The Summer of Boo Boo

 

We were always wary of the campers in the summer time. I mean they were a bunch of weirdoes and all. Who comes to the woods to live in a tent when you can go to the beach and sip Mai Tais? Still and all there were repeat visitors who had to come to upstate New York to go camping because they were too poor to go to the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore. At least there weren't a lot of Jews because they were all in the Catskills with Mrs. Masiel.  Mostly there were Italians and Irish and a few Pollacks.

In particular there was this one Italian family that were very scary. The father was a craggy faced sour puss who liked to lecture everyone. The mother was half a retard because all she did was waltz around all over the place like she was an Australian or something.

The worst were the two sons. One was a real dummy who pretended he was Roger Grimsby or something since he was always trying to interview you. Maybe somebody should take him fishing and not bring him back.  It was the older one who was very creepy. He kept bothering sister bear. He would tell her how big his hands were and asked if she would date ten year olds. 

Then he started touching her. On her bear skin so to speak. He was a creepy rapist

I always wondered what happened to him, I heard he went into politics.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Summer of Boo Boo

Most of the famous bears in America had moved to Jellystone. Or at least spent their vacations there. Ever since Yogi had set up his grotto in the park. He copied the one at Playboy Mansion that he was invited too by Hef when he had his TV show. Everyone came to visit him and hang out during the summer.

Smokey was always there toking up. One summer he invited his Hollywood friends Cheech and Chong and they were high all summer. They tried to give us some of their dope but we didn't indulge. We stuck to fermented garbage we would get from the tourist cabins.

Gentle Ben would come out and get drunk and rowdy and try to rape some of the lady bears. You see the nickname Gentle was sort of a joke like calling a really fat guy Tiny. Gentle Ben was a real asshole. They really should have called him Rapist Ben. He started a motorcycle club called Sons of Ursus and for a little while Sister Bear was his old lady until he wanted her to pull a train. She wasn't down for that so she came back home.

The Coca Cola Polar bear spent the summer with us. He liked the heat. In fact he spent most of his time sunbathing and trying to find oriental  campers he could kill and eat. They reminded him of the Inuit back home. Plus he spent a lot of time having sex. You see he was pure white and that was attractive to a lot of the lady bears who were sick of the black and brown bears who only wanted to fuck and live off their welfare checks. So he got laid a lot even though he was weird. Whenever he would put it in he would scream ISITINYOUYET! I think it was a Eskimo thing.

The weirdest of all was Gentile Ben. You see he was a brown bear who spent all his times with Jews. His regular job was up in the Catskills where he was the Shabbos Bear. You see he would turn on the lights and the TV's for the Jews who couldn't touch anything on the Sabbath. His main job was with this famous Lady Comedian named Maisel. She would take him on tour where he would act as a body guard as well as the Shabbos Bear. Gentile Ben was very weird. He wouldn't eat pork and he never spent any money. Plus he had a really big nose. He said it helped him fit in. He went on one date with Sister Bear but she said he was too strange. He wanted her to wear a wig and showed her a sheet with a hole in it. That was enough for her.

All of these strange sexual goings on took their toll on the family. The children had grown up and were sexual beings. Sister Bear was being pursued by many different bears. She had lots of dates and love affairs. The problem was not with her. It was with brother bear.

You see he never had a girlfriend. He just went to work at the Post Office and then followed around long brown haired campers to the make out spots in the park. It was actually pretty scary.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We all got sick when the Chinese Panda Bears moved next door. Their young daughter Ling Ling gave Brother Bear a virus. Not the one he always got where his penis would burn when he took a pee. This one was named after a beer. Ranger Smith called it the Coors Virus. I don't know why but I think he thought it sounded cool.

We all caught the virus. It made us cough and wheeze and it was hard to breath. We all sounded like  Papa Bear when he took Mama Bear into their bedroom and locked the door after he had been drinking all day. We huffed and puffed and sounded like we were running a race. It got so bad we had to go to the Hospital.

There were a lot of sick bears there. Smokey was hacking up a lung. He was always against forest fires but he smoked like a chimney. Gentle Ben was there and he wasn't gentle at all. We even saw Gentile Ben who was the shabbos goy for all the Jew Bears. They were all in the hospital and they were all very sick.

