Crime pays.....a lot more than reality TV

NY Post October 6. 2014

No wonder Teresa and Joe Giudice are so willing to talk.

TMZ reports that Bravo is paying the couple $325,000 to sit down with “Watch What Happens Live” host Andy Cohen on Monday night.

The website claims the home of the “Housewives” offered $275,000 for Teresa and $50,000 for Joe. As part of their sentencing, they each owe $414,588 in restitution.

No wonder Teresa and Joe Giudice are so willing to talk.

TMZ reports that Bravo is paying the couple $325,000 to sit down with “Watch What Happens Live” host Andy Cohen on Monday night.

The website claims the home of the “Housewives” offered $275,000 for Teresa and $50,000 for Joe. As part of their sentencing, they each owe $414,588 in restitution.

But Page Six has learned that the number is inaccurate and a rep for Bravo declined to confirm the report.

In a teaser clip for the interview, the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” star, 42, tells Cohen, “I was so nervous, I was shaking. My nerves were shot. I’ve had sleepless nights. I was shocked. It was very unexpected. I don’t know what to say.”

Teresa will surrender on Jan. 5 and will spend 15 months in prison. When she is released, her husband, Joe, 42, will then head to prison for his 41-month sentence.

The interview airs on Monday at 9 p.m.

“The network won’t be commenting and never does when it comes to salaries,” a spokesperson for the network said.

Does my Jumpsuit match my Spray Tan?

Theresa and Joe Giudice got sentenced yesterday on their bankruptcy fraud that has been hanging over their heads for the past three seasons. Theresa got 14 months and Joe around 42 plus he will be deported back to Italy because he is not a citizen.

Theresa goes to the joint first to serve her sentence so I guess she will not be on the show next season. She starts her sentence in January. Her four daughters will certainly miss her. You don't want to see anybody get incarcerated unless they are a violent felon. But they pissed off the judge because they continually tried to hid their assets from the court so she slapped them pretty hard.

It has been a tough week for bimbo housewives in front of the court.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey is starting up

And is not going to be pretty.

Theresa and Joe Giudice pled guilty to tax evasion and fraud and face about twenty years in the jug. Even worse Juicy Joe is not a citizen so he can be deported. They had a half hour preview of the new season is full of the Giudice dealing with the aftermath and the effect on their kids. It goes to a very dark place.

They have a bunch of new bimbos and some of them are real Italian stereotypes and all around knuckleheads. Dina Manzo returned after the rest of her family left the show. She did however bring her new cat. Aviva.

It is going to be a fucked up year.

If you are ever going to watch an episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.....

Well tonight's the night.

Joe Gorga calls his sister Theresa scum. Joe Guidice (her husband) comes into the room and a brawl breaks out.

It is almost as entertaining as Lem's comment section.

If you were ever interested in the distilled essence of what the "Real Housewives" franchise is all about than this is the episode for you.

Highly recommended.

Somedays you just gotta tell it like it is!

Today was a tough day.

Our employee who gave two weeks notice decided that she would rather quit today. So Lisa and I will be alone in the store until we hire someone.

I had to open and we have been running ragged.

Which is why when someone comes in just to "look" you kinda get a little pissed. Just sayn'

Donald Trump wants to quit!

Donald Trump wants to quit the Celebrity Apprentice. You see this season he is dealing with Teresa Guidice of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and she is so fuckin stupid that he can't take it anymore. She is a total moron and he is pulling the hair out of his wig dealing with her.

Here she is pictured with Titus after they brought the rare clumber to the vet.

Godzilla vs Rodan Italian Style

Did you know that Teresa Guidice of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and Victoria Gotti of the Gambino family are both appearing on the latest "Celebrity Apprentice?"

It appears that they got into a big fight on one of their tasks and fireworks ensued.
Now Teresa likes to pretend she is Mafia but Vicky Gotti really is Mafia so I don't think that is going to go over so well. I wonder who will get the bitch edit. My money is on Teresa because to know her is not to like her anymore. She got a bit of a villian edit last year and I think next season of Housewives that is already in the can is gonna be even worse.

I am really curious what type of business Trump has these two idiots running. Unless it is giving blow jobs I think they will be total busts in whatever they try. Especially fund rasing! How are they going to raise any money for charity? Who is going to give Teresa money. I mean seriously.

