So if you were really sick and you needed a Doctor who would you call

You know I get a lot of complaints that I never cover politics or current affairs here at Trooper York, because as you know our focus is on stupid shit. So I feel I should tackle the important issues of the day and none is more important than health care.

So for our latest poll I ask the very important question: "So if you were really sick and you needed a Doctor who would you pick?"

You Health Care Options

Dr. Marcus Welby
Dr. Ben Casey
Dr. Kildare
Dr. Joe Gannon
Dr. Doom.

Now it is a foregone conclusion that Jason (the commenter) will want to play doctor with Dr. Kildare but I expect the rest of you not to choose based on such a pretext. So to speak.

Bend over and cough.

You guys are just not part of the reality based community!

And I am so proud. The results of the poll did surprise me though. When I asked what was your favorite reality show a very small turnout voted as follows:

Project Runway 7
Survivor 6
Real Housewives of NJ 3
Next Food Network Star 2
Flipping Out 1

Thanks so much to all of my faithful commenters who voted. I don't understand how Project Runway is so popular.

But then I don't understand why Heidi Klum fell in love with Seal?

It's a mystery.

Next up a health care poll.

It's not easy being a Giant!

For all my good friends like AJ and Beth and Michael H let me tell you one thing:

Don't put the cart before Sarah Jessica Parker.

The season isn't over yet. We lost a few games. It might come down to the last game of the year to determine if we make the playoff's. And we play the dog-ass Vikings with Senator Robert Bryd at quarterback. So we have a great shot at making the playoffs. And we are a great road time.

So to drop in another cliche:

Don't count your chickenlittles until they are hatched!

It's not easy being a Giant!

Yes the Lilliputians are tying us down. Another bad loss and the season looks like it is going awry. Now is the time that Tom Couglin will earn his money. If he can turn it around and win a few games and get into the playoffs anything can happen.

I have my doubts only because it is pretty unusual for the same city to win the World Series and the Superbowl. So I will keep rooting for my team but they have to step it up if they want to be champions.

There is no affirmative action in football. You have to earn it. Let's see what happens!

Laura Bush's Diary

So I was out shopping with the twins yesterday and I got a call from W on my cell phone. Which is very unusual because he likes his alone time. I mean he spends it watching TV and reading his favorite blogs and posting comments on Boringheads TV. He loves to post over and over again the same liberal bullshit under his sock puppet name of Brendan that drives everyone crazy while he pulls his pud and laughs and laughs. So like I said he likes his alone time.

“Hello Laura” he said. “Yes sweetie what’s the matter. Did they have a debate between that evil blogger lady and the gay brother from Frazier again?” “No, no nothing like that. You have to get home right away. It’s very important. And watch out for birds.” “But the girls and I are shopping.” “I don’t care you get home right now you hear and bring all the girls home if you know what I mean.”

So I got everyone in the convertible and we went on home to the ranch. I actually kind of like when W get’s all forceful and shit like that. I mean usually he is very easy going because he is a very confident guy and he doesn’t give a shit what anybody else has to say. So it was a good sign that he was so forceful today, maybe little Laura was going to get a little sumtin sumtin.

But as we were driving I thought about his message. “Watch out for birds.” What could that mean? Did my old friend Robyn Bryd call again and talk to W. I mean he knew all about my long time friendship with her but I don’t think he knows all of the details. I mean some things are better left in the past ya know. So it was weighing on my mind as we sped along the highway. Jenna has a lead foot you know.

Anyway I got home and went into the study where W was and he jumped up and closed the door. “Thank God you are home honey. I was so worried.” “Worried about what W everything is copasetic.” “Well I was watching the news and I heard the terrible news.” “What news? Did Obama pass the Death Panels thing?” “No I heard a bird flew into the Super Hardon collider and caused a massive accident and I was so worried.” “What are you talking about?” “Quick just take off you shirt so I can be sure that the girls are allright.” He grabbed my shirt and ripped down the middle and my “girls” popped out. I usually have them taped down but I was free and easy cause we were just going to the mall so some majow melons came rolling out. “Thank God they are OK. I don’t think I could go on if something happened to them.” Well I was kinda confused. But then I saw an update on Fox News. “W you idiot. It’s the Large Hadron collider you big dummy.” You see whenever I let W get a titty fuck he always got a massive boner so he liked to call the girls his Super Hardon collider. He pushes them together and bangs little W against them while he shouts out quotations from Dune and his other favorite science fiction movies.He was just a little confused. It was a different Hardon Collider.

“Well I was worried Laura. They said that a bird fell in there and there was a danger that it would create a giant black hole.”

I said “Don’t worry W, there will always be only one Condoleezza Rice.”

Thank God.

Buddy Clinton died for your sins!

Calvin and Grace Coolidge had one of the most loving and close relationships of all presidential couples. Although President Coolidge was know far and wide for being very taciturn his wife confided to her diary that he put his tongue to better use. But the general silence of the mansion led Grace to spend a lot of time with her pets of which she had the biggest menagerie since Theodore Roosevelt. Her favorite was her pet raccoon Rebecca who was hit with children from all over the world. The first pet coon to be owned by a president since Thomas Jefferson, Rebecca was a big hit at the annual Easter egg hunt where she would run out and gather all of the eggs before any of the children could get to them. This greatly pleased the frugal Coolidge’s who hated to give out anything for free. Unfortunately there was a tragedy when Rebecca unwittingly bit the hand of young Robert Taft who was reaching for an egg. Robert ran screaming into the garden to his Dad Chief Justice William Howard Taft. There was screaming and chaos and children running underfoot and the corpulent Chief Justice was tripped and fell, crushing both Rebecca and the diminutive Ambassador from Kingdom of Siam.
(Buddy Clinton Died For Your Sins, Doris Kearns Goodwin, 2009)

Paris is burning, but only when he pees!