The Doctor in charge was a greasy Eye-talian who looked like he was looking for his momkey before he started grinding his organ. Or that he would rather be grinding his organ than taking care of sick bears. Anyway he said there was nothing he could do. We had to self quarantine at home. No more going to work. No more frolicing for the tourist so they would throw us food. No more raiding garbage cans.

We are going to starve. And that dirty wop doesn't care.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Everything started to fall apart in the Summer of Boo Boo. Mother bear began drinking and her gradual descent into sexual degradation as she tried to molest Brother Bear.  Papa Bear started smoking met and gambling away his paycheck. Brother Bear was confused and started stalking brown haired campers. But the worst was Sister Bear.

She started cursing like a sailor. It must have been the atmosphere of unrestrained sex and degradation that drove her to this. Still and all it was weird and off putting.

It got so bad that Google stopped her from posting on her community blog since it meant they would cut off the Google Ads that was Ranger Smith's rice bowl. She didn't want the poor sap to lose money so she had to go back to writing on the bathroom walls.

But that was fine. She kind of preferred it.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We were really excited about our new neighbors. They came from overseas. In fact they were Chinese. Mama was happy because she thought she could get them to do the laundry. Brother Bear kind of liked their young daughter. He even stopped playing with himself and stalking campers with long brown hair. 

Only Papa Bear was not happy. He didn't trust foreigners. Especially slant eyed Bears. He was right for once.

You see the Chinese girl gave Brother Bear a Virus.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Mama was very worried about Brother Bear. He had been acting out. She tried to smother him with attention but she was much too close to him. She overwhelmed him and he had to rebel to establish his own identity.

He started hanging out with the black bears. Most of the bears in Jellystone didn't associate with them very much. It was a very segregated national park. They had their own section of the forest where it was worth your life to visit. But strangely they accepted Brother Bear even though he was Jewish.

He started dating a young bear named Aretha. She had a great singing voice but she really liked to party. She introduced Brother to pot and H and soul music. He was never the same. He just wanted to party and fuck all the time. Aretha moved to a zoo in Ferguson Missouri and Brother was devastated. He tried to pick up other chicks but when he was rejected he was savage.

The problem was that he just didn't burn down a liquor store or turn over garbage cans. He would kill young female campers with long brown hair.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears) 

The Summer of Boo Boo

Brother Bear was always Mama's favorite. But she was very strict with him. She would discpline over every little slight. If he spilled milk or dropped a cookie she would cut him with a stare. Then later that night she would take him out of bed. Pull down his pants. Spank his ass until it turned red as chop meat.

When she was done he would climb off her lap. She would mummer "You know I love you." Then she would embrace him. Kiss him full on the mouth.

With tongue.

Brother Bear was very mixed up.

That is why anyone with brown hair and large breasts was in danger when he was around.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears) 

The Summer of Boo Boo

The atmosphere at the Berenstain house had become so sexually charged that strange things kept happening.

Brother Bear was lost to his obsession with dark haired campers that he would shoot at in the lover lanes in Jellystone. Papa Bear would drink and do drugs and carouse. Mama Bear was so sexually inappropriate with Brother Bear that he never had a chance to be normal.

Even Sister Bear was infected. She started reading romance novels.

And fingering herself.

It was Madness.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Brother Bear really changed after his parents sent him off to camp. You see he was getting weirder and weirder because Mama Bear kept taunting him and flaunting her body. So Papa felt he had to send us away while he went off with the circus. He couldn't leave Brother alone with Mama Bear. Who knows what dirty things could have happened.

Papa Bear had his own problems. You see he was a bear supremacist which is funny because he wasn't even a polar bear and they are the only white ones. But since we were gingers we could pass. So he sent us off to this German Summer Camp in Wisconsin. It was run by a nurse named Inga who had some very strange ideas. She was an immigrant from Austria who claimed she came to America for political asylum. But she seemed like she would have fit right in. She was a totalitarian, dressed in black with a deaths head insignia and she hated Jews. She claimed that she married one but we all thought she just did that to torture him.

When Brother Bear came back he was really screwed up. He would mumble to himself at his job at the post office. He would only eat pork. And he kept repeating the same thing to himself over and over again. "Stacy is a whore. Stacy is a whore."

