I am bored out of my face.

We are dressing the store for the trunk show on Saturday. It's real boring as I have to wait around while the wife decides where she wants everything to go. So while I am waiting I am posting and commenting all over the place. This is the sixth straight hour of this crap and I think I might lose my mind.

Closed for Halloween

We are closing the store for Halloween since there will not be any business. Since it is on a Friday a lot of our customers are going to parties. But the real problem is the kids who are going to come out for candy. They hit all the stores on Court St. Giving the candy isn't the problem, it is the egg throwing and the general bullshit we have to deal with. Last year some asshole stuffed donuts through our front gates. You know, donuts for the fat girls. Better to be closed and stay home and watch a movie. I don't think we will have time to do that since we have to get ready for the trunk show the next day, but we will see what happens.

Phillie's win, Mets blow.

Well the WORLD CHAMPION PHILADLEPHIA PHILLIES can celebrate winning the world series.
Congratulations to AJ and all the Phillie fans. And to Richie Ashburn and Tony Taylor and Larry Bowa and Mike Schmidt and Richie Allen and John Kruk and all the Phillies who played through out the years and didn't get to win a World Series.

The Met fans were out in full force on Sports Radio today refusing to give the Phillies their just due. One douche went on and on about how the Mets won the season series like that meant jack shit. The Phillies won it all and should enjoy the fruits of their victory.

Did I tell you lately that the Phillies won the World Series?

Obama's informercial.

I am not watching it unless he sells a veg-a-matic. Or has Chuck Norris or Christie Brinkley as his side kick. Tradition must be upheld.

The Knicks start their season today.

The New York Knickerbockers basketball team start their season today. I had season tickets for about 16 years. It is a long time since I had them but I sort of miss going to the games. Of course I am old and decrepit now. In fact I have such a stiff neck today, I can barely turn my head. So I don't think I would be up to going to the game and screaming like a maniac the way I used to do. So I will try and catch the game on the tube. The new wop coach is a run and gun kinda guy from the Suns so we might score a lot. I just hope he doesn't end up on the floor of his house like Isaiah Thomas. Eddie Curry and Stephon Marbury have that effect on a lot of people.

Everyday people.

So I come out of LIRR and turn on my little transistor radio and it’s the end of fish oil commercial. What the hell. Do they play that crap all the time?

As approach the door there is this orthodox Jewish woman with about six kids including one with a carriage. She can’t figure out how to get through the revolving door, so I push the button on the side of the wall that opens the hidden glass door on the side. She come through with the kids and thanks me. She was in the process of asking this large Jamaican woman about how to get to the mall and I left them chattering as they went into building. Just everyday working people getting along.

So I get out onto Fort Green Place and the commercial is over and the song starts. It’s Sly and the Family Stone. Everyday People.

Sometimes I'm right, then I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my songs
A butcher, a banker, a drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I'm in
I am everyday people

I like to think of myself as an everyman. I try to see the other guy’s point of view. To put myself in their shoes. Of course that means sometimes I have to tell them they are acting like a dick. Or sometimes I have to act like a dick. For dramatic effect of course. For example we had a situation with a vendor. The little girl who handles our account got all shook up because when she went to LA the designer got in her face because our stuff was ready but we didn’t take it yet. Now I had until October 30 to get it. She was freaking out on October 18. I told her I was definitely taking it but she calls the store and tells my workers that it’s an emergency. When I find out what it is about, I tell her it ain’t an emergency. If the fucking showroom burns down and my dresses burn up, now that’s a emergency. So I gave a piece of my mind. But I put myself in her shoes and told her I understood that she was in the middle. And I would be happy to yell at her boss or the designer himself. That’s me, I am everyday people.


Then it's the blue ones who can't accept
The green ones for living with
The black ones tryin' to be a skinny one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
We gotta live together

I love to tease Mort on Althouse because he gets so sensitive but he is pretty good guy. A little touchy. And he hates the blue ones. He just can’t stand Smurfs. I saw him stab a Smurf with a fork just to see it die. But that’s a different song.

I am no better and neither are you
We're all the same whatever we do
You love me you hate me
You know me and then
Still can't figure out the scene I'm in
I am everyday people

One of the things I don’t like is when people try to fool you. You know what they are up to but they try to get over on you. It’s bad to be predictable. That’s why I try to shake it up now and then.

Then it's the new man
That doesn't like the short man
For being such a rich one
That will not help the poor one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
We got to live together

Do you think they named the TV show Different Strokes after this song? Gary Coleman is such a weird little dude. His parent screwed him over and spent all his money. I mean it must be really tough for him. Is he a midget or what? I think it must be better to be a full fledged midget rather than just a quasi-midget. I wonder if he got to bang Dana Palto?

There is a yellow one that won't
Accept the black one
That won't accept the red one
That won't accept the white one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and
Scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
I am everyday people

Did you know that there was a big rumor that Sly Stone was banging Doris Day when he was a big rock star. Back in the day. I bet Sly sits around and thinks to himself “Damn I used be into the Day back in the Day.” I remember talking about this with one of my teachers in high school and he got all pissed off. He said no way. If she was banging anyone, she was banging Rock Hudson. It’s funny the things you remember.

Scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
I am everyday people

I think Althouse is pulling Bissages chain. At least I hope it's just his chain.

Althouse tagged and front paged a comment from Bissage on every post today. I think she picked up on the fact that we are teasing him ever since she called him the "wonderful Bissage."

That is very unusual for Althouse. She usually doesn't get the joke.

I think it is important that everyone remembers that the rules of the Internet are the same as the rules in the third grade. Raise you hand when you have to go potty, try and look up the girls dresses and mock unmercifully anyone who stands out too much from the crowd.

That freakin' mother Theresa.

The father of one of our customers passed away this weekend. We went to wake at Guido's funeral parlor. And as the name implies it is a real old school Italian funeral parlor on Clinton and Carroll St. The artwork and sculptures and painting are unbelievable. It is so old school and so beautiful you think you are in a museum instead of a funeral home.

Anyway the man who passed was a sculptor who did some well know works but did his best work when he retired. He donated a bunch of great sculptures to various good causes. One of the best he donated to Mother Theresa. She wrote him back a beautiful letter that was on display in the funeral home. Her humility shined off the page as did that of the sculptor. It is a little thing in the scheme of things but shows how you can do things that need to be done even if you a just a little guy in Brooklyn. A saint will recognize your generosity. It just made me think.

What the hell did Christopher Hitchen's ever do that was worth a shit in comparison.

The Phillies got screwed.

The Phillies got screwed last night. They should have stopped the game in the bottom of the fifth and the game and the series should have been over. Instead they continued on to the sixth and the Devil Rays tied it up on a horribly sloppy field on balls that would have been caught if there wasn't fifty gallons of water on the infield. What a rip-off!

This reminds me of the pine tar game. Billy Martin knew that George Brett's bat was illegal and waited to just the right time to call it to the umpires attention. The ump's ruled correctly on the field but the league changed the ruling "in the best interests of baseball." They didn't follow what the rules said, instead they changed it in the middle of the game because that is what the rules should of said.

We are going to get a lot of that now. Just wait and see.

Am I a soft touch?

There is this elderly woman who lives on the block of the store. She is a cancer survivor with a buzz cut who has one of those wheely things that serves as a walker but she can sit down in too. Anyway I always say hello to her and stop to talk. She is often in front of the senior citizens center down the block. Anyways she calls me over to ask me a question. She says "Can Morgan Stanley stop payment on a check." She was supposed to get a check today and she didn't get it. She said when she called up that said that she would get it in a few days when things "calmed" down. And could I lend her $20 because she had absolutely no money and would pay me back Friday when she got her Social Security check. I said sure. I don't know if the story was true,but to be honest there was an odor of Icelandic fish oil to it, but what's twenty dollars. She went and bought milk and bread in the bodega next store. So that's fine with me. I just hope I don't have a bunch of old ladies lining up at the door tomorrow. Some of those bitches own five brownstones and have more money that Bill Gates.

The long walk between trains is the time for instrospection, eh?

I was all set to do another navel gazing piece about some song I listened to on the long cold walk between the LIRR and the Subway. I put on the oldies station and waited for the song to hit me. For inspiration. But all I got were commercials.
In fact one commercial. For Icelandic fish oil.

This woman with a really sexy voice was telling you about all the wonderful qualities of Icelandic fish oil and how it would change your life. And how you get a free sample. All I could think about was...sexy voice...fish oil...where do they get the fish oil....how is extracted...how is it harvested...jeeez what the hell.

You can't always be introspective ya know.

The Christening was tough.

We went to our new niece's christening and it was an ordeal. The ceremony was very nice but the dinner afterward took forever. It was great to see everyone but the seats were kind of small and my leg started hurting like a bastard.

