It was a tough day yesterday.

So it has been a really tough couple of days. We get a call yesterday from the store...the phones are not working! Now that is bad enough but when the phone line doesn't work....the credit card machine doesn't work. So I can't make any money.

We immediately contacted Verizon and they bullshitted us that it was a problem with the store. That we had to pull out the jacks to "reset' it and it should be fine. Well we did and nothing changed. Five calls later we found out that it wasn't just our store....it was a whole area where a junction box got fried. They said it will not be fixed until Friday night around seven o'clock. That means I am without a credit card machine from Wednesday morning till Friday night. How about them apples?

We cobbled together a temporary band aid. As each customer came in we sold them the goods through our website. Of course I had to refund the shipping but what are you gonna do?

We were so pissed we decided to go to Marco Polo for a cocktail for the first time in a while as we had still been sick. The joint was empty for some reason. I guess it was a combination of being a beautiful night and that it was Wednesday. Anyway we decided to sit with Tony at the bar.

It was time to try something different so we went with the taste of mango which was run with crushed mango and mint and some peach bitters. It was tasty but not enough of a kick for me so I went with a different drink on the next round. We kept it light with a baked ricotta in a tomato gazpacho with cumcumber and  a plate of mozzarella in carozza. Then salads. Caesar salad for Lisa and an arugla and fried peaches for me.

We just needed to chill out.

Well I ain't gonna pee in no cup!

Well I ain't gonna pee pee in no cup
Miss Nancy Reagan's gonna drink it up
Said yo Nancy, we just say no no no no no

Well go ahead and fire me from my job
 There's one little think you ain't gonna rob
 That's my freedom and my liberty
 Well I ain't gonna piss in no jar

Them evil peckerheads they gone too far
 I wouldn't pee in their mouths
 if they were dying of thirst

Yeah we gotta get rid of this evil curse
 I'm alive and I'm fighting this jive
 Everybody should go to Washington
 We can have ourselves a little fun

You know, they want our piss,
 I think we should give it to them
 Surround the White House with a urinary moat
 So Ronnie and Nancy will have to float on a boat

Get across the stinky, steaming yellow pee-pee sea,
oh You know Thomas Jefferson is going to be mighty pissed
When he finds out about this,
I said Come back from the dead,
Tom, sock 'em in the head

Why is everybody so afraid of drugs
 Man they afraid of what the drugs gonna do to us
 Well I ain't gonna pee pee in no cup
Miss Nancy Reagan's gonna drink it up 
Said yo Nancy, we just say no no no no no

Well go ahead and throw me in jail
 Ram hot spikes up my tail
 But you ain't gonna get a drop of no pee pee out of me
 I ain't gonna piss in no jar

You know Foghorn Leghorn wouldn't pee in no jar.
You know Patrick Henry didn't "Give me liberty or give me a urine sample" now did he?
Aw, we sure enough rockin' out, Skid. Huey Long wouldn't piss in no jar!
What's gonna be next, the doo doo police?

More Men in Black bullshit!

Well it looks like they are shutting down Court St for two nights to film this movie. The location scout came by and offered $400 to turn on the lights and an additional $200 to have someone stay in the store to keep the gates up. They are going to digitalized the fronts of the stores anyway so it is all bullshit. I am leaving my gates down but I will leave the lights on.

The problem is of course that no one can park anywhere or the cops will tow you away. They are starting that at 4pm so that screws with my customers who might want to drive by on Saturday. It is just unnecessary bullshit. They said they have already spent $500 million on the movie and they are just getting started. What a mess.

The news from Cheeseland is getting more boring by the day!

" I don't care!"
"I don't want to hear it."
"I won't listen!"
"I refuse to change anything."
"I don't care if there is no money."
"I have a doctor's note."

I'm buried man.

I am buried under a pile of horse shit. Which is what taxes have come down to these days. Sorry for the light posting. I will try to do better later in the week.

Ok Jason keep your shirt on!

I had to listen to valued commenter Jason (the commenter) when he demanded that I include Project Runway in my list of reality shows. But I am not a big fan. You see I have learned a little something about fashion since we opened the store and most of what goes on in Project Runway is pure and utter bullshit. As far as the nuts and bolts of selling and producing clothes is concerned. It might be spot on in the glitz of couture fashion but in the real world it is from another planet.

