Buddy Clinton died for your sins!

President Kennedy had many different pets when he was in the White House. He had young kids and they loved their pets. They had Gaullie a poodle and Charlie a Welsh terrier and Pushinka a mutt that the Russians gave them. They had hamsters and fish and birds and of course Caroline had her pony Macaroni. The President loved to have three ways with Macaroni and one of his interns who were his sexual slaves. He liked nothing better than having sex in the pool with Macaroni and an intern. He loved water sports. And he just loved molesting the sweet young starry eyed girls who worked as interns. The press knew all about it but didn't say anything like they later did with Clinton. That was because JFK would have the interns blow the important newspapermen and eat out the girl reporters. That was why JFK was the only president that Helen Thomas ever liked.  But that was only because he set up at three way for her with Macaroni and an intern. Using Robert Reich as a human dildo just wasn't the same thing.

(Buddy Clinton Died for Your Sins, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press, 2009)

Thank you Mr. President!

"That was a wonderful performance Vicki. I wish Betty could have seen it but she is still upstairs throwing up."
"Thank you Mr. President. I am so sorry that you fell and hit your head as you came on the stage. But can I ask you one favor?"
"Of course Vicki anything for you."
"Can you stop staring at my tits."
"No."

Hey Happy President's Day Weekend!

Happy President's Day Weekend! We are having a big sale this weekend and I hope we get some business. Plus we have some great Valentines Day gifts for the clueless husbands among us.

And our new Lulu's are in stock. Our best dress it should sell like hot cakes!!!

Whose you're Daddy Mr. President

James Buchanan had a troubled relationship with his father. A distant and somewhat effeminate man, James Buchanan Sr. had eleven children who strangely enough looked totally different from him or each other. Young James Buchanan Jr. was much closer to his mother Elizabeth Speer a scion of the German family that produced such luminaries as the Third Reich’s Albert Speer. He spent much of his youth helping her at the family business the Buchanan hotel until an unfortunate incident with a young woman and a spring pump and a kitchen knife. Young Master Buchanan was sent off to boarding school never to return but he did enjoy dressing in some of his mother’s discarded homespun frocks so he might feel closer to her.

He was estranged from his father for the remainder of his life but strangely enjoyed calling his roommate of many decades, Senator and later Vice President William Rufus King by his pet diminutive of Daddy. Unlike Andrew Jackson who called them Nancy and Fancy. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
(Whose You’re Daddy, Presidential Fathers, Doris Kearns Godwin, Bantam Books, 1998)

Whose You're Daddy Mr. President

George Washington did not have a long relationship with his father Augustine who died when the future president was only eleven. The cause of his father’s untimely demise is not recorded although legend has it that his wife Mary nagged him to death. Washington’s mother did indeed nag him unmercifully his entire life to the point that he ran away to join the milita and felt dodging bullets and Indian arrows was much preferable to letting his mother nag him to death as well. Augustine Washington did bequeath to his son 64 slaves, the Strother plantation and the ability to tune out the voice of any woman no matter how loud or long she might harangue him. This caused some difficultly during his Presidency because in Cabinet Meetings he could never follow what Thomas Jefferson had to say as he had a high pitched womanish voice much like that of Jennifer Tilly. This disaffection led to the creation of the two party system and the rise of political parties in the fledging United States.
(Whose You’re Daddy, Presidential Fathers, Doris Kearns Godwin, Bantam Books, 1998)

Buddy Clinton Died for your Sins!

The mainstream media has been courrpt and useless since the very birth of our republic it is just that they have been useless in different ways. For example they never publized the fact the Franklin Delano Roosevelt was crippled and had to survive in a wheelchair. It was covered up to the extent that most Americans did not even realize that he was disabled.

Instead the press publizied such trivialites as the fact that he had a little black Scottie terrier named Fala. However they neglected to mention that he also kept Shirley Temple as a pet for most of the 1930's.

(Buddy Clinton Died for Your Sins, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press, 2009)

Aides to President Elect did Blah Blah with Blago!

Barack Obama admits aides spoke with Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich
BY DAVID SALTONSTALL DAILY NEWS SENIOR CORRESPONDENT
Monday, December 15th 2008, 8:35 PM New York Daily News

Aides to Barack Obama did talk to disgraced Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich about filling the President-elect's open Senate seat, but those discussions were never "inappropriate," Obama insisted Monday.
That was the conclusion, he said, of a now-complete internal review of all his transition staff's contacts with Blagojevich. But at the request of federal investigators, details are being withheld until at least next Monday.
That's Christmas week, when most Americans will be distracted and the President-elect plans to be celebrating the holiday in Hawaii - not Chicago, the focal point of the federal investigation.
"I would ask for your patience because I do not want to interfere with an ongoing investigation," Obama told reporters at a Chicago news conference. "Those facts will be forthcoming."
The comments came as the Illinois Legislature took the first steps Monday toward possibly impeaching Blagojevich, who was accused by federal authorities last week of trying to sell Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder.

