For a minute there I thought this was dateline Madison Wisconsin

San Fransisco Examiner 9/13/14

Ryan Watenpaugh, a 34-year-old California man, was arrested and accused of a heinous act of retribution against an estranged former girlfriend. Watenpaugh allegedly killed and cooked his ex-girlfriend’sdog, served it to her under a ruse that it was beef, then rubbed it in her face with a deplorable text asking her how her missing pet tasted.

Writes the Huffington Post: “Ryan Eddy Watenpaugh denied roasting the missing Pomeranian when police arrested him on Thursday. The Palo Cedro man did, however, admit that he left the dog's severed paws on his former girlfriend's doorstep, authorities said. The victim told police that she fled Watenpaugh after an Aug. 4 fight in which he allegedly assaulted her. When she returned, the suspect and her dog, named Bear, were gone.”

The Shasta County man (mug shot seen here) was booked into jail in lieu of $250,000 bond. He was charged with domestic violence, false imprisonment, stalking and animal cruelty. When investigators searched his home, they also turned over an AK-47 assault rifle and ammunition.

Says the Sacramento Bee:

According to a written statement by Redding police, a woman reported on Tuesday that she was being stalked by Watenpaugh, whom she had dated for several months. She said he had physically attacked her numerous times, causing bruises and minor cuts, and had held her captive twice.

After the pair broke up in early August, they reconciled, despite the fact that Watenpaugh was physically abusive to his unnamed girlfriend. Last week, he cooked her a meal, then reportedly sent her a text message that said: “How does your dog taste?” Additional morbid texts came from Watenpaugh, telling the woman what he planned to do with other parts of the dog’s remains.

The woman told police that on Sept. 9, at about 1 a.m., she heard a vehicle pull into her driveway. She said she looked out and saw Watenpaugh leave a small paper bag at her doorstep. Inside were her Pomeranian's two front paws.

"It set all of us back when we actually read the text messages about the incident," Sgt Todd Cogle said. "You can really get the sense from reviewing the text messages that the relationship was extremely toxic. It was a pressure cooker of anger and resentment."

Watenpaugh admits to placing the bag of paws on her porch, but denies having cooked her dog. Additional charges are expected, including a weapons violation charge for the AK-47

I shouldn't make fun of Ernie and Ethel's Marriage

Because now they could sue you if you won't make their wedding cake.

Dog Photos that Gene Simmons don't want you to see.

But I know someone else that thinks this is hot.

Did you ever get the feeling......

That Meade likes a hairless puppy before they go out to frolic at the dog park?

Daniel Boone was a man....A Big Man...but the bear was bigger...

So we went on this long nature walk for about a mile to get to the beach. It is one of the reasons why the beach is always pretty deserted. Mostly people who are walking their dogs or who need the excercise go there.

Now we are city mice so the great outdoors are a little foreign to us. Or at least to the wife. She hates it. But she was a good sport and walked along but was a little leery of it. I mean she makes Caroline Manzo look like Daniel Boone.

The dogs kept frolicking around us as they found cool things to smell or chase around till they were whistled back to the trail. The walk was pretty long. It was kind of cold at first but the longer we walked the quicker we warmed up. It was a lot of fun.

I like the outdoors as I am kind of familiar with it. I mean it has been years but I used to go camping all the time. I was able to point out the poison ivy which made the wife run screaming up the trail. For Lisa camping is staying in a hotel without room service. But she was a good sport and had some fun.

I would love to do it in the summer with the reward of jumping in the water at the end of the trail.

Who let the Dogs Out?

Nobody. They made all of us sit in the back while we were driving to the Nature trail. All we could do is pant and let our tongues hang out and scratch our balls.

So when we got to the parking lot we all jumped out of the car and ran around in a circle and found a place to pee.

The Dog Day's Are Over!

So the last day of the vacation Lisa decides we have to go to the Beach. Since we were the only guests at the Inn that day the innkeeper didn't have to make breakfast. So at seven in the morning we jumped in her car and went to the fancy smancy beach at Southhampton.

The beach is totally deserted at that time. Just a couple of people walking their dogs. One had a lab puppy who was all over the place. Lisa and Colleen decided to go to the water and put their feet in the surf. Me I just lay down. I am like Nixon at the beach.

Anyhoo this lady is jogging and she has her little frou-frou dog running with her. Well at least till it gets to me. The little fuck runs up the beach and sits on towel. And wouldn't budge. I mean why run on the hot beach when you can lay next to a fat fuck who throws off a lot of shade and smells like hot dogs. The little fuck wouldn't leave. This rich bitch kept running up and down the beach and her little dog just sat there. Too!

When she was finished she picked her up and got in her freakin' Masserati convertable and didn't even give me a tip for dog watching.

I should have rolled over and squashed the little bastard.

I stopped going to the movies.

Because you know the place has gone to the fuckin' dogs.

It's a dogs life!

So a couple of years ago the kids adopted this abused dog from the animal shelter. It is some kind of Chinese something or other but it is what I call a frou-frou dog. You know not a real dog.

Sort of like a walking feather duster.

Anyway this puppy was totally scared of any man that would come into the house. She used to howl and bark and carry on and they had to shush her up and stop her caterwauling. Now I couldn't deal with that so I used my usual technique for making friends. I fed her.

I would give her a little piece of steak or some sausages or a bit of macaroni. I made a big pot of meatballs and gave her one every now and then. As a result the freaking dog was glued to me. I mean I couldn't sit down without it jumping in my lap. It sat on feet at the table. Not at my feet. On my feet. You see I am also a sloppy eater and the stray crumb might fall down and luckily I had a little canine vacuum cleaner to take care of it.

What was fun was when I took her out to the yard for a dump or a piss. You see there was a little patch in the back yard that she used. So I would walk out into the 70 degree weather in my shorts and t-shirt and we would both dance around and run in a circle because we were so happy to be in the warm weather. Then we would take a leak and come back inside and sit on the easy chair and have some wine and a snack.

That's the life.

I'm listening?

So the kids rescued this dog from a shelter. Of course they didn't get a real dog, they got a frou frou puppy. It is a Chinese Crusted or Chinese Crested or some shit like that. It looks like a rat with long hair.

Anyway the puppy was abused so it hates men. It barks and barks when you first meet it. Now it sort of got used to me but if I make a move it starts to bark. I tried to win it over by slipping it some food. Since I am doing all the cooking when I walk into the kitchen it gets all excited and starts to run around in a circle. Like Governor Sanford when he smells a Argentine. Anyway once I feed it then he starts to bark again. But that's not worst of it.

Now it stares at me all day long. Like Eddie did to Frazier when he moved to Seattle. It is a pain in the ass. He sits there and stares at me. WTF!

It's an RH Hardin 3 Way!

It 's three way tug RH Hardin style. When he want's to give the chickens a rest he knows it's time to screw the pooch. So to speak.

And we don't want to screw the pooch in our beer poll which is still a three way tie with Bass, Samuel Smiths and Newcastle tied at 7 votes each. Let's get some more votes to win this puppy.

Eh let me rephrase that.