RIP Al Kaline

AL Kaline just passed away. A great player. A good man. A gentlemen.

I always really respected him. I wished he would have been a Yankee. He would have been a great Yankee. I can't think of higher praise for him.

RIP Al.

Memories.....Misty water-colored memories of the way we were!

 I used to love Bat Day. Remember those? That was when you went to Yankee stadium and they actually gave you a bat. It was inscribed with the name of one of the players. The first one I ever got was an Elston Howard bat in 1965. That was a real bat. It was heavy. To heavy for a young Trooper York to use in the softball games we used to play in Carroll Park or Red Hook field, You see we used to go to the park with a team made up of kids from the block. We would bring our gloves and bats and a couple of clinchers and get into a game. Sometimes it was almost a tournament. You kept the field if you won. It was usually a triple header. 

I always would bring my Jim Lyttle bat that I got in 1970. It was perfect. It wasn't too heavy and I could whip it around like a wiffle ball bat which is what I had the most practice using. I loved that bat.

Jim Lyttle was an outfielder who had a cup of coffee with the Yankees for a couple of years. He hit 310 in 1970 in a limited role. Those were the Horace Clarke Yankees and it was a punishment from God on Yankee fans because Nuns were leaving the convent and they had the Mass in English. So we had to suck it up and take it like a man. I always followed his career when he bounced around the big leagues and later spent many years in Japan. I would check out the box score in the Sporting News to see how he was doing, Hey that's something nobody does anymore, It is all on the internet,

Jim Lyttle was one of the marginal Yankees that I always rooted for as a fan. I wasn't so much for the big stars like Bobby Murcer or Don Mattingly or even Jeter for that matter. I always rooted the most for the guy who was hanging on. Scrappy get in your face types. Jim Lyttle. Johnnie Ellis, Jim Mason. Steve Kline. Rusty Torrez. Jake Gibbs. Bobby Meachum. David Wells. Those were my peeps.

They don't do Bat Day anymore because I think they are afraid the people with hit each other over the head or something. Another wonderful thing from my childhood like full size Ring Dings and all white neighborhoods that are gone forever.

Still and all I will continue to root for my team. I hope youse guys root for yours. I know Lem will be rooting for his beloved Red Sox. I think he is rooting for them to get a good tan as they are on vacation.

Because as we all know. Boston sucks.

Talking baseball with Ted Williams Disembodied Head

"Welcome to another edition of talking baseball with the disembodied head of Ted Williams. Welcome Ted how are you feeling today?"
"Cold you fucking pissant. I am in a freezer for fucks sake."
"Right-o Teddy Ballgame thanks for that. So what do you think about the series so far?"
"I don't know. Why aren't they playing their best players. I haven't seen McCovey or Mays or even George Freakin Brett for Christsake! Who is this Posey Pussy? I don't understand!"
"Ok Ted thank for the sparkling analysis. It just proves that you are just as big a winner at commenting as you were at playing."
"Fuck you asshole! If I only had arms I would throw  a bag of frozen peas at you you fuckwad."
"Now back to the Sports Desk. I think another NFL player spanked his three year old or something."

True Yankees

Yankee fans have a dividing line when we talk about players. It is if you are considered a "True Yankee." A real representative of the team who buys into the teams concept and traditions. It's culture if you  will.

A True Yankee usually came up from the farm system but that is not always the case. Some people are easy. Jeter. Pettite. Mariano. Posada. Bernie Williams. Thuman. Whitey. Yogi. The Mick. Joe D.

Others earned it. Paul O'Neil. Babe Ruth. Reggie. David Wells. Don Larsen.

Some people will never be True Yankee no matter how long they are on the team or how good they play. Roger Clemens. Wade Boggs. A-Rod. They are interlopers.

I am not all that familiar with the two teams playing in the series tonight. At least the current compilation. I don't pay attention to the National League and I haven't followed KC because we so seldom play them. So I don't know who is the "True Giant" or "True Royal." Who is the guy who personifies the team. I guess it is the catcher on the Giants. But I am not sure. I would love to hear from fans of those teams. It makes it easier to figure out who to root for. Because to be honest I have very little interest in this series.