We had no idea what it meant. But we knew it wasn't good. Especially for Stacy.
(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Brother Bear really went off the rails when the new family moved into Jellystone. They were mixed. They said they were Chinese but they didn't look yellow. They were half white and half black. Sort of like Puerto Ricans. Maybe they thought being Chinese was better or something..

Brother started hanging out with them. The girl Ling Ling was a real tease. She used to read Charles Bukowski poems and finger herself in front of him but she never let him touch her. It just made him crazier than ever.

So he decided to take things into his own hands. I mean he always had his thing in his hand but now he decided to get revenge against all women. So he went looking for white girls with dark hair. It was his compulsion. It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Ever since Papa Bear started drinking and smoking meth the whole family fell apart. He would crawl into Sister Bears bed and Mama would go up on the top bunk with Brother Bear. Sister kind of liked it but it really changed Brother Bear.

It was too much for a Bear to bear. He would talk to himself all the time and he stopped bathing or cleaning himself. Which really worries people when you work in the Post Office.

Soon he was out in the lovers lanes in Jellystone Park looking for long brown furred critters. When he couldn't find them he would go after campers.

It was a bloody business. It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

The Summer of Boo Boo

It was hard to live with Brother Bear. He was just strange now ever since Mama Bear started up with him. He would start fires. Torture chipmunks. Eat out of garbage cans. All the signs of a bear gone wrong.

Papa tried to get him to act normal. He put him in Little League and the Bear Scouts. But he was obsessed with his bowel movements. He called it pinching a loaf. It was all he ever talked about. That and tits. And his pet dog too!

There was one thing he loved about the Bear Scouts. Well two things. How to tie knots. He loved to tie up Sister Bear and urinate on her.

And of course he loved to shit in the woods.

The Summer of Boo Boo

The change came over Brother Bear over one summer. He was just a young baby bear. Playing with butterflies. Walking in the woods. Shitting in the woods. And then it all changed.

You see Papa was away most of that summer. He had to fill in for Smokey the Bear who went into rehab. So Mama Bear was all alone. And she was fustrated. We used to lay in bed at night and we would hear the door crack open. Different men would appear and sneak into her room. After a few minutes we would hear the bed springs creak. The bedstead would bang against the wall.  And Mommy would moan and moan and moan.

Sometimes Brother Bear would sneak over to the hole in the wall he had made to spy into her room and pull on himself while he watched.

Many different people came in to have sex with her. Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Deputy Dog. Top Cat. But the worse was when a Dolphin showed up to bang our mother.

When Brother Bear saw Dan Marino give our mother a Dirty Sanchez....well he just lost it.

The Summer of Boo Boo

Our life as a loving family was shattered when we got our first video cassette recorder. We didn't sit as a family and talk anymore. Instead we sat and stared at the TV. We would go to the Jellystone Blockbusters and rent movies. Everybody had their favorites.

Papa Bear would rent videos of "This Old House" and his favorite Westerns. He was a big Gabby Hayes fan. He said he looked like a Bear.

Sister Bear loved any movie with a Princess in it. "Snow White." "Sleeping Beauty." "The Princess Bride.""Rear Window."

Honey Bear liked Sesame Street and Bugs Bunny.

Brother Bear loved "Die Hard" and "Roadhouse." He was always trying to act like a bouncer at the campfire. He loved to kick Gentle Ben in the nuts.

But Mama Bear got weird. She was really into porn. Most of all she loved to rent "Taboo." She started to style her hair like Kay Parker. She tried to hang around with Aunt Peg when she came to visit the park. And one day when Brother Bear came home from school she decided to act on her forbidden desires and......well that was where it all went wrong.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

No one could understand why Mother Bear was behaving the way that she was. She had always been so modest and conservative. She would wear her frocks and housecoats and spend all her time knitting. But all of a sudden she became very sexual.

She started dressing provocatively. Speaking lewdly. Leaving her Ipad at porno sites like MIFL Hunter and Literotica. And she was really really seductive toward Brother Bear.

She would run around the house in scanty outfits. Pose on the furniture. All in all she drove poor Brother Bear to distraction.

To the point that he had to take his frustration out on campers with long brown hair. You see Mama Bear was a ginger so it was a safe outlet for his sexuality.

It was just too violent.

I blame Mama Bear.
(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

The was no controlling Brother Bear. He was getting high and reading Charles Bukowski all day and all night. He never went to work at his job at the Jellystone Post Office. Then once the Internet came in there was no controlling him. He wasn't a bear anymore.