This should be interesting. I wonder if anything is going to come out when these guys start looking for plea deals. I hope not. We have enough troubles as it is.

Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca

The most famous ship of the Revolutionary War was of course the Bonhomme Richard which was the flagship of the great hero John Paul Jones. This was the flagship of Captain Jones which sank during his epic battle with the British ship of the line the Serapis a 44 gun behemoth. The former merchant ship gave a tremendous account of itself before it blew up and sank at the end of the battle. However the stature it gained through this battle was not its only mark of distinction. Originally a French Merchant ship it was renamed in honor of Benjamin Franklin, the revolutionary envoy to France. Its main claim to fame was its figure head which depicted a beautiful woman with heavy breasts. These breasts were covered by two gnarled hands said to be modeled on Dr Franklins own. It is said he posed for the carving for over a month never moving his hands from the naked bosoms of his maid Sophie. She was also wearing a strange garment of Dr Franklin’s invention. He called it the suit of pants that he had his maids wear around his estate as they tended to his needs. It was one of his many foibles.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

The second most prized figurehead in the American navy was that of the frigate the USS Constitution. The full breasted figurehead was modeled after the Greek Goddess Juno and displayed a full breasted and full figured sensuality which was the standard of the time. This ship was one of the original six ships authorized by the Naval act of 1794 and it is the oldest commissioned vessel afloat in the world. Old Ironside’s figurehead remains a wonder and delight to world not least because of its amazing facial resemblance to Raymond Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

The first lady with the most meager of bust lines was originally thought to be Eleanor Roosevelt who often wore drab and unbecoming outfits that not show her bosom to its best advantage. However due to the intrepid investigative reporting of the gynecological blogger Andrew Sullivan it has been determined that Hillary Clinton did indeed have the most meager mammary glands of any American first Lady. Nevertheless she remains a wonder and a delight to San Francisco Democrats not least because of her amazing facial resemblance to Raymond Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

The first lady with the most generous and toothsome of bosoms was of course Dolly Madison who was a widow and a “woman of the world” before her marriage to future President James Madison. Her décolletage was so spectacular that the President often used it confuse and distract political and diplomatic opponents during tough negotiations. It has been speculated that it was the display of her bounteous bosom during the negotiations with France during the Jefferson Administration that led to the Louisianan Purchase having been made at such a cheap price. Her breasts were immortalized in the naming of the city of Madison, Wisconsin which is generally considered to have the biggest collection of boobs resident in North America. Dolly Madison’s breasts remained a wonder and delight to all Americans not least due to the fact that they were as big as the bald head of Aaron Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

It is generally agreed that the first lady with the most dangerous bosom was Barbara Bush the wife of George Herbert Walker Bush. Although her bountiful bosom was to be expected with her matronly figure this was not the source of peril to her unsuspecting victims. Rather it was her unfortunate habit of clasping the unwary to her copious bosom in a hug and holding there while they feebly struggled to free themselves from her embrace. This lead to an unfortunate diplomatic incident when her husband was the envoy to China when she clasped the diminutive Prime Minister Cho En Lai to her chest for so long that she smothered him and he had to be revived by medical personal who were luckily on the scene. As a consequence she became know in China as 怪物 乳房 which means Godzilla tits which was a reference to the lovable monster that was a wonder and delight to all Asians as immortalized in a movie starring Raymond Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

Belly Buttons Part five

One of the most interesting tales about presidential belly buttons revolves around the strange case of Richard Milhous Nixon. President Nixon was born in Yorba Linda California to Francis and Hannah Nixon. His mother was a devout Quaker who none the less had many strange quirks. She eschewed the services of physicians and preferred to have a midwife help her deliver her son. The most popular and competent midwife was an Italian immigrant named Natalie Della Sinatra who soothed and mothered the young Quaker as she prepared for motherhood. It was a dark and stormy night on January 9, 1913 that Hannah Nixon went into labor. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until it was determined that it was a breech birth with the future president’s feet preceding him into the world. His little feet were motley and discolored looking almost like little cordovan wing tips. Now in that day and age it was very dangerous as the child had to be born before it was deprived of too much oxygen. The midwife coaxed and pleaded with the mother but finally had to pull the child out by main strength. The reason for the delay was readily apparent as Mrs. Sinatra began to scream and wail. She shouted “Coda de Diavolo…Coda de Diavolo…Jesus Christo.” Francis Nixon burst into the birthing chamber drawn by the shrieks emanating from the distraught midwife. When he looked at his new born son he was shaken, for instead of an umbical cord there was a forked tail. The Coda de Diavolo…The tail of the Devil. Young Mr. Nixon was a man of action. He slapped the midwife to stop her hysteria. He slapped his wife to stop her wailing. And he slapped his new son for being born with a tail. Mrs. Sinatra recovered her wits and quickly cut off the devils tale with pruning scissors and tied off the umbilical cord. But she was so shaken that she moved across the country to Hoboken New Jersey to never be heard of again. Francis Nixon could never show love to his son after that night, with unfortunate consequences for his character. But that baby grew up to be the President of the United States. That is of course a different tale of the devil.