Maybe he can have them asking questions in the next Republican debate. "Did you read my cook book "Skinny Italian." "Didn't you take a bribe from my father and Gaspipe Gasso when you were running the Olypmics?" It would be great!

I can't wait for it to start. A bunch of other D-listers are on it like Dee Synder of Twisted Sister and Debbie Gibson and Cheryl Tiegs and a bunch of other losers.

It's gonna be craptastic!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I think this is a good look....

"What you are pissed that the Jersey shore is finished for the Season. And the Real housewives of New Jersey are done too?"
"Shaddaup Tre."
"Oh Juicy can you look at my camel toe. Please baby. You will be glaad you did."

The Reunion this Sunday will be Epic.

The reunion show of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" will be epic this Sunday. They have been showing season three and it has just finished this last Sunday. All the while they had been filming season four as this was going on. Now when they film these shows they don't know what the other girls are saying in the "talking heads" segments that they only see when it is shown on television. So any snark and biting remarks had to play into the filming of season four.

Now when they filmed the last episode of season four at the annual fiasco that is the Poshe fashion show (a boutiques featured on the show) they had a giant fight. It seems that Teresa had been in contact with this dude who said he had worked in a club that Melissa (Teresa's sister in law and Nemesis) had worked in as a stripper. Melissa claimed she only worked as a bartender in a "Bikini" bar while she was in college. So Teresa was trying to sandbag and embarrass Melissa. In addition it had come out that Teresa said that Caroline Manzo was an "Olive Garden Italian" and only 1/16th Italian and just about pissed her off to the point that she wants to whack her. In addition, Jacqueline Laurita (Carolines sister in law and Teresa's friend) got so pissed that she started a twitter war and refused to go on the reunion show. Now the speculation is that Jac has some major skeletons in her closet since her husband met and married her in Las Vegas where she was a "showroom model." So she might be worried about what is going to come out about her past. The rumor is that she is quiting the show for season five since season four is already in the can.

So the reunion will be a lot of fireworks and screaming. It should be a lot of fun. Check it out this Sunday night.

That's what you think you hockey puck!

Insults are interesting things.

Most of the time they are made in fun when you are busting peoples balls. NdSpinelli and Peter Bella and you other guys that are neighborhood knockaround guys know what I am talking about. It is all in fun. You call out physical characteristics or personality traits or tics or whatever will get under the guys skin. You know when your buddy is busting on you and you give it right back.

But other insults are more studied. More thought through. It's like the situation where you have couple over your house and you serve them food and drinks like they were you own family.
And then when you go over to their house they don't even give you a glass of water. That's an insult.

Teresa of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is great at the studied insult. With a side of "Hey it was only a joke." She used the introduction of her new cookbook to slam some of her co-stars. She said that Caroline Manzo was only 1/16 Italian and that she was an "Olive Garden Italian." That her sister in law kept copying her and her cousin was always passing smart remarks. She even took a shot at Carolines son for something that happened during the season. Now these are your studied insults. She took the time to write them out so they will be out there for all eternity. She is trying to deny it and say it is all a joke but it is not. It is an insult.

Sometimes you can appolgize for an insult. Even if you meant it at the time but changed your mind later. You can think better of it and ask for forgiveness. Sincerely. Or you can be so sure that you are right that you don't care that you insulted someone. You just shrug it off and go "Oh grow up...I don't care what you think." Of course when you do that you have to take the consquences. You lose a friend. A family member won't talk to you anymore. A customer won't shop in your store.

So if you are serious in your studied insult, you have to be willing to face the consequences.

Just like Teresa will on the Reunion show next week.

I am getting blood on my Gucci's

So the ongoing twitter war and the recent resignation of Jackie Laurita from the Real Housewives of New Jersey is very interesting. It seems that there was an attempted set up at the Porshe fashion show last week where a manager from the strip club where Melissa Gorga used to work showed up to confront her. Teresa and Kim D had conspired to bring him to film so they could expose her life as a stripper before she married Teresa's brother Joe. Now Melissa says she only worked as a bartender at a "bikini" bar while in college and the owner of the club backs her up. It is all part of season four which is filming now while they are still showing original episodes of season three. Jacqueline was so upset by this that she refused to appear on the season three reunion that was filmed last week and there are rumors that both she and Caroline Manzo were fired from the franchise. Lots of drama.