"Well Paris I know you are a master of disguise and a very important part of the Impossible Mission team. But I don't understand this disguise. What's up with that? Who are you supposed to be Danny Partridge?"

"Thank you Barney. I am going undercover in a flute factory. So I have to fit in with all the designers and managers."

"Really so you want to look like a very special episode of Starsky and Hutch?'

"Trust me, I know what I am doing.....Say do you want to talk about the opera?"

"Errr no thanks Paris. I have to go. But carry on. "

It's all there in black and white.

"Well Selina, I see you have returned to your normal costume."
"Why yes I did Trey. I don't want to upset you. So I went back to my old cat suit. Pluse my little pet likes it."
"Yes I noticed Selina. That is an elephant. Why do you have an elephant as a pet?"
"Oh he is a wonderful pet. He is kind and thoughtfull and fun to be around. I can ride him around and everyone gets out of our way. It's so high up on his back that I feel on top of the world."
"Yes but it must be such a chore to clean up after him?"
"Not really I have Lem follow behind him with a shovel and one of those pickerupper kind of thingees. He is glad for the job. And after all isn't that sort of what you do for a living?"
"No Selina I help people with their problems."
"Well so does Jumbo. You might not know it but I have some problems in certain areas that you refuse to help me with...but Jumbo fixes me right up....you know his trunk is very limber....it's really quite big and strong and he is so talented with it....I mean sometimes I lovingly oil up his trunk with baby oil and he takes it and puts it in....Trey....Trey....why did you fall off your chair again?"

Hey I haven't heard from Simon in a while?

I bet he is busy with some arcane legal issues.

Oh well I trust him to keep us abreast of any new developments in contract law.

So to speak.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

I don't know how you managed to change Steve's cell phone number and block his emails but I know you are doing all you can to keep him from me. I mean you put him in rehab which is like jail because you claim he is addicted to sex. You know that is not true, I mean nobody who was addicted to sex would take so long to get it up. I mean it would be like a pot head who didn't like to smoke.

I can't believe that Steve doesn't want to see me or talk to me. We established such a close bond those three times we did it in the parking lot. I know he will never forget that night he had me wear the Mr. Met Head and give him Mr. Met Head!

SO THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

You got him fired and you got me fired because of your big fat mouth. Well you better tell Steve that better call me soon or he is not gonna get anymore of my honeypot. I have a lot of people who are buzzing around. David Letterman wants me to apply to be an intern. And this rich old guy wants to go out with me now that Anna Nicole Smith is dead. The only thing is he is kinda weird, he wants me to wear Ted Williams head when I give him Ted Williams Head. But that kind of grosses me out because it has a can of tuna fish stuck to it. He says it's really Ted's Head though cause he got it from Stiener's sports memorabilia and it is certified and everything. You tell Steve he is all over me. Here we are on the Loser Cam at Fenway Park. He stays there all the time, I think he is a professional jock sniffer or something like that. Anyway you tell Steve that if he doesn't call by the weekend I will run away with this old geezer see if I don't!

By the way I hope your infection clears up. Sorry about that. I find Valtrex but you can go with Vaseline and oil of cloves if you want to be more old school.

Toodles,

Your Pal

Brooke Hundley

Tyler Perry's White House of Pain

(Hallway of the Family quarters, upstairs at the White House)
Madea: Whose that up this time of night? I can’t even get a glass of hot milk without running into someone in the hallway while I am in my nightie.
Sasha Obama: It’s me Auntie Madea.
Madea: Why you up at this hour chile? Have you been crying?
Sasha Obama: I am so upset Aunty. Daddy doesn’t love me anymore. I am running away from home with my two friends. Gary Coleman and Rodney Allen Ripey.

Madea: What the hell? What are you doing with these two midget has beens. The only one missing is Robert Reich for crying out loud. Wha chu mean you daddy don’t love you no mo sugar?

Sasha Obama: Auntie he never has time to play with us anymore. He is always busy stealing the banks and the car companies and now he has to boss around all the doctors and he doesn’t have time to play with us anymore. And it gets worse.
Madea: How’s that baby?
Sasha Obama: Well when I came home from school he was playing peek-a-boo with a white baby. He always used to play peek-a-boo with me. Now he is playing with a white baby. And you know how much he hates white people. So if he would rather play with a white baby he must really hate us.
Madea: Now sweetie don’t be upset. Your daddy was just doing that for the camera. He didn’t mean it. Like when he prays for those dead soldiers or goes to a Christian church, its all for show. I am sure he loves you. Don’t you worry. Auntie Madea will fix it. I will talk to him and he will be playing peek-a-boo with you in no time. Of course he will have a big bandage on his fool head but it will be ok. Now you go back to sleep and I will make you breakfast tomorrow.
Sasha Obama: Thank you Auntie, I love you. I know you will make it allright. You always do. But what about Rodney and Gary.
Madea: Those boys better come with me. I want to show them the exercise equipment that Barbara Bush set up in the Attic. I think they might enjoy it. Let’s go fools.
Gary Coleman & Rodney Allen Ripey: Yes Auntie.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

Well now you have done it. You got both me and Steve fired. I hope you're happy. Why did you have to go to the papers. We could have worked it out.

You know Steve really wanted to be with me. Why else would he agree to have sex with me in the car all three times. I mean it's not like we didn't make plans. He told me I could ride in a float with him the next time the Met's won the World Series. But he told me not to hold my breath. Which is sort of strange because he always wanted me to hold my breath when we were together. At least when I was under the table for Baseball tonight.

