like in the warren.
[Chervil swipes at him to make him speak up, and he does]
Blackavar: I... I... I've think it is that the male people want to mate with other male people and the females want to mate with females. And they want to get married too. Or something.
[Chervil glares]
Bigwig. This might be a problem. I mean most rabbits don’t care about that. They just like to have sex all the time. But usually with the opposite sex. Otherwise how would you have babies?
Blackavar: Some rabbits just like it that way. Can we do what we want in this warren or is it like General Woundwart’s where they tell you everything you can do and who you can do it with.
Chervil: No it is different here. You can just fuck like a bunny. Just do me a favor. Keep it to yourself. It is not all that interesting to the rest of us.
Bigwig. Thank El-ahrairah, that we don’t have pay attention to that. Now just be a good bunny and eat and silflay and have all the sex with whoever you want. Just keep it down. I need to take a nap.

Douchebag or Hosebag

One of our favortie people stopped by to give us the latest on that douchebag Jeremy Schockey.

Beth from NOLA dropped by to let us know that he is up to his old tricks. Missing meetings and work outs because of "Family obligations" and that he was dehyrdrated.

Like Beth said, he is the Amy Winehouse of the NFL.

One's a douchebag and the other is a hosebag.

It's up to you to figure out who is who.

They just have to go, they don't have to match!

One of the toughest things I have to do in the store is to give advice to customers especially when I am alone on a Saturday morning. You see they try something on and turn to me and ask me if it matches. What the hell do I know? But I tell them the one simple rule that the wife taught me. It doesn't have to match, it just has to go. If it goes together with what you are wearing you are good. It doesn't have to match exactly.

Check out Queen Lathifa's shoes. Now that goes baby.

What's up with you?

Man we have been really busy the last few days. What's funny is that we had no business since it was a beautiful Memorial Day weekend and I guess everyone went out to the beach or the mountains or whatever.

So we spent all day Memorial Day cleaning the store. We rearranged all the racks and cleaned the entire store from top to bottom. Now I have someone come in to clean four times a week but we never have a chance to check out all the nooks and crannies to see what was going on. When we did it was dust everywhere so we cleaned like monkeys. If monkeys clean that is. So no time to post a lot.

But all the pocket books got cleaned. That counts for something.

Oh why the meatballs and spaghetti? I don't know, I guess I am just hungry.

Tales of Kelly's Garden

Bigwig: Aren't you going to silflay?
Chervil: I don't silflay anymore sir .
Bigwig: What do you mean? All rabbits have to silflay.
Chervil: No I don’t make little pellets anymore. Now I pinch off a loaf.
Blackavar: [Mumbles] You better believe it. He leaves it all over the warren. Drops a load and then never cleans up after himself.
[Chervil swipes at him to make him speak up, and he does]
Blackavar: I... I... I've also have begun to pinch off a loaf. All of the good food is really filling me up. I don’t know what has happened to me.
[Chervil glares]
Bigwig. This might be a problem. I hope the new lady in the cottage won’t get mad if you leave your dirty loaves all over the place.
Blackavar: I don’t think she will mind. She just seems happy all the time.
Chervil: We will be fine. This woman is not so mean. She lets rabbits be rabbits. Even if they are pinching off a loaf.
Bigwig. Thank El-ahrairah, I just don’t want to have to move again.

Remembrance of things Pabst

When I was eleven or twelve years old, my dad brought me to work with him on a Saturday and Sunday. He worked for the Irving Trust in the accounting department as an auditor but on the weekends he picked up extra money doing tax returns for this guy in Midtown. He had his own accounting practice and as I said he specialized in the garment center and Chinese restaurants.

Anyway my job was to file, sharpen pencils and copy the tax returns. It was around 1969 or 1970 or so and they didn't have such a thing as a Xerox machine. What they had was a Bruning Copyflex which was a "Wet" copier. Now that is not as exciting as it sounds. What it was is you did the returns on a stencil and matched it up with "treated paper" and it was run through a machine. There was fluid in the machine and when it came out it would be wet and you would have to lay it out to dry. Then you had to put the pages in order and staple it and mail it to the government. Of course tax returns were about five pages then not the twenty to fifty pages they are today.

Since I had a good work ethic and worked really hard the boss hired me to work through the summer. When I was in high school he hired me to come help him at his accounts during the summer. Now in those days there was no such thing as a computer or a calculator or a laptop. You had green accounting paper, pencils and your fingers and your toes. So it was a lot of adding and subtracting and proving out ledgers and old time accounting work like you were Bartleby the fucking Scrivner.

