The Latin Quarter 2am at the Club.
Jorge Posada: Hey Jetes look there’s Plaxico and Pierce. Let’s roll up and say hello. (Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada and Joba Chamberlain walk across the club to say hello)
Derek Jeter: Hey the World Champs are in the house. What’s up player (Fist bumps all around. Derek notices an unsightly bulge in Plaxico’s sweats) Hey Plax I don’t want you to think I am Mike Piazza or anything but what’s up with your sweats.
Plaxico Burress: I’m packing.
Antonio Pierce: Yeah me too. Twelve inches bitch.
Plaxico Burress: Nah man, I got my gat. Anthony got jacked last week….ain’t no fool gonna do me like that.
Jorge Posada: Don’t you have a holster for that shit man. You can blow your fuckin Johnson off jefe.
Antonio Pierce; Yeah Plax I wouldn’t have room in my pants for two big guns ya know what I’m saying.
Joba Chamberlain: Look Mr. Jeter. Isn’t that Sean Avery the hockey player coming this way?
Jorge Posada: Oh shit, didn’t he dog you man on the radio, about your clothes and how he gets more culo then you.
Derek Jeter: Guys, com’on. He’s a fucking hockey player.
Sean Avery: Hey hosers. Or should I say losers. What are you doing around here Jeter? Looking to get my sloppy seconds.
Jorge Posada: You gots to be kidding jefe. Jeter gets more pussy than a port-a- pottie at the Lillith fair.
Derek Jeter: That’s ok, it’s not a competition. You know you make yourself look bad when you say stuff like that.
Sean Avery: Yeah right. I bet I can get any bitch in this club tonight over you pal.
Derek Jeter: Sure whatever you say there pal. Hey you know what you get when you have thirty two hockey players in a room.
Joba Camberlain: Ooh, ooh I know Mr. Jeter. A full set of teeth.
Derek Jeter: Right in one Joba. Hey you see that girl over at the bar. What’s her name?
Sean Avery: That’s Lindsey Lohan. Let’s call her over. I bet you ten grand I can do her in the bathroom.
Derek Jeter: Go ask her to join us Joba. Oh and the guy standing next to her with the funny hat and the records. (Joba goes over to Lindsey Lohan and whispers to her. She smiles and walks over to the group. She is wearing a skin tight dress and has some white powder on her upper lip)
Lindsey Lohan: Hi guys. Hey Derek long time no see. (She gives Derek a kiss on the lips. And smiles brightly)
Derek Jeter: Hey let me introduce to some friends of mine. These are my boys Jorge and Joba. And a couple of the World Champion New York Giants, Plaxico and Antonio. Oh and this is Ron Duguay.
Sean Avery: Yeah right, you know me baby, I met you at the Vogue shoot. It’s me Sean.
Lindsey Lohan: Oh yeah right. Weren’t you the one hitting on all the models? Gross. Anyway I like the colored fellas. (She leans over and kisses Plaxico on the mouth, rubbing her huge chest on him and slipping him the tongue. Plaxico can’t help it as she is rubbing all of that nubile flesh against him he starts to respond. But a terrible thing happens as his erect penis pushes through the trigger guard of his Glock but he doesn’t notice)
Antonio Pierce: Hey I need some of that sugar baby. (He shoulders in and bumps Plaxico out of the way. Plaxico stumbles and then straightens up. He goes to fix the gun in his sweats. But his cock is stuck in his Glock. A shot rings out)
Joba Chamberlain: Oh my God! Somebody killed Plaxico!
Showing posts with label Plaxico Burress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Plaxico Burress. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
At the Club.
The Latin Quarter 2am at the club.
Jorge Posada: Hey Derek it’s really strange being here in the city off season. The tour of the new Stadium was sweet.
Derek: Yeah I can’t wait for spring training.
Jorge Posada: Yeah me too. Man those Giants are getting all the action man. Look at that Armani Bradshaw. That’s one hot chica he’s got hanging on him there.
Derek Jeter: Well they are the World Champs. They get the glory and the girls now. It’s been a while since we won.
Jorge Posada: You’re breaking my heart Chico. You get all the pussy you want man.
Joba Chamberlain: That’s right Mr. Jeter. You get all the girls.
Derek Jeter: True. Hey look there’s Plaxico Burress and Antonio Pierce. Let’s go and say hello.
(Jeter, Posada and Joba walk across the club to say hello)
Derek Jeter: Hey guys howz it going? (Fist bumps all around; Jeter notices a bulge in Plaxicos sweats) Hey Plax I don’t want you to think I am Mike Piazza or anything but what’s up with your sweats.
Plaxico Burress: I’m packing.
Antonio Pierce: Yeah me too. Twelve inches bitch.