In fact I have some experiance with all the underlying assumptions of all of these reality shows and each one is more phony than the next. In fact if I had to choose one adjective to describe them, the last one I would pick would be "reality."

AJ Burmett is a douche bag!

You know I have had enough of AJ Burnett. He bitches and moans about Posada and wants his own personal catcher. I mean I know other pitchers like Roger Clemins did the same shit but they produced. Y0u don't put a Hall of Famer like Posada on the bench because you are a pussy.

I wish Billy Martin was still the manager. He would have went to the mound and punched him in the face after he gave up four runs. What a douche.

Carlos is spread all over.

Carlos Mencia is spread all over these days. Like a sandwich ya know.

It makes me laugh.

How long till we see some camel toe?

More to Love still sucks.

The second episode of "More to Love" was on last week and it was a horror show. They eliminated three girls after two ridiculous dates where seven women went on a mass date. One was on a boat where one of the girls immediately went to the rail and started to puke. The only question I have is why didn't more of them puke after being involved in this fiasco.

The absolute worst part of the show is the plus model Emme who is the host. She comes out dressed to the nines and says one sentence. "There is one ring remaining." It's a joke.

Emme is always wearing Tadashi which we used to carry in the store. But he really stopped making plus sizes except for celebrities. I guess he makes enough money on straight sizes that they don't need our business. They funny thing is that a lot of the girls in the show are wearing knock-offs of Tadashi styles. That made me laugh my ass off.

No clothes for you!

So the last couple of days we have been going to Manhattan to vendors to try to order dresses for fall. And in several places we find that they are not cutting plus at all. Or they are cutting four dresses and that's it, festa fiunute.

The first place we went to has some great dresses at a reasonable price with rich fabrics. They are only making 4 dresses in plus and although the fabrics are nice they are all kinda drab. Not really colorful. They are ponte fabric which is a rich fabric but the colors are sort of muted, grey, black that kind of thing. Now the Missy (smaller 0-12) has some great dresses in purples and berries and green and all kinds of rich lush fabrics. We get a few but our philosophy is to get dresses for our whole range of 10-28 and it is really impossible.

You see all the big department stores are not ordering woman's sizes and the companies are just not cutting them at all. So you can't get anything but old lady stuff unless you make it yourself. Which we are doing but boy it is a lot of work.

Our exclusive line from Olivia Harper that my wife designs is selling like hot cakes because it is the only stuff that has rich fabrics and the right fit. Almost every piece that What Not to Wear picked was an exclusive that my wife designed. So we are in the process of putting together a fall line that will be right on the money. The only problem is we are cutting small amounts so some people might get shut out. But if you snooze you lose.

If you wait around, no clothes for you.

Problems of a shopkeeper.

So I have this woman who is a pretty good customer but a bit of a problem. She is a returner. She buys stuff from us but she will buy three things and return one. And she is always telling stories about how she buys something from lets say Bloomingdale's and returns it months later for credit at the full price to buy it on sale.

Now we have a strict return policy. Seven days with tags attached for store credit. It is the same thing that every other boutique in downtown Brooklyn does. So she calls while we are away and wants to speak to my wife. She wants to return a dress she bought in early May. Two months ago. Now she claims she didn't wear it. OK I guess that is possible. But in the interim we sold every other dress like that in the store. It was a special spring fabric that we can't get anymore of so if we take it back we will have only one of this dress. Now you never want to have only one of a dress. It is always a problem because all of the people who don't fit into it want it. I mean they could have passed it by dozens of times when I had a full size run but now that there are no more left they will want it.

So I feel we have to refuse to take it back. She has been a good customer but she has gotten great clothes from us. And we have worked with her to put together outfits all the time. If it was a staple piece that I have a lot of I might consider it but not as a one off. I already did it for her once before and I don't want to do it again because she will tell other customers what we did and soon they will all want to return stuff they bought in July in December. I mean seriously.

So we will have to see how this turns out.

Update: The wife chickened out and took the dress back. I offered to be the bad guy. That's my job. But she wanted to let it slide. Problems of a shopkeeper.

