Oy my little yiddisher pickel,

"Oy why do you make me dress up in my french maid's outfit ricpic?"
"What would Rabbi Glickstein think if he knew?"
"Of course he makes me dress up like a cossack."
"I will never do this again if my name isn't Molly Picon!"

Deep Thoughts.....By Titus

I  saw that human centipede movie and it was horrible.

But then I went home and was looking through some family photo's and I was shocked to see that my grandpa was part of one in P-Town in 1898.

I womder if I can sue to get royalites.

Tits

Sophie is very oral

"Oh girls I am here for my cupcake nightcap."
"Oleg is in the back do you want me to call him?"
"No it is over between us. Now I only put the cigarette in my mouth."
"Good idea. That has to be healthier than Oleg."

Press release about Big Brooklyn Style

TLC DRESSES UP TUESDAYS NIGHTS WITH A FASHION-FILLED LINEUP

New episodes of WHAT NOT TO WEAR and the series premiere of BIG BROOKLYN STYLE air back-to-back on May 29 at 9 and 10pm ET/PT (New York, NY) - TLC plans to make over Tuesday nights with two fashion-filled premieres on May 29. First at 9pm ET/PT,

WHAT NOT TO WEAR returns with 13 brand-new episodes and a premiere episode like no other. For the first time in nine seasons, Stacy and Clinton plan an entire makeover in less than a day - a makeover that would normally take a week – and will conduct this makeover in front of a live studio audience of close to 200 people, which has also never been done before. The fashion victim, Ana, who is the self-proclaimed Lady Ga Ga of Long Island, has one of the most “unique” wardrobes the WHAT NOT TO WEAR team has ever seen. TLC also turns to the viewers for the first time to help in the makeover process, with fans voting through Facebook on hair styles, mannequin outfits, and the ‘trashing’ portion of the show. Past WHAT NOT TO WEAR contributors also make a special appearance in the studio audience, giving Stacy and Clinton an update on their makeovers and how their lives have been transformed ever since their episodes aired. The WHAT NOT TO WEAR team also interact with the audience and answer some of their questions on fashion, hair and makeup, and the latest trends. This season, the team also travels to Puerto Rico for another series first, as they give three lucky women a makeover they will never forget.

Following at 10pm, viewers will get another dose of Stacy London, but this time behind the cameras as executive producer. TLC premieres BIG BROOKLYN STYLE, a new series that follows husband and wife business owners Lisa and Jim Dolan, as they revise and revolutionize the norms of plus-size shopping experiences in their Brooklyn clothing store, Lee Lee's Valise. Each episode will focus on three different customers as their intimate shopping experience at the store, combined with Lisa's distinctive clothing line, helps transform their lives. The network has ordered eight half-hour episodes.

The average size of an American woman is 14, but no average-sized American woman experiences a normal shopping experience at a typical fashion retailer as only 18% of clothes are a size 14 or over. At Lee Lee's Valise, women of all shapes and sizes feel confident, fashionable and sexy through Lisa's custom-made designs. Through drama, laughs and a lot of tears, Lisa and her team will transform their customers' wardrobe from shab to fab -- all through the simple and personalized accommodations to fit and flaunt each unique body type. While Lisa and Jim have a strong opinion about each and every item in Lee Lee's Valise, they always put the customer first. Often times the customer's feedback and personal shopping experience plays a vital role in how Lisa designs her line and stocks her shop.

BIG BROOKLYN STYLE is produced by BBC Worldwide Productions for TLC. Executive Producers Stacy London and Julie Merson executive producing for Super Long Play. Co-executive Producer is Scott Shatsky. Elli Hakami and Jane Tranter are executive producers and Matthew Vafiadis is co-executive producer for BBC Worldwide Productions. WHAT NOT TO WEAR is produced by BBC Worldwide Productions for TLC.

You just know about people......

It really comical how phony the TV people really are. The only ones we hear from are the ones who are still working on the project in the interviews. The rest of them have dropped us like a hot potatoe. Which is how it goes I quess. They move on to the next project and leave everyone behind and that's that. It is very instructive is all I can say.

You can't look back....

Lisa is sitting in the dining room with Stacy London going over the interviews for tomorrow. I don't have much to do as I have five lines and she has about one hundred. So she is working dilgently and I get to hang out. Not that I am complaining. The whole vibe of the project has really changed and things look like they are going to come out great. We get good reports from the network guys so we are very optimistic. You can't look back. You should never go backward. Just move forward and try to get it done! And we will. We always do.