Plaxico Burress: Nah man, I got my gat. Anthony got jacked last week….ain’t no fool gonna do me like that.
Jorge Posada: Don’t you have a holster for that shit man. You can blow your fuckin Johnson off jefe.
Antonio Pierce; Yeah Plax I wouldn’t have room in my pants for two big guns ya know what I’m saying.
Joba Chamberlain: Oh look Mr. Jeter one of your friends is coming over. Isn’t that Miss Biel. (Jessica Biel comes slinking over to them in a micro mini black dress with six inch heels)
Jessica Biel: Hi Derek. How are you baby? (Air Kisses)
Derek Jeter: I’m cool how are you Jess. Let me introduce you to the boys. These are my boys Jorge and Joba and these are a couple of the Giants, Plaxico and Antonio. (One arm hugs and air kisses all around. The shapely Miss Biel uses the opportunity to rub up against the athletes to maybe get Derek jealous).
Jorge Posada: (with a big grin on his face) Nice to meet you senorita.
Joba Camberlain: (with a beet red face) Yes very nice Miss Biel.
Jessica Biel: Oh and the World Champs. Hey Plaxico (She rubs her barely restrained breasts against Plaxico as she air kisses him on his right cheek, but as she goes to kiss him on his left cheek she sees Jeter frown so she sticks her tongue in his ear)
Plaxico Burress: Oh erh yeah! (Plaxico can’t help it as she is rubbing all of that nubile flesh against him he starts to respond. But a terrible thing happens his erect penis pushes through the trigger guard of his Glock but he doesn’t notice).
Antinio Pierce: Hey I need some of that sugar baby. ( He shoulders in and bumps Plaxico out of the way. Plaxico stumbles and then straightens up. He goes to fix the gun in his sweats. But his cock is stuck in his Glock. A shot rings out)
Joba Chamberlain: Oh my God! Somebody killed Plaxico!
Jorge Posada: Hey Derek it’s really strange being here in the city off season. The tour of the new Stadium was sweet.
Derek: Yeah I can’t wait for spring training.
Jorge Posada: Yeah me too. Man those Giants are getting all the action man. Look at that Armani Bradshaw. That’s one hot chica he’s got hanging on him there.
Derek Jeter: Well they are the World Champs. They get the glory and the girls now. It’s been a while since we won.
Jorge Posada: You’re breaking my heart Chico. You get all the pussy you want man.
Joba Chamberlain: That’s right Mr. Jeter. You get all the girls.
Derek Jeter: True. Hey look there’s Plaxico Burress and Antonio Pierce. Let’s go and say hello.
(Jeter, Posada and Joba walk across the club to say hello)
Derek Jeter: Hey guys howz it going? (Fist bumps all around; Jeter notices a bulge in Plaxicos sweats) Hey Plax I don’t want you to think I am Mike Piazza or anything but what’s up with your sweats.
Plaxico Burress: I’m packing.
Antonio Pierce: Yeah me too. Twelve inches bitch.
Plaxico Burress: Nah man, I got my gat. Anthony got jacked last week….ain’t no fool gonna do me like that.
Jorge Posada: Don’t you have a holster for that shit man. You can blow your fuckin Johnson off jefe.
Antonio Pierce; Yeah Plax I wouldn’t have room in my pants for two big guns ya know what I’m saying.
Joba Chamberlain: Oh look Mr. Jeter one of your friends is coming over. Isn’t that Miss Biel. (Jessica Biel comes slinking over to them in a micro mini black dress with six inch heels)
Jessica Biel: Hi Derek. How are you baby? (Air Kisses)
Derek Jeter: I’m cool how are you Jess. Let me introduce you to the boys. These are my boys Jorge and Joba and these are a couple of the Giants, Plaxico and Antonio. (One arm hugs and air kisses all around. The shapely Miss Biel uses the opportunity to rub up against the athletes to maybe get Derek jealous).
Jorge Posada: (with a big grin on his face) Nice to meet you senorita.
Joba Camberlain: (with a beet red face) Yes very nice Miss Biel.
Jessica Biel: Oh and the World Champs. Hey Plaxico (She rubs her barely restrained breasts against Plaxico as she air kisses him on his right cheek, but as she goes to kiss him on his left cheek she sees Jeter frown so she sticks her tongue in his ear)
Plaxico Burress: Oh erh yeah! (Plaxico can’t help it as she is rubbing all of that nubile flesh against him he starts to respond. But a terrible thing happens his erect penis pushes through the trigger guard of his Glock but he doesn’t notice).
