Rachel Zoe is a Ho.

Speaking of Skinny.....Rachel Zoe has got to go...and eat a fuckin' sandwich.

Sorry it that it too mean girls but seriously......get a donut for crying out loud!!!!!!!!

Hell needs a new PA Announcer!

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Sure who do we got? And don’t say a Polack just because a whole plane load of them just showed up! It’s like those damned Haitians….there are just too many of them here in hell….almost as many as there are lawyers and that’s just crazy.
Forcas:Well we just got a new actress my dread Lord.
Lucifer: What! Elizabeth Taylor is finally here! I have been waiting for that bitch ever since she whacked off my friend Flicka!
Forcas: No my Lord. A Miss Dixie Carter. Or Julia Sugerbaker if you prefer.
Lucifer: Oh no not that boney twat. I can’t take another of these super feminist cunts. They never stop yapping about equal rights. I mean everybody gets treated equally here in hell. Like shit! It’s fuckin hell for crying out loud!
Forcas: I will activate the trap door my Lord.
Dixie Carter: (Falls through the trapdoor in front of St Peter’s gate to fall down at the feet of Lucifer) Oh my Lord…. Where am I?
Lucifer: You are meeting your Lord. Me. Satan. Bezelbub. Old Scratch. You know the Devil. Lucifer. Lu-Lu to my favorite Demons. But you can call me your Dread Lord.
Dixie Carter: But how did I end up here? I belong in Heaven with Susan B. Anthony and Eleanor Roosevelt and Betty Friedan.
Lucifer: Boy are you one dumb bitch. You do belong with them. And you are with them. They are all here….roasting in Hell!
Dixie Carter: How could they be here in hell? They are strong vibrant women who led the way to gender equality. There is no way they should be burning in Hell!
Lucifer: You really are a maroon. The big guy doesn’t like broads yapping in his ear. That’s why it’s the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost and not the Father, Son and Nagging Twat! He sends all you feminazi’s down here to me. In fact I got more feminazi’s then I got regular Nazi’s. Plus you got here on two counts.
Dixie Carter: Why whatever do you mean?
Lucifer: Well you are not just a feminazi you are one skinny twat. The big guy likes a woman with a little meat on her bones. He likes em with some junk in the trunk. That’s why the skinny skanks like you get an express ride to River of Fire. He doesn’t want to hear your bitching and moaning. And neither than I. Take her away. (Two burly demons grab her and take her boney ass away kicking and screaming towards the pits of Hell)
Forcas: Very nice milord. Where should we put her?
Lucifer: I know. Have her go to the blow job room and let her spend all Eternity giving Oscar Wilde a hummer. That should be misery for both of them. Sometimes I love my job!

Problems of a shopkeeper

So I am working in the store today and it is about ninety degrees in the shade outside. Now today it is just me and the wife as she fired everybody last week. But that's another story.

Anyway I come out from the back when someone comes in because the wife is on the phone with vendors and such since they know we are always in on Tuesdays. So I come out and work with the people or just give them the fish eye if they are lookie-loos and have no intention of buying something but just want to come into the air conditioning.

You see we have a reputation of having super cool a/c which we need because you don't want sweaty people trying on clothes. Trust me that is not good. But on the other hand we are not a movie theater when you buy a ticket to get cool. I mean we want customers to come in or even just potential customers not just people waiting for the bus.

Anyway this super skinny anorexic bitch comes in talking on the phone. She walks around the store talking a mile a minute and very vaguely looking at stuff. Now this whore is not one of our customers. I have farts that way more than her. She really wasn't going to buy anything. But then she has the balls to sit down in one of our chairs to conduct her conversation. I mean I ain't the fucking mall. If you are not a customer I really don't need you to come in to get out of the heat. I walk over to ask her if I can help her but she turns her face to the wall and continues her conversation and ignores me. Now I don't want a scene because the wife is talking to my granddaughter on the scipe on the computer and I don't want her to learn any new words. So I back off and let is slide for a minute.

This bitch finishes her call the same time my wife does and she starts to leave. The wife calls out"Hope you enjoyed your visit!" The girl turns and says over her shoulder "Are you the owner?" and then continues to walk out. She didn't wait around for an answer. But if she ever comes back she is going to get one. Oh boy is she going to get one.