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Garage has started posting on his website again and he is taking a page out of Dust Bunny Queen's book and started posting recipe's.

Most of them are from his Grandma Curlie Sue Lambau Mahal who first introduced him to the joy's of roadkill.

First up: Hanger Off the Studebaker Steak with Onions.

A real crowd pleaser.

Whose that girl?

She was a favorite punch board of JFK because she had the same name as the broad he was banging during WW2 that got him sent to the Pacific.

She later retired and went to work and live in Wisconsin where she still comments on blogs that call her insipid.

Who can figure starlets.

Anyhoo......Whose that Girl?

Remembrances of Things Pabst

One of the most important parts of an Italian neighborhood is the bakery. Each one has it's speciality and you will walk blocks out of the way to get the thing they make better than anyone else.

You would go to Mazzola's for the freshest lard bread. Made with tons of lard and fresh salami and lots of pepper. It melts in your mouth.

You would go to Caputo's for the best hard pepper biscuits that you put in stews or sauces or Italian wedding soups.

You would go to Court Pastry for big pastry and S cookies as well as the mascapone cows at Easter.

You went to Leotta's for miniature pastry  and ice cream cakes before they closed in 1978.

And you went to Monteleone's for lemon ices.

Now these aren't the hard ices you get from Marino's that you see in your supermarket. They came in big drums that the girl scoops up and puts in a soft paper cup. Court Pastry has great ices too. But Monteleones didn't have just the normal custard and lemon and chocolate and pistachio. They had great flavors like Zuppa English and Pineapple and best of all Rum Raisin.

Now Monteleones went through a lot of changes the last twenty years. They had several different owners. They were even closed down by the health department. Which is no big deal because they were just extorting money as usual in NYC. But the original family decided to combine with another old school family from Carroll Gardens. The Cammareri bakery from Henry Street. This was the joint they used when they filmed "Moonstruck" with Cher and that other idiot guy who shouts all his dialogue. Two different sets of idiot cousins got together and redid the whole joint. Spent tons of money. And ran it into the ground.

So now a husband and wife bought it. The wife is tiny but is still a customer in the store. She loves the stuff that Lisa has brought in  like pocket books and scarves and earrings and what not. And I give them plenty of business buying pastry and bread and coffee and cookies. The baker made the cake for Lisa's big birthday bash. And he just started making gelato and ices. And guess what? He made some Rum Raisin.

You see I told him that was what they were famous for and went right out and made it. He gets it. He just moved here but he is like he has lived here all his life. All the neighborhood mooks go in there for ices and cakes. I even filmed part of the show in there. I don't know if they will use it but we did film there.

And now I can get my Rum Raisin Italian Ice every day.

Life is good.

RIP Moose!

ndspinelli said

...RIP: Moose Skowron. The crew cut, square jawed, Skowron was one of my favorite Yanks from my youth. He could dig low throws out @ 1st base and hit in the clutch. Moose wasn't a great player, but he was what my old man called, "a ballplayer." That was a supreme compliment afforded to players who played the game hard. Not many left sad to say. I saw Moose award a trophy to a winning horse @ Arlington Park last year. Moose died in Arlington Park, Il. yesterday

I couldn't have said it better. My old man took me to see my first game in Yankee Stadium in 1961. I went many times since then and saw Moose hit a couple of home runs before he left the team. He later played for the Dodgers, White Sox, Senators and Angels but he was always a "True Yankee." He loved to come to the Old Timers games and was a fixture there in 1970's where I ran into him a couple of times at the bar. He was a great man who lived a great life.

Rest in Peace Moose.

Hiring people is hard work!

So we have to hire two new people for the store since all my employees quit right before the show hits and we hopefully will have a lot more sales and business.

I put an ad on Craig's list and we had a lot of memorable replies. One of the best didn't reply to my original email for three days. I have already filled the position but she sent me this email:

"Hi I'm sorry I missed the email but I can come in on Monday around 2 if its pissible"

I know Sixty is pissed that I spell things wrong all the time but sometimes checking my work is just not pissible.

The Summer of Boo Boo

It was a shame how bad Brother Bear went when he started killing hikers in Jellystone. We always knew he was a little off. When he was a cub he shared bunk beds with his sister but he was so very weird. He would always smell her sheets and try to catch her when she was naked. He would make strange noises and the bed would shake all night long as the springs would creak. And his sheets would have be washed every day because they were foul and sticky.

