My dear Holmes,
It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade and once again I must ask for your assistance in a matter of the upmost urgency. It concerns the matter of the dowager Lady Chatterley and her gardener cum lover and their strange and mysterious activities that have come to the attention of the Yard.
It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade and once again I must ask for your assistance in a matter of the upmost urgency. It concerns the matter of the dowager Lady Chatterley and her gardener cum lover and their strange and mysterious activities that have come to the attention of the Yard.
You will of course
recall the strange and troubling matter of Doctor Henry Jekyll in which the
Yard called upon you to offer you consulting services. Dr. Jekyll was well known
as an honorable and caring member of the medical profession. But as you will
well recall a hulking and devious mountebank took over the estate of Dr. Jekyll
in the form of one Mr. Hyde who proceeded to dissipate his fortune and bring
his name scandal and disrepute.
It seems that the same
events are repeating themselves in the behavior of the gardener cum lover of
the spinster Lady Chatterley. The most vile and scurrilous language has issued
from said personage as he wanders the streets importuning passerby for a
tuppence to honor the great contributions Lady Chatterley has supposedly made
to Her Majesty realm. He is boisterous and rude and affects the countenance of
a drunken sot who is beyond the dictates of civilized social intercourse. In
fact Inspector Gregson has posited the lack of intercourse has driven him mad.
This rude gardener has taken to pounding on the doors of the former members of
Lady Chatterley’s salon to demand payment of what he considers their just due.
Of which all who encounter him just shudder and turn away. Locking their doors
and securing their windows.
There is a further
complication that has aroused some serious concern within her Majesty’s
government. Although this obnoxious gardener has disturbed the grace of many
former acquaintances it is indeed the effect he has on their pets that is
passing strange. It seems that the spirited canine companions of most these complainants
will not bare their fangs even when the gardener becomes abusive and deranged.
I know you had solved the mysterious case of the Hound of the Baskervilles when
you realized that the dog did not bark. But what does it mean when these noble
beasts cower and whimper and hide their anus?
It is most important
that you enlighten me since as you know Her Majesty is very fond of animals and
would not countenance any abuse of any of the four legged
residents of her realm.
Once again I must beg to ask your forgiveness for my incessant requests but in the interest of avoiding a tragic denouncement such as occurred in the case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I must beg your counsel. Please convey my best wishes to you brother Mycroft and tell him that matter of the lascar with the protruding harelip has been resolved without any repercussions to either his reputation or standing at the club.. Please assure him that we do not believe anything about the unfortunate incident and it will not be part of his permanent record.
I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
December 29, 1899
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
December 29, 1899
37 comments:
I gotta admit, Sherlock Holmes/Lady Chatterly/Jekyll would be a better team than The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Poor Larry.
I think you are using too many big words for Leisure Suit Larry to get the point.
DBQ, Annie will have to break it down for him.
I had to look up "lascar", but I know that the dog that didn't bark was in "Silver Blaze", not "Baskervilles".
/SixtyGrit
Poetic license chip. Most are not Holmes scholars and are more familiar with the Hound of the Baskervilles.
True.
I'm laying 8-5 odds that there'll be a post about Holmes today at TOP.
Ha. You bet. I bet it will be that Holmes and Watson were gay and if it weren't for the bigotry of Victorian England they would have been gay married.
211
Excellent, as always, my dear York.
Aw hell, I bin wartchin' Lascar since I was a wee lil bitty thing.
They had them great drivers back then - Sepoy Petty, Ravi Trickle, Fireball Suttee, an' all 'em guys.
Then we'd go down to the Delhi, or even the New Delhi and get us a hot dog with chutney. We relished them things.
But we was just tryin' to curry favor, you know...
Hey - that ellipsis is racist in this setting!
OT - So A-Rod was suspended today and makes his debut tonight. The Yanks may not be contendas this season but the circus in The Bronx is irresistible.
So Troop. Not a sweep of the Yanks, but close enough for me.
Might have to tune in the Cubs/Yankees game tonight. Cubs fans may try to boo Arod off the field. Could be fun.
The Yankees circus is even more fun than Lem's place.