I can't believe that you made Steve go to rehab for sex addiction. How could you? I mean it's not like he is like that nasty Micheal Douglas with the dead skin and shrunken eyes and the little weenie. I mean ok, Steve sort of has a Gary Busey thing going on but you have to pretend to be inscrutable if you are the general manager of the Mets. I mean look at Omar Minaya. Nobody understands what the fuck he is talking about. I mean he doesn't even speak English for God's sake!

If you hadn't have pulled this shit, Steve and I would have been together at the World Series. Like Jeter and his latest slut bag. Or A-Rod and Kate Hudson. Or Hidecki Matsui and his boyfriend that he pretends is his interpreter. You made me miss the series. They wouldn't even let me in the stadium. So I had to go to Florida instead.

While I was there I met a couple of friends. They are pissed at you too! I think we are going to have to come see you. Just to talk. You know. So you will give up Steve and he and I can finally be together. It is meant to be. You can't stand in the way of true love.

You see the force is strong in me.

Or maybe it's gas.

No, no it's the force.

Me and my friends will see you soon.

Toodles

Your friend

Brooke Hundley

It's all there in black and white.

"Hello Trey, where have you been the past few days?"

"I have been busy Selina. You know I follow Emerson, Lake and Palmer around. And I am busy campaigning for Iggy Pop and the Stooges for the Hall of Fame. I am sorry I haven't been around."

"Well I missed you."

"That's nice to know Selina. Can I ask why you are dressed this way?"

"What way?"

"Why as a Native American."

"Oh this old thing. Why it is my Halloween costume. I though I might wear it until you saw it. I went as Sacajawea....you know who that is don't you Trey?"

"Of course. She was the Shoshone woman who was a famous explorer."

"Well that is true. But she is most famous for letting Merriweather Lewis discover her Northwest Passage. "

"Really, Selina I didn't read that in my history book."

'Oh everyone knew that Trey. You see Merriweather was gay and he was tormented because Sacajawea let him in the backdoor for the first time in his life. You see she used to give him what they called the Dirty Sacajawea. She was the only woman he ever loved. When she decided to leave him, well he ended up killing himself."

"But why did she leave him Selina. After all he was rich and famous."

"That isn't everything Trey. She returned to her husband Toussaint Charbonneau and they spent the rest of their lives in the mountains trapping beaver....she loved the feel of beaver....it was so soft and silky....they used to love to wear it like a hat......do you love the feel of beaver.... would you like to see my beaver Trey....it's very soft and fluffy just like Sacajawea would have loved....Trey....Trey....why are eyes rolling back in you head....you keep falling off of your chair....I think I am going to get you a seat belt!"

Did you say Balls Miss Moneypenny?

"What's that sound Miss Moneypenny?"

"Balls, Comander Bond."

"Did you say Balls Miss Moneypenny?"

"Yes, yes I did."

"Oh you must mean Thunderball."

"No actually I mean Godzilla Balls."

"What?"

"Yes that's the sound they make when they clang together when Godzilla is walking through the city."

"I think you are in the wrong movie, do I look like Raymond Burr to you?" in a cheezy chinese accent " Oh no godzilla is coming."

"At least someone is coming."

Hey I feel like a parade!

I wish I could go but I am stuck in the store today. So I can only watch it on TV.

Hey doesn't Joe Girardi's wife look like Liza Minnelli?

A-Rod is pretty happy right now. He finally has that monkey off his back. In every sense of the word.

Matsui has to go around with his interpreter all the time. I wish I had one of those. Then when I make a really cool joke or reference he can interpret it for the people who are following along at home. You know who you are.

I had to break a rule and watch Letterman last night because he had Jeter, Pettite, Posada and Matsui on his show. He kept busting Jeter's ass by asking him over and over if he was engaged. Finally Jeter said "No are you?" Letterman, always a stupid dick.

Get a load of Felix Lopez (the bald headed looking like Desperate Housewife's guy) who is the bald headed guy on the Yankee owners float. He is married to one of the Steinbrenners daughters. He used to be the gardener until he caught the interest of the lady of the house. Now he is sitting pretty.

There's a lot of that going around. So to speak.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Hee.

Hee, hee.

Now that's funny.

最高殊勲選手

ニューヨークのヤンキーは世界のチャンピオンである

私にお金の雌犬を示しなさい

World Series MVP

Nuff said.

Congratulatons to the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You mooshed 'em AJ

This is what you call a moosh. Thanks to AJ for mooshing the Phillies.

Paris is burning, but only when he pees!

"Let's sing....I got you babe"

"What are you talking about you dizzy bitch. I don't know how to sing. That was Shatner."

"Well just fake it. Aren't you supposed to be the master of disguise. Well disguise your voice and pretend you can sing."

"You know sometimes life is like you are skiing down a mountain and then you come right up to a big tree."

"Stop with the whining already. Just shut up and sing. Look if you fake it I will let you play with my tits."

"That's what Shatner used to say...ok....They say we're young and we don't know.....We won't find out until we grow....."

It's all there in black and white!

"Selina, Selina where are you?"

"Why I am out here in the field Trey....come out and have a catch."

"What are you doing?"

"Why it's World Series time Trey and I feel like some baseball. I love the feel of the ball in my hand. But most of all I love the bat. A nice hard bat. You know one with the good wood. Do have the good wood Trey?'

"Hamana hamana hamana uuurrrpppphhhhh!!!!"

"Hey take it easy. You kind of look like a Philly. Hee."

No wonder AJ hasn't been commenting, he went to the game.

I was worried. We hadn't heard from our dear friend AJ Lynch the biggest Phillie fan in these here parts. But I found out he went to the game the other night and was otherwise detained.

But we hope to hear from him soon.