He kept dreaming and moaning and murmuring the words "Mommy oh Mommy you are a dirty girl" in his sleep. We never knew what he was dreaming about.

We just knew it wasn't good.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

NFL QB Sought by FBI

When I heard that an NFL quarterback was being sought by the FBI I started to laugh. But then I found out it was Ryan Leaf. You see I thought it was Aaron Rodgers.

You know that he is a butt burglar.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

It's a small world after all

When we went to make the commercials for TLC a couple of months age we met some of the other people who had shows. TLC is bringing out a bunch of new shows. Not all of them made the cut for the commerical. The Mama's Boys from the Bronx weren't there. The Amish dudes from "Breaking Amish" weren't there. But we were. We also met a couple of stars who already have shows. We met the Cupcake Girls from "DC Cupcakes" who were very nice. We met the "Long Island Medium" and Lisa kept counting in her head so she couldn't read her mind. We even met the "Little Couple" and it was interesting. The wife was very nice and the husband was a douche. Reminded me of us.

 But then we met another couple of stars. And it was very weird. You see I have had a lot of fun making fun of midgets. I kept saying I wanted a midget for the show. I told the TLC guys that and they were not amused. And then I met the Jordans and realized what a dick I really am. You see they are brother and sister and are just about the smallest people in the United States. They are brother and sister who are so tiny you can't believe it. Smaller than dolls. I mean fucking tiny tiny. It is scary. And sad. And touching. And fucking weird. They didn't talk to anybody. They had handlers or Nanny's or assistants or something. Man I can't wait to see what the show will be about. It is so strange and weird and off putting I think you will be riveted to the screen.

I won't be making fun of midgets anymore.

 (Well maybe I will. I am still a dick)

Whose that girl?

So back in the day those were the days cause they don't make guys like Herbert Hoover again. You will never recognize her so I have to give lots of clues. Let's put it this way. She was a pip. No it is not Gladys Knight. Whose that girl?

Sometimes the jokes write themselves....

I mean spilling yogurt on the Presidents leg? Really.

It is not worth even trying because life is itself just too funny.

Whose that girl?

You loved her in an iconic TV show of the late seventies and early eighties. She liked to play ride them Cowboys but she wasn't in a Western.

And believe or not she didn't have the most famous shower scene in the show.

Whose that girl?

We are still working like crazy!

We keep slogging away with the show and doing more stuff to get it done. Now I found out I have to open up at 6am to do the next day of interviews. But we will do anything to make it work.

It is just a lot of work and you have no idea of how it is going to go.

I did a lot of interviews today

The store is really gonna change. But that might be for the good. We have to see.

I know who is the coolest but you know is pretty hot?

The evil witch bitch on "Once Upon a Time."

I mean she is having a bad hair day here and is pissed because she is yelling at Margene about how much the ending of "Big Love" sucked but still she has got it going on. Just sayn'

So whose the coolest guy on TV!?

Our new poll:

Whose the coolest guy on TV today?

Raylan Givens and his stupid hat.

Mr. Reese with his stupid suit.

Don Draper with his stupid cigarette.

Trooper York with his stupid.....err....his stupid...err.....everything!

You make the call.

He had a shot to be that conservative icon

But I don't think he is in the Duke's class. I mean Jim Caviezel did play Jesus and he is a pretty cool guy in "Person of Interest." He is very conservative and a good Catholic kind of guy but he is much more in the Clint Eastwood mode than that of the Duke.  He is just too cool for school and he doesn't show the humanity that just dripped off of John Wayne in his famous roles.

Caviezel could play Colonel Thursday but he could never be the Quiet Man.

It's amazing the people you have things in common with...

It's truly amazing the people you end up having things in common with. The girl that does our make up for the show also does it for "The Real Housewives of New York." She said it might be fun if we got together with Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen of the RHONY to talk about how fucked up reality TV can really be. How you end up being portrayed differently than you really are in real life. You see I know this is going to happen especially with me. So I am kind of interested in their perspective. They live just a few blocks away from us and always took a lot of shit for living in Brooklyn. So it might be fun to have a few drinks and compare sores or something.

Anyway I tweete Simon so I will let you know what happens.

The Tao of Poo

Praise and disgrace cause fear.
Honor and great distress are like the body.