The speculation is that Jacqueline quit because she has her own secrets. Considering the fact that she was a single mom in Vegas where her husband Chris met and married her I think that is a safe bet. So getting out when the getting is good seems like a smart idea.

I can't wait for it to play out. It is a lot more fun than politics let me tell you!

You are a Prostitution Whore!

Sorry that the posting has been light but I have been very busy. The store is busy, the Yankees are playing, the Giants are winning and I have been busy posting on all the sites about the various Real Housewives franchises.

We have to keep our priorities straight.

I hate it when they have on repeats!

There is not a Real Housewives of New Jersey this week and I am pretty upset. I look forward to getting my of fix of the idiocy that is this show. Especially my man Richie.

Now if you read some of the message boards or blogs about the show you will see that everyone hates Richie Wakile who is married to Kathy one of the new Housewives who is Teresa Giudices cousin. They hate on him because he is a wise guy. Never takes anything seriously. Always making jokes. Usually dirty smutty one.

In other words he reminds me of me.

You gotta love the guy.

LIfe is a Realtiy Show

The one good thing that happened at the clothing show is that we ran into Caroline and Lauren Manzo of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey." They were both wonderful and personable people who were very real and approachable. Our cousin Katy had run into them first and when we saw them later they stopped to talk for a moment.

Caroline was nice enough to give us some heartfelt advice that was very meaningful to us and we really appreciated it.

In person she is tiny. And very very nice.

Everything you need to learn about life you can learn from Reality TV

I have sort of stopped watching regular episodic TV these days because they have all become just the same old/same old. In the glut of CSI’s and NCIS’s and Law and Orders there is just not enough to interest me. You can tell who the murderer is in the first reel. He is the usually the white guy or the soldier or the cop. Never the drug dealer or the junkie son. Last week on Blue Bloods they pulled the same old shit when instead of the junkie son who lived in the basement being the murderer they made it the brother and sister who ran the car dealership. All of these shows like “Criminal Minds” and “The Mentalist” all run along the same predictable pattern. Whenever there is a figure that used to be respected like a businessman or clergyman or soldier you can bet they are the “real criminal.” It gets really old after a while.

So I spend my time watching reality TV. The Real Housewives. Celebrity Apprentice. Storage Wars. Hard Core Pawn. Pawn Stars. American Pickers. Jersey Shore. Mob Wives. Sister Wives. Say Yes to the Dress. What Not to Wear. American Idol. And all the rest. It is a welcome respite to the continual overwhelming douche baggery that is fictional episodic television these days.

When you watch American Idol you are watching a show you can see with the whole family. You don’t have to worry about content. They won’t be showing a dismembered body or tell you how a child rapist can get away with it. There are no serial killers or cannibals. Just people singing. Some of them better than others. This year it has been kind of sweet. They got rid of the glowering pissed off presence of Simon Cowell and up the star power with JLo and Steven Tyler. It is not for everyone and you can always find some douchenozzle to tell you how horrible it is and how they can’t really sing and what not. But what you see is America. People from all over the country who sing different styles and have different stories. Not the homogenized coastal elites that dominate the sensibility of episodic television.

When you see a show like Hard Core Pawn that is based in a Pawn shop in Detroit’s 8 Mile district you get a feel for what life on the edge feels like when you have to pawn you Microwave to get money to eat. America Pickers takes you to the backwoods of America to find eccentrics who have hoarded treasures that we would pass by and think were just junk. It’s an education on places I would never go and people I would never meet. I get a kick out of seeing how they do it in the backwoods of Alabama where some guy with no teeth might still have hundreds of motorcycles and old cars on his property. It is pretty amazing.

We love What Not to Wear because they have come to the store about 19 times. Whenever they have anybody bigger than a size 14 they come by and we hook them up with some great clothes. So we got a little insight into how they film these shows and we can pick the winners and the losers.

One cooking show we like a lot is “Extra Virgin” which stars actress Debi Mazer and her husband who is from Tuscany. They have a very warm and loving relationship and he cooks up amazing simple Italian meals. He reminds us of us. I have been making several of his dishes and they are just great. The love they have is palpable and it is really great TV. Cooking shows in general are much more enjoyable than any CIS Dayton or Law and Order Dubuque.

