What's the worst part about Christmas?

Having to watch a bootleg of the "Muppet Movie" with somebody talking in Chinese in the background as all the kids in the family are screaming and running around.

I think this guy shows his sclong in a movie. I hope it's not this one.

Did you ever get the feeling?

That you were ahead of the curve. You know you do something and then all of the sudden other people are doing it to. Almost as if they are watching you.

I guess the new trend will be in Santa Blogging.

VVVEEEEERRRRRRYYYYYYYY INTERESTING! BUT STUPID!

Listen Kid you got to grow up!

"I don't have time to screw around with an bb gun for crying out loud. I have to find a wooden stake and some garlic for crying out loud. I am the freaking Night Stalker. Jeeez grow up Sonny. Santa is a pervet who used to be an assistant coach at Penn State and they made Rudolph into sausage last winter. Give it a rest."

You should always take the kids Christmas shopping.

But first you should stop off at cemetery so he can find out what is what.

Grow up you little bastard and stop your crying. You are getting coal for Christmas and you are going to be happy about it!

Cappuccino Santa is worse than Back Door Santa

Cappuccino Santa wanted to make cappuccino for Cousin Anthony after he said Mass in the house last week. He was in town and said a quick Mass at our house. It was wonderful but we needed to get him some coffee for his long drive home. So we decided to make cappuccino. The wife took down a cappuccino machine, filled it with the coffee and the water and put it on the stove. Unfortunately it was the electric one with the rubber bottom. Fortunately we caught it before it melted and switched to real one.

Santa just stood there and laughed. What nasty bastard he is. He could've said something but noooooooooooooo he just stood there and chuckled to himself.

Close up Santa is worse than Back Door Santa

I mean when you have to comb out his beard and stuff. Too much work. And steaming his coat. What's wrong with a plastic Santa that was made in Japan?

Where's that fucking Grimm guy when you need him?

Some people love decorating

The wife does. Christmas is her favorite time of year. Every year I have to bring down the five bins of decorations. The tree. The christmas balls. Misteltoe. Holly. The manger. Seven Santa Clauses. Not the cheap plastic ones with the red suit. European ones in the old german style with mink coats and all kinds of archaic dodads. I expect the fucking Grimm guy to show up to kill them or something.

We stopped doing the outside the last three years because we are so busy in the store. But this year we decided to just put some simple wreaths with one strand of lights. Minialist.

But it is still a pain in my

But the wife is very happy.

I hate decorating!

I hate decorating. We had to put up the last of it today. The wreaths. The lights. The ribbons. The bullshit.

The little baby jesus got by with some straw and an ass. Why can't we just do that?

Why do we have to decorate on the coldest day of the year?

We always pick the coldest day of the year to start to decorate. We went to Mazzone's Hardware to get some wreaths after Mass this morning. We had brought all of the toys we had collected for the toy drive to church and had to do all our chores. We got the wreaths and now I have to put them up with the lights and all the bullshit when it is the coldest day we have had so far this winter. It always happens like that.

Then I have to get dinner ready as we are having company.

I hate Christmas.

I love Memorial Day.

I hate Christmas shopping!

Luckily I don't have to do it anymore. With the internet we can get all the stuff on-line. The problem is what to get all the kids. We don't exchange gifts with the adults anymore which is just fine with me. I hate to get gifts. If I want something I go out and buy it for myself. Most of the time when you buy something for someone or they buy it for you there is a lot of disappointment since it isn't what was what people want. So it is better to just buy for the kids.

Which brings it's own set of problems. One kid is just too weird and the wife had no idea what to get. So I said "How about a Criminal Minds starter set. We could get them a toy white van, some duct tape."

She hit me with a frying pan.

Do you know why Santa had to go to the sex therapist?

He only comes once a year. And that's down a chimney.

I got eight fuckin Santa Clauses all over the fuckin house. They have mink coats and fancy decorations and kinds of crazy shit. The wife really loves Christmas. This year we are having a party which we haven't done the last few years. So I have to do all the cooking which I love. It will be all the greatest hits. Roast Pork. Stuffed mushrooms. Tortolini's in cream sauce with peas and pancetta. Caprase salad. Bracoiles. Meatballs. Sauaages with roast potatoes. It is a lot of work.

But not as much work as putting up all those fuckin Santa's and candles and wreaths and garland and every other freakin thing. The only thing that saves me is the wife knows how much I hate it so she has the girls from the store come over to help her decorate. I just have to lug it down from the closet.

And sit on my chair and nurse an eggnog.

Merry Christmas. Bah.

Pull Santa's finger!

"Oh and by the way. You have to sit on Tony Orlando's Lap."