Frenchy Fuqua's shoe blog

Yo how bad it be blood.

Damn but my Giants sucked the big one this week. The Eagles beat them down like Ike used to do Tina when she wouldn't go out and make him that money you know what I am saying. My boy Eli better stop with the fuckin commercials and pay attention to the game. And where the hell was the defense. Why didn't anybody hit some of those losers. It seemed that all I saw was Eagle recievers running free down the field. I mean I knows that Harold Carmichael is a big mutafucker but he must be what, eighty years old now for crying out loud. It was just another dismal performance. I think they figured they could play like shit and nobody would notice cause they would be too busy watching the Yankees and shit. They best pick it up next week or they be out of the playoffs like those dog ass Packers.

Now the Jets decided that theys wasn't gonna cover any of the kickoffs. And still and all it took to the last bit of the game for the Fish to pull it off. That Mexican boy just ain't got it you know. He better step it up if he wants to be number one in New York even as bad as Eli is sucking it. They have to do something with their special teams cause man they all play like they be "Special."

You know retarded. Like Assante Samuel.

The dog ass Vikings beat the dog ass Packers as that old fuck had four td's. I mean shit, that old dude is in depends and all how the hell did he do that. Jeeez those Packers really suck ya know!

And them dirty ass Saints from NOLA won again. Dey must be doin tht voodo or sumthing I don't know. At least my Steelers had a bye so I can relax about them.

Anyhoo I gonna relax and watch the World Series. I bet my boy Andy puts one in that Utley guy's ear. It just meant to be!

Support Fraunces Tavern!

We went out to celebrate a combined anniversary and the wife's birthday last night. Every year we go to the place where we were married Fraunces Tavern in downtown New York on the corner of Pearl and Broad Streets. This year we went on the wife's birthday since it was so hard for us to get out of the store. Plus we got to watch the Yankee game!

Paul the manager had been running the joint for a while and was the assistant manager when we were married there. He was telling us how tough business is downtown. A lot of the big brokerage companies have moved to midtown or Jersey and the back office work at home revolution has really hurt them. Also the expense account lunch has sort of become a thing of the past especially as the blue nosed puritans look up every executives asshole over how he spends. Without taking into account that those business dinners and lunches pay a lot of peoples salaries including chefs and waiters and bus boys. Not to mention the food vendors and liquor distributors.

The Fraunces Tavern Museum is also a treat for anyone who has any interest in American History. In fact this month they are displaying one of the only four existing copies of the Magna Carta on loan from the British Museum. Plus all the great colonial artifacts in their normal exhibits. Well worth a trip downtown and you can have a great lunch besides.

I have been very remiss in not supporting them more than I have and we are going to try to get there at least once a month or every six weeks or so. It is a great dining experience and an important part of the fabric of New York. If you are ever in the city please give it a try.

Ok Jason keep your shirt on!

I had to listen to valued commenter Jason (the commenter) when he demanded that I include Project Runway in my list of reality shows. But I am not a big fan. You see I have learned a little something about fashion since we opened the store and most of what goes on in Project Runway is pure and utter bullshit. As far as the nuts and bolts of selling and producing clothes is concerned. It might be spot on in the glitz of couture fashion but in the real world it is from another planet.

In fact I have some experiance with all the underlying assumptions of all of these reality shows and each one is more phony than the next. In fact if I had to choose one adjective to describe them, the last one I would pick would be "reality."

OK AJ that's one for you!

Well the Iggles beat up on the Giants in an error filled game with tons of turnovers.
Eli was pretty sucky and I guess if Rush Limbaugh was broadcasting the game he would say he was one overrated white boy.

But hey I don't give up. The Giants have proved that they have it in them to be Champions, because a lot of them were on the championship team. As for the Eagles, well they haven't won shit. Oh wait, Michael Vick won a prison championship in two hand touch. I guess that counts.

But I want to congratulate AJ and all the mooks in Philly. You won this one. See ya in the playoffs.

Now back to baseball!

Hey that Swisher guy really sucks!

So that's two down. Looks like that Swisher guy ain't so bad after all. Thank you Mr. Hamals you are a gentleman and a scholar.

I think they should have pulled Professor Irwin Corey off of the podium before he dissed Andy Petite and said he would be no problem for the Phillies like he did in the pre game. I mean Andy does hold the record for most post season wins in baseball history. Just a little thing but you would think they might have "looked it up."

Hey I remember when the Yankees were a terrible organization. It wasn't till George came in and bought us from CBS and brought us back to glory that you could exhale and know that we were gonna do what we needed to do to win. No matter what.

Like Jeter said in the post game, take it one game at a time. One inning at a time.

Lets Go Yankees.

Hey what's your favorite Reality Show?

New poll. What's your favorite Reality show. I excluded American Idol because you figure that is more of a contest......and What Not to Wear is a makeover show. So the choices:

Survivor...........breast edition

Project Runway

Next Food Network Star

Real Housewifes of New Jersey

Flipping Out

I picked Jersey because that is by far the best of the Real Housewifes entry.

So have at it.

Hey it doesn't make you look mousey.

Jason (the commentor) thought this costume made him look mousey.

I think it just displays his steel trap mind. So to speak.

OK I admit I gave this kid some extra candy!

Just because that was a great costumes. You can never have enough of kids being in boiling water. Just sayn'

Hey look, it's the most popular Halloween costume in Montana

Hey look, Montana Urban Legend emailed me a photo of the most popular Halloween costume out there in sheep country.

Under the Big Sky. Where men are men and sheep are nervous.

It must be hard for all you Met's fans!

"Hey Doyle, I haven't see you around in while."
"I bet you are pretty pissed off. As a Met's fan. I mean the Phillies and the Yankees in the Series."
"The two teams you hate most in the world. Well except for the Republicans."
"It must be a kick in the ass."
"Wait are you drunk?"