He was an animal.
(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We tried to pinpoint just where Brother Bear went wrong. We think it came about one summer when a bunch of coed's from Michigan were staying in the park. They loved the wildlife and loved the nightlife and loved to give us treats. One in particular was very coquettish and was always flirting. One day she was in the shower and was soaping herself all up. She had long lustrous brown hair and a cute little caboose that she wiggled at all the campers.

Brother Bear was in love with her.  He sort of stalked her. He would take nude photo's of her in the shower or when she got drunk and went to sleep on the picinic table. Brother Bear had it bad.

So one night he snuck into the shower when she was all covered in soap and she was singing. I think it was "Push push in the bush" or maybe "Sexual Healing." You see she was from Detroit so she liked the Motown sound. Anyway when she washed the soap out of her eyes and saw an aroused bear in her shower she started screaming. The Rangers came and it was a big scandal. Brother Bear had to go to counseling and had to register as a sex offender. So he had a grudge against brunettes.

That was the begining of the "Summer of Boo Boo."
(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

That summer it got so hot that the family just sweated right out of their furs. Papa was always drinking and they all started to drink and do drugs to beat the heat.

Papa would go down to the local watering hole and get into fights. He even duked it out with Gentle Ben and it was really tough because he was a big pot head and he never got into fights. Sister Bear would smoke some crank and fuck everyone in the forest. Even Ranger Smith got him some bear-tang. So it was a crazy time at Jellystone.

I think that is what made Brother Bear start to kill brown haired campers.

They were just fucked up all the time.

Drugs and alcohol are terrible things.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We were a proud family. There was never a criminal in our family. We were law abiding bears. We slept in our own beds and didn't try to take things that belonged to other people. At least that is what we thought.

When the documentary filmmaker who made the prize winning film "Capturing the Berenstains" researched our family it all came out and we finally found out the truth. It seems that Grandfather Bear was a pervert as well. He ran wild in Berlin in 1931 where he would molest and then kill and eat young brown haired girls. It was such a terrible series of crimes that the police and the army pulled no punches in finding out who was committing these terrible crimes. They questioned everyone and brutalized the underworld until someone would give up this monster. The inspector in charge of the case Karl Lohmann finally found out that Grandpa Bear was the culprit when he realized that all the young girls had one thing in common. They had gone to the circus and loved the dancing bears. It was where Grandpa Bear would pick them out to follow home and do his dirty work.

The problem was that they could not prove anything. And Grandpa was a big star. The circus owner paid off the authorities. Inspector Lohmann got enough money to move to America and open a department store. They pinned the crimes on an ugly little man who nobody cared about and who everyone hated because he was always whistling this annoying tune. Grandpa bear was kept in chains until he could be flown to America and sold to Ringling Brothers. He met Grandma there and had Papa Bear on the day the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. All the records of his crimes were lost in the bombing during World War 2.

So no one knew we came of bad seed.

That was why Brother Bear became such a monster. It was his fate.

No one can escape their fate.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Marilyn's Diary

My Uncle Herman was the kindest and gentlest man I ever knew. But he was kind of kinky. I mean I loved the stuff we used to do. How we would do each other's hair in the bath. How he would take his big meaty tongue and run it up and down my puss.....err we had a lot of fun.

But Uncle Herman made some strange friends. One summer we went to Jellystone Park and Uncle Herman struck up a friendship with this scummy little bear. The called him Brother Bear. I think it was because he was a black bear and they didn't want to be called Negro Bears anymore.

Anyway Uncle Herman and Brother Bear used to go out working in the woods. Uncle Herman would walk around pretending he was a monster and scare the campers who would run away. Then that little pervert Eddie and Brother Bear would go through the campsite and take the food and stuff. Of course Eddie would only steal the ladies panties. Especially the dirty ones. It was good clean dirty fun. Uncle Herman liked doing something with the guys. It was their special time together.

Brother Bear came to visit us once. I think he was on the run from something. He never went out in the daylight. Which wasn't unusual for our house. I mean Grandpa and Aunt Lily were vampires after all. But Brother Bear seemed very sneaky. And I didn't like the way he looked at me. But I wasn't too worried.

He hated blonds.