(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press)

Belly Buttons part four

The strangest story about presidential belly buttons was that of President James Buchanan. One of the shortest of our chief executives it was discovered at his death that every opening or orifice on his body had been stretched or opened to an unusual degree. His nostrils, ear holes and belly button were stretched and almost disfigured and distended. While no know medical condition could have caused this strange disfigurement it was given the medical name of titusitis for reasons that are unexplained to this very day.
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press)

Belly Buttons part three

One of the most intriguing rumors about the presidential belly button is that President John Fitzgerald Kennedy had an outie that would become erect when he became sexually aroused. True to his Irish heritage, the erect outie was in fact longer and thicker than his penis as he suffered from the curse of the Irish. Angie Dickinson who was one of JFK’s most famous conquests once said that making love to the president was “The most exciting twenty seconds of my life.” But it is the rest of the quote that gives it context when she said “When he was done I climbed on his stomach and he stuck his belly button in me and it was heaven. He was one freaky limp dick mick.”
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press)

Belly Buttons part two

As the most athletic of all America Presidents, Theodore Roosevelt had the most muscular belly button of all the Presidents of the United States. A sickly and asthmatic child, the young Theodore Roosevelt was a fanatical devotee of exercise to the point that he devoted part of his workout to strengthening the muscles of his belly button. He had an “outie” in which he did curls with a pencil fitted with two tiny weights. His belly button was in fact so strong that he once tied off his lariat on his erect belly button while roping a calf in a rodeo when his saddle horn broke in mid contest. It was quite an impressive feat.
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press)

Belly Buttons part one

It has long been a matter of dispute among presidential historians as to who had the biggest belly button. The natural choice would of course have been William Howard Taft who because of his immense girth would have the largest of all presidential stomachs and thus the biggest belly button. It was in fact immense and his children would often climb inside it like a kangaroo baby when he was in the bath. The future senator Robert Taft often spoke of those days when he would take a bath with his father and look out the rest of the world. He felt safe and protected in way that he could never feel for the rest of his life. In fact many historians feel that feeling of anxiety led to Senator Taft embracing the America First movement and isolationism which led to America ignoring the rise of the Nazi’s in Europe. In fact some go so far as to say that the rise of Hitler was really due to President William Howard Taft’s belly button.
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

Don't know much about history!

The first wife of a president to campaign for her husband was Lucretia Garfield who campaigned for her husband James. It was considered vulgar and low class for women to engage in politics but Mrs. Garfield was a free spirit who delighted in mocking convention. This was because of her prior life in a geek show where she was a star performer because of the fact she had two vaginas. Young Colonel Garfield met her in New York when he was in charge of the troops that were sent to suppress the Draft Riots during the dark days of the civil war. They were introduced by Tom Thumb the world’s smallest man who owed a great debt to Lucretia as she had sheltered him in her vestigal vagina when he was trying to avoid an angry mob of rioters. Mrs. Garfield toured twenty states and was particularly popular in Wisconsin because of her love of cheese. The Garfield’s had a legendary love story that is much neglected today because of the fact the details are so outré. It of course ended tragically when President Garfield was assassinated by a disappointed orifice seeker.
(First Ladies on the Stump by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

The practice of wives campaigning fell out of fashion until it was revived by Ida McKinley who was sent out on the campaign trail by Mark Hanna the Karl Rove of his day. Mr. Hanna devised the “front porch campaign” where Governor McKinley rested on his porch and bantered once a day with reporters while surrogates went out to campaign among the masses. Ida McKinley loved to meet the people and enjoyed campaigning swings throughout most of the United States. The best part about these trips was the return sex she would get from the Governor who was a somewhat indolent man but was a great reader, scholar and a cunning linguist. In a strange twist of fate, President McKinley was also assassinated at the Pan-American World’s Fair in Buffalo, New York by an anarchist named Leon Czolgosz. The police of the day were very much in favor of profiling and were watching all immigrants with beards and more than six consonants in the their names but missed Mr. Czolgosz as he traveled under his mother’s maiden name of Nieman. In fact the last reported words of President McKinley when he expired on his deathbed was “Nieman.”
(First Ladies on the Stump by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