The weirdest Custer story of them all!

The weirdest Custer story of them all?

No question about it. It is the "The Year the Cloud Fell " by Kurt R.A. Giambastiani. In it the Indians never are defeated and Custer is scouting in a dirigible which crashes over hostile territory. He falls in love with an Indian princess who bears him a child. Eventually he escapes back to American soil where he eventually runs for President and is elected. So he decides to negotiate a peace treaty with the leaders of the great Indian nations. Which include his bastard son. There is a series of four books in which this incredible story unfolds.

Oh and they ride dinosaurs. Yes that's right you wing nuts. Dinosaurs were never extinct and they were bred for riding.

I wish Luckyoldson would read it. His head would explode.

Hey you can't please everybody.

So yesterday one of our best customers comes in to get some new spring stuff. But as she was leaving she mentions that she left a great review of our store on Yelp. She said that she had read some nasty stuff and had to rebut it because it was so unfair.

Well the wife went right to the site and was really pissed. I mean there was the post from one of our rivals who posted bullshit about us which I told Yelp about but they left it up because I wouldn't give in to their pressure tactics and advertise with them. But there was a new post that pissed her off.

This woman said that she bought a bra that she liked but complained about the service. She said she got too much service. Now when you come in for a bra fitting the wife makes sure you get the right one. I mean she did a video about it.So of course it is going to be in your face or I guess your bresses if you know what I mean. But then this woman did a second post where she said she came back and was "pressured" into getting another bra. What the fuck.

As the wife said when she read it "Get a pair of balls." If you don't want something you don't have to buy it. Do you know how many times she gives a fitting, works really hard and then the person decides not to buy anything. It happens all the time. Nobody can force you to buy something if you don't want it. And then to go on a review site and complain about it. The wife called it getting beer muscles. I told her it happens on the Internet all the time. People say shit they don't have the balls to say in real life. What can you do.

Anyway we looked this twat up in the computer and she came twice. In two years. Each time she bought one thing. A bra. And she was a 34 C which is just about the smallest bra we carry. What the fuck. GO TO MACY"S YOU STUPID BITCH!

Anyway I had to deal with the fall out of that. And the wife is on the look out to see if she comes back.

I pity the fool.

Let's find Common Ground!

President Barack Obama was granted an honorary degree and honored at Notre Dame University today. Critics of this honor who protested the fact that a Catholic University choose to honor someone who promotes abortion (and would put no restrictions on it up to and including killing a baby who survives an abortion) were arrested and detained when they disrupted the ceremony. Charges of trespass and Lèse majesté are pending.

The President "acknowledged that there is little common ground on the fundamental question of whether abortion should be legal. 'At some level, the views of the two camps are irreconcilable,' he said in his prepared remarks. 'Each side will continue to make its case to the public with passion and conviction. But surely we can do so without reducing those with differing views to caricature.'"

In a related story, Senator Stephen Douglas is receiving an honorary degree from Howard University and will be giving his famous speech "Slavery, What's the Big Deal."

F.S.S.F.

Well I was all busy today at the F.S.S.F.

The Fucking Stupid Street Fair.

They had the Court St. Fair today and I postponed my two year anniversary party for the store till next week. I rented the space right in front of the store because you don't want a guy barbecuing pigs feet right in front of your store and letting the smell permeate your clothes.

It was pissing down rain so the whole thing was a washout but it was still a pain in the ass. People come in and want to use the bathroom when they aren't customers. I mean please. You live in the fucking neighborhood so just go home. So you walk two blocks enough already.

Then people want to walk into the store carrying food so they can slop it on all the clothes. "No food losers can't you read the fucking signs."

You see none of the people atrachted by a street fair are really going to be customers of the actual stores on Court St. They only hit the stands of the vendors who only go from street fair to street fair. The Mexicans selling corn on the cob or corn bread grilled cheese sandwiches. The guineas selling sausage and pepper hero's or calzones. The Jamaican dude selling the jerked chicken and french fries. The guy with the phony sham wow. The dude with the big rack of spices in the giant plastic bottles right in front of the new gourmet store. It is basically a fiasco.

Thank God it is over until next year.

Hey just don't recite talking points you know!

