Waz the matter gringo....

"You don't think I can fit this into my mouth? Eh....let me tell you something....I can fit the whole pig into my mouth."
"Why it looks like you have wet yourself."
"Leave me and have them send in a real man. Or a pig. Whatever. I have cravings."

Knockers on Heavens Door

St Peter: Well my good man lets us greet the day and see who has arrived to enter into the Kingdom of God.
Gabriel: Right on Daddio you are one Kool Kooky Kat! Hey look who is bopping down the chute baby!
Jane Russell :( slides down the chute to tumble in front of the Gates of Heaven) what the hell…..where am I ….and why do I look like I am twenty years old?
St. Peter: Why you have arrived at the Gates of Heaven my dear lady. I am St Peter and Gabriel and I are here to welcome you to the Kingdom of God.
Gabriel: That’s right baby doll you made the big time. You get to go straight on in and get a gig at the big show. No purgo or limbo or none a dat. You get the straight shot of my baby’s love.
Jane Russell: But why do I look like this? I am an old lady.
St. Peter: Not in Heaven my dear. You will appear in your perfect state…..the way you were most happy in life on Earth and can wander the wonders of Heaven for all Eternity.
Jane Russell: That is unbelievable. I had always hoped I could go to Heaven but I didn’t think I was worthy.
St. Peter: Well you have been judged worthy of entrance. Your good deeds have far outweighed you mistakes. Welcome my dear.
Gabriel: That’s right chica. Plus Jesus just loves the girls with big tits. So when you go inside look up Marilyn and Jayne Mansfield and Anna Nicole Smith and Mary Magdalene. You can find out where to get bras and stuff.
Jane Russell: Mary Magdalene?
Gabriel: Dat’s right baby. She has Melons as big as your head. So go right in. Oh and if you run in to Jesus you should offer to wash his feet. He has a feet thingy. If you do you will get a front row seat at the next show. Just sayn’

Whose that Girl?

Ah who am I kidding?

You all know who she is. May she rest in peace.

I will have her kicking off a new series shortly when I have the chance.

It will be called "Knockers on Heaven's Door"........err I mean "Knocking on Heaven's Door" and it will be the oppisite of the "Hell Needs a New PA Announcer."

For the people we like.

Can we have a palace cleanser please?

"El Pollo Real said...
Can we have a palace cleanser please?"

Ok here you go.

Grace Kelly.

A Palace Cleanser.

Hey we all have to give up something for Lent?

Capt. Schmoe told me he is giving up Farah for Lent. So he just forwarded to me his large collection of Farrah Fawcett memorabilia. I have to hold it until after Easter.

But I am kinda suspicious. He makes no mention of his Lynda Carter collection. Hmmmmm!