Dick loves Pat and Pat loves Dick

"This is disgusting Dick. Why are we eating in a tent?"
"Because Ike likes to pretend he is still in the Army and if I want to be Vice President I have to kiss up to him. So just eat your steak and shut up."
"I still understand why we can't be inside. I mean Mamie is eating inside. Mrs. Hoover is inside. Even Marget Chase Smith is inside. Why are we the only ones outside. Well us and the Stassen's."
"Because Ike likes to humilate his subordinates. He learned that from MacArthur in the Philippines when he was his aide. He had to dress up like a geshia and serve tea to Mac and his cronies. So now its his turn to humiliate people."
"That's not very Presidential."
"Of course it is Pat. Most Presidents revel in humiliation. William Howard Taft would sit on his Cabinet members. Calvin Coolidge would have silent game contests. Teddy Roosevelt would tweak their nipples and if they cried he would fire them. Maybe someday a President will humiliate people in public and not care what people think. At least I hope so."

My dearest Pat

Ever since I first saw you at the auditions for the "Dark Towers" I have thought of Thee and your alabaster Irish skin. When I think of Thee, Dick Nixon can only imagine your perky pink nipples poking out of your small round mounds. I would want Thee to come to your door with nothing on your sweet young body but your good Republican cloth coat. The wispy hairs of purest sandy blond hair on your virgin mound is never far from Dick Nixon's thoughts. I yearn for thee but if you will not reply than you will not have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore.

Please write to me and let me know when I can see Thee. I can not eat my oatmeal for the yearning for your voice and Thy sweet touch on my five o'clock shadow. I will be away for a few days as I am going on a camping trip with a young Cuban boy who is a friend of mine.

But I will call Thee upon my return.

You dearest and most passionate friend,
 Dick Nixon.