Hell needs a new PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well give it a shot. I am tied of molesting all these dead Egyptians. I think they are starting to like it the freaks. Waddaya got.

Forcas: Well we have several people that will be coming in. We have famous golfer Miller Barber who despite his name always had long greasy hair.
Lucifer: No not another pro golfer. They are so fucking boring. I told you already I only want to hear when Lee Trevino or John Daly show up. I love those fat fucks. They know how to party. Who else ya got?
Forcas: Well we have the creator of a beloved sitcom Family Ties in Gary David Goldberg.
Lucifer: What that fucking dummy. I don’t want that moron around me. He ran that show for twenty years and didn’t realize that Meredith Baxter Birney was a lesbian. That means he didn't get her to blow him even though he was the producer and she was still hot. I don’t want somebody that stupid around me. I already have JD Salinger and fuckin’ Tom Landry. I don’t need any more numbskulls. Don’t you have any entertaining people?
Forcas: Yes my Dread Lord. We have a famous singer.
Lucifer: What Bobby Blue Bland. I don’t want a fuckin blues singer!
Those guys are so fucking depressing. And they blame every fuckin’ thing on me. “The Ole’ Devil made me do it” fuck you! They sound like fuckin’ Meade. Take some fuckin’ responsibility for yourself you dick. You gotta have someone else.
Forcas:  Well we have the famous 40 year old who plays a high school student on the noted gay soap opera “Glee.”
Lucifer: Not that little mo Kurt. I don’t want him gloating about that same sex marriage bullshit. Even though it was my plan I am sick of hearing about it!
Forcas: No it is the quarterback Finn Hudson not the wide receiver. Also known as Cory Montieth.
Finn Hudson: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas, he groans and rubs his assa) What’s going on here? My ass hasn’t been this sore since I had to audition for Ryan Murphy.  Where the hell am I?
Lucifer: Welcome to hell bitch. Boy do I have a lot of good shit planned for you!
Finn Hudson: Wait a minute! This can't be right. I was a beloved figure because I played a regular person who loved the gays. I am an American hero for loving the homo!
Lucifer: Tough shit baby. You are in hell because nobody could stand you insipid yelping and your third rate acting skills. They keep your fuckin’ show on and they canceled great shows like Bonanza and I Dream of Jeannie. Who cares if Barbara Eden is like 75. She is still fuckin’ hot.
Finn Hudson: What could I possibly have done?
Lucifer: There is nothing you can do boy. It is all pre-ordained. Don’t fight it. You were born for hell you dirty drug addict. Forcas take him away.
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Finn and drag him away as he protests feebly and starts shout/singing “Don’t Stop Believing” right up to the moment they throw him into the fiery pits of  Hell)
Lucifer: What a maroon. Foras send him to sitcom hell with Fred Mertz and Freddie Prince and Bonnie Franklin and Maude. In fact set him up with Maude and Shirley Hemphil and give them strap ons. That should work.

Forcas: Very well my lord. Who will we have announcing today?
Lucifer: I don't know. Better get Lindsey Nelson up here. It’s almost time for the All Star Game and I want to bust his balls. Oh and tell him to wear that sportsjacket with the horsey’s on it. It’s my favorite.