Antinio Pierce: Hey I need some of that sugar baby. ( He shoulders in and bumps Plaxico out of the way. Plaxico stumbles and then straightens up. He goes to fix the gun in his sweats. But his cock is stuck in his Glock. A shot rings out)
Joba Chamberlain: Oh my God! Somebody killed Plaxico!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Plaxico is up shits creek.
The pile on continues as more facts come out in the Plaxico Burress mess. It's funny to see how the tide has turned. First the sportswriters were like the villagers in Frankenstein with the torches and pitchforks ready to hang him. But as the repetition on sports radio went on and on I think they were getting a little scared of the comments they were getting from some of the knuckleheads that are their audience. Most of those losers have never been in a bad situation in their lives. I mean in a place where a lot of people had guns and you could fee the tension with a knife.
I was held up at gun point twice in my life. Once as a young kid in a bar. Just a regular Brooklyn gin mill where these guys came in with a shot gun and held up the bar. Now there were a couple of cops in the joint but they were smart enough not to do anything until the doers left. Then they ran outside and pegged a few shots at them. But they got away clean. For a while. You see it was a mob place so they really didn't get away clean. At least that is what I heard but who knows if that is true.
The second time was in my friends video store. My friend and his wife and one customer were in the store right around this time of year. In fact it was the day before Christmas Eve which I think fell on a Friday that year. Anyway one guy walks up to the counter and another was by the door. We were joking around and not paying attention because we were going to meet friends at the Montague street Saloon later that night. We had broken out a bottle and were giving the customers shots with their videos. And having one or two to keep them company.
So the mook in the front of the store grabs the customer who was on the other side of the counter and puts a gun to his head. The guy at the door pulls out a gun and they demand the money in the register. I was behind the counter with my friend who owned the store and his wife. She took off her engagement ring and wedding ring and stuffed it under the radiator. They got the money in the register and my friend had a stash in a video box that was the phony stash. That's what you give up when you are robbed and they demand more money. There was some tens and twenties but most of it was singles. The real stash was in the freezer in the back. They made us lie on the floor. I thought it was all over. But they just ran out the front.
We called the cops and they came over and we went to the 76th precient to fill out a report. You know how they have mug books on TV. Well they had mug drawers, whole filing cabinets full of suspects and known skells. This was in Dinkins time and crime was off the charts. We looked and looked but after a while it got to be a joke. So nothing ever came of it.
I think of that night a lot as I sit in the back of the store in the office and type away while the girls are fitting women in the front. I have had to throw a few skells out in the past few weeks so I make sure I am always around. I have a bat behind the counter and an expanding metal baton in case I need it. When I get up in their face they usually move pretty quick. You see sometimes I have a lot of anger. But there might come a time when somebody has a gat and there will be nothing you can do.
Unless I can get Plaxico to hang out at the store.
I was held up at gun point twice in my life. Once as a young kid in a bar. Just a regular Brooklyn gin mill where these guys came in with a shot gun and held up the bar. Now there were a couple of cops in the joint but they were smart enough not to do anything until the doers left. Then they ran outside and pegged a few shots at them. But they got away clean. For a while. You see it was a mob place so they really didn't get away clean. At least that is what I heard but who knows if that is true.
The second time was in my friends video store. My friend and his wife and one customer were in the store right around this time of year. In fact it was the day before Christmas Eve which I think fell on a Friday that year. Anyway one guy walks up to the counter and another was by the door. We were joking around and not paying attention because we were going to meet friends at the Montague street Saloon later that night. We had broken out a bottle and were giving the customers shots with their videos. And having one or two to keep them company.
So the mook in the front of the store grabs the customer who was on the other side of the counter and puts a gun to his head. The guy at the door pulls out a gun and they demand the money in the register. I was behind the counter with my friend who owned the store and his wife. She took off her engagement ring and wedding ring and stuffed it under the radiator. They got the money in the register and my friend had a stash in a video box that was the phony stash. That's what you give up when you are robbed and they demand more money. There was some tens and twenties but most of it was singles. The real stash was in the freezer in the back. They made us lie on the floor. I thought it was all over. But they just ran out the front.
We called the cops and they came over and we went to the 76th precient to fill out a report. You know how they have mug books on TV. Well they had mug drawers, whole filing cabinets full of suspects and known skells. This was in Dinkins time and crime was off the charts. We looked and looked but after a while it got to be a joke. So nothing ever came of it.
I think of that night a lot as I sit in the back of the store in the office and type away while the girls are fitting women in the front. I have had to throw a few skells out in the past few weeks so I make sure I am always around. I have a bat behind the counter and an expanding metal baton in case I need it. When I get up in their face they usually move pretty quick. You see sometimes I have a lot of anger. But there might come a time when somebody has a gat and there will be nothing you can do.
Unless I can get Plaxico to hang out at the store.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