What does it mean that praise and disgrace cause fear?
Praise leads to weakness.
Getting it causes fear, losing it causes fear.
This is why praise and disgrace cause fear.

What does it mean that honor and great distress are like the body?
The reason for great distress is the body.
Without it, what distress could there be?

Therefore:
He who treasures his body as much as the world
Can care for the world.
He who loves his body as much as the world
Can be entrusted with the world.

And thus you need not fear the eye of the Tigger.

Whose that girl in swinging London?

Whose that girl in swinging London with the miniskirt on?

She was one of the first to dance on a pole but it was in the dark. She just said yes sir but she said it with love.

Whose that girl?

When banana's go bad!

Thanks to AllenS!

Blake doesn't get it....

blake said...

Also, that chick everyone's so ga-ga about...Joan Holloway? Hendricks? She's hyooge by Hollywood/Fashion standards. Size 14 at least. 30" waist, again, at least. She could eat Marilyn.

And she don't look nothin' like the female athletes with similar height/weight stats.

Seriously?

You would think it would be easy.....

So my full time employee decides to quit and move back home right before the show hits the air and people are going to be calling and buying online and going crazy. I have no one who is trained in or who can be a "key holder" which means I have to open and close every day. That kills any chance of taking a day off. Shit that kills any chance of sleeping late. So I am screwed.

I advertised on Craig's list where we got our last employee but the pickings are pretty slim. Then as I was walking Court St I saw three other boutiques with "Help Wanted" signs in the window. What does that mean? The economy certainly hasn't improved so what the fuck is going on here?

Don't one of you guys want to work in a boutique and commute from Wisconsin or California or Iowa or something?

Seriously I will pay up to twelve dollars an hour with a great employee discount and all the meatballs and cannoli's you can eat.

It's what's for dinner!

Politics is supposed to be dog eat dog but this is getting silly.

Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio......

I have been reading two books simultaneously on my Kindle while I have been away this weekend. One was "John Wayne: American" by Randy Roberts and "A Fortunate Life" by Robert Vaughn. I was struck by one thing. We have a ton of Robert Vaughn's these days but we don't have a John Wayne.

By a ton of Robert Vaughn's I mean we have a bunch of super liberal actors who follow the liberal line right down the  line without any attempt at nuance or logic. Sean Penn. Tim Robbins. George Clooney. Tom Hanks. Alec Baldwin. Deniro. Hoffman. Denzel. The list goes on and on. Each one more liberal than the next. And they premiere movies that toe the liberal line. They don't make any money on the ones that spew that liberal kant so they make a Superhero movie or something where they don't flaunt their opinions so they can make a few bucks.

But where are the guys who have the Duke's views. Mel Gibson had a run for a while, but his demons got the best of him and will never get a pass from the liberal elite. They take every opportunity to hammer him down and make him lose film roles. He is a danger to Hollywood's unanimity. Divergent views are not allowed even though he made many films that racked up tons of dough.

Tom Selleck is a conservative but he was shut down several times until he decided to keep his thoughts to himself. He is old now but he is just about the only guy I could see who could even attempt a run at some of the Dukes roles. I mean I think he would make a believable Captain Nathan Brittles or a possible Tom Dunston.  But Ethan Edwards is out of his range. And he is past it now and Bridges has already scored with a remake of "True Grit" so there is not much scope for him to do anything.

There is a huge vacum for a conservative actor to come through and take that market. Clint Eastwood who was somewhat of a conservative icon for a while has become more and more the liberal drone as time has gone on. I can't watch his stuff anymore. So there is no place for me to go.

Just Sayn.

Big Brooklyn Style

I thought I had said that they had finalized a name for the show. It will be called "Big Brooklyn Style" and was officially announced in a TLC press release along with a bunch of other new shows.

We really liked some of the other names that were batted around but they could not be cleared because they would end being the name of a clothing line or a website or a store. So we will go forward with this name and make it work.

They are obsessed with the idea of "Big." As though people won't realize it is a big because it is a plus sized store. And they insist on us talking about plus all the time which is not something we do. We feel we are just a store with different sizes. When you sign a deal with TV you sign a deal with the devil. You have to do what they say. So we have to live with it and show in the store and in the talking heads what we mean. We think we will have done that as we do our interviews.

We will premiere on Tuesday May 29th at 10pm with back to back half hour episodes. I hope you guys will buy a TV so you can watch it.