Now the funny part about the ceremony is that we went to what was described to me all the time as a very "gay friendly" Catholic church in Staten Island. My sister in law's brother is gay and he and his partner of about ten years are at all of our family events.They are very active in this parish. Now the funny thing about the whole situation is that everyone loves the guy's partner who is a hell of nice guy. But everybody hates the brother. He is just a real bastard. In fact the only reason most people put up with him is because of his "spouse." The cool gay guy also had his mom and dad there and they are wonderful people. All in all I bemused how things turn out. People are people you know.

But those chairs in the restaurant really sucked. I have been limping like Chester in Gunsmoke all freaking day.

The Giants beat the Steelers.

The Giants managed to beat the Steelers in a close hard fought game. The key play was a safety which resulted from the replacement long snapper hiking the ball over the punters head into the end zone. That tied up the game and the free kick lead to the Giants winning score. The Steelers were pretty banged up so it wasn't a true test and we might end up seeing them in the Super Bowl. It doesn't look like they enough depth to compete with the Giants but they deserve some respect. They just have to realize that they are playing THE WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS.

Did I tell you lately that the Giants won the Super Bowl?

Introspection or where the fuck did all this lint come from?

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Tales from Amy’s Garden.

Fiver: There's something very queer about the warren this evening...
Hazel: Is it dangerous?
Fiver: It's not exactly danger, it's... oh, I don't know. Something oppressive... like thunder.
Fiver: I feel it too. The lady in the cottage seems very angry. She is cursing and yelling and throwing wine bottles out of the window.
Hazel: Well I think the lady is getting even stranger. She was raving about being mentioned in a magazine. That seems kind of silly to be upset about something like that.
Fiver: Isn’t that a good thing?
Hazel: I don’t know. I know it was very bad to be talked about in print for Bigwigs sister. She was mentioned in a book.
Fiver: Why is that bad?
Hazel: It was a cook book.
Fiver: Well I don’t think she has to worry. It doesn’t look like she has gotten cooking with anybody in a long time.
Hazel: Except for her friend Jack Daniels.
(Watership Down, 1972)

Thomas Harris's first draft that just didn't work.

Hannibal Lecter: I will listen now. After your father's murder, you were orphaned. You were ten years old. You went to live with cousins on a vegetable patch in Montana. And...?
Clarice Starling: [tears begin forming in her eyes] And one morning, I just ran away.
Hannibal Lecter: No "just", Clarice. What set you off? You started at what time?
Clarice Starling: Early, still dark.
Hannibal Lecter: Then something woke you, didn't it? Was it a dream? What was it?
Clarice Starling: I heard a strange noise.
Hannibal Lecter: What was it?
Clarice Starling: It was... screaming. Some kind of screaming, like a child's voice.
Hannibal Lecter: What did you do?
Clarice Starling: I went downstairs, outside. I crept up into the barn. I was so scared to look inside, but I had to.
Hannibal Lecter: And what did you see, Clarice? What did you see?
Clarice Starling: Lejumes. A big barrel of lentils. And they were screaming.
Hannibal Lecter: They were shelling the lentils and what else?
Clarice Starling: And they were screaming.
Hannibal Lecter: And you ran away?
Clarice Starling: No. First I tried to free them. I... I turned the barrel on it side, but they wouldn't roll away. They just lay there, confused. They wouldn't run.
Hannibal Lecter: But you could and you did, didn't you?
Clarice Starling: Yes. I took one spoonful of lejumes, and I ran away as fast as I could.
Hannibal Lecter: Where were you going, Clarice?
Clarice Starling: I don't know. I didn't have any food, any water and it was very cold, very cold. I thought, I thought if I could save just one, but... they was so awkward. So awkward. I didn't get more than a few miles when the sheriff's car picked me up. The farmer was so angry he sent me to live at the Lutheran orphanage in Bozeman. I never saw the farm again.
Hannibal Lecter: What became of your lejumes, Clarice?
Clarice Starling: They made them into a lentil soup.
(Silence of the Lejumes, Thomas Harris first draft, 1982)

We have to go to a Christening tomorrow.

We have to go to a Christening tomorrow for my wife's brothers new baby. What pisses me off is no one is going to the mass before the ceremony. They are just going to the house and then to the ceremony. It is so hypocritical. I mean I go to Mass every Sunday and I think if you want the kid to be baptized you should do the same. Just don't show up at baptism, first communion, confirmation, weddings and funerals. But that's what so many Catholics do these days. I asked why can't we all go to the Mass first and then the Baptism. I didn't get a satisfactory explication. But what are you going to do. With the wife's family I have a policy. Keep your mouth shut. That's the only way to survive.

What really sucks is that there is a great Giants game that I have to tape. Boy does this suck or what?

Trunk show November ! with Gayla Bentley.

We are having a big trunk show on Saturday November 1 with Gayla Bentley a plus size designer. She is coming with her minions. We hear that she sells like crazy. So that will be good. The only thing that sucks is that she is coming to Brooklyn on Halloween night and we took the day off. We don't like to be open on Halloween because kids from all over Brooklyn come in to get candy. The little kids are not the problem. It is the 12 to 15 year olds who would love to throw some eggs inside the store to get it all over expensive clothes. So we are closed. We planned to lay around in our PJ's and watch movies all day. Now we have to entertain.

It never works out the way you want.

Super busy in the store today!

We were super busy in the store today. Lots of clients old and new and lots of sales. We seem to be doing great from a sales stand point. The problem is the vendors. They are panicking and demanding we take things ahead of schedule. I had to bitch slap a couple of them Friday. Enough is enough. I am not taking stuff scheduled for November 30 on October 25th. Sometimes I think I will have to jump through the phone and strangle them.

I put on a cap today.

I wore this green timberland jacket my wife got me today because it got really cold. Standing on the platform at Jamaica to change trains on the LIRR can really make you freeze your nuts off. So I reach into the pocket and there is a knit cap from Kevin St. James which is the bar in Hells kitchen that my wife used to manage which was one of my clients. It isn't a watch cap because it doesn't fold over, it is sort of a weird skull cap with the insignia which is sort of a rip off of Harley Davidson's logo. Anyway I debated whether or not to put it on. If it was cold enough. Well I did and it felt good.

Of course when I got to the store, the wife yelled at me and said I looked like a hoodlum and why didn't I wear one of the nice hats she got me. I just smiled. You know it is a good thing to look like a hoodlum on the subway. Just sayn'.

She couldn't argue with that.

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

Last night I was walking from the Long Island Railroad station at Flatbush Avenue to the Subway. When I walk around I always listen to my little transistor radio. It’s not an expensive ipod, just a little transistor that I picked up for ten bucks. WFAN had a hockey game on so there was no sports talk. So I had switched to the oldies station. It was a cold night and I was all bundled up. First real cold night with the wind blowing fierce. As I crossed Hanson place a song came on the radio, playing low. Against the wind.

“It seems like yesterday
But it was long ago
Janey was lovely, she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playing low”

Do you ever think about the people who were so important to you years ago and now you can barely remember them? People you worked with? People you went to the game with? Hung out at the bar with? Lovers? But it was long ago….

“And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
Till there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove”

Some times those passions burn so brightly, love or hate. In the end, in time, there is perspective. And indifference. Red hot turns to ashy cold grey.

”And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then”

That line is just about my favorite line in any song ever. “Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.” Man truer words were never spoken. Sometimes experience can be a curse. You hate to be right about people but you know you are. You hate to disillusion people but you don’t want them to be hurt. Naiveté can be cute but it will hurt them so you have to wise them up. “Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.”

”Against the wind
We were running against the wind
We were young and strong, we were running
Against the wind”

Remember when you were young and strong. You could go out with your friends and go to the park and play pick up basketball all day long. Just stop long enough to get a drink of water from the old stone water fountain and get right back on the court. No bum legs. No varicose veins. When the cold didn’t bother you and you went out at midnight and ready to party to the wee hours. “We were young and strong, we were running Against the wind”

”And the years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home”

You are not really alone. I mean you have your friends and family. But the friends and family that are gone leave a hole in your heart. Your mom or dad who may have passed on. Your grandmother who taught you how to cook. The uncle who taught you how to fish and bet the horses. The aunt who would take your hand and take you to your first Broadway show. The people who were home. Now most of them are gone. Forever. You have new friends, maybe even a new family. But you still think about the ones that are gone. And find yourself “further and further from your home.”

“And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again”

So you have a new life. With new friends. The people you grew up with are all most all gone. Just a few linger on. You keep moving. Getting and spending. Buying and selling. Working seven days a week. Running as fast as you can, cause if you stop you might fall

”Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind”

The only shelter you can find is with your wife and the new family you have made. You are together in the foxhole. Holding each other tight and getting shelter from the wind.