Hall of Fame Ballot 2014

The Baseball Hall of Fame ballot is out and it is time to vote. You can pick ten people at most or none if you are so inclined. So here is my vote based on order of value so to speak

Barry Bonds. Yeah I know. He's a juicer. So what. I mean Scarlet Johansen has implants but you would still fuck her. The numbers don't lie.

Roger Clemens. Much as I hate him you can't fight with the numbers. I mean the guys in the 1920's didn't play against black guys or have night games or a bunch of different shit. It is the numbers in the era you are in that count.

Greg Maddux. Best pitcher of his era bar none. Douchebag because he wouldn't come to the Yankees but I can over look that.

Tom Glavine. Just because he will not wear a Mets hat and that will piss them off.

Mike Piazza because you should have a gay guy so the Evil Blogger Lady won't scream and sue you or something.

Frank Thomas because he started the Wendy's Hamburger chain.

Tim Raines because he played for the Yanks for a while and the Expo's need a couple of guys in the Hall.

Craig Biggio because he is Italian. And a drug addict. And a Houston Astro. Oh yeah. Plus 3000 hits.

Jack Morris because when the game is on the line he is one of the guys I would pick to give the ball too because he is a winner.

Curt Schilling. Yeah I know. He beat the Yankees. With the Diamond Backs. And the fucking Red Sox. But he is a winner.

Mike Mussina. Because I get one Yankee pick. Fuck you.

Talking baseball with the Disembodied Head of Ted Williams.

"So the Red Sox have defeated the Yankees 4-2 tonight in a close game with Andy Petite taking the loss and Felix Doubront got the win. Let's talk to our special guest the disembodied head of Ted Williams. So Ted what did you think of the game?'
"The game. What game. I don't understand this game they are calling baseball. It's is all screwed up."
"Well what do you mean Teddy Ballgame? You just saw another "quality start" from Doubront who is the first Red Sox pitcher to have as many "quality starts" since Dutch Leonard."
"That's exactly what I mean numbnuts. What the fuck is a quality start? In my day a quality start meant you pitched nine innings of a complete game and hit Johnny Mize in the coconut with a couple of freaking bean balls that's a quality start."
"Well things are different now Ted."
"Damn straight they are different. Even the names are different. I mean I remember when we had good old American Names for the players. Ruth. Cobb. Williams. Speaker. Not like now. Who the fuck is Johnny Garden Nome. What kind of name is that? And every other guy is an Ortiz or a Rameriz or a Torres. It's like we are at a cockfight or something."
"Well baseball has become much more inclusive Ted. People from all over the world come to the show. Look at all the Asians we have like the Red Sox closer Koji Uehara."
"Yeah that's what's fucked up. You get this gook Urethra pitching for the Red Sox. I never though I would see the day. I remember when I used to strafe those villages in Korea on my way back to the airfield. Those suckers would run like ants screaming and peeing their little black pajamas. I just can't believe that my team the Red Sox would do that. We were proud of being the most racist team in the big leagues. We were the last one to get a colored player. Shit the world has changed. Next thing you know you are gonna tell me that they elected a shine President or something."
"Errrr.....well....while you were frozen they did elect a black man Barack Obama President. Twice."
"WHAT! I can't take this crap. Look stick me back on that can of Chicken of the Sea and put me back next to the frozen peas. I had enough."
"Well thank you very much Ted. Next up we will talk to David Ortiz who will tell us of how he smuggled his family over the boarder in his underpants after this message from the Obama phone. You don't have to have credit you just need a pulse. And a vote. We will be right back."

