The Case of the Well Barbequed Cock

 

My dear Holmes,

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade and once again I must ask for your assistance in a matter of the upmost urgency. It concerns the matter of the dowager Lady Chatterley and her gardener cum lover and their strange and mysterious activities that have come to the attention of the Yard. 

As you may or may not know the Home Office has instituted a policy of reading all mail posted through Her Majesty’s postal system. This is due to the ongoing dangers presented by foreign entities that include both the Czar of all the Russia’s and the Germany so viciously directed by Count Von Bismarck. These external adversaries are so dangerous that it was felt by all of the cabinet that all correspondence must be monitored to determine if any treason was afoot. Your brother Mycroft was fully aware of this most closely held state secret as he is involved in the vetting process through his position in the Home Office. So it is somewhat disquieting when I examine what has recently come to light.

It seems that a most vicious and violent exchange has been occurring between your brother and the gardener cum lover of the spinster Lady Chatterley. The most vile and scurrilous language these hastily scrawled missives so distressed the minor functionary who first opened it that he sent it directly to the Yard and bypassed the review process. These incendiary testaments are most disturbing and obviously the product of a diseased mind with an obsessive need to vindicate past transgressions. I have not seen such ravings outside the walls of Whitechapel over the bodies of eviscerated prostitutes.

I hesitate to approach your brother directly over this matter. I would ask you to contact him and inquire if he has been intercepting these feeble ravings of a disordered intellect? They were addressed to him after all so he might have felt that no one else would need to be apprised. You know how “touchy” he can be.

I have personally always had a most convivial relationship with your brother and have spent many a night in his company at the club where he would regale us with wondrous recipes for beverages and the preparation of poultry. It was passing strange that all of said recipes involved a male bird but such are the eccentricities of genius. He often said that he endeavored to devour a plump cock each and every day. I pray that he is successful with such a fruitful enterprise.

Once again I must beg to ask your forgiveness for my incessant requests but in the interest of comity I think it best that you obtain this information from your sibling. Please convey my best wishes to Mycroft and tell him that my wife much admires his work with young deaf boys. Please assure him that we do not believe anything about this that was recently published in the Police Gazette.

 

I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
October 19, 1899