I am getting really tired of the trolls that you see infest so much of the internets that just regurgitate the same tired talking points over and over again. It gets to the point where every thread and every conversation is just a recitation of the same crap over and over. Although I am a proud conservative and generally support the Republican candidates in most election, I do not feel that I need to mindlessly echo the crap spewed by the RNC or the other so called conservative voices such as Rush or Sean Hannity. I like to make my mind up on my own and have a different perspective than most. It is just that as a small businessman and as someone who works with a lot of other small businessmen as an accountant I see how impossible it is to do the right thing and survive in the current climate.

A quick example. Two weeks ago the State Attorney General went to the State Liqour Authority and confiscated the books and records from the Harlem office. It seems that the entire bureaus that grants Liquor licenses was totally corrupt. DUH! As if that hasn't been the case since they repealed Prohibition. One of the things that was going on was that you had to pay a fee to an "Expediter" who would go to the board and get your application moved to the top of the list to issue a new license. This expediter is either a relative or former coworker of one of the staff members of the board. You can go through regular channels and wait for eight months to a year or get it in two weeks. The difference a $2,000 fee. It's the same shit with the Dept of Buildings, the city EPA and the rest of the licensing bureaus. It's not what you know or what you do but who you pay. Typical.

Now neither the Republicans or the Democrats will stand up for the small businessman who is getting raked over the coals. They will pay lip service but they feed on the same carcass like the jackals they are. So listening to the same self serving bullshit gets real old real fast. Whether it comes from elephants or donkeys it is still the same old sack of shit.

The wrong guy always gets locked up.

So I get a call from Jimmy Keys who told me was pinched and was in the pokey. Jimmy is one of a bunch of people who I help out now and then. He used to work for REMCO which is a big maintenance company in the city. He wanted to wash my windows but I already had someone who does that. But I let him do a few odd jobs here and there because the guy was on the balls of his ass. For example I had him scrub down the graffiti and repaint it the last time. I had him do the odd paint job and had him grease the sliding gates and polish the storefront. My wife can't stand him because she feels he is a lowlife. Which is true but even a lowlife has to eat. So as long as he does the job which he does, I will throw him a couple of bucks here and there. Like the old lady who always hits me up for twenty bucks every week until her check comes. I mean she pays me back and I am always willing to help someone out.

Anyway Jimmy calls me from Rikers and gives me his whole big story about his ex wife and the mental hospital and this and that. The bottom line was that he had to make bail. I told him I couldn't help him out. I don't even know what the beef is but I don't think it would be wise to make his bail since he would be in the wind for sure. You can help people out who are scuffling but you can't be a total dick.

My lowlife minion was arrested and the liberal scumbag kid who did the graffitie is drinking a latte in his Che T-Shirt and skateboarding in Tompkins Square Park. What bullshit.

Now I need a new minion for the dirty jobs that I don't have time to do. I will be scrubbing and repainting my wall myself. Unless I can buy myself a Mexican.

The problems of a shopkeeper

I promised I would talk about the two recurring problems that we face in the store. The first is the customer who monopolizes your attention and the dressing room and then doesn’t buy anything. That is pretty bad. But it is not the worst. You know what the worst thing is?

The Gay Husband.

We seem to have a lot of girls who come in who are married to gay guys and they don’t even know it. Or they know it but they don’t want to acknowledge it. I don’t pay much attention to it because I don’t really care but the girls in the store know right away. I mean the tip off is that the guy is so opinionated and bitchy about the clothes. Since we have bigger sizes these mook’s are trashing their wives like Chris Brown before the Grammy’s. Verbally to be sure but still it sucks. “Well you would fit in that if you ate a few less bagels.” “You look like a grandmother in that dress.” “What’s the matter with you don’t you have a sense of style.”

Now most of the time when a guy comes in with his wife I will engage him in conversation to keep him from getting bored. Most guys don’t care that much about what the wife buys except for the price. The smart ones are happy if the wife is happy. Some of them bitch about the prices which is fine. They don’t have to buy it if they don’t want to. Times are tough and I understand that. I can usually find something to talk about. Sports, the movies, TV, the neighborhood, restaurants, or food. But if the guy is only interested in trashing his wife and making her feel like shit I can’t deal with that too well. I have to split so I don’t split the guys head open. One guy made his wife cry. So it can get real unpleasant. I let my wife handle it. She takes the girl into the dressing room and tells her to come back another time without her husband if she wants. We have much the same problem with abusive skinny moms and nasty skinny friends. They don’t want to be there and everything is negative. There is not much you can do then. You just have to let them live in their own life.