”Well those drifters days are past me now
I’ve got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out”

Those carefree days are gone. When you were just worried about going out and having a good time. Knowing that you could go to your grandmothers or your moms and walk into the kitchen and lift off the lid of the pot and fish out a fresh meatball. Or sit on the stoop with the old men and have some grappa and smoke a cigar. Now you have to watch what you say and watch what you do. You have to edit yourself. You don’t know what to leave in, and what to leave out.

Against the wind
I’m still running against the wind
Well I’m older now and still
Against the wind

I listened to that song as I walked the long three blocks in the cold wind as papers swirled and kicked leaves that had just fallen. I am a lot older now, but I will still struggle against the wind.

I just wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.

This shit has got to stop.

In the last two weeks, I had to throw out skells who walked into the store looking to rip something off. Tonight a guy comes in and starts a rap about how he had all his things taken in a homeless shelter and the cops didn't do anything and blah blah blah. Now he is well dressed and not skanky but he wants to come into a women's clothing store and be disruptive. As I usher him out, he accuses me of racism and that I didn't care about his problems. I told him that black women are my best customers. But they are women, not men and men are not allowed in the store unless accompanied by a woman or if they are shopping for a present.

But he was right that I didn't care about his problems.

I have applied for a gun permit.

Go Phillies!!!!!!!!!

Lets root root root for the Philadelphia Phillies as they go to the World Series. I think their bullpen is the difference maker and they will win in six. Besides, how can you root for the Devil Rays when they killed the Crocodile Hunter guy?

Sarah Palin spends $150,000 on clothes and none of it is from Lee Lee's Valise.

The story today is that Sarah Palin spent $150,000 on new clothes to run for Vice-president. And she didn't spend a dime at Lee Lee's Valise. That sucks.

I want to put it out there that if Michele Obama wants to shop for more Donna Ricco dresses and comes to the store, I will immediately endorse her husband and be a tireless defender of them on the internet.

I can be bought.

Giants vs Steeler is a Super Bowl Preview.

THE WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS are playing the Pittsburgh Steelers in what could very well be a Super Bowl preview this Sunday in Pittsburgh. It will be old school smash mouth football. Both teams have great young quarterbacks who have won a Super Bowl and both teams have punishing defenses that know how to rush the passer. Plus that asshole Plaxico Buress will be on his best behavior as he wants to stick it to his old team. So I can't wait to see the game.

How we get new stuff.

A lot of other stores wonder how we get new and interesting stuff for the store as opposed to all the old lady Mrs. Roper shit that every other plus store has. Well an example of what happens is what happened today.

There was a new line of clothing in our sizes of 10-28 who had truly horrible stuff. I mean the fabrics were crap, polyester blends that would make you want to puke. Anyway they kept chasing us in the show at Vegas, trying to give us their line sheets to order their stuff. We took it like the flyer's you get on the street for Popeye's chicken, you know you hold it just long enough to get to a garbage can and toss it. They stalked us. Hanging out a couple of booths away from where we were sitting and when we got up ran up and tried to get us to go to their table. But we managed to wiggle out of it. But they were chasing us up and down the aisle like it was fucking Benny Hill or something.

But today they came to the store. I walk in about 6 o'clock from my other job and my wife goes "They tracked us down." With a terrified look on her face. Sort of that look when Simon showed up at Althouse's house that time.

The owner and designer of the company were in the store trying to sell our line. The wife took it as long as she could and then called me out of the back to be the bad guy. That's my job.

I had to tell them that their fabrics were shit. I wasn't buying those shit poly fabrics from the established manufacturers so why would I buy it from a new company?

But they did show me something by being aggressive and coming to us. So I told them to come with some swatches and some dress bodies and we can see if we can strike a deal. The wife has to approve the fabric and body on a dress and we will take one to see how it goes. I will always give someone a shot. But on our terms. You never know. It might develop into something good. But it is a long, long way away from that right now.

I found out what the story is and it's not so bad.

It turns out that Adele didn't even look at any of the clothes. She wore her own clothes and refused to have anything to do with what we had sent. So that is good news, because she didn't reject them, she rejected the fact that she needed to change her look. Fair enough.

But we heard that the costume designer loved the stuff so we might get a call later in the season. Then we will need to make a decision.

HEY RED SOX FANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha Ha.

The Red Sox won and can go to the series if they win one more game. Shit.

The Sox won again and tied the series with one game to go to see who goes to the Series. Congratulations to Titus, Reader_iam, Theo and all the deluded Red Sox fans.
I am happy for you but remember one thing if you make it to the Series. AJ's Phillies are gonna kick your ass. Count on it.

We got screwed by a celebrity again.

You know when you are Italian you are very superstitious so I was stupid to mention that Adele might wear some of our stuff on SNL last night. I must of jinxed it as she someone stuff that we did not recognize. She was a very hard fit as she would only wear black, silver or grey so the choices were very limited. We don't know if she is going to keep any of the stuff we sent, they might send it all back.

The outfit she picked for the show was nice and she looked good, but if my wife could have dressed her we could have made her look like a knock out. We have a beautiful Donna Rico dress that is black but her tits would have been out there and her waist would have been defined and with the right chunky jewelry she would have looked like a million bucks.

This is the problem with celebrities. They have stylists who come and ask for a lot of stuff that you send to them for the client to choose from with advice from the stylists. But my wife is a much better stylist than 99% of the skinny girls who are trying to style girls in our size range of 10-28. She sees literally hundreds of women of every body type and can make anyone look great. So it would really benefit these celebrities if they actually came to the store where she could dress them properly.

In fact my position is that I don't want to send anything out to celebrity stylists.

After watching the Rachael Zoe reality show, we got to see how they treat the clothes and it pisses me off big time. I feel that our customers are the regular people who shop with us. The doctors and judges and secretaries and all the bus driver ladies who came from the Bronx to buy Tadashi gowns for the Bus Drivers Ball. They are who is important. Not some singer or actress with a sense of entitlement and lack of fashion sense who is relying on other peoples opinions. But I am a working class guy who hates celebrities in general so I guess I am the wrong one to judge.

But so far these famous people have screwed us every time.

How people can get on your nerves.

Hanleys the bar on Court Street where we go now and then set up a separate brick oven pizza place. They only make three kinds of pizza's that the serve on individual cutting boards. Margerhita, a spinach and goat cheese, and a clam pie. Eeeech.

Anyway I took my cousin and his daughter and the wife and the girls from the store for pizza. Now we have been going there a lot in the past few weeks because it's easy and they serve until midnight so we can get a meal late. Sometimes when we are there on Wednesday or Thursday we are their only customers. So I do what I usually do and got to know the guy who makes the pizza. I was busing his balls because they don't have mushrooms or sausage yet because he is still learning how to cook in the wood burning oven.

So the bartender girl who doubles as the waitress runs out from behind the bar to set up a couple of tables for us. She loves us because as usual I have over tipped.
She gets us seated and knows our drink orders, a bottle of sirazh. Actually two bottles since there are a lot of us. I give the chef guy who is behind a short wall across the room the high sign to start margherita pizzas for everyone. So everything is cool right. Wrong.

They have a waitress tonight. A new girl. She must be banging the owner. She has to be banging somebody because she has no idea what she's doing. She insits that she has to give everyone the menu. I said I already ordered. She said I can't do that. I said you wanna bet. We start going back and forth. Finally she agrees to go check on it and finds out that I had put in the order while she was fucking off somewhere. Anyway she disappears and the pizza guy brings us the pizza and the bartender brings us more drinks. But we don't see this bitch until we are mostly through the meal and she comes over and asks if we need anything. I mean seriously. WTF.

I always treat my waiters or waitresses great. I tip really well and will understand that it is often not their fault when the kitchen messes up if they try to fix it. But I don't really want to get in an argument with someone who knows less about how their restaurant works than I do. It's after a long hard day, no a long hard week. Just try not to be belligerent towards you customers ya know. It takes very little to keep me happy.

How she is going to survive is beyond me. I sure hope she is banging someone to keep her job.

My top ten sandwiches.

I finally got to eat lunch at about 5pm today as the store was rockin' and I was thinking about sandwiches. Here is a reprise of my top ten sandwiches that I had posted on Althouse some time ago:

My top ten sandwiches of all time.

10. Ham and cheese from Mastellone’s deli. Served on crusty Italian bread with mayo lettuce, tomato and red peppers in vinegar, we use the finest Boars Head ham together with fresh mozzarella.

9. Roast beef au juis from Brennan’s and Carr in Flatbush. Rare roast beef on a Kaiser roll with dipping juice. Heaven.

8. Liverwurst on a hard Kaiser roll from that German Deli whose name I forget in Maspeth Queens. Served with raw onion and spicy mustard. Great with Yoo-hoo.

7 Eggplant parmigiana from the Spumoni Gardens in Bensonhurst. I love the way they toast the bread just this side of burned. Have some Spumoni for dessert.