Hey lets go for a drive

"Herman lets go for a drive."
"But Lily you hate to ride in our car."
"Oh I don't hate, I love when you drive real fast. I can stand in the moon roof and let the wind blow in my hair. I know I will take pictures."
"Ok, let's go!"

The most famous guy from Philadelphia is a fictional character!

That's why they have a statue of Rocky instead of some real person. I mean seriously. What's up with that?

Man I hate Halloween!

I don't know how much posting I will be doing today, as I am on door duty. I have to give the little bastards that show up some candy so they don't rush in and turn the store upside down.

This is gonna be a lot of fun.

Hey did I tell you lately that the Giants are going to win the Super Bowl!

Michael Hasenstab said...
Dude, you're obsessive posting about the NY Wankees is just a ploy to divert attention away from the suckatacious Giants. Cain't fool me none.Only sports worth watchin' this weekend are (1) Vikings at Packers, and (2) NASCAR doin' the race 'n' wreck at Talladega.Vikes by 3. Mark Martin.

Now, now you know that is not true. We intend to give the Igles all the attention they deserve when we open a can of whoop ass on them Sunday.

I have a warm place in my heart for Igles fans. After all they are "Special."

Just ask them and they will be happy to tell you. Just sayn'

Garage, dude I owe you an apology!

Garage, dude I owe you an apology! I was teasing you but you were absoultely right!

Michael H has shown me the error of my ways.

The Pack is Back. Or Baby's got Back. Or the Back of the Pack is Stacked.

Or......

Hamana....hamana....hamana.....hamana.....uuuurrrpppphhhh!!!!

Philadelphia fans on the Subway!

I allways thought that "Virginia was for Lovers." Not Philadelphia.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

A sense of civility!

Hey one thing we can count on is that Philly fans will be civil. It's not like they are the jealous types or anything.

So I expect a good clean crowd while the Yankees are in Philly. Just Sayn'

Let's party it's all tied up!

Hey A-Rod's urine sample is busy at the commissioners office tonight so he asked me to fill in.

It's time to party and get ready for the rest of the series. We are tied at one win a piece and the series goes back to the bushes with the trip to cream cheese town. The Yankees only have to win one of the three games to get the home field advantage back and I am pretty confident that Andy will do the job.

I have to say that the umpires are sucking worse than ever but it seems they are sucking equally for both teams. The play where Posada was called out on a trapped ball when both runners were safe but it was called a double play really sucked. But it looked like we got a make up call on the double play in the top of the 8th because I though he was safe and the cheese steaks got hosed. Either it was a make up call or the first base ump really really sucked.

Anyway, we can sit back and listen to some music or maybe watch "Criminal Minds" tonight.

And no, "Criminal Minds" is not about Philly fans.

That would be the "Biggest Losers."

Hey I get comments!!!!!!!!

garage mahal said...
Does anyone ever wonder what it would be like having Kim Kardashian lounge around your house in just an over sized Packers jersey, and underwear? I do.

You gotta love garage mahal. Silly liberal that he is he got it all wrong. I mean if Kim is gonna lounge around in a football jersey it is going to be in a New Orleans Saints jersey for crying out loud.

But as a consolation price you can get a gander at Kim Kardashian's bush!

Hey I get comments!!!!!!

Theo Boehm said...
Hey, Trooper, I'll have you know I don't just work in a factory. No, not me. I'm a MANAGER. That means I'm on salary. No time clock. I'm so important, I get to work 60 hours a week. At least.

Holy proletariat Batman! I had no idea that Theo was such a big wheel. But I know he is very modest and he also knows what dogs do to big wheels.

But if Mort were awake, he would say that Theo is the MAN!

LETS GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the Phillies won the first game and beat our ace. So we aren't hitting. You think I am scared?

You think I gave up? You think I surrender?

Did we give up when the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS GGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

Hey I was busy!

Just so you don't think I was hiding out because of the Yankees, I was just real busy as "What Not to Wear" filmed another episode in the store yesterday. We had to clean and rearrange the store from top to bottom before the filming and the filming itself is exhausting. So we rested today.

The show had a subject who was the nicest one we had met in the nine times we were on the show. She was very petite which made it a very hard fit but Stacy and Clintion did a great job finding clothes for her. I think it will be a great episode.

The Phillie's don't have guys with seventies porno mustaches and suede car coats who tackle Chris Chamblis after he beats the R

Well they don't!

The Phillies don't get the hot chicks!

Oh wait, there was that Philly news chick, what was her name who got arrested for beating up a cab driver.

You see she got drunk and as they pulled up to her apartment she realized she didn't have any money. So she slipped off her panties and spread her legs and said to the driver "Sorry Adbul but I don't have any money, but how about this."

The Driver turns around and looks over and says "Com'on Lady, don't you have anything smaller?"

The Phillies don't have cool commercials about cigarettes and pussy!

That's right. it takes a real man to handle a camel and a pussy in boots.

No, not a camel pussy AJ, pay attention.

The Phillies don't have a hit record from 1941!

Hey where are the songs about Bobby Wine and Riche Ashburn?

Oh, I see.

The Phillies don't have a movie!!!

Hey Tanglefoot.

I remember when I was a kid, Mrs. Babe Ruth and Mrs. Lou
Gehrig were at every Old Timers game.

Now it's Diane Munson and Bobby Murcers wife.

There are no songs about the Phillies!

