Lucas and Mark McCain rode into town to do some chores. Lucas had to have one of his horse shoed at the smith and needed to pick some shells as he had used up a whole box when he killed five guys in the last episode. Plus he wanted to put in an order at the general store and he wanted to check in with Micah to see if there were any gun slingers in town that the sheriff couldn't handle so he could shoot them.
Mark was in town to help his pa and to see if he could get a glimpse at Miss Milly's teats. Mark loved Miss Milly's teats more than anything in the world. Well almost anything. He supposed he loved his Pa more and maybe penny candy but Miss Milly's teats were right up there. Way up there firm and high. Standing there in the night way up firm and high.
"Do you need my help Pa," asked Mark as they stopped in front of the smithy and tied up their horse. "No son you can go hunt up your friends and find some mischief to get into. Not too much mischief and you know why." "Why Pa?" "Because I would have to shoot you. That's what I do." "Ok thanks Pa."
Mark ran off down the street. As he passed Miz Coleman's house he saw his friend Nick. Nick was a pudgy little boy who never quite smelled right. He wanted to grow to be a Pinkerton so he was always investigating things. Which mainly meant he peeped into peoples windows. And now he was looking in the school marm's window.
"Psst Mark....com' here." "Why Nick? I don't want to get caught looking in Miz Coleman's window. She can get mighty mean if you cross her." "I know but look she is making ice cream by holding a pail of milk between her legs." "Oh nonsense" said Mark as he dragged his friend away. "Nick you have to stop peeping in windows especially folk like Miz Coleman. She can be down right mean."
Nick shrugged his shoulder to get out of Mark's grasp as they walked down the street toward the general store. "I know that Mark. I just didn't understand. Miz Coleman was the one that was helpin that Injun fella Chief Stalking Horse. Telling everyone to behave and be nice towards him. But now she ignores him and won't talk to him. She spends all her time with the old spinster lady that married that no account Lying Larry. She don't pay Chief Stalking horse no nevermind no more. That ain't right Mark is it?"
Mark shrugged his own shoulders. "I don't know Nick. Pa says you can never figure out what wimmen folk will do. They are like a contrary calf. One minute they are chewing the cud and the next they are charging you and trying to trample you. There ain't no way to cipher em out. But I tell you one thing. We best not get on the wrong side of Miz Coleman cause you know what she is gonna make us do?" "What's that Mark?" "Math Nick. She's gonna make us do Math." The boys both shuddered and stopped to look in the mercantile.
"Boy Miz Milly sure do have some nice teats now don't she?" "She sure does Mark she sure does. And the best thing is we only have to count to two." "Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!" the boys laughed and went off to do what boys do.
48 comments:
Those boys won't learn writin nor readin none too good, neither, hangin around that town. That travelin salesman told 'em the alphabet went A B C D DD DDD.
Lucas had to have one of his horse shoed at the smith
More correct: "Lucas had to have one of his horses shod at the smith."
Of course farriers do that sort of work as a specialty, right Cody?
I doubt that's a genuine Stetson the kid's wearing but I have one, a genyouwine Stetson. Bought it in Thermopolis, Wyoming, a generally nondescript town en route to Cody and then Yellowstone. Anyway, this was in the early summer, June, and when I went into the Western Wear store on Main Street there it was sitting by its lonesome on a hatshelf. It was sitting by its lonesome because it was a winter weight felt in summer. Marked down already from $90 to $60. I told the owner I'd take it off his hands if he knocked off another 10%. Knowing it would likely sit there till October he agreed and the hat was mine. I've worn that hat for years, but sparingly sparingly. After all, it's a Stetson! An indirect way of saying that the West doesn't have to be mythic, taken on its own terms it's a marvel.
Yes, Chickie, they do. In the west though it was usually blacksmiths that did it.
There weren't a lot of whitesmiths.
Wasn't the token negro on Doctor Quinn, Medicine Whore a blacksmith? Talk about irony.
This is quite ironic. We just finished watching an episode of Deadwood. We're half way through season 2. This episode is where the undercover Pinkerton whore makes a proposition to Al to set up the widow for the murder of her husband. A guy also fucked Bullocks horse..great scene!
Pinkerton still has PI's. I worked cases where I had to deal w/ Pinkerton's, maybe 3 times or so. They were ham n' eggers.