6. Pastrami on rye from Katz’s deli. What more do I need to say. Comfort food to the max. Don't let the slicer guys give you any crap.

5. Tuna salad from Scotty’s diner on Lexington. Have it with lettuce, tomato and mayo served on a hard roll. The hint of lemon, onion and the chopped celery makes it oh so good.

4. Meatball Parmigiana from Casa Rosa on Court St. Firm juicy meatballs with lots of sauce with fresh mozzarella and a dusting of pecorino Romano. Yummy.

3. Burgers from Suspenders on Broadway. A juicy burger served on a hard roll made up of fresh ground meat hand molded into a half pound burger. Get it with fresh mozzarella, fried onions and mushrooms.

2. A panele sandwich from Fernandos on Union St. between Hicks and Columbia. A panele is chick peas made into a flat pancake which is deep fried and served on a hard crusty seeded role with ricotta and shaved hard provolone. Often served as a potato/panele special in which three potato croquets are added to this heavenly mix. Have it with a rice ball and a frosty mug of Manhattan Special Espresso soda.

1.Potato and eggs the way my mom makes. French fried potato’s coated with eggs served on a crusty piece of Italian bread with salt, pepper and a little pecorino romano. The best. Best with a big pot of coffee. Have lots of napkins. It’s greasy but delicious.

Cousin Anthony came over yesterday.

My cousin came over to visit yesterday. Well actually my wife's cousin but I consider him my cousin now. It's funny how you get close to your wife's family when you have been married for a while. At least the ones you like. Some of them I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire, but Anthony is way cool. He used to be an FBI agent and now he is in the seminary studying to be a priest. We went out with a bunch of people to have thin crust pizza and some wine in a local pub across the street from my house. Just as the food comes, Anthony says "Hey we have to say grace." So we all say a prayer in the midst of a bar with music blasting and people shouting and cursing about the Ranger game. But that was OK by me because he was being true to his calling. Something an asshole like Bill Maher would never understand.

He left me with two great Romeo and Juileta cigars. He had to get back on the road back to Boston, but the rest of the crowd came back to our house for some wine and I got to enjoy one of the stogies. It smoked like a dream.

Life on Mars is a pretty cool show.

I have been enjoying Life on Mars which is this TV show about a cop in 2008 who is hit by a car and is somehow thrown back to 1973. He is a cop in the seventies and has to adapt to working in the style of the time which means you just kick the shit out of suspects or frame them if you know they did it.

What I really like about this show is the music and the styles which was what I wore back in the 1970's. The shirts with the big collar over the jacket. The leather jacket with the bell bottoms and the porno guy mustache. I think I still have that stuff over my moms house.

It's just about twenty sizes too small.

When you run a business all you do if write checks.

So I was in the back of the store today paying bills. Electric,phone,payroll, federal payroll tax, state payroll tax, city payroll tax, federal unemployment insurance, New York State unemployment insurance, workers compensation insurance, liability insurance,cable tv, internet connection and medical insurance. Before I pay for any of the stuff that I have to buy so I can have something to sell to make the money to pay for all of that stuff. I wonder if Barack Obama or John McCain ever had to do that?

I don't think so.

We are dressing Adele on SNL this Saturday.

A stylist we know called us up to get some clothes for Adele the English pop star who is appearing on Saturday Night Live this Saturday. She came to the store and put together a bunch of outfits for her to choose from for the show. It is a real pleasure to deal with a stylist who knows what they are doing. I have been forced to draw the line with a lot of them because they want everything and then buy nothing. Fuck that. But this girl knew her stuff and was smart enough to listen to my wife who put together some great outfits. She had a great Anna Sholtz black sequined number that will probably be the one she picks that will look great. I can't wait to see what she picked.

I miss going to the Knick games.

I used to have season tickets to the New York Knickerbockers. Also to the Yankees and the Giants and the monthly fights at the Felt Forum. Of course that was when I was single.

I enjoyed the Knicks most of all because I went with my brother. I had the tickets for 18 years. The first year I bought them the were $12.50 per seat for a total cost of about $1200 for the year including membership in the bar and exhibitions and everything. We were really into it and went to two or three games a week. That was when the Knicks had Ewing and Oakley and were in contention. And every week you could have Bird or Magic or Jordan coming to the Garden. As the tickets got more expensive I used to sell some off to defray the costs. Sometimes I made a lot of money on them and actually paid off half the season by just selling off the Chicago games. I didn't care because I wanted to see the West Coast teams like Portland or Phoenix who only came in once a year.

Then I started dating my future wife and she started coming to a lot of games. She liked the experience but it was a lot different. When you a single guy you can wear old crappy clothes, go to the bar to get tanked up, walk to you seat with one minute before tip off and start screaming like a maniac.

You wife wants to go for a nice dinner. Then she needs time to go to the bathroom and wants you to wait outside for her. That makes you late so you always have to throw some asshole out of your seats. An argument usually ensues if only with the people who want you to sit down. Then she has to go to bathroom before we got on the Subway and that takes forever. We are always the last ones out of the Garden. Sometimes I was afraid we would get locked in.

Then 911 happened. They started searching you. You couldn't bring in a bag, even a handbag. I had to leave my briefcase across the street at my local pub for the bartender to hold for me while we watched the game. Then they let you bring in small pocketbooks. One night my wife goes "We have to go to Macy's (across the street from Madison Square Garden) because I have to buy some makeup." So I am not paying attention and she comes out with this little package. I say to her "What's in that."
"Face powder." "You do realize that they just sent anthrax to several people and you will never get that into the garden?" "Ut-oh." "Let's go leave it at the bar."

So the game became a much less pleasant experience. Then they trade Ewing and the team started to go down hill. I couldn't sell any of the tickets. Sell them, I couldn't even give them away. They had increase to $75 a ticket or $150 a game. So I finally had to give them up. They email me or call me every week trying to sell me some tickets. But they just make it too hard.

But I miss going to the Knick games.

What people who live in a dream world don't know about the real world.

So last night it is about 8:30 and the wife and two employees are out front working on stuff. I went to the bathroom and while I did two guys come into the store. One walks around and is obviously casing the joint and the other stands in front of the big mirror talking to himself and making faces. "Is this the big ladies store"..."I know you don't want us in here"..."My boy here needs something for his moms" Anyway I come out of the bathroom and look on the monitor and see the two mooks so I come bursting out of the back room from behind the curtain. "OH there is a man in the Ladies Store...a big man" I ask them what's up while my wife who has her hand on the bat behind the bar the whole time says "You guys don't really want anything...you are full of shit" and the one drunk mook goes "It's discrimination...you don't want men in the ladies store ...it's Rachel.."

What the fuck is Rachel?

Oh racial. No it's not. I herd them out the door and tell them no men allowed unless they are with a woman. I have been in a bad mood lately so I might have growled a little. But they left like gentlemen, even shook my hand.

You see they mistook a Brooklyn store for a yuppie store. Everyone had a bat or a box cutter or the big huge fabric scissors right at hand, and they knew it. You can't be polite. You can't be mealymouthed. You can't give an inch.

The last time I had to throw someone out was when Althouse visited. But that's another story.

Big Red Sox Win, but they still suck.

The Red Sox came back from 7 to 0 down to win last night and make the series 3-2. The Devil Rays folded under the pressure which is understandable since it is their first time at the dance. Several of the plays were bad but the hit by Veriteck was the worst. He is as slow as shit and the third baseman just had to stop and plant himself and he would have thrown him out with no problem to end the inning. The Red Sox know enough to keep the pressure on until the final out and pulled one out. But I think they will die like the dogs that they are no that they lost Manny. We will see.

Tom Tresh, Yankee great, rest in peace.

Tom Tresh the old Yankee outfielder died yesterday at 71. He was in the outfield with Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris in the early sixties for the Yankees when my dad first started taking me to games. I remember I got a Tommy Tresh bat on bat day I think in 1963. He was always running into walls and playing his ass off. But his career tailed off after 1964 and was never the same player. But when he came back for old Timers day I always cheered my ass for him. He reminded me of those great days when I was a kid and my dad used to take me to the Stadium even though he was a dyed in the wool Met's fan. Tommy Tresh, rest in peace brother.

Joe the Plumber is gonna get reamed.

So Joe the plumber asks the Chosen one a question about buying his company that would make about $250,000 and would Obama be raising taxes on him. Then Obama made a big mistake and told the truth. Of course he is going to tax the shit out of him to give to other people to help them do well. Then all hell broke loose.

McCain used Joe the plumber to hammer Obama and he didn't like that very much. His minions in the press and the blogosphere have looked up the guys asshole and spread his whole life out on the Internet. If he ever farted in church it will be trumpeted to the high heaven. God forbid a regular person with bills and problems asks a question of his betters. He has to be destroyed. It won't be pretty.