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, the fella

With the celebrated swing

Oh, I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, the one who

Drives me batty every spring

If I don't make a hit with him

My heart will break in two

I wish that I could catch him

And pitch a lttle woo

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

Mickey you (Mickey me)

That's who

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, his muscles

Are a mighty sight to see

Oh, I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, the one I want

To steal right home with me

Oh, I'd sacrifice most anything

To win his many charms

I'd like to be a fly ball

And pop right in his arms

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

Mickey Mantle, ooh, I love you(Who, me)

ooh, I love you(Not Yogi Berra)

Ooh, I love you

Mickey

(I Love Mickey, Theresa Brewer)

The Poetry of the great Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto

To Be Alone

Hey White

You know where your loyalties are?
Right here.

The old pinstripes.

No.

You never wore them

So you have a right to sing the blues.

May 12, 1987

New York at Chicago

Bill Long pitching to Dan Pasqua

Second inning, no outs, bases empty

White Sox lead 1-0

The Poetry of the great Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto

Prayer for the Captain

There's a little prayer I always say

Whenever I think of my family or when I'm flying,

When I'm afraid, and I am afraid of flying.

It's just a little one. You can say it no matter what,

Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Protestant or

whatever.

And I've probably said it a thousand times

Since I heard the news on Thurman Munson.
It's not trying to be maudlin or anything.

His Eminence, Cardinal Cooke, is going to come out

And say a little prayer for Thurman Munson.

But this is just a little one I say time and time again,

It's just: Angel of God, Thurman's guardian dear,

To whom his love commits him here there or everywhere,

Ever this night and day be at his side,

To light and guard, to rule and guide.

For some reason it makes me feel like I'm talking to

Thurman,

Or whoever's name you put in there,

Whether it be my wife or any of my children, my parents

or anything.

It's just something to keep you really from going bananas.

Because if you let this,

If you keep thinking about what happened, and you can't

understand it,

That's what really drives you to despair.

Faith. You gotta have faith.

You know, they say time heals all wounds,

And I don't quite agree with that a hundred percent.

It gets you to cope with wounds.

You carry them the rest of your life.

Phil Rizzuto

August 3, 1979

Baltimore at New York

Pregame show

Rain out theatre

When I was a kid, you always watched the Yankees on WPIX Channel 11. They had the greatest announcing crew ever: Frank Messer, Bill White and the one and only Scooter, Phil Rizzuto.

But if it rained and they had a delay, they would always put on an episode of "Abbott and Costello." They didn't have all that many series to choose from in those days and WPIX had all the best ones to repeat. "Abbott and Costello." "Buck Rodgers." "The Honeymooners."

I hope they have a couple of episodes ready for tonight's rain out.

HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY AAABBBBBBBOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I had to switch to the harp.

"I had to switch the harp. I used to play the flute but I had an affair with my teacher. He was a young graduate student who was assisting the professor. He was so handsome."

"He taught me how to play the flute. And the clarinet. And the recorder. Basiclly anything you could put your mouth on and blow!"

"But my uncle Herman found out about us and went to see if his intentions were honorable."

"They weren't.....he was just a player.....So we had to break up"

"I hear he works in a factory now.... and bothers people on the internets.....poor guy."

It's Wedding Cake for the Win!

Well the Soup Poll is over and a dark horse won! Italian Wedding Soup for the win!

The results:

Italian Wedding Soup 18
Lentil 15
Tomato 15
Split Pea 13
Matzo Ball 3

The Trooper York special Italian Wedding Soup recipe will be posted shortly. From my Grandmothers recipe.

Next up, what’s your favorite reality show?

I am just too freakin busy!

I am just too busy today getting ready for a big event tomorrow. More details later.

Right now I have to get back to it. Discuss amongst yourselfs. The question: Marilyn, Stella or Charo.......You make the call.

After four hours consult your doctor

Herman Munster: DARN, DARN, DARN, DARN!

Lily Munster: What's the matter Herman?

Herman Munster: Well you know that potion that Grandpa cooked up for my upset stomach?

Lily Munster: Yes the one with eye of newt and toe of bat and that piece of hickory?

Herman Munster: Well it seems to have worked. But it has a strange side effect.

Lily Munster: Whats that?

Herman Munster: All of the Bolts on my body are sticking straight out. And they have for the past four hours.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you can be such a monster some times!

Herman Munster: Happy Halloweenie!!!!

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, May 5, 1962

Toots: Hey Joe, great to see you. I haven’t seen you in while.
Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: And look who you have with you….Charo baby where is your Xavier? Does he know you are out?
Charo: (an extremely young girl who answers in a breathy sexy voice) Yello Tootise….mi Xavier is muy Viejo. He so old. He needs his rest. But Jose wanted to meet me for a drink and some food and maybe som cootchie-cootchi….how can I say no to the Yankee Zippper.
Toots: Hey Joe…..ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t youse crumbums just go up and say hello.(Joe takes Charo’s hand and walks to the back and stands in front of Marilyn who is visibly drunk and looking blowsy at her table)
Marilyn: Joe….fancy meeting you here…who’s the spic whore.
Charo: Jello Miss Monroe it is your pleasure to meet you. Me nombre is María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza. But you can all me Charo. Nice to meet chu (She extends her hand shyly, but Marilyn ignores it)
Toots: Hey lets siddown and have a couple of pops.

Charo: Bueno. (Charo sits down opposite Marilyn and as she does her legs are slightly open. She is not wearing any underwear. Neither is Marilyn. As each sit their tense twats queef at each other like two mallards about to fight) Senor Jose I remember when I was a little girl living in a small fishing village in Spain. My old grandfather used to take me out to the village to the cinema. And we would see Mrs. Monroe in the motion pictures. Mucho anos ago.
Marilyn; Jesus, Joe how young is this bitch, she must be all of sixteen.
Charo: I am old enough senora. But no so vieja as tu.
Marilyn: Joe you gonna let this bitch talk like that to me? Me? JOE?
Joe DiMaggio:

Charo: Why is ju so upset Mrs Marilyn? I am not making the funs. I respect my elders. By the way you have a lot of grey hair on your conyo…maybe you should put the dye on it or shave it like your moustache, no? Shouldn’t she Jose?
Joe Dimaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…you gonna let this loopy latin cunt talk to me this way……well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Charo: Oooooohh baby let me clean ju off. (Charo starts to wipe off Joe with a towel, he pushes her away)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.

