The Woman returns.

To Holmes she was always “The Woman.” The one member of the fair sex that could hold his interest. Now it has been reported that she has returned to society. I had to find out what he knew about this catastrophe.
I came into the room and he was drowsing in the corner with a meerschaum pipe in his hand and a glass of sherry on the credenza behind him next to his revolver and a Sumatra fetish box that I knew he kept full of cocaine.
“Well dear boy are you well?” I asked.
“What” the drowsy detective answered “Watson is that you. I am well. As well as can be expected. You see she is back. The Woman.”
“Zounds Holmes, not Irene Adler.” I exclaimed. “Didn’t you have her arrested when she attempted to assassinate the Queen?”
“Yes I did. But it appears that the dark forces that had employed her have affected her release.”
“How did you ever find out that she wanted to kill Her Majesty Holmes? By her demeanor you could never guess her diabolical bent.”
“Elementary my dear Watson. You see every woman who enters the Queens presence is always overcome with emotion. Often even their most private parts can not stand the excitement. They begin to make short little quacking sounds like a flight of geese on the Midland Moor. Or little yips like a pile of puppies freshly birthed in a yeoman’s barn. Except for the Woman. The twat was silent. That’s when I knew she was the assassin.”
“You mean…”
“Yes Watson, she was that twat that didn’t queef.”