I remember when they passed the law outlawing smoking in bars. One of my clients went on TV and talked about how much that was going to cost him in sales. I rushed to the bar to ask him what kind of idiot was he trying to be by putting himself in the line of fire. They would audit his ass if he crossed Nanny Bloomberg. Sure enough he got visits from the fire department, the health department, the workers compensation and the labor department in the next two weeks when he hadn't seen any of them in the prior four years he was open. That's what happens when you cross these commie big government types. Just be ready to be reamed.

Lehane's new book The Given Day is great so far.

Blogging is weird. I happened to mention in a post that I had picked up Dennis Lehane's new book "The Given Day" which is about the Boston Police strike. So one of the publiscist for the book read the post and commented. She gave me a link where you can read a few free chapters. This is the link:

http://browseinside.harpercollins.com/index.aspx?isbn13=9780688163181&wt.mc_id=pub_wm_av

It's pretty funny that Ii was complaining about free chapters and some one comes to give out info for the exact same thing. I guess that is the new marketing ploy.

Anyway the book is full of interesting characters, especially real life ones like Babe Ruth and Calvin Coolidge and J Edgar Hoover. It is in an especially interesting time for a novel. The years at the end of World War 1 which is a mystery to most Americans. So far it has been a lot of fun and I highly recomend it. Lehane is a very talented writer.

Project Runway got it all wrong.

Well Project Runway is over and Leanne won. Which is a total joke because her fashions were ridiculous if you were thinking about making something that could sell as ready to wear in store like Lee Lee’s Valise. Now the designers would shit a brick if they had to design anything for someone over a size six but still. All of those waves Leanne made were ridiculous. Korto stuff was just too ornate but some of if might have been salvageable if she toned it down a little. The only one with potential was Kenley as a lot of her designs could be adapted easily to ready to wear and still be very fashion forward. Now the judges were talking about how she “copied” some other designers. What a fucking joke. That’s all that the fashion business is, copying off one another and ripping each other off. And Kenley sure was a bitch so she would fit right in with all the fashion divas who design clothes. I think she will do well in the real world and would put her stuff in my store. But who cares what a store owner thinks, you should only listen to fashionista’s.

Hey here is a reprise of my favorite Westerns!

Per Darcy’s request, here is a reprise of my top ten westerns along with a few honorable mentions that I add to as the weeks go by:

10. She Wore A Yellow Ribbon. I don’t know it this really qualifies as a Western but the themes and the photography are great. I want to include Ford’s cavalry pictures as westerns. The theme of an old warhorse retiring to be replaced by the younger generation is a recurring one in Ford’s later work. John Wayne gives a stellar performance as Captain Nathan Brittles and his cemetery scene where he talks to his wife let me go to my dad’s grave and talk to him without feeling self conscious. The photography and costumes were influenced by the great western artist Fredrick Remington and the shots during the storm were just a lucky break that Ford just kept rolling through. Superb.

9. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Lee Marvin is the best villain that I ever saw. He had this fuck you attitude that was right on the money. Jimmy Stewart can get a little cloying but he had an edge here as the slightly sleazy lawyer who steals the Dukes girl. Woody Strode had another of his great almost silent performances as Pompey. “When the truth disagrees with the Legend, print the Legend.” Or the modern newsman’s motto, “Just make shit up.”

8. Johnny Guitar. Man this is a great movie. Joan Crawford is unbelievable and the dialogue is unreal. Nicholas Ray is a great underrated director.

Johnny: How many men have you forgotten?
Vienna: As many women as you've remembered.
Johnny: Don't go away.
Vienna: I haven't moved.
Johnny: Tell me something nice.
Vienna: Sure, what do you want to hear?
Johnny: Lie to me. Tell me all these years you've waited. Tell me.
Vienna: [without feeling] All those years I've waited.
Johnny: Tell me you'd a-died if I hadn't come back.
Vienna: [without feeling] I woulda died if you hadn't come back.
Johnny: Tell me you still love me like I love you.
Vienna: [without feeling] I still love you like you love me.
Johnny: [bitterly] Thanks. Thanks a lot.

What a great movie chock full with lesbian overtones and the female lead is named after a sausage


7. The Long Riders. A great Walter Hill flick where he had a set of brothers play the members of the James Gang. The gang was actually made up of brothers who had run away to fight with Quantrill during the Civil War. The James and Younger clans were cousins and the Millers and the Fords were part of the extended kinship of intermarriage of rural America. As Cole Younger, David Carradine gave his best performance ever. One of my favorite lines of all time is in this movie.

Belle Starr: Coleman Younger! Seems like you folks are havin' a real nice party in there.
Cole Younger: I expect so, with free food and drink and all.
Belle Starr: How come I wasn't invited?
Cole Younger: 'Cause you're a whore, Belle.
Belle Starr: I might be; but at least I ain't a cheap one

"Cause you’re a whore, Belle." Love it.

6. Unforgiven. A great Clint Eastwood flic that really shows what violence is all about. The performances by Richard Haris and Gene Hackman are great as well. Morgan Freeman overdoes the saintly Negro bit but at least it can serve as a blue print for the Barack Obama campaign. This movie is a distillation of all that Eastwood learned about Westerns throughout his career. The greatest compliment I could give him is that it easily could be a work from Ford or Peckinpaugh. It is by far his best work.


5. Stagecoach is the movie that set the archetypes for almost all subsequent westerns. The whore with the heart of gold. The greedy banker. The southern gentleman fallen on hard times who lives as a gambler and gunman but retains his courtly ways. The drunken doctor who is a truth teller but still a drunk. And most important of all is the Anti-hero. A bad man who does good. A killer who is in the right and does what he has to do. The Ringo Kid as played by John Wayne is the model for hundreds of movies and TV shows and is the archetype of the western hero. In this movie, the shots and the action and the characters set the standard for western movies.

4. Red River is the movie that really made John Wayne a star. His portrayal of Dunson is one of his top three performances and his chemistry with Montgomery Clift is amazing. You could believe that they were father and son. Adopted son but son all the same. This set the tone for all the trail drive movies to follow. The funny part about the movie is that most people assume because it was a Wayne movie that John Ford directed it. The real Director Howard Hawks loved to bust on Ford that he made Wayne a star. Ford would pour his drink over the heads of fans who told them how much they loved Red River. He might have been pissed, but Red River and Stagecoach were the originals that thousands of hacks have copied from for decades.

3. Rio Grande is my sentimental favorite. A great love story with Wayne and Maureen O’hara, the themes of conflict between duty and family is always a favorite. The comic scenes with Victor Mclaglen were stellar as always and the movie could be seen as a metaphor for the war against terror. General Sheridan comes down and tells Colonel York that he has to break the law by crossing into Mexico to stop the attacks by the Apaches. The government might have to disown him but he still has to do the job. It’s fun and lighthearted in an engaging way and better than 90% of the crap we get to watch today.

2. The Magnificent Seven is one of the best action westerns ever made. I much prefer it to the Wild Bunch as it is more stylized and has such a great cast. I mean James Coburn and Charles Bronsen as supporting players. Eli Wallach plays the best “bad tooth” Mexican bandito this side of the Treasure of Sierra Madre. It was a copy of Seven Samurai which Kurasowa has often said was heavily influenced by John Ford’s westerns. So it was a western influenced by an eastern which was influenced by a western. Yul Brenner gave such an iconic performance that he lived off it for years as witness the comic turn it took in Westworld. This is just great popcorn entertainment.

1. The only real agreement I have with AFI is that The Searchers is the best western ever made. Wayne was great as the uncle searching for his niece so that he could kill her because she was ruined by being raped by Scar the Comanche chief. It included most of Fords stock company in their usual roles but they seem sharper and more in tune. This movie has been ripped off in so many ways and so many times that it is impossible to list them all. The themes of lost love and redemption are universal and it is above all great entertainment.


Honorable Mention: Fort Apache, The Gunfighter, The Big Sky, Cheyenne Autumn, The Angel and The Bad Man, The War Wagon, The Daybreakers, Ride the High Country, Will Penny, The Alamo (the one with the Duke of course), Destry Rides Again, The Star Packer, The Tall Horseman, Duel in the Sun, They Died with their Boots On, Drums Along the Mohawk, Rancho Notorious, Major Dundee, Broken Arrow, Lonely are the Brave, The Way West.

Where I almost killed a Yuppie bitch.

So I have been dragging my ass the last two weeks as we have been doing seven days a week in the store and I have a lot of work doing the taxes for final extensions. My idiot clients were finally sending me the information so I could finish the returns. My leg has been killing me which makes it even more fun.

