Call the Mexican

So yesterday was supposed to be our day off. The one day off we get because we went to a six day a week schedule. We were going to laze around. Have a nice breakfast. Then a wonderful lunch. Watch some TV. Continue binge watching "Call the Midwife" on Netflicks. But it didn't work out that way.

We ended up having to "Call the Mexican."

I have been taking a blood thinner and I have to be careful about getting cuts and  scrapes. Every little one could be serious. I had one on my hand that bled pretty good for a while. I recently developed a scab on lower left leg that I had on idea how I got or where I got it from. It was just your normal run of the mill scab. So I went to take a nice hot shower. Not a good thing because it brings all your veins to the surface. I sat on the couch and I must have hit it on the Ottoman. It broke the scab. Blood starting shooting out across the room like I was a garden hose. You had to see it to believe it. On the floor. The fancy upstairs  rugs. The Ottoman and the couch. I was in a lot of trouble.

Mainly because I made a big mess.

You see this had happened to me before a couple of years ago. One of my varicose veins burst and I had to call the EMT's. So this had happened before. But with the blood thinners it potentially could have been much worse. I put direct pressure on it and Lisa called 911. She was freaking out as usual but that is to be expected. The guys came in and were very competent. They checked the wound and it had stopped bleeding. They tied me up and I was good to go. Except for the cleanup.

It was time to "Call the Mexican."

"If you prick us, do we not bleed?"

Calm down Palladian this is not gay stuff.

Youse guys remember when my varicose vein burst a few years ago and I almost bled out in the kitchen? Well now I have to be really careful. I am on blood thinners and if I get a bad cut I can bleed out faster than the Crack Emcee would run from a real job. I am taking Xarelto which is a lot better drug than Coumadin which is in actuality rat poison. Still it is a dangerous blood thinner and you have to not get a cut.

So today I got a cut.

Actually not a cut but a little scape. It bled like a son of a bitch. It was scary. I am ok because I put on direct pressure and it clotted. So I am not worried. Unless I get cut making dinner or some shit like that there.

It's funny. There are supposed to be side effects. They include:

changes in vision

confusion, trouble speaking or understanding

red or dark-brown urine

redness, blistering, peeling or loosening of the skin, including inside the mouth

severe headaches

spitting up blood or brown material that looks like coffee grounds

sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg

trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination

unusual bruising or bleeding from the eye, gums, or nose

Shit. That was how I spent the 1980's. Now I don't even have to pay for the beers. The marvels of modern medicine.

What if?

If having your period was actually as bad as women make it seem when they are having PMS?

Let there be blood!

I have to schedule my operation to cauterize my varicose veins for next month.

Which brings me to this question. Whose that girl?

If I wasn't a happily married man I wouldn't mind having her injected into my bloodstream. Can you guess who it is?