More posts about TV shows you guys won't watch

And no it is not about my show. I hope youse guys make an exception for "Big Brooklyn Style" if only to laugh at how bad I come off in it. When I did my interviews this week I got one line and it was "Whores." Pronounced "Who-er's" but I don't even know if it is going to make it to air.

I would do better if I tried to appear on this new sitcom called "Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23. It is a pretty funny show about this naive young girl who becomes roommates with this crazy scam artist bitch whose best friend is the dildo from Dawson Creek who is hilarious in this show. He plays himself and it is a great commentary on this third rate stars and how they live off the fame of some stupid TV show. Girls and guys are always coming up to him and hitting on him and singing that lesbian song. I'm telling you it pretty freakin' funny.

I have only seen two episodes and I might get tired of it but so far it has been pretty entertaining.

Just count it as another show youse guys can  tell me you don't watch.

(Like 2 Broke Girls which is also pretty damn funny with lots of dirty jokes, Stiffler's Mom with her tits hanging out and the best set of ta-ta's on TV on one of the two girls Kat or Pussy Galore or something like that there)

The Red Sox and Bobby V .....perfect together

The Red Sox are off to a stellar start under the leadership of that genius Bobby Valentine. This is the perfect pairing of captain and ship. The best since Edward Smith took the helm. Well no....the best since Francesco Schettino fell into his lifeboat.

There will be no lifeboats for the Red Saux this season. Only disguises to hide how bad they suck. And it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys.

Did I tell you lately that the Yankees are going to win the World Series?

Whose that girl that really disappointed us?

Whose that girl that really disappointed us? She just made so many bad choices. I mean if Marlon Brando had know that he never would have bellowed her name in his undershirt.

Whose that dissappointing dame?

You can always learn something.....

I even learned a couple of interesting things reading that douche Robert Vaughn's book.

First of all he was banging Natalie Wood when she was a hot young starlet before she married Robert Wagner. And he took of all people Stella Stevens to the Oscar's when he was nominated as best supporting actor. STELLA STEVENS!!!!!

I mean you got to figure he got a little some of that.

But the most interesting thing I learned is that Steve McQueen was jealous of Yurl Brenner on the set of "The Magnificent Seven." Yurl was the big star and Steve kept doing shit to upstage him. That is pretty freaking funny don't ya think. Even the coolest of the cool can lose his cool when he think somebody is getting the better of him.

Hey I got invited to a barbeque at Obama's White House

They sent out invitations to everyone who has a TV show because they must think we are Hollywood douches or something.

But I don't care for the hot dogs he serves. Just sayn'

Kids say the darndest things....

So this six year old kid comes up to us at the family barbeque and says "Uncle Jim I want to tell you a joke." I say "Ok what's the Joke?"

He goes "How do you wake up Lady Gaga?"  I go "I don't know how do you wake up Lady Gaga?"
"Poke-her-face" he replied "With your cock."

Kids grow up fast in Brooklyn. Just sayn'

US Nuns stirred by reprimand by Vatican

By Reuters (Via MSN)
The Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a "doctrinal assessment" saying the Holy See was compelled to intervene with the Leadership Conference of Women Religious to correct "serious doctrinal problems."

The nuns group, based in Silver Spring, Md., said in a statement Thursday on its website, "The presidency of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious was stunned by the conclusions of the doctrinal assessment." It added it may give a lengthier response at a later date.

The conference says it represents 80 percent of America's 57,000 Catholic nuns. It is influential both in the United States and globally.

Academics who study the church said the Vatican's move was predictable given Pope Benedict's conservative views and efforts by Rome to quell internal dissent and curtail autonomy within its ranks.
"This is more an expression of the Church feeling under siege by trends it cannot control within the Church, much less within the broader society," University of Notre Dame historian Scott Appleby said.
That includes a steady drumbeat of calls to ordain women as priests, which the pope has reasserted was an impossibility.

The Vatican named Seattle Archbishop Peter Sartain and two other U.S. bishops to undertake the reforms of the conference's statutes, programs and its application of liturgical texts, a process it said could take up to five years. "These Nuns have presented us with many things to review and we intend to look deeply into this matter."

What's up with all these trees......

You know the saying that sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. This is sort of what this whole experience has been like in making a TV show.

