Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo shows you how to do it right.

You can't pretend to be cool. You can't learn how to be cool. There is no book you can buy. There is no class you can take.

If you are cool....well man you are cool.

Steve McQueen was way cool.

Who is the coolest.

This poll is to determine who is the coolest motorcycle people in the world. Your choices:

Steve McQueen in the Great Escape

Marlon Brando in the Wild One.

Then Came Bronson.

Clay (Ron Perelman) in Sons of Anarchy

Mr. & Mrs. Michael H in North to Alaska.

I am betting on Michael Hasenstab and the Mrs. because they are the coolest.

Check out their journey.

That's cool.

My brother is a writer and an editor. He has worked for many big deal magazines. Once years ago when he was a young kid he had a assignment for one of the "Lad" magazines. To write about cool. So he asked me what I thought.

Now I think you are either cool or you are not. If you have to think about it you definitely are not. If you have to strike a pose no way.

Steve McQueen is cool, Tom Cruise not so much.

You can't recapture your youth if you thought you were cool back in the day. Because you see people laugh at that. Just as much as they laugh at somebody who is old trying to be young. A sixty year old broad with a tramp stamp or a piercing. A fiftyish guy with a sports car and a fancy hair cut. You can be cool if you are old. Just be honest and do cool shit. Then people will want to do what you are doing because it is cool. Not because you are a poser.

Derek Jeter cool, A-Rod not so much.

Most of all to be cool, be true to yourself. Have your own style and not give a shit what other people think. Don't try to force them to agree to what you think or how you act. If it is cool don't worry people will laugh and enjoy it or even follow along and get the joke.

Titus cool, Jeremy/Michael/Luckyoldson not so much.

So be cool.

They only went to the Geneva Convention for the hookers.

Jason Nichols: Josh they want us to find some of tem there jihardest you know the terrorists. Think you can do it.

Josh Randall: Sure we can as long as it is the regular terms.

Colonel Bradley: And what might that be young man?

Josh Randall: Dead or Alive.

Colonel Bradley: That would work.

Josh Randall: Course dead is better. Less room for argument that a way.

(Wanted Dead or Alive, 1958)

This is the proper attire for a night on the town. Enjoy dolls.

This is how the well dressed dude gets ready for a night on the town with his doll. Make sure you are packing your hog leg, so to speak. Check under the hood to make sure your engine runs hot.

Oh and don't forget the spurs.