Since the practice of campaigning by a first lady had seemed to be so ill-fated, it fell from view until revived by the very courageous Eleanor Roosevelt who criss-crossed the country to campaign for her husband. Part of the reason for this change was the fact the Franklin Roosevelt was in fact disabled and they wanted to conceal that fact from the general public. Believe or not in his first campaign most American’s did not even know that he used a wheelchair. But the curious curse of campaigning wives continued when on February 15, 1933 lone gunman Giuseppe Zangara attempted to assassinate President elect Roosevelt at Bayfront Park in Miami, Florida. Fortunately his arm was jostled and his shot ended up hitting Chicago Mayor Anton Cermak who died from his wounds. Reportedly his last words to the President elect were "I told you to tell that bitch to shut up.”
(First Ladies on the Stump by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

Bess Truman did not campaign for her husband except for their joint whistle stop train tours where she did not speak. But none the less the curse of the campaigning wife did strike on November 1, 1950 when there was an assassination attempt at the Blair house where the first family was residing do to repairs and renovations at the White House. Machine gun wielding terrorist tried to fight their way in to kill President Truman but were foiled by a heroic guard who gave his life in defense of the President. It was later discovered that the cause of this assassination attempt had nothing to do with the first lady’s campaigning but was in fact just indignant Puerto Ricans.
(First Ladies on the Stump by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

Reading history during the historic first meeting of President Bush and President Elect Obama

It is the consensus of most historians that Andrew Jackson had the hardest Presidency in the history of the United States. President Jackson was well known as extremely virile heterosexual and surrounded himself with a cabinet of noted swordsman. His secretary of War John H Eaton had a memorable affair where he seduced the most beautiful woman in Washington who was married to another man. Eaton was famous for the length and girth of his erection and this was the reason he was able to win the lovely Peggy. Jackson’s first Vice President John C. Calhoun was known far as wide as being a complete dick. But the hardest person in the administration was in fact President Jackson who had the nickname of Old Hickory which was a corruption of his Cherokee name of Old Hickory Dick due to the swath he cut among the virgin tribal woman during his many campaigns in the frontier. He would often pound nails with his penis at his estate in the Hermitage to intimidate his political opponents.
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

The most limber presidential penis of course belonged to Richard Milhous “Tricky Dick” Nixon who was famous for the shapes he could manipulate his penis into on the Washington “cocktail” circuit. He would twist and turn his penis to create various shapes including a duck, the Lincoln Memorial and his little dog Checkers. His quick and tricky dick was much in evidence in his rise from back bench congressman to senator to vice president. In fact it is rumored that the reason why General Eisenhower choose him as his vice president is because of his puppetry of the penis. Eisenhower said “He may be a dick, but he is one funny dick.”
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

The physical attributes of America’s first ladies have often been the subject of speculation and innuendo especially in the hands of political opponents of our chief executives. It is commonly agreed that Dolly Madison had the largest breasts of any first lady and that Helen Taft had the largest buttocks as she was well matched with her husband William Howard Taft. Lucretia Garfield was of course greatly renowned for her vestigial vagina that was the subject of songs and stories during James Garfield’s presidency.

A little know fact was that the wife of Warren G Harding did in fact have a wooden leg that was the result of a sexual affair that had gone awry. Florence Kling was the divorced daughter of Harding’s hated rival who “vigorously pursued” the Ohio newspaperman with series of depraved sexual escapades that led to their marriage. Florence Harding was the driving force in the popular ladies man political career and they delighted in having sex in strange and unusual places. Harding delighted in having sex with her supine on his desk in the editor’s office where he would unscrew his wife’s leg and use her other leg as a rudder to turn her around and around to have access to various orifices. The lies and excuses that they created to cover up their activities from their inquisitive reporters led to the practice of “spinning” that has endured to this very day.
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

Watching the Detectives.

I don't plan to watch the results till the end of the night. The mainstream media is so corrupt that it literally hurts to watch them. The Yahoo's on Fox are no better. So we will be watching a pay per view movie tonight. I want to watch a crime or action movie and the wife wants to watch Sarah Jessica Horseface. So we might have some negotiations. But if I throw in her favorite dinner and foot rubs during the entire movie I should do OK. Wish me luck.

Sarah Palin spends $150,000 on clothes and none of it is from Lee Lee's Valise.

The story today is that Sarah Palin spent $150,000 on new clothes to run for Vice-president. And she didn't spend a dime at Lee Lee's Valise. That sucks.

I want to put it out there that if Michele Obama wants to shop for more Donna Ricco dresses and comes to the store, I will immediately endorse her husband and be a tireless defender of them on the internet.

I can be bought.

Grandmothers rule

Michael H stated reminiscing about his grandma on an Althouse thread and a bunch of other people jumped in. What was a curious thing was that most of the more conservative posters had fond memories of their grandmas and the more liberal guys either didn't remember them or didn't have much of a relationship with them. Does that mean anything? I don't know. I think that there are plenty of big liberals who have great memories of their grandmas, I just wish they would have spoke out about them. Strange.