Talking Baseball with the Disembodied Head of Ted Williams

"So here we back on the Red Sox network talking baseball with the disembodied head of Ted Williams. So Ted what do you think of the steroid story. I hear that A-Rod might get suspended for a 150 games."
"Like that matters. That greaser is never gonna play again. The Yankees have it all figured out. As soon as his rehab is over the league is gonna suspend him. Bud Selig will do whatever they want. I know the Yankees have a photo of Bud sucking the Milwaukee Bratwurst in the Brewers locker room and he don't want that shit to get out."
"Well why would that be a problem in this day and age Ted?"
"Waddaya mean why would that be a problem. Major League baseball hates the sissies. He could never go into a locker room again. What the fuck do you think this is the WNBA?"
"Well I think you are wrong but whatever. What do you think about the upcoming Yankee /Red Sox series?"
"The Yankees are gonna slaughter em like they always do. What did the fuckin' Sox beat them once in a 100 years. They shot their load. Just like Bud Selig on that Fairy mascot of his."
"But I thought you were a true Red Sox. How can you say that?"
"What do I give a shit about those scumbags. They let my idiot son cut my head off and stick it on a freakin' tuna fish can! Did they do that to Joe DiMaggio? NO! Did they do that to Mickey Mantle? NO! Did they do that to Fritz Peterson or Mike Keckich even though they swapped wives in the middle of the season? NO! The Yankees take care of their guys. Fuck the Red Sox and the toilet they play in. Now put me back in the fuckin' freezer my eyebrows are starting to melt."
"Ok Teddy Ballgame thanks for stopping by. Next up David Ortiz will try to speak English. Now a word from our sponser, Citgo Oil bringing you gas from a dead Venezuelan dictator."

Talking Baseball with Ted Williams Disembodied Head

"So Ted what do you think about the All Star game being played at Citifield in New York City?"
"What is that the new pussified place that replaced Shea Stadium. Typical of the Mets to fuck it up. They built it like a Dodgers fans wet dream about Ebbets field. You got to be kidding me. I mean Ebbets field you could at least hit a Home Run. The fucking Incredible Hulk couldn't pop one out there. The Wilpons are such morons no wonder that crooked hebe stole all their money."
"Yes....err......well Ted we don't talk like that on the Radio in 2013."
"What the fuck do I care? I mean my own son cut my fucking head off and stuck it on a tuna fish can for crying out loud. Thank God the little bastard is dead. He wasn't my son anyway. I was never with a woman that way."
"What do you mean by that Ted?"
"What are you fucking deaf besides being stupid? Lets get back to the ballgame. Ok Mary?"
"Yes....err....certainly. Do you think the All Star game has something because of interleague play."
"Of course it did asshole. The All Star game used to be great because you got to see the colored guys from the National League. Now they are all over the place. And the fucking Mexicans. They took over. Half the fucking league is bean eaters. What's up with that?"
"Errr......well never mind Ted....and now a short break while we hear a message from our sponsor Dos Equis."

Talking Baseball with Ted Williams Disembodied Head!

"Hey Ted how are you doing today"
"I'm fucking freezing you dick. I am stuck to a can of tune fish in a fuckin' Frigdaire how the fuck do you think I feel numbnuts?"
"Please Ted we have children listening."
"Fuck em. No seriously lets fuck em. I love those hairless little....."
"Ted enough about your social life. Waddaya think about the season so far?"
"Well the Sox are in first place. Thank God they got rid of the moron Bobby Valentine. The douche bag couldn't get laid in a Japanese whorehouse. Seriously when he managed in Japan he never got a fuckin' happy ending in the massage parlor because he was too gross for whores who like raw fish.
What the fuck's up with that?"
"Well that is as may be. What do you think about the latest steroid scandal?"
"Not much. Suspend the fuckin' lot of them. I mean that dumb spic A-Rod is always fucking up and he ain't playing anyway. Thank God the Yankees got stuck with him. And that Ryan Braun. He is always sticking things in ass. We need to teach him to stop with the needles and confine himself to getting stuck in the ass with Aaron Rodgers dick."
"Errr right Ted. We will be right back after this word from our sponsors.