When you are actually making it you are focused on the day to day. You have be here at this time and you have to say this or that. You have to hit this beat and mention this point and you have to bring out these facts. Hurry up we have to film this before we run out of light. Hurry up we have to finish before the crew gets overtime. Hurry Up. HURRRRRRRYYYY UUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

But you have to take some time to get back to the basics. What story do we want to tell? How do we want to tell it? What's the tone of the show? Informational? Funny? Family oriented? Business oriented? You need to have a plan or at least an outline and stick to it if you want to grow a big beautiful forest.

The show looks great and is very informational and has a lot of heart. People are going to love Lisa. They kind of cut everything else out so we basically have "The Dress Boss." I think people will like it and enjoy the transformations of the women and the fun they are having in the store.

Today is an interview day and we have to bring the joy.

Sometimes a commie is not such a nice guy....

Kindle is dangerous.

Since it is so cheap and easy to order books I get in trouble because I order a slew of stuff on a topic and I am amazed at what I get. I ordered a bunch of Hollywood biographies and autobiographies because I would be kind of ashamed of being in line at Barnes and Noble with a stack of books about Mae West and Joan Crawford. I mean I am interested in it but it not all that classy if you know what I mean.

So I got some of my favorites. Two or three books about John Wayne and John Ford, one about James Garner, one about Mae West and one about Robert Vaughn. I was hoping for some cool stuff about "The Magnificent Seven" or "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." Instead there was a lot of stuff about his protesting in the civil rights and antiwar movement. Which is fair enough as far as it goes but what was astounding is the guy's total lack of self knowledge. He writes and sounds like the biggest deluded douchenozzle that I have ever heard tell of in all my years of making fun of people. I mean the guy is a pompous, fatuous dimwit. It is amazing and fascinating. I know I have a bad habit of finding pompous douchebags interesting and comical but this dick takes the cake.

I hope he doesn't start a blog. Just sayn'

And his book is on the "Must Miss" list. At number one.

Get me rewrite.....

Well I got a reply about the bio and they sort of butchered it. I think they give this duty to interns because all the muck-y-mucks are too busy so some kid who only writes texts is the one who composes press releases. Here is what they sent to me:

JIM DOLAN – The HUSBAND/BUSINESS PARTNER

Jim Dolan is Lisa’s husband and business partner in Lee Lee’s Valise.  Also born and raised in Carroll Gardens, Jim has never lived more than a mile from where he was born.  Jim spent thirty-five years as an accountant doing the books for all the small businesses in the neighborhood.  And when the shop on the corner of President and Court St. in the neighborhood became available, his dream was to open a bar.  But Lisa had other plans.  And more than anything, Jim wants to Imake Lisa’s dreams come true.  So as he likes to say, instead of getting a bar, he got into women’s clothes.  

In the shop, Jim does the books, handles online sales, and tries to keep Lisa on a budget.  He’s currently figuring out how to expand the business and open a new store, so he can continue to make Lisa’s dreams come true.

I had to give them a gentle correction. I don't think it is such a great idea to start every sentance with "And" or "So" and so I just reworked it as follows:

Jim Dolan is Lisa’s husband and business partner in Lee Lee’s Valise.  Born and raised in Carroll Gardens, Jim has never lived more than a mile from where he was born.  Jim worked for thirty-five years as an accountant doing the books for most of the small businesses in the neighborhood.  When the shop on the corner of President and Court St. became available, he wanted to live his dream  which was to open a bar.  But Lisa had other plans and other dreams and more than anything, Jim wants to make Lisa’s dreams come true.  So instead of getting a bar, he got into women’s clothes. 

Jim does the books, handles online sales, and tries to keep Lisa on a budget.  He’s currently figuring out how to expand the business and open a new store, so he can continue to make Lisa’s dreams come true.

I had to work with what they gave me so I hope they use this instead of giving it to some hipster who will put it into the form of a tweet.

The Hour of the Gun

The wife went off to be with her two girlfriends who had lost their husbands last month. A couple of the girls got together to spend some time with them to try to cheer them up as best they could in the face of such tragedy. So I was left all alone on a Saturday night for the first time in a long time.

I could of called up some friends to hang out or go out for dinner but I just wanted to relax. So I got a pizza and a six pack and turned on the TV. And of course I picked a Western to watch.

