Are you now or have you ever been....

Senate Judciary Committee July 16, 2009
Chairman Patrick Leahy:The committee will come to order. We have to speed it up today so we might go out of order since we will called out for the bill where our wonderful President will be able to take control of the tobacco industry and insure that only Kool and Parliaments will be produced since those are the only cigarettes he likes. I would like to compliment you on your change of attire judge as you seem to changed your style. Let us continue with Senator Fienstein of California.
Senator Dianne Fienstein: Thank you Mr Chairman. Judge Sotomayor I have carefully reviewed the materials presented by the ranking member and I have a few questions.In reviewing your film Filthy Foxes I notice that you are an aficionado of the fish taco. Now do you know that the fish taco was first discovered and popularized in my home city of San Fransisco?
Judge Sotomayor:Actually Senator I was a fan of the fish taco when I was girl in Puerto Rico so I do not know if that is correct. However I will take your word for it.
Senator Feinstein:Well that can't be right. In any event due to your sterling performance in tandem with both Erica Boyer and Ginger Lynn I must tell you that you have my full support. I would like to speak to you in my chambers after your testimony is complete.
Judge Sotomayor: It would be my pleasure Senator.
Senator Feinstein: I yield the balance of my time.
Chairmen Leahy Well since we are out of order much like my prostrate I will call on Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina.
Senator Graham: Thank you Mr Chairman and thank you Judge Sotomayor for your forbearance during this confirmation process.
Judge Sotomayor: It is both an honor and a privilege Senator.
Graham.
Senator Graham During you time as an actress did you ever have any involvement in male gay porn?
Judge Sotomayor No Senator.
Senator Graham No further questions.

Are you now or have you ever been....

Senate Judiciary Hearings July 15, 2009
Chairman Patrick J. Leahy: Well we are back from a short recess where we had time to vote on that wonderful bill that places a minimal ten % surtax on the payroll of any small business that doesn’t have in house pedicures for all of its employees. A bunion is a terrible thing to waste and thank God our wonderful President has attacked this problem. Now we will resume with Senator Kohl of Wisconsin.
Senator Kohl: Judge Sotomayor I would like to revisit your time as an actress performing under the name of Vanessa Del Rio. I under stand that you often portrayed a nurse as you did in this memorable video entitled “Nasty Nurses.” Now this portrayal of the angst and pressure of a big city nurse who has so many patients to service….err I mean take care of and the inadequate staffing. Perhaps you might share your feelings about the President’s new proposal for single payer health care.
Judge Sotomayor: Well I always believed in a single payer.
Senator Kohl: Really why is that.
Judge Sotomayor: Yes they had to leave the money on the nightstand or they had to get out. Otherwise Iceberg Slim would beat my ass.
Senator Kohl: Now what I would really like to know is if during this time did you ever meet any Milwaukee Buck basketball players. You know did they ever visit the set and maybe get tired out before a big playoff game. Specifically Marques Johnson or Junior Bridgman?
Judge Sotomayor: I can’t say as I did. I was familiar with the Coach Don Nelson. He was a freak.
Senator Kohl: I knew it. Why did he want to do freaky things?
Judge Sotomayor: Well let’s put it this way. He really liked it when I didn’t wash. And he definitely wasn’t a vag-a-terian if you know what I mean?
Senator Kohl: I knew those fish ties meant something that freak.
Chairman Patrick Leahy: (Bangs his gavel) Your time is up Senator and it seems I have sprung a leak in my depends so we will take a brief recess.