The Rifleman

The stage pulled up in front of the Hotel in North Fork, New Mexico. It was dusty and worn and the driver looked exhausted. He batted some dust off his pants with his hat as he was getting down to open the doors of the coach.
"Northfork folks. We are stopping overnight. The stage company has reserved some rooms for you in the hotel." He handed down an older woman who had been traveling for a few days but turned his back on the next person out of the coach.
Mark McCain and his friends Timmy and Nick were there to greet the coach. They always liked to see who got off the stage. Sometimes the people were interesting. Sometimes the women had big teats. They liked big teats. Especially the pointy ones. They made them feel all strange and warm inside.
Timmy was very artistic. He loved music and would often carve himself a recorder to play weird and boring music on.  He called it classical but most of his friends just called it bad. He never played the hits like Jimmy Crack Corn. It was just unfortunate that he kept falling down the well. Luckily he owned a collie.
Nick was a bad boy. He wanted to grow up to be a Pinkerton so he practiced by peeping in windows. He hadn't got caught yet but you wouldn't want to be in his shoes if Miz Coleman caught him looking in her window.
"Look Mark. Look at that fat bastard" laughed Nick. "He can't even roll out of the coach he is so huge."
A rotund man dressed in flowered shirt with a florid face struggled to get out of the stage. He was about 6 foot 3 and weighed over three hundred pounds easy.  Mark didn't have a cow that big on the ranch.
"Hey kids what is the name of this jerkwater town."
"It's Northfork sir. Northfork New Mexico."
"What's your name kid."
"Mark McCain sir."
"Is there a saloon around here?'
"Yessir. Right across the street."
"Good. There many dance hall girls there."
"There are a few. My dad calls them soiled doves" piped up Nick. "I don't know why cause their underwear is always clean."
"How do you know that kid."
"I just do that's all."
"Well that's good. See I am an underwear salesman and I got some new bras and such to sell. Let's get this show on the road." He pulled an enormous suitcase off the top of the stage and started struggling to the saloon.
"I hope he got some pointy ones Mark" whispered Timmy. "I like the pointy ones."
"Me too. Lets follow along and see what happens."