Talking baseball with the Disembodied Head of Ted Williams.

"So the Red Sox have defeated the Yankees 4-2 tonight in a close game with Andy Petite taking the loss and Felix Doubront got the win. Let's talk to our special guest the disembodied head of Ted Williams. So Ted what did you think of the game?'
"The game. What game. I don't understand this game they are calling baseball. It's is all screwed up."
"Well what do you mean Teddy Ballgame? You just saw another "quality start" from Doubront who is the first Red Sox pitcher to have as many "quality starts" since Dutch Leonard."
"That's exactly what I mean numbnuts. What the fuck is a quality start? In my day a quality start meant you pitched nine innings of a complete game and hit Johnny Mize in the coconut with a couple of freaking bean balls that's a quality start."
"Well things are different now Ted."
"Damn straight they are different. Even the names are different. I mean I remember when we had good old American Names for the players. Ruth. Cobb. Williams. Speaker. Not like now. Who the fuck is Johnny Garden Nome. What kind of name is that? And every other guy is an Ortiz or a Rameriz or a Torres. It's like we are at a cockfight or something."
"Well baseball has become much more inclusive Ted. People from all over the world come to the show. Look at all the Asians we have like the Red Sox closer Koji Uehara."
"Yeah that's what's fucked up. You get this gook Urethra pitching for the Red Sox. I never though I would see the day. I remember when I used to strafe those villages in Korea on my way back to the airfield. Those suckers would run like ants screaming and peeing their little black pajamas. I just can't believe that my team the Red Sox would do that. We were proud of being the most racist team in the big leagues. We were the last one to get a colored player. Shit the world has changed. Next thing you know you are gonna tell me that they elected a shine President or something."
"Errrr.....well....while you were frozen they did elect a black man Barack Obama President. Twice."
"WHAT! I can't take this crap. Look stick me back on that can of Chicken of the Sea and put me back next to the frozen peas. I had enough."
"Well thank you very much Ted. Next up we will talk to David Ortiz who will tell us of how he smuggled his family over the boarder in his underpants after this message from the Obama phone. You don't have to have credit you just need a pulse. And a vote. We will be right back."