Think of A Rod as Leisure Suit Alex.
A-Rod is an nice guy and a genius compared to ...
Also, he got his money the - wait - he took advantage of an old person too!
A-Rod = LSL.
How sad is that?
I'm telling you the similarities are creepy.
And Jeter definitely to the DL again.
Yup, everyone surrender now, Jeter's back!
Wait....
Is Jeter still dating the DirectTv Jeanie?
Think of A Rod as Leisure Suit Alex.
You failed reality tv star you.
I gotta tells ya, Troop, reading that thread where you guys were having a conversation over his yipping little head was hilarious.
Can we rename this blog to Trooper Spork? Cause, you know that would piss off LSL.
CEO-MMP said...
Think of A Rod as Leisure Suit Alex.
You failed reality tv star you.
I gotta tells ya, Troop, reading that thread where you guys were having a conversation over his yipping little head was hilarious.
I saw the total dig that the house boy tried to pull off on Troop and it was funny how he swung and whiffed. Also, it's funny how he can't be trusted to install a simple wooden floor layout either, leaving it to the professionals instead. I guess he's only good for the things outside.
What was funny was that hall moniter Freeman called me out when nick used the term "enabler" like I made that up. But Leisure Suit Larry and Inga go right to the "failed reality show TV star" and not a peep.
Anybody that read about it here as it was going on knows that I hated the whole process and bitched about it everyday. I don't miss it. I am sorry that the wife is disappointed and was a big help business wise but it just didn't catch fire. What can you do?
I'm not going to say anything bad about Freeman.
But I'll think plenty bad about her, time to time.
I dunno. Lem's place is losing it's charm, and fast. But that's just me and I get bored easily or something.
When you guys start talking about this or that comment--I don't know which you're talking about half the time.
Your wife is an absolute treat, Troopski, and you were funnier than all get out.
Why a couple of drunks who make videos of their abusive relationship think they can take a shot at you is beyond me.
Actually, no it isn't. I have listed all the adjectives that describe, in my opinion, what they are.
Haz, of course, is correct.
Bethany Freeman Hunt is a scold and a suck up. But I have written that before, too.
I need to work on my comedy routines. Something along the lines of Sam Kinison but less PC. Yeah, I can do that...
Oops. It's Sox vs Yankees, not Cubs. Trying to get it to stream on line.
Dang. No stations are streaming it free.
Back to that other topic.
It's tempting to dice with LSL, but it's a trap. He's doing everything he can to incite one of the Lemulites to go apeshit and make some homophobic or racist statements or whatever. Then he can come back later, delete his inciting comments and claim, here or elsewhere, that the former commenters are a bunch of haters and that wifey was right to kick them out.
Don't fall for it.
He seeks nothing short of the destruction of Lem's blog. And he loves being an ass in order to driver commenters away.
Again, don't fall for it. Try, try a few days of utterly not responding to him, no matter what he says, and see if he gives up.
Pass the word.
It's easier to ignore the nurse, and folks seem to generally be doing well in that regard. It's tougher w/ Larry, but we all seem to be improving there also.
Haz, I'm feeling very Amish tonight. I'm in for a good shunning. But who's going to call off Luca Brasi..err Shouting Thomas.
Nick, I think there's a fairly predictable pattern. Put an X on today, and watch the rest of the week.
They won't be in the circle every day.
A Rod's first at bat met with standing boos in Chicago.
Thunderous boos throughout his at bat.
Bloop single to left. Screaming, booing fans, non-stop.
Some on twitter hoping the pitcher'd throw at his head with the first pitch.
Tom was doing pretty well in that thread with Trooper completely ignoring Larryboy.
Lord love a duck.
The woman whose husband regularly whines about how her regular commenters didn't spend enough on her portal or Paypal in exchange for her awesome blog just posted this about Jeff Bezos buying the Washington Post:
"It seems as though the Bezos idea should be to forget about making money — like Citizen Kane — and simply plunge into making a great newspaper".
Cannot make this stuff up.
Haz, It is indeed predictable. And, w/ all this chatter, I hope we don't pop up on some NSA watch list!
Post a Comment