Anyway one of the gay husbands came in today with his wife. I was alone at the time so I just let them stew. She tried on a dress, he mocked her, her lip quivered and they left. Par for the course.

I wonder how Katie does it.

It must be easier when you are rich.

Problems of a shopkeeper

This morning I had two of the recurring problems of a shopkeeper. You see my wife sleeps in on Saturday morning because she is there opening all week long. I open up and usually have a girl in the store to help me out. I mean I can sell the clothes with no problem but there are certain things I can’t do, like bra fittings. And sometimes a new customer might be shy and not want to come out of the dressing room to discuss the fit with a guy.

But to compensate for that I have my Saturday morning regulars who always come in after they go to the gym or go shopping. If I am not there, they ask for me. When you pay as close attention as we do to the customer’s we have a pretty good idea what your gig is.

So here’s one of the problem. There is this woman who works two doors down at the insurance office. She is about a size 14 which means we have tons of cute stuff that she looks great in. And we are having a 50% off sale and there are some great dresses that are about $60 or so. Great for work. But the problem with this nut job is that she never buys anything. Ever. She has been in the store about 30 or 40 times and has tried on tons of clothes and never buys anything. So what do you do? I mean she might buy something. But she didn’t again. Do you ask her to leave? Can’t do that. Do you ask her why she comes in and doesn’t ever buy anything? I mean my wife could do that but not me. She can talk to her on a woman to woman basis and find out what the story is and what is really going on. I mean the customer is always right. But if you never buy anything are you a customer? Trying on clothes puts wear and tear on them. All of our clothes are in pristine condition. After someone tries something on we often steam them to refresh them. Do I need to go to that effort for someone who never ever buys anything?

They don’t give you a store owner’s guide for these situations. I have to just calm down and use common sense. I can’t go with my natural first instinct. Which is to beat her to death with a shovel and feed her to Mr. Wu’s pigs. You just have to be professional without letting her take the real expensive garments into the dressing room. It is still a work in progress.

The thing is the shovel is handy because it snowed this week.

Don't believe the hype!

Problems of a shopkeeper.

So I get to the store this evening and we have an email from the Today show. They want us to send them some clothes for a spring fashion segment. They list that it should follow certain trends like a jacquard print jacket in spring colors that they list. But they say anything we forward to the show must retail at less than $50. These are pieces that are supposed to be appropriate for work. At law firms and banks and businesses in New York City. Now this is patently ridiculous. Anything that retails at that price is a cheap mass produced piece from China that would only be available at Target or Wal-Mart. Nothing wrong with that to be sure but they can’t expect to get quality fabrics and well made garments at that price. Not in this world. They are encouraging and aiding and abetting in the death spiral that a lot of the fashion industry is experiencing at the moment. If you want to get a quality garment that will last more than three wears you have to spend somewhere between $100 and $200. I mean I went to CVS drugstore last night and just bought shampoo and body wash and some aspirin and tissues and cold medicine and it was over fifty bucks even with coupons. So do you think it is reasonable to expect to get a work dress for that amount? Not if it is made in the USA by people who are getting a living wage. Now I know everyone likes a bargain and a lot of you guys who live in places outside of New York won’t agree. That’s fine. But they should get the stuff made in China by slave labor from Costco and Wal-Mart and Target if that is what they want to sell. We are not going to be a party to it. Many of the major manufacturers have cut their plus lines altogether so there will be no fall product at all! Except the cheap dreck that these idiots are pimping. You can be sure that none of these producers or news bunnies will wear any of that. But in their arrogance they think it is OK for you. Don’t believe the hype. Demand quality stuff and get it made in the USA if you can. Don’t join in the destruction of the garment industry. If you buy a quality garment at a fair price you will keep stores open and factories working and marketplace working.

Don’t let Kathie Lee Gifford win.