Now the Real Housewives is another kettle of fish. Each series is different but they all seem to follow the same pattern. You have the big fish, the mama bear, the one everyone is supposed to defer to and when you don’t the conflict arises. Vicki on the OC, Caroline on New Jersey, Kyle on Beverly Hills, and the disgusting Jill Zarin on New York are all the major players. Everyone else falls into a slot. There is always another Housewife who sets up in opposition to them and their fighting is the basis of the series. Gretchen on the OC, Danielle on Jersey, Camille Grammer on Beverly Hills and Bethanny Frankel were set up as the foils who opposed the queen bees. It is a lot like high school. But then so is life. But some of these shows take an interesting turn. Camille Grammer got a very poor edit but on her appearances on the reunion shows and elsewhere she proved to be a reasonable and relatively nice person who was willing to apologize and try to work things out. And Bethanny went on to tremdous success on her own spin off show which is a much better watch than her old series. The love story with her husband and the birth of her baby and her business success are all wonderful things to watch after a hard day’s work and make you smile. At least it makes me smile. And the fact that the Real Housewives of New York is just foundering just adds icing to the cake.

You used to get involved with the lives of fictional characters on your favorite shows. Would Hunter and Dee Dee ever get together? Would Cannon be able to squeeze out from behind the wheel of his Lincoln? Would Angie take off her top on Police Woman? What bizarre way will the next fiancé of a Cartwright die? But now most of the new fictional shows just don't have the same juice for me. They beat me over the head with political correctness and mind numbing liberal bullshit. I would much rather follow the day to day tribulations of Snookie and Vinny and the Guido’s of Jersey Shore. Will somebody shoot Les at American Jewelry because he ripped them off one too many times? Will the Pumpkinheaded kid win on Idol? Will somebody whack Teresa because they can’t deal with her shit anymore? These are the questions that I think about.

So I love reality TV. I don’t care what you think. Millions of Americans agree with me. And that is not just the ones that Snookie has blown. It is what TV is all about these days.

Take your pompous disapproval over to Charlie Rose, Meet the Press, and Boringheads.

The world has passed you by.

Oh my God they want to repossess Teresa's Chuckie!

Spendaholic 'Housewife of NJ' owes a big-hair-raising $11M
She has a gaudy new mansion, pricey breast implants and spends thousands of dollars on shopping sprees for her spoiled brats -- but a New Jersey reality star and her goombah hubby are real-life deadbeats who owe $11 million, court records show.
Free-spending "Real Housewives of New Jersey" diva Teresa Giudice and her husband, Joe, make just $79,000 a year and are up to their tanned necks in liens, foreclosures and unpaid bills, according to bankruptcy papers filed in Newark federal court.
The Giudices say they owe creditors $10,853,648.04.
Teresa, known for her lust for designer clothes and expensive bling on the Bravo show, owes nearly $20,000 on credit cards for Bloomingdale's, Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus. In total, the Giudices show $104,000 in debt on at least eight credit cards.

The bank has moved to foreclose on the Giudices' $1.8 million, 10,500-square-foot, eight-bedroom, 5½-bath marble-and-onyx manse in Towaco, NJ, the couple moved into during the first season.
Teresa and Joe defaulted on their $1,280-a-month payment for the family's ubiquitous black Cadillac Escalade. They also didn't have insurance on the massive SUV, according to GMAC.
Teresa -- who this season told Joe to get a vasectomy -- owes $12,000 to a Garden State fertility clinic.
* Banks have taken the couple's $279,000 four-bedroom Jersey Shore house. The Giudices had three mortgages on the house and owed $325,000. The couple also handed over a $200,000 home in Lincoln Park, NJ, that had four mortgages -- and an outstanding debt of $600,000.
* Teresa and Joe owed another $1 million for property in Clifton, NJ, that has been given back to lenders.
On the show, Teresa famously dresses her four daughters in designer clothes, and last season dropped $2,000 in 10 minutes of shopping.
Yet, in bankruptcy papers, Teresa and Joe claim to spend just $400 a month on clothes.
On a recent "Real Housewives" episode, Teresa boasted that she dropped "a fortune" on daughter Gia's televised 9th birthday party. The child got an all-terrain vehicle, along with a trip to a spa in a pink stretch limo for her and her friends.
Joe, who "owns several successful businesses throughout New Jersey," according to his wife's Bravo bio, owes more than $5 million, including debts to former partners associated with his Section 8 real-estate deals.
In court papers, Joe, who owns a stucco and stone company, lists his monthly income as $3,250; Teresa pulls down $3,333 a month for her Bravo gig. The couple gets another $10,000 in "monthly assistance from family members."
Spendaholic 'housewife of NJ' owes a big-hair-raising $11M
Behind the bankruptcy filing
What the Giudices make a year:
$79,000 (plus $120,000 in “assistance” from family members)
What they owe: $10,853,648.04
Credit Cards $104,000 including $20,000 to Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom
$1,280 monthly payment for Cadillac Escalade
Mortgages$2.6M for eight mortgages on three homes (two have been handed back to lenders)
$5.8M Joe's business investments
$85,600 Home repairs
$12,000 Fertility treatments
$2,300 Phone billRead more