They had "Hour of the Gun" on demand which was the 1967 film by John Sturgis with James Garner as Wyatt Earp and Jason Robards as Doc Holiday. It was a sequel to "Gunfight at the OK Corral" made about ten years later without Kirk Douglas or Burt Lancaster. It covers the same ground as the Kurt Russell vehicle "Tombstone" which is always being replayed on cable these days. It was basically about the aftermath of the shootout and how the Earp's hunted down and murdered their opponents in the Tombstone political wars. The supporting characters were always fun like a young Jon Voight and Robert Ryan as Ike Clanton. It is the typical anti-septic fifties Western even though it was made in the sixties. You could watch it while munching down your pizza and drinking beer and not miss a beat if you didn't pay attention. It got reviews at the time as a "gritty" and "realistic" drama because it didn't show Wyatt Earp as totally the hero and Doc was a drinker and loser but it was really very tame. Even the version that would up as the "Tombstone" made in 1993. I would have loved to see what Walter Hill would have done with this material.

I think we will see another movie covering the Gunfight at OK Corral. They make a movie about it every decade we are do another one soon.

The Tao of Poo

“With delicate fingertips, pinch the arched lips of her house of love very slowly together, and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip: this is Adhara-sphuritam or Pooalingus."

Hey don't get me wrong.....

I didn't mean to complain that business is slow even though it is about 90 degrees out today and nobody is going to show up to shop on Monday when it is so freaking hot out. I really have no cause to complain because when the show comes out I know we are going to do really well and turn it around. If only one in a thousand people buy something online it will leave us sitting pretty with all the sales we can handle.

We are still working hard on the show and will be doing so right up until it airs. We have to do about four more days of "talking head" interviews with onother scheduled for this Wensday. This sucks because we have to close the store and we won't have any sales at all which is really tough in the short term. We just have to put our heads down and grind it out day by day which is all you can do.

TLC called and asked us for bios for publicity so I had to write something up for them. It is an interesting excercise when you have to write up your bio. I would love to read some of yours. Anyhoo this is what I sent:

Jim Dolan was born and raised in Carroll Gardens Brooklyn and has never lived more than a mile from where he was born.  Educated in Catholic schools until college where he attended Pace University in downtown Manhattan, Jim worked for thirty five years as an accountant specializing in small businesses until he started to work in women's clothing. Wait that came out wrong. Until he started working with his wife selling woman's clothing when they opened Lee Lee's Valise on May 5, 2007. He currently serves as the financial  backbone  of Lee Lee's while  handling the bulk of the on-line sales and still selling clothes when Lisa is out at a shoe store.  He also will entertain the husbands and boyfriends of the  shoppers so they do not want to rush home. Instead  they will  get to hang out in "Jim's " corner to enjoy an espresso and some pastry and check out the game while their significant others spend  quality time spending. Basically he does what Lisa says to do since she is the boss of Lee Lee's Valise and he is happy to support her in whatever she decides.

Problems of a Shopkeeper

So things have been kind of slow at the store. It is a beautiful day today and everyone is out enjoying the lovely spring weather and shopping is the last thing on their mind.

We did have some people come in who were right in our size wheelhouse but they were not real customers. I don't know if it is a price thing (which I thing is possible) or a taste thing or some other thing but they put on some clothes that looked great on them but then walked out without anything.

There used to be a store about twenty blocks away from us who opened up to directly steal clients from us. They used to make fun of us and called us over priced and hoity toity. We used to call them by the name of that store and just no be bothered with them when they would come in. They would look around, never try anything on and then run out the door to go to the other joint. But we didn't care because you can't win with that customer. They find something wrong with everything you have. Hey if you don't want it that's fine. Don't buy it. There are plenty of people who will want it. And when we have the show we will be exposed to a much bigger client base who want what we have and will be happy to pay for high quality merchandise made in the USA instead of cheap Chinese shit that cost nothing and falls apart after a couple of weeks. But the show will not go on the air until May 29th so we have to hang on until then. Don't get me wrong we are doing fine. Our regular customers still come in and shop like crazy. But in retail if you have a slow day you start to shit your pants. So you have to have patience. It is just hard when these dummies come in and pass remarks. Luckily the wife wasn't in today or she might have slugged them one.

We are going to have a crazy good on-line sales because we are putting up a bunch of new items like the Lulu dresses pictured here. The new prints are great and the fuchsia paisley in particular is butter soft and a unique and very pretty color. So it will all work out in the end since this is the calm before the storm.

But you still want to sell if you can. It is the eternal problem of a shopkeeper.