Finally, I did not peep in windows.
It was Pinkertons that took care of HH Holmes' final requests after he was supposedly executed.
Okay, there is some sybology in all of this or sump tin.
I liked Deadwood. Had to watch every episode 2-3 times just to understand what they were saying.
blake, Absolutely. The same to a certain extent w/ the gangbangers in The Wire. Al is the most understandable, Sy[the pimp and gambler] the least.
Best show on TV right now: Breaking bad, then Mad Men.
As for Deadwood. I find excessive swearing boring. It's the crutch of a lazy writing staff.
The worst part of Deadwood was the ending.
Well, that and the fact that after divorcing Raylan Skyler took up with Walt.
Swearing or no, I find it hard to attribute "lazy writing" to Deadwood's dialogue.
When 20% of your dialogue is 4-letter word filler - that's lazy writing.
Wu was partial to a 10 letter word.
Hey some fucking guy on the fucking internet did a fucking analysis of fucking Deadwood. Guess what the fuck he found? The motherfucker found on fucking average - that some fucker said fuck 90 fucking times in 50 fucking minutes.
Now that's fucking good writing.
I know plenty of people that say fuck as about every other fucking word.
Should they not be represented on television?
rcocean, Do you prefer the writing on Little House on the Prairie?
Wasn't the token negro on Doctor Quinn, Medicine Whore a blacksmith? Talk about irony.
When was in grad school, there was a guy in a different group who made his own ecstasy. His last name was Highsmith. I heard he's dead now, so it's OK to talk about.
"Do you prefer the writing on Little House on the Prairie?"
Yep, its a black/white binary world with only 2 choices.
But hey if you like "Deadwood", more power to you.
I'm not trying to convince anyone to like anything. If swearing turns you off, so be it.
I just never got the idea there was anything lazy about "Deadwood".
Seth Bullock: [demanding conditions on buying the lot] 1,000, now. If anyone in that tent, or the building we put up, turns a playing card or pours a drink or offers a woman's services, you get the title back and keep our fuckin' money.
Al Swearengen: What makes you talk to me in that tone of voice?
Seth Bullock: I'm makin' a counter offer.
Al Swearengen: You come into camp, rent my lot, within six hours you blow in a guy's eye with Wild Bill Hickok backin' your play. Next day, I'm supposed to sell you the lot, put you in business, without askin' who the fuck you are or what the fuck you're doin' here?
Seth Bullock: As far as what happened in the street, with Bill Hickok bein' involved, that was a turn of events.
Al Swearengen: A what?
Seth Bullock: It was a turn... of events.
Al Swearengen: Oh, a turn of events. Your partner calls it a coincidence. So, what with this coincidence and turn of events starin' me in the fuckin' face and five other fuckin' things I'm supposed to be payin' attention to, I still make you a sensible proposal and you answer by insulting me in my own joint.
Sol Star: Seth didn't mean to insult you, Mr. Swearengen.
Al Swearengen: You stay out of this! You don't know nothin' about this! You weren't here and you don't have his proxy, so why don't you do whatever you people do when you're not running your mouths off or cheatin' people out of what they earn by Christian work.
Seth Bullock: You don't want to be talkin' that way!
Al Swearengen: Oh, don't tell me how to talk in my own fuckin' place! Now, here's my counter offer to your counter offer - go *fuck* yourself!
Sol Star: Seth...
Al Swearengen: Get him... away from me!
It should be noted that this was NOT how they swore in Deadwood.
But if they used "darn" and "dagnabbit", it just wouldn't have had the desired effect today.
I liked Deadwood, but one episode I counted 108 swears in 20 minutes.
Fuck, that is a lot of swearing.
Hence the reason the main character is called Swearengen?
Well, for laughs, I'm partial to the revised Rifleman. This is one of the best yet. Way up there high and firm, as good if not better than legs on a paddleboard. No swears and a great ending.
It should be noted what now? You're kidding, right?
My bride hates the word "cunt" but looks past it for Deadwood. She considers the writing some of the best ever on TV. I found a blog that has all the scripts. Last night my bride had the scripts available as we watched a couple episodes. We referred to it a couple times. However, I later just sat down and read the scripts, it is the antithesis of lazy writing. But, rcocean, I concede it is not a binary world. I would be interested in TV writing that impresses you. I don't know if we've ever debated? However, I come off as gruff and an asshole @ times. I can be both, but in this instance that isn't my intent.