Holy Visa and Master Card Batman! Somebody is going to be turning over some tables.

Yes we are here for the charity event, we are at Danielle's table.

"Yeah she invited us."

"But you didn't pay and this is a charity event."

"What...I gotta smack you one....Danny told me it was cool....and one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Stop staring at my wife's tits!"

Boy the TV Powers That Be are enjoying making fun of the Italilans!

So we took Memorial Day off and slept in. No work. No blogging. No facebook. No emails. No nuthin!

Just enjoying lounging around and watching some TV. What was funny was that it seemed that all the reality shows that were on were sort of making fun of Italian people. At one point we were flipping from the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" to "Jersey Shore" on MTV! It was guido's galore!

The funny thing about the Real Housewives is how they play up the New Jersey "Mafia" angle. It's like everybody wants to be in the Soprano's. The first run episode was a classic though. Did you see it?

In it the villain Danielle Staub goes to a benefit for a sick kid at the catering hall owned by the mobbed up Manzo's who are her rivals in this show. Now the Manzo's are partners with the Gambino's and the Grandfather got hit because of some irregularities in his Shylock bidness but they are only associates. They certainly don't want any drama or bullshit at their joint as they are very respectable these days. But this Danielle character inserts herself into this fundraiser and shows up with about twenty lowlife scum including a couple of parolee's and what looks to be a phony Hells Angel guy. I don't think the Angels would be involved with this but you never know. Anyway there is a big to-do about nothing but it is very interesting.

Check it out if you get a chance.

Then we caught this new show called New Jersey Couture which is basically a dress shop in Jersey where this loud Italian family sells prom dresses and what not. My wife just sat there amazed. If we pulled that shit in our store we would be out of business in a week. It was way over the top.

It seems that all these Italian American shows are way over the top. Like the producers are laughing up their sleeves. It just doesn't sit right with me.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,Than are dreamt of in your philosophy

Now I am a little light in the pedantic erudition department, so if you want that you need to check out Theo's blog (no offense dude). I am a groundling as it were. Always will be.

But when I think deep thoughts, I ponder the words of the great philosophers.

The greatest of whom is Theresa Guidice of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey."

She dropped two pearls of wisdom last night in the superb opening episode. As you know she has minimal high regard for Daniele who she so aptly called a "Prostitution Whore" last year. Anyhoo this two faced twat who owns a clothing store and who pretended to be friends with Daniele is at a party with her drunken husband. This dude was totally wasted. But he manages to babble that he hates Danielle because she hooked up with a buddy of his and screwed him over. This afforded Theresa the opportunity to offer this pearl of wisdom:

"She must have had sex with 500 guys. Her hole must be so big .....it must be as big as the Lincoln...... no the Holland.....no what's the longest tunnel?"

Superb.

Then she further enlightened us. She gave us the perfect description of the troubled Daniele, who as she so delightfully put it:

"She put's the cunt in cuntradiction."

Indeed.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey starts turning over table tonight!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey starts tonight on Bravo at 8pm on Bravo. From the coming attractions is looks like Theresa gets in a fist fight with Danielle and her friends and the cops are called.

Reminds of the old days at the Mustard Seed in Bay Ridge. Girls would duke it out every night.

Good times!