Joe DiMaggio: Get me her doctor on the phone. Tell I said it was ok to give her back her pills.
Toots Shor: But Joe why do you want to get involved again? Just let it go and have some rice and beans with this hot young chickie.
Joe DiMaggio: I have to look after her, I’m all she’s got.
Toots: You sure Joe?

Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

I hate Halloween!!!!!

I always hated Halloween. Along with Christmas it is among my least favorite holidays. It has become so commercial and greedy that it is just not worth getting out of bed for. We closed the store every Halloween since we opened because we knew we would not do any business. What happens is thousands and I mean thousands of kids show up looking for candy. Now I really don't mind the little kids which I could deal with but the big douche bags who are twelve and thirteen come around and get rowdy. And nowadays you can't even hit them. I mean in the old days if they stepped out of line you could rap them one in the chops and when they got home and their parents heard what they did they would catch another beating. But now they will sue your ass off.

The first year after we were married the wife got all carried away like she has a tendency to do. She decorated our house with all kinds of lights and skeletons and witchs and stuff and made all these little bags chock full of candy. She gave out all the stuff and the little kids were delighted. I stood outside with my upstairs neighbor who is over six feet two just like me as the kids came up to get their treats. (He was interested in meeting some of the single moms, but that's another story). Around seven thirty or so the worm turned. The teenagers and tweens from the projects came around. Their costumes were basically Air Jordan, hoodies and a JD card. One kid takes the package of candy, looks at it, and pegs it across the street. He goes "What's this shit...give me ten dollars." I look at him and say "Hey kid look out, I am gonna scare the shit out of you....here's a job application...now get the fuck out of here." He decided that discretion was the best move so he went with his crew to the next house down the block. The wife kind of soured on the experience after another hour of similar encounters.

We have to open on Saturday because it is our biggest day and we can't take a chance that a destination shopper might miss out. But I intend to close early. I have a bunch of little bags for the little kids.

Oh and I bought some apples for the bigger losers. The only problem is that CVS only has the BIC disposables. But I am working on it.

Happy Halloween!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo you gots to the get these motherfucking snakes offa this motherfucking plane!!!!!!!!!!!

Man my Giants sucked last night. Eli threw the ball away more times than that Clark Gable guy gelding horsies in the Misfits. He should be on the freaking Angels the way he coughed up the football. I mean I have to admit I just checked into the game now and then cause I was watching the Yankees. I am big time Yankees fan you know ever since those days when I used to hang out at the track with Mickey Rivers. Man we used to go out with Billy Martin and Art Fowler and get shit-faced and get in fights all the time. So I was happy to watch my Yankees kick ass. But every time I turned on the Giants it seemed like they just fumbled or threw an interception or the punter had a 3 yard punt or something. Now I found out why they sucked. The starting right guard Reggie Mckenzie was out and they had a rookie in there protecting Eli's blind side so he was a little discombulated and off his game. Still and all they are 5 and 2 which is fine for this time of the season. They beat Dallas and Washington and should bitch slap those punk Eagles next week while the Yanks open up a can of whoop ass on those Phillies. The only can the Eagles and the Phillies can open up is a can of cheese wiz.

The only other game I sort of watched was the Jets and the Raiders cause I am a big Kenny Stabler fan but he didn't get in the game. Even Dave Casper was like a ghost man. The funniest thing was that Mexican quarteback Sanchez eating a hot dog during the game. That boy ain't right! I mean as a beaner he should have been having a taco. I remember Joe Willie always liked to munch on a fish taco during the game. That's why he won the Super Bowl for crying out loud!

Let's see what happens next week. Meantime....LETS GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Mrs. Steve Philips

I see that your big mouth got Steve fired. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE!!!!!

I mean I have a big mouth but Steve told me I could put it to better use. You knew your marriage was over. I mean after all when Steve was with the Mets he had sex with every woman who worked for the team. And Gary Cohen but that is just because he is way effeminate. And Steve taught those sex harassment classes to all those minor leagurers. I mean those young Dominican boys didn't know you could demand sex from everyone just because you were a ballplayer! I mean they were innocent young boys not Stephon Marbury! Steve had to school them in the ins and out and in and out and in and out. He is a teacher!

I still don't even understand why those lousy Wilpons fired him. He gave them such great advice. Look he traded that douche bag Kazmir who can't even throw the ball over the plate the loser! And he got them all that money by introducing them to Bernie Madoff. Steve told them that they had to invest if they didn't want to get fucked. And everybody wants to get fucked right?

So now your big mouth ruined everything. I know that Steve deeded the house over to you and agreed to a divorce. That was our plan. I mean we didn't talk about it but I did think about it while Steve was giving me an STD in the SUV in the parking lot. And now you end up with everything and Steve lost his job and is in rehab all because you are just a big mouth bitch!

I don't know how you are blocking all my calls and how you still have control of Steve's e-mails so he is not getting any of my messages. But I know Steve really really loves me and he will be calling me when he gets out of rehab. SO YOU BETTER TELL HIM I WILL BE WAITING!!!

You should tell Steve that I will be waiting. I have a gig working the world series at Yankee Stadium. If he is looking for me he should check out the Pretzel stand on the mezzanine level at gate 16. I will be waiting.