Here is just the opening lines from the first episode last night:
AL: What did you know about me, Bullock, first we met? No concern for my feelings, huh?
Seth: That you were a killer.
Al: Certain facts show in the mug. [Looks over @ whore Dolly passing by] Look @ her. You know she's fucked for food!
Seth: What's your point?
Al: In your mug there's no history. Are you a cunt-driven-near-maniac or stalwart, driven by principle? The many cannot tell, for you yourself are so fuckin' confused. But you do make a good appearance, so they're prone to grant you their trust, which we will use as an asset in the coming campaign.
In 1972 I visited Deadwood, SD on a family vacation. We also stopped at Wall Drug Store where I bought a small coin bank as a souvenir. It had the phase: "Swearing Is Bad And It Just Ain't Funny, So If You Cuss It Will Cost You Money."
chick, We visited Deadwood in June which is what finally got me off my ass to watch the series. I refused to go to Wall Drug.
Back in '72, Wall Drug Store was a hole-in-the-wall. The billboards though on I-90 were about as annoying as Merde is hawking Amazon. I loved it as a kid.
I remember the billboards and bumper stickers, too.
Wasn't there also a Rock City or something along those lines? The bumper stickers for that place were ubiquitous, as well.
Don't forget Flintstone Village!
Sixty, you would have loved that coin bank. It was a perfect cylinder turned out of aromatic cedar.
Anybody here know viticulture? I know Troop knows Vito-culture, being a moobster and all.
I have three vines which I've trained up supports and allowed to spread on an overhead trellis. How longer before they decide to make fruit or not?
I have raised grapes for years. Sadly, I never noted the length of time between getting the vine going and trained and the production of fruit.
In any case, the grapes I was cultivating are scuppernongs, not them snooty Cali-forny grapes with they snooty Frenchy names, nope, so the amount of time between planting and fruiting might vary anyway.
At my new place there are two vines, neither have produced a single bunch in the 3 summers I have been here, and they are probably 30 years old or older. I think they will be pulled out this winter.
Must have my scuppernongs.
The Sopranos has swearing. Doesn't bother me at all because its not excessive; and Tony and his crew aren't choir boys. The Sopranos, Breaking bad, and Mad Men are all well-written shows.
But when a show NEEDS 90 Fucks an hour to work - that IMO - is not great writing. Or maybe the actors just aren't tough enough and need the crutch.
But enough.
I think the first couple season's of 24 were incredibly well written. After that it got too predictable.
rcocean, Thanks.
Chickie, I don't know but have a friend who raises a huge crop of grapes from what is essentially two vines, he'd know. If you're not in a huge hurry I can send him an email.
My grandma and old man grew concord grapes. The pruning is the key, I remember both saying that. We always had pretty plush vines. My grandma made the best grape juice ever. She would put it old 7 oz. coke bottles and then melt wax over them. A special treat..I can still taste it.
The grandparents of my next door neighbors grew concord grapes too - I am with you, Nick, you never forget things made with homegrown grapes.
We used to ride our bikes over to their farm, climb trees, eat good food and have grape jam on toast for dessert.
I think the farm was torn down and a school put up. That's not progress.
This one is for you Trooper...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEsmSrG9WAY
Pretty Maids All In A Row is one of the sleaziest movies ever made.
Gene Roddenberry!
In fact, Scotty and...McCoy? I forget who, but a couple of "Star Trek" regulars are in it as cop-doofuses.
Thanks Cody. It's only their second year, but I'm hoping they get fruitful and multiply next year.
Chickster:
Got an email back. He says:
It depends upon how high they have to grow to become horizontal, …too low and you may need to get on your knees to harvest, and if high, like my pergola, you may have to wait four years. Grapes don't come until they feel supported horizontally.
Expect a couple of years, at least, ...assuming you start in the spring.
Thanks again, Cody. My vines are spreading on a lattice which is elevated about 7 feet. Just the leafy shade they provide is nice for now. Plus, I've heard that grape leaves are edible and provide good fiber. I can wait a couple years.
dolmades, yum.
His pergola is about 7 feet as well. Maybe slightly lower but not a lot lower, so it sounds like a couple more years for you.
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