Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, June  28, 1962 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a tuna fish sandwich left out in the sun)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I divorced Artie you know But I told you that already. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe. That dirty Jew cocksucker. He is a cocksucker you know. All of those theater type are homos.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah we heard about that keed. That’s a shame. But you shudda know that he was a sword swallower.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. But everybody is treating me different. I told you that most of them have stopped taking my calls. Sinatra dropped me. Dean won't answer the phone.  Even Jack won't let me visit him in the White House. I fucked him you know. Right in the Oval office under the desk where his children play. He stuck in me for about ten seconds and squeaked like a dog toy and came it two seconds. Why did he drop me Joe? Ain't I a good lay? I fucked his brother too. They made a sandwich of me in Camp David. Why doesn't he call me back. You always call Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear this shit. You life is your life but he don't wanna hear this. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? They all fucked me. Every one of them. I banged them all. Frank. Dean. Joey Bishop. I even did a three way with Sammy Davis and Mel Torme.  That's right. I fucked that little moolies eye right out with my clit. I showed that greasy prick Torme who had a golden fuckin' throat. I did em all Joe. So you ain't nothing special.
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you? You were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow. I fucked them all.   WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Sammy Davis. That little spook.  Tell Frankie Carbo I want to see Bumpy Johnson here tomorrow.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. They got rights now. Someday they will be running this fucking country. You wait and see. You don't want your fingerprints on this.

 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

A-Rod Must Go!

So there is a  new controversy with A-Rod today. It seems he was talking with this kid in Baltimore who told him he was going to hit a home run yesterday. And he did.

Now he wants to channel Babe Ruth. Not by doing something cool  like eating nine hot dogs during the game. That would be something. No he wants to do hitting a home run to make a kid happy bullshit which is a myth made up by Christy Walsh the Yankees PR guy in the 1920's. So A-Rod sends out his minions to find the kid and he is nowhere to be found.

This could have been an hallucination of a drug addled mind. More likely just more A-Rod bullshit and part of the circus he brings to town with his nonsense. The only thing that made sense was the number of his home run.

It was number 666.

I hate the street fair....and the hipster assholes with their snot nosed greasy handed fucking brats.

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A Rod must Go!!!!!!

Spring training is almost here and attention must be paid. The Yankees have a big problem. His name is A Rod.

He is coming back after his suspension. We owe him something like $61 million over the next three years. That's right $61 million. Now the thought was that he would be closing in on the all time home run record but with all the time lost that is not going to happen. He is going to pass Willie Mays and get an eight million dollar bonus because he only needs seven more dingers to make it happen. But how good could he be after all this time off? Plus the Yankees have signed a perfectly competent third baseman in Chase Headley who is going to be their main man this year. So A Rod is the DH and a backup at third and first. I just don't think he is worth the trouble.

Witness the nonsense with his apology note. Handwritten squiggles that are laughably stupid:

Seriously? This is going to be a circus. The Yankees should just cut their losses and take the tax write off. Let some other team take on the circus. They have made some good moves this year. Our starting upside has a lot of questions but a big upside. Our bullpen could be the best in the majors. We have a new stud closer and a bunch of pretty decent middle relievers. Our brittle starters only have to give us a quality five or six innings. The lineup is not full of the prima donna stars we used to have but a bunch of scrappy guys with some vets who if they have bounce back years can really make something happen. We are not the favorites. But in the expanded playoff world we have a chance to get in the mix and then anything can happen.

But first we need to get rid of A Rod. Let's send him to Boston. They both suck. Let them suck together.