So I would go with Eddie to these Chinese restaurants. I was a punk kid and I couldn't have a beer legally but I got a good grounding in Chinese food. Now in the early seventies you didn't really have the variety and knowledge about Chinese food that we have today. Basically when you were talking about Chinese food you were talking about Cantonese style food. You know. Egg Rolls. Chop Suey. Spare Ribs. Egg Drop Soup. Birds nest soup. It was really big with the Jewish guys. They loved it.

Now we had this client on Ann St in downtown Manhattan. It was called Yee's cafe and it was a pretty interesting place. They had just taken over a Greek diner and sold food like a diner. I mean it wasn't a traditional old school Chinese restaurant with the decor of the Budda and the fish tank and all that happy horseshit. You could get eggs in the morning too. A lot of the back office people who worked on Wall St would go there for lunch. He did have a great dish with shrimp and bean sprouts that was really tasty.

Anyway it was a pretty easy account in the accounting sense. I mean he did a lot with cash and only wrote a few checks if you know what I mean. So it became the first account I went to on my own without any supervision. For years upon year I would go and do the books and chow down on some bean sprouts.

But then we had the Szechuan invasion. A lot of people came over from the Szechuan province or whatever the hell it was and brought the spicier and hotter Szechuan style to compete with the blander Cantonese style. This new place opened up around the corner on Broadway on the corner and started to steal a lot of business. It was tough for Yees Cafe.

Now I bet ricpic is the only guy old enough to remember when Chinese food only came in cardboard cartons and there was no such thing as the Styrofoam lunch containers that are so ubiquitous today. It seems that a Chinese restaurant supply company came up with this compartmentalized lunch packaging that you could go in and get a combination plate with fried rice, beef with broccoli and a egg roll in one shot for three dollars. The problem was what do you do with it when you are done? You see Yee's was like a diner. You got the stuff on real plates and ate with a metal fork. Old school. But this new fangled place was all modern. The dude running thought he was going to start a string of them and be the Chinese McDonald's.

Now around 1978 or so I was in college in Pace and still doing the taxes for Yees. He was holding on even thought the competition was tough. They had knocked down the building next door and there was just a big hole in the ground. And a funny thing happened. The other guy with the fast food Chinese decided that he could save money by firing his carting company and dumping his garbage in the big empty lot between his store and Yee's cafe. Mounds upon mounds of garbage. Of course this was the seventies and the city was all fucked up so no one noticed or they bribed the sanitation guys or whatever.

One hot summer night a pipe burst and hot scalding water was emptied into the lot. About a thousand rats came pouring out on to Ann Street. They bit passerby's, tires, garbage bags and anything they came into contact with in lower Manhattan. It was like a horror movie. Just like the movie "Ben" only without the Michael Jackson songs or the creepy white guy. They swarmed the cops and the fireman who were sent out to kill them. They closed the whole street for two weeks.

After that no one would eat at Yee's. The other guy was gone with the wind because they could prove it was his fault so he want back to Hong Kong or whatever. But Mr. and Mrs. Yee lost their business and there was nothing you could do about it. I mean they probably would have lost it soon anyway because all of the big chains like McDonald's and Burger King and Wendy's and what not took over the fast lunch business. People didn't want to sit down in a diner setting so much anymore. So like Cantonese food, a Chinese diner became a thing from out of the past. Like a gas light or a hitching post.

I have eaten a lot of Chinese food since then, but I have yet to get a shrimp with bean sprouts that matched up to Yee's.

And the rats. Well man, they are still around. Watch out because at any minute they can come streaming out and start biting you on the ankle.

Time to call it a night.

The store was kind of quiet today. It was a beautiful day so I guess everyone is out at barbeques or at the beach or whatever.

So we are heading home early. A nice quiet dinner. Then we might sit out in the yard. Listen to some Frank and Dean and Sammy. Maybe enjoy a cigar. Relax.

The New Dating Game

Bachelorette : If you were marooned on a desert island what would you want with you?

Bachelor Number One: A soccer ball.

Bachelorette: OK, how you Bachelor Number Two.

Bachelor Number Two: Some of that yogurt that helps you crap.

Bachelorette: Okey-dokey. Finally Bachelor Number Three. What would you want with you if you were marooned on a desert island.

Bachelor Number Three: More buttons. You can never have enough buttons.

Bachelorette: Maybe I would have more luck on the computer.