Now normally I take the subway to Flatbush Avenue to get the Long Island Railroad to take it to my office in Long Island. But there are seven long stairways to walk up and down as the Fulton St stop on the G train sucks donkey dick. Since my leg is killing me I can't face all that especially now that I am exhausted.

So I have been taking a cab to the railroad and skipping the subway. What I do is go to Clinton St where all the cabs go to pick up fares on the way to Manhattan. There are always cabs there all hours of the day and night.

Anyway, I am in an exhausted daze as I get to the corner and wait for a cab. After about ten minutes one starts to pull up. I hear someone screeching "Excuse me, excuse me but I have been waiting here for ten minutes for a cab." Some woman comes from across the street and starts for the cab. Now cab etiquette is that if you are waiting for a cab you go to the corner where the cab has to stop. Not the next corner. I never even noticed the cunt. She was a typical yuppie who had just moved into the neighborhood with a sense of entitlement and a copy of the New York Times under her arms. I said "Lady I never saw you are you bullshitting me." "No I was really waiting for ten minutes" as she got into the cab. So I say "Well I think you are a lying sack of shit but go a head." I was just too tired to argue. The cab driver was pissed as I think I had been in his cab a few days before and had given him a good tip. He goes "If you want to get in to go to Manhattan after I drop her off we can do that sir." "No that's ok you are stuck with the bitch."

Back in the day I might have lost my temper, but what are you gonna do.

All hail the Phillies and kudos to the Devil Rays.

It looks like the Phillies and the Devil Rays in the World Series. Both the Red Sox and Saint Joe Torre got bitch slapped by scrappy underdogs. Sweet.

I will be rooting like my brother AJ Lynch for a Phillies sweep. Lets go Phillies.

I picked up two great new novels today: The Given Day by Dennis Lehane and The Devils Brood by Sharon Kay Penman.

I picked up two books today to read after the deadline. Both of them look like great reads.

The Given Day by Dennis Lehane which is about the Boston Police strike and shapes up to be a great read. He is a superior mystery writer who wrote the books that became the movies Mystic River and Gone Baby Gone. I hear that they are making a movie out of his insane asylum book Shutter Island and that should be pretty good. Lehane did some yeoman work on the last season of the Wire on HBO. He wrote all the dialogue where the corner boys went “ Yo man.”

Then I picked up Sharon Kay Penman’s latest in the trilogy about Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine called “The Devil’s Brood.” A story about all of the familiar characters like Richard the Lionhearted and his wimpy brother John. You know the time of Robin Hood and all that jazz. Her historical books are really wonderful reading. My favorite of her’s is of course The Sunne in Splendor which is the story of Richard III
told in a much more sympathetic way than old Billy Shakespeare. In any event all of her books are well worth reading if you are a student of history.

I have some stuff to read on the train. Hooray!!!!

Well I finished most of the taxes for the final extension.

Well it took a while but I finished most of the taxes that were due for the final extension date for personal returns of October 15, 2008. It was a big time pain in the ass and a lot of people paid a lot of taxes. I shudder to think what it will be like if Barack Obama raises taxes the way he plans to do. I want to out of the tax game by then. I hate to see grown men cry.

THE WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS LOST THEIR FIRST GAME THIS SEASON! SO WHAT! IDID I TELL YOU LATELY THAT THE GIANTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!

THE WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS lost their first game against the Cleveland Browns on Monday Night Football. Hey shit happens. They were outplayed and lost fair and square. They need to be more physical and not coast on their reputation. It might be good that they lost early in the season so that it could act as a slap in the face so they will wake up.

To busy to blog.

I have been too busy doing taxes to write any posts here since this requires some thought. Not like dropping comments here and there. You can do that while you are running copies of returns and stuff. But I have some new ideas so we will see whats what in a few days.

My Top Ten Favorite Non Yankee Baseball Players.

10. Eddie Kranepool of the New York Mets. He was my dad’s favorite player so I give him a spot in honor of my daddio. He loved Eddie, a New York kid who played first base for the Mets in the sixties and early seventies. Solid hitter and a great glove he should have been part of the face of the Mets. He is the equivalent of Roy White with the Yankees. A star on weak teams that a lot of fans would look fondly on and should have had a place with the team.

9. Tony Gwynn of the San Diego Padres. What a great hitter and what a great guy. He was the face of the Padres for decades and was one of the best hitters you would ever find. He spent his entire career in the West in the National League so the only time we got to see him in person was when we swept the Padres in the World Series. Thanks Tony.

8. Roberto Clemente of the Pittsburgh Padres. What a great player. Had one of the best World Series I ever saw. Great arm and superior hitter. Really the first of the moody Latin superstars who stood up for his rights and didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Died a hero in a plane crash bringing supplies to earthquake victims.

7. Dave Parker of the Pittsburgh Pirates. A big man and a great hitter, he was a star of the “We are Family” Pirates who was one tough dude. He would cut your balls off to win. A great competitor and an all around great player.

6. Don Drysdale of the Los Angles Dodgers. He was a tough competitor who would throw at your head at a moments notice to move you off the plate. The Yankee pitchers should look at his tapes to see how to pitch. A real money pitcher. His greatest accomplishment: supposedly he got a blowjob from Marilyn of the Munsters when he guest starred with Sandy Koufax.

5. Mickey Lolich of the Detroit Tigers. One fat fuck who pitched his ass off and is a role model for all the rest of us fat fucks. When he retired, he opened a bakery. Perfect.

4. Bob Gibson of the St Louis Cardinals. He’s the guy I would pick if I had to have someone pitch if my life was on the line. One tough son of a bitch. He would move his mother off the plate and knock her on her ass if she leaned over the plate. The toughest competitor I ever saw and maybe the best pitcher.

3.Bo Belinsky of the California Angels. He was a shitty pitcher but he banged every starlet in Hollywood back in the day. I mean he was Derek Jeter before there was a Derek Jeter. Never lived up to his potential which was great because when he was on the Angels we always kicked their ass. Now, not so much.

2. Larry Bowa of the Philadelphia Phillies. A real red ass he was a great competitor and a superior shortstop. He was the Billy Martin of his day. He would kill you to win. Became a great third base coach for the Yankees and I hope we can steal him back from the Dodgers. We need him to beat on Robbie Cano to make him pay attention.

1. Gorman Thomas of the Milwaukee Brewers. Home run hitting, beer drinking, ass kicking heart of Harvey’s Wallbangers the great Brewer team of the ‘80’s. He had tons of power and an “I don’t give a fuck attitude” that I wish we could bottle and spray on the current day Yankees.

Great couple of days at the Store.

We had two great days in the store on Friday and Saturday. Lots of people shopping and spending money. Like I said, it makes more sense to put your money into quality woman's clothing than into the market.

I just hope they weren't buying them for job interviews.

Thank God Titus is back at Althouse.

Thank God Titus is back posting at Althouse. It was pretty tough holding down the humor department especially since Bissage decided to hide out. Let's look forward to some wacky adventures and graphic journeys in the coming weeks. Salud dude.

Why did I stop making lists.

A couple of months ago I was making all kinds of lists. My favorite Yankees. My favorite Giants. My favorite sandwiches. I want to do a little more of that. It is good blog fodder. And it's not about politics. Thank God.

My top ten favorite SM Stirling Characters.

10. Rudi Mackenzie of the clan Mackenzie the hero of the latest series which includes his latest book the Scourge of God. It's easy to root for this all around hero. Maybe too easy that's why he barely makes the list.

9.Kashitliash the Babylonian King in the Islands in the Sea of Time Series. A tough resourceful king who can lead his people in the face of the wonders from the future. A tough guy but a real smart one.

8.Kathryn Hollard the Nantucket born woman soldier who becomes the wife of Kashitliash. A very complex and interesting character with a very interesting dilemma. She marries what is in effect a Stone Age king. How do you think that is gonna turn out. Not a Yabba dabba do old time. It's a shame the series stopped before we found out more about that.

7.John Horldle of the Dies the Fire Series. The "Little John" figure of the Englishman who flee Europe to come to the Willamette Valley to join the Clan Mackenzie. His good humored ferocity reminds of a lot other favorite characters such as Harper from the Sharpe books or Stockdale from the Bolitho novels or Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four. It's seldom you see a huge man with a brain in his head.

5.Suzette Whitehall the scheming wife of Raj Whitehall the General in the series of the same name. She is a shifty bitch but just the one you want on your side if you are in the middle of reestablishing the rule of a galactic empire under the guidance of a super computer. Great character.

4.William Walker the villain of the Nantucket series. He has such a "I don't give a shit" attitude that must have been a lot of fun to write. A real scumbag but a very entertaining one. Builds an empire in Ancient Greece and wins the loyalty of lot of people through force of personality. He definitely would have been very effective in the world set up in the premise of these novels.

3. Sandra Arminger the Regent of the Portland Protective Association in the Dies the Fire books and the new trilogy. They call her the Spider and is another in the long line of nasty women in Mr. Stirling's work. Nasty but very, very smart and a very entertaining character. You know who she reminds me of believe it or not: Elizabeth of England. Good Queen Bess. Or in reality Not so Good Queen Bess. A masterful character who I hope has a lot more to do in future books. Evil is so much more interesting than good ya know.

2. Adrian Gellert the scholar warrior in the book The Reformer in the General Series. He has the memories of Raj Whitehall and the super computer as he strives to manipulate various factions into bringing civilization back to his planet. A very interesting character.

1. My favorite all time Stirling character is kinda weird. It's Isketerol of Tartessos the merchant turned ruler who is smart enough to realize that the new technology will allow the Nantucket people of the Eagle to rule the world. So he steals enough of it to force his way into the reckoning and is still standing when the wars are all over. I think he is a fascinating character. It's just that novels are not often written from the point of view of a character who is a "villain." Still that would be pretty cool.

Hey they might be idiosyncratic but that's the way I like it.

Hey AJ the Phillies Won.

THE PHILLIES WON!!! THE PHILLIES WON!!!!

I wish I could scream it like John Sterling does when the Yankees win. Great news for Met haters and everyone who is tied of Joe Torre's Saint Joe act. Manny played great and this works for my evil scheme. I want the Dodgers to lose so Manny isn't such a hero that they have to resign him. Then he can sign with the Yankees just to stick it to the Red Sox. Ohhhhh BBBBABBBBYYYYY!!!!! That would be sweet.

Also the Dodgers should know that the are suffering the curse of Don Mattingly. No team is going to the World Series if they have Donny Baseball on the team. He sold his soul to the devil and that is his punishment. You can look it up. The Yankees won it all when he left and started blowing it when he came back. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

Great day at the Store Today.

Well we had a great day at the store and I think I found the missing ingredient. I wasn't there.

I was busy doing accounting for the October 15th deadline. And a great thing happened.

There was this bar owner who dropped me as accountant because his partner wanted to go with a new guy. The bar guy goes to Ireland for six weeks and when he comes back he has tax warrants and bills up his ass. So he freaks and he can't get his partner of the new accountant. So he tries to call me yesterday but I wasn't picking up the phone. He panics and comes to the store but I am not there. So when I speak to him today he tells me his sad story. And all I could say is "Hey tough shit. You made your bed so lay down with fleas you dumb fucking donkey." Cool.

New grouping on the FAN

Mike Francesa has been trying different people on his show to replace Chris Russo the Mad Dog who went off to satellite. This week he has been working with Kim Jones of Yes and Chris Karlin of two many crappy shows to mention. It seems to be working out well and is a pretty good listen. I hope they keep this team as it is great to hear a woman who knows what she is talking about when she talks sports.

The stock market tanked and I didn't even know it till I heard it on the Sports Station.

The stock market tanked and dropped more than 600 points and I had no idea. Mike Francesa mentioned it while I was listening to WFAN the sports station. I was wondering why my office phone was ringing off the hook. I wasn't picking up the phone because it is Yon Kippur and we are supposed to be closed and I didn't want to answer everyones questions. Especially today. Thank God for answering machines.

Why Psycho is a great movie

Did you ever see Alfred Hitchcock's famous movie Psycho. The movie starts out about this beautiful woman (with pointy tits for blake) who steals some money from her job. We start out watching the movie from her point of view. Then all of a sudden she gets murdered. We are in a whole different story. Everything that went before was a set up and wasn't important. Hitchcock called it the Mac Guffin, something that seems important but really isn't in the whole scheme of things.

It is very unusual for someone to set up a story and make it from the point of view of one character and then to kill off that character in the middle of the story. Most writers prefer a much more linear approach. Hero arrives, goes through a lot of stuff, suffers but not too much, wins and lives happily after after. Very few books or movies has the hero killed off in the middle of the story. I just think that approach would be very interesting.

Did S.M. Stirling really drop a comment at Trooper York?

Someone used the name of S.M. Stirling to write a comment on my post about putting out snippets or sample chapters of their books online. If it was really him than that is way cool.

Mr. Stirling is one of my favorite authors who has written several great series of science fiction books that I heartily recommend to any one who enjoys great stories.

His series The Island in The Sea of Time (The Nantucket series) is a great exercise in alternative history. The companion series "Dies the Fire" and "The Sunrise Lands" deal with the effects of what happened in the Nantucket series from another perspective. Pick up these books today and you will have a lot of fun.

I just can't believe that someone that famous would read my little blog. I thought it was just me and blake and aj and rc and knox and reader and pogo and dust bunny and 1jpb and Zach Sire and Montana and perchia and few others. This is way cool for an chootch from Brooklyn let me tell you.

Abe Lincoln in Illinois

I decided to watch a real debate last night so I went to Free Movies on Demand and we say Abe Lincoln in Illinois. This is the old movie staring Raymond Massey as honest Abe and covers much the same ground as the far superior Young Mr. Lincoln by John Ford It still had a lot of good material about the rivalry between Lincoln and Stephen Douglas. It has several great scenes of the debates using their own words that make you long for such talent in our currant political scene. The movie was based on a famous play by Robert E. Sherwood so they stuck pretty close to the text of the play. I much prefer the Ford version of young Lincoln as much of the content is portrayed in a symbolic way. The trial in Young Mr. Lincoln was based on an actual case in which he defended William "Duff" Armstrong the son of Jack Armstrong who plays a big part in Abe Lincoln in Illinois. The funny part is that both of these movies are so head and shoulders above the current dreck we get in the movies that it is laughable. What a mess we are in, eh.

Grandmothers rule

Michael H stated reminiscing about his grandma on an Althouse thread and a bunch of other people jumped in. What was a curious thing was that most of the more conservative posters had fond memories of their grandmas and the more liberal guys either didn't remember them or didn't have much of a relationship with them. Does that mean anything? I don't know. I think that there are plenty of big liberals who have great memories of their grandmas, I just wish they would have spoke out about them. Strange.

Advance Reader Copies are a qyp man.

Baen books publishes some of my favorite science fiction authors like Eric Flint where you can buy the book in advance of publication. So you get the new book in your favorite series a month or so before it is actually published. Now I buy it but I don't read it on the computer or a kindle or whatever. I print out the pages and read it like a regular book. The problem is that it is on regular 8 1/2 by 11 paper which is a lot bigger than a regular book. Plus if you drop them on the floor you are screwed. Anyway what sucks is that when the book finally comes out in hardcover, you already have read it. That sucks.

Also the practice of putting sample chapters or snippets on the net sucks moose cock. I mean SM Stirling put 10 chapters of his latest The Scourge of God online and then only added about four more chapters. I already read most of the book online. WTF. Don't put more than two or three chapters up and let us get something for our money. Jeeez.

Thanks Professor Althouse for the kind words.

It was very nice of the professor to speak well of me. She has always been very kind to me. I just do what I like to do. The best posts are these pure parodies of the scholarly tomes quoted by these nerds who are arguing so earnestly about these issues like their opinion means jack shit.

I think having a distinctive style helps a lot and also repetition makes it more recognizable. But many of the commenter bring just as much to the table. Blake’s knowledge of movies and reviews are always on the money. Ricpic’s poetry is great and always on point. Meade has tons of very funny one liners and Ruth Anne sticks the shiv in now and again while keeping everything on track. Madison Man and Beth remind all of us more conservative commenter's that not all liberals are barking lunatics. AJ Lynch chimes in with the word from Philly and RC Ocean keeps us straight with our civil war generals. Zach Sire gives an interesting youthful slant so we know what all the youngsters think. Knox and Dust Bunny Queen give a female slant to what often seems like a sausage fest. Speaking of which Pallidian plays the curmudgeon role to a T. Bissage is comedy gold. Simon is very amusing as he tries to hump the professor’s leg. Where would we all be if we didn’t have Mort to tell us we are all racists? Thank God we have reader_iam to lecture us on how frivolous we are in the comments.

Everybody has a place to fit in there and it is the interaction of the regulars that makes it fun. I have just been bored lately as the store has been a little slow because of the Jewish holiday (don’t get Cedarford started) and I had more time to compose my nonsense. Thank God that we are making our targets money wise but it is in spurts so there is a lot of down time.

Maybe I should start on my memoir of my days as a drinking man “Remembrance of Things Pabst.”

The history of the Wink

The history of winking is a long and storied one. The first person to have documented as having winked in public was Nell Gwyn the famous mistress of King Charles II. She was reputed to have winked at the King as she was standing in a rope line outside the Globe theater during a revival of one of Ben Jonsons lesser known plays. The king noticed her and had his henchman bring her back to the palace for a tet a tet. There he discovered an interesting fact. A woman who could wink also had the ability to flex the muscles in her vagina in much the same way leading to an indescribable sensation that he could never get enough of as long as he lived.