Tales of Kelly's Garden

Holly: [to Fiver] I remember you. You're the one that saw it coming.
Fiver: Yes I saw it in a dream.
Pipkin: But what happened?
Holly: Our warren, destroyed!
Silver: Destroyed? How?
Holly: Bad men came. Filled in the burrows with terrible words. Couldn't get out. There was a strange sound. Hissing. The air turned bad. Putrid and vile. It smelled of fear and desperation. And hate. Runs blocked with bodies. I couldn't get out. I couldn’t stand it any more. Everything turned mad. Warren, herbs, roots, grass, all pushed into the earth.
Hazel: These evil men have always hated us.
Holly: No. They just destroyed the warren because we were in their way. They made it a place where no one could linger. The joy was gone.
Hazel: Well we are safe now. Listen to the new lady sing to us in the morning. Everyone is here. We have a new home. The gumpy old badger. The gay blue jay. The robin red breast. Even the delivery boy who pinches the baker’s loaves.
Fiver: What is that song she keeps singing?
Bigwig: My Life Would Suck Without You.
Hazel: She loves us. I think we have found a new home.

Remembrance of Things Pabst.

Before we opened the store, the wife was the general manager at Kevin St. James in Hells Kitchen. It was one of my clients and she ran the whole operation. Kevin who was the managing partner was a real piece of work. But he had a lot of good ideas that I passed on to other bar owners.

One of them is that you had to get rid of the "chase away guy." He was the dude that would hit on every girl and try to start a conversation with them. I mean he might be superficially OK but he is a psycho and made the girls uncomfortable to the point they would walk out. So if he saw a guy hitting on girl after girl as a serial asshole, he would toss him. You see a woman has a right to sit and have a drink without dudes pestering them. I mean if they want to meet someone that's cool. But they can come in alone and have a drink and not be bothered. Unlike the sports bar next door where it was a free for all. So his bar got to be known as the place where girls could go just to have fun. Of course he would give them free shots and they would end up dancing on the bar and waving their bras over their heads but that's another story.

You see you can't ask people for money and then expect them to police the joint themselves. That's your job. You have to control your space. Make it user friendly. Or else you lose out to the bar down the street.

Anyways someone bought the whole block of Eight Avenue between 46th and 47th and they knocked down most of the buildings to put up a skyscraper with a bunch of condos. It is not finished yet and I wonder how that is going to work out in this economy. But nevertheless the bar is gone. When the eviction was in the offing we started planning to start the store and we made a clean getaway.

But it was a cool place in it's day.

Hey you can't please everybody.

So yesterday one of our best customers comes in to get some new spring stuff. But as she was leaving she mentions that she left a great review of our store on Yelp. She said that she had read some nasty stuff and had to rebut it because it was so unfair.

Well the wife went right to the site and was really pissed. I mean there was the post from one of our rivals who posted bullshit about us which I told Yelp about but they left it up because I wouldn't give in to their pressure tactics and advertise with them. But there was a new post that pissed her off.

This woman said that she bought a bra that she liked but complained about the service. She said she got too much service. Now when you come in for a bra fitting the wife makes sure you get the right one. I mean she did a video about it.So of course it is going to be in your face or I guess your bresses if you know what I mean. But then this woman did a second post where she said she came back and was "pressured" into getting another bra. What the fuck.

As the wife said when she read it "Get a pair of balls." If you don't want something you don't have to buy it. Do you know how many times she gives a fitting, works really hard and then the person decides not to buy anything. It happens all the time. Nobody can force you to buy something if you don't want it. And then to go on a review site and complain about it. The wife called it getting beer muscles. I told her it happens on the Internet all the time. People say shit they don't have the balls to say in real life. What can you do.

Anyway we looked this twat up in the computer and she came twice. In two years. Each time she bought one thing. A bra. And she was a 34 C which is just about the smallest bra we carry. What the fuck. GO TO MACY"S YOU STUPID BITCH!

Anyway I had to deal with the fall out of that. And the wife is on the look out to see if she comes back.

I pity the fool.

It's bathing suit time.

As I have mentioned before, on a Saturday morning I am in the front of the store posting on the wife's computer. So I have to use photo's that she has as I don't want to download shots of cheese steak sandwiches and Charo to clutter up her "My pictures."

But here is a cool shot of some of the bathing suits we have in the store. Never Say Diet asked the wife to write some posts on picking out a bathing suit and she is starting a series. So if you need help in picking out a new suit you should check it out.