(A Wink and a Nod, The History of the Wink by Wink Martindale, St. Martins Press 2008)

It was an established fact that Dolly Madison first caught the eye of the diminutive Congressman James Madison at a soiree in Philadelphia where they were introduced by Aaron Burr. It seems that Dolly was wearing one of her many eye catching outfits which included an expansive décolletage as well as her trademark turban. The tiny lawmaker was abashed and did not know where to look. So he kept his eyes down. But he notices something incredible. The sultry widow had rearranged her dress in such a way that a man of such short stature could actually look up her petticoats. As he began to blush and thought about making his excuses, she winked at him. He looked up at her face. She winked at him again. Only this time with her eye. They were married six weeks later.

(A Wink and a Nod, The History of the Wink by Wink Martindale, St. Martins Press 2008)

The most famous winker in the nineteenth century was of course Emilie Charlotte Le Breton who is known today by her stage name of Lillie Langtry. An incredibly beautiful and vivacious woman who was born on the isle of Jersey. She caught the jaundiced eye of the Prince of Wales Albert Edward who was the heir to Queen Victoria. He arranged to sit next to her at a dinner party where she proceeded to pout and wink and make such a sweet moue of longing at the portly prince to the point that she drove him wild. She became his principal mistress and proved once again that woman who was adept at winking also had an extremely strong command of the muscles of her vagina where she actually milked the rotund roué of his manly juices. She developed this ability during her career as itinerant player on the boards in England where she would often take gold shillings off the bar without using her hands. This gave her and unusually strong degree of control to point where she could suck up a half pence from six feet away. When Lilly went on her grand tour of North America, poor Bertie became so distraught that he began the series of murders that were laid at the feet of Jack the Ripper.

(A Wink and a Nod, The History of the Wink by Wink Martindale, St. Martins Press 2008)

Winking has most often been the province of women but it had also traveled into the world of the love that could not speak it’s name. Just as drag queens would often exaggerate the behavior of sexy woman, what became known as “wink” queens would ape the behavior of the famous female winkers. The most famous of these was of course Hans Winkler of Holland who won the Silver Skates award in Amsterdam in the 1869 underground World Homosexual Fair. He was able to wink his anus to such a degree that he was awarded the coveted prize by Judge Oscar Wilde who was quoted as saying “Illusion is the first of all pleasures, but nothing is as sweet as a winking hienie.."
(A Wink and a Nod, The History of the Wink by Wink Martindale, St. Martins Press 2008)

The most famous winker of the silent film era was Theodosia Burr Goodman who went under the stage name of Theda Bara. A direct descendant of Aaron Burr, Theda Bara had learned at the “feet” of her grandmother the secrets of winking. These arcane arts were original taught to Theodosia Burr the daughter of Aaron by Dolley Madison in gratitude for her father having set up Dolley with James Madison. This was a secret series of exercises that had led to a strange and marvelous ability of a woman to control her man with a mere wink. Theda Bara winked her way to the top by seducing Charles Fox the head of the Fox Studio that produced many of her hits including the infamous “Cleopatra.” No prints remain of this film as the Legion of Decency had burned every copy. The most legendary film of the silent era, this epic tale postulated that the Egyptian Princess seduced the noble Roman Julius Caesar by the simple expedient of winking. This simple plot would seem innocuous but eagle eyed censors realized that it was not only her eyes that winked. In fact her gossamer costume left nothing to the imagination and led directly to the Motion Picture Code and the Hays office which took all the fun out of movies until the 1960’s.
(A Wink and a Nod, The History of the Wink by Wink Martindale, St. Martins Press 2008)

The video of the trunk show came out great.

We had hired the company that does the video for Elastic Waist to film our trunk show with Anna Scholz and Jessica Sovoda. It came out great. Lots of fun seeing our customers try on clothes and enjoy the fun atmosphere. Also a nice little interview with Anna and Jessica. Check it out when it goes up at leeleesvalise.com. It should be up next week sometime.

Things are slow today

I am in the store on Saturday morning and things are a little slow. There are several street fairs going on and a flea market across the street so that is understandable. We got quite a few calls and emails about the show last night and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

The funny thing about that subject is that she really hated dresses. So none of the dress they had on the show were from our store other than the ones she tried on in the store. She didn't pick any of them but took pocket books and jeans instead. So I hope that you don't think some of those hideous dresses at the end of the show were from Lee Lee's. They sent the stylist out to buy the dresses for her since she adamantly refused to pick out any for herself.

Blake emails that the Flower liked the green dress. I think that would be the green Donna Rico she had on right after the polka dot halter. That dress sold out this summer only with the same dress body in purple. We specialize in dresses and in fact most people in the neighborhood call us the "dress store." So it was pretty funny that Cheyenne couldn't find any dresses.

Our philosophy at Lee Lee's is that you have to be happy with what you purchase. Either in the store or on-line. I don't want you to be looking at a dress in your closet and being pissed off because someone talked you into buying something you didn't want.

I had a very tough customer this morning. She was in the store with her mom and had a lot of issues. My wife had helped her buy a dress before but I couldn't do anything with her because she refused to engage on more than a superficial level. I put her in a beautiful black long sleeve cocktail dress that wasn't expensive and made her look very sexy. Her mother loved it. She hated it. If my wife was there she would probably have bought it. But hey what are you gonna do? It's better that she comes back and doesn't feel that we oversold her on something. At least that's the way I feel about it.

The store looked great on What Not to Wear

They just showed the latest What Not To Wear filmed at the store. It was Cheyenne a CPA from Chicago who wouldn't wear a dress for love or money. She was a real hard fit. The funny thing was that she didn't spend much money in the earlier stops so we thought we would clean up. They put her in a couple of great Donna Rico dresses but she just didn't want any dresses. She wouldn't even try on the Tadashi dresses which are just about the best dresses in the store! It was funny that everything they showed was from the same rack which had all the clothes from one vendor. They did put her in a lot of dresses but she wasn't willing to listen to anything. The only person less impressed with Stacy and Clinton was Althouse. (And to tell you the truth they both should have listened a little if you know what I mean),

However the handbags were from the store. That is to say that both of the bags in the reveal were from the store. The trouser jeans were also from the store. We really specialize in dresses so if you are not buying a dress, you are really missing out on what we have to offer.

Pat Burrell should be a Yankee.

I want Pat Burrell on the Yankees next year. He seems like more of an American League player and all of us fat fucks need to be represented on the team.

David Lee is not Dave Cowens.

The new Knick coach is planning to play David Lee at center. He is only about six eight. I mean he is a hell of rebounder for his size but how is he going to defend the low box. We are gonna lose a lot of games 136 to 121 this year.

The Great Debate.

I will be taping the debate and watching the baseball live tonight. I will be interested in what everyone has to say the next day and then I will watch it tomorrow afternoon. It is always refreshing to hear what the commentators have to say and then watching the actual event. It's like watching a game that Joe Morgan is broadcasting, the comments have no relationship to the action.

I love Larry Bowa.

I have decided to root for the Phillies this post season. Because of my good buddy AJ and because Larry Bowa was the best third base coach the Yankees have had since Dick Howser. And it has the added bonus of pissing off the pissant Met fans. The Phillies almost seem like an American League Team with the power and pitching so they will be easy to root for in the playoffs.

Cheese steaks for everybody.

Astro robots spewing hate.

Man sometimes it's not worth it. Lately the astro robots are spilling hate into the threads at Althouse to the point where it's not worth going anymore. It is getting childish lately. We might have to pull a Titus.

Calm down, I didn't say I would pull a Titus. Just disappearing for a week or two again. I don't know, I am undecided.

We will be on What Not To Wear this Friday October 3, 2008

Lee Lee's Valise will make it's fifth appearance on What Not To Wear this Friday on TLC at 9pm with a new segment shot at the store. At least that's what they told us and what the promo's show. You will get a glimpse of some of the fall fashions that are available at the website. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Especially you fashion mavens like Knox, Dust Bunny Queen and Titus. I want your opinions.
(Even you Meade).

The Today show sucks.

The Today show took two of our dresses that they were supposed to feature on the fashion segment at 10:30am today. It was for a seventies retro look. One was the Melissa maxi dress which we are featuring on the website. It comes in a beautiful missoni fabric which is perfect for the fall. The second dress was a snappy little number with a geometric print that would be perfect for the fall with tights and boots. Neither made the cut.

What happens is they request that we send over a bunch of dresses and they pick and choose the dresses that they want to use on the segment and send the rest back. When they kept those two dresses we were very happy and thought we would get a nice bounce out of it with some orders on our website. But for some reason they did not use either dress.

It is very disappointing to get all geared up for something and then it falls through. But check out the maxi dress at leeleesvalise.com and you will see a great dress for the fall.