Toodles,

Your Pal,

Brooke

Laura Bush's Diary

Well it has been a tough couple of weeks here at the ranch. First Poppy and Bug eyed Barb visited for a week. Then the Phillies beat the Dodgers in the playoffs. I hate the Phillies ever since that incident with John Kruk. I can tell you stories about why he really only has one ball but I won’t. And of course my great friend Captain Lou Albano passed away. Did you ever notice how so many of your friends all seem to pass away in bunches? First one or two then all of a sudden ten of them die in one year. I think what happens is that the people who were in their thirties and forties when you were a kid or a young adult are now at that age where they all start to pass away at the same time. It’s kinda scary.

Anyhoo I had been busy scapbooking some old photo’s of Capt Lou and Gorilla Monsoon and Chief Jay Strongbow one afternoon when my private line buzzed. I have a line that doesn’t go through the switch board for private calls. Only seven people have that number. Even W doesn’t have it. I jumped. Who could it be? I let it ring six or seven times before I picked it up. “Hello” I said. “Laura” “Yes, who is this.” “He’s dead Laura.” “Who’s dead? Captain Lou? Who is this?” “No not Captain Lou. Soupy. My Soupy Sales is dead.” “Oh my God, is that you Robyn?” “Laura my Soupy is gone.”

Now I might have told you before about the old days when I was just out of college and was trying to make it big in New York. I was working the peeps at Show world on Eight Avenue with my friend Robyn Byrd. We were roommates for a while with Joey Heatherton and Anita Gillette. But I hadn’t seen her for years. Ever since that night that Bug Eyed Barb and me got drunk and went on Robyn’s cable show. That caused such a big fuckin mess that W forbid me to talk to her. I agreed because I like to let W think he is running things. I mean he does what I say about stuff like invading Iraq and whacking Lilo Calante …. Oh shit I wasn’t supposed to talk about that …forget that. Anyway I don’t sweat the small stuff like him telling not to talk to Robyn. I mean she had my number if she needs me. And now she had finally called.

“Laura I don’t know what to do. Soupy and I had lost contact for a while but you know I always loved him. What can I do? I miss him so. I always thought we would end up together in our old age but now it can never happen. I want to kill myself.” “Now don’t talk foolishness Robyn. You are still a young woman. Soupy was a lot older than you. Plus he was a married man. You know it would never be. You need to move on.” “That’s easy for you to say Laura. You have your W. Everything turned out great for you. Me I have nothing to show for all my years of work but some tapes of talk shows with Al Goldstein, a drawer full of black crocheted bikini’s and herpes. Life is just not fair.” “I know Robyn, I know.”

We were all so young then. We used to get together for drinks with our friends like Joey Heatherton, Anita Gillette and that slut bag whore Sandy Duncan. We were all young career gals. Sort of like Marlo Thomas in ‘That Girl.” Except we didn’t have a Daddy who knew best how to help our careers. Well except for Joey cause her Daddy was the Merry Mailman on WPIX TV and she used to get us side gigs and invited to all kinds of industry parties. So we got to meet all the big stars of live TV in New York in those days. Sandy Dennis from Wonderama. Chuck McCann. Bozo the Clown. And of course my hero, Officer Joe Bolton. I might have told you about the night I met him. You see all of us young girls had a thing for one of these older gents who were so successful in TV at the time. You might call it the David Letterman syndrome. I mean if you were gonna date someone who should date someone who could help your career you know?

We would all go to Sardi’s and sit at the bar and all of the big stars would come in for drinks after the shows. There were Broadway stars and chorus boys and dancers and everyone in show business in New York City at the time. And out of all of them, Robyn had a thing for Soupy Sales. Now we all told her she was crazy. I mean we were all sure that Soupy was gay. I mean he loved to hang around with Tony Randall and Wally Cox and that little Mary Souter while they did shots of sambucca and eat those little hot dogs. It was all so gay. But Robyn didn’t want to hear it. She loved Soupy. She would go on and on about his beautiful eyes and his gorgeous hair and perfect teeth. It was sickening really.

Well one snowy February night Robyn got her chance. Joey and Robyn and I were sitting at the bar around three in the morning when Soupy wandered in high as a kite. You see he had just got suspended for two weeks for pulling that gag where he had all the kids go into their mother’s purses and take out money and mail it to him. Soupy was pissed and he was drunk and he was looking for trouble. And Robyn’s middle name was trouble. Well maybe it was Chlamydia but close enough. Anyhoo she sidled up to Soupy and they had a conversation as she ran her hand up and down his back. And then up and down his thigh. Soupy was bleary and drunk but eventually he took Robyn’s hand and they left the bar. She looked back at us with a big smile on her face. Her dream had come true! She was going home with Soupy Sales!

And so they started an affair. But it was an ill-fated one from the first. You see Robyn confided in me. There was a big problem. You see Soupy wasn't a fairy. He was a furry. He only got off with puppets and stuffed animals. That’s why his whole show was about puppets. He not only had them on the show. He molested each and every one of them. He was worse than David Letterman. Or even Steve Phillips. He had a four way with Kukla, Fran and Ollie. He titty-fucked Lamb Chop before she went on Ed Sullivan. After he dropped Oscar he became a big Grouch. So he only agreed to be with Robyn because he was drunk.

She tried to make it work. She stopped shaving and grew a full Oscar Gamble down there. She even agreed to wear costumes and stuff. For a while she was even a bit player on the show. She would put on the White Fang gloves and give Soupy a handie while he was talking to all the little kiddies. But it wasn’t meant to be. They drifted apart. Robyn went on to star in “Debbie Does Dallas” and her own long running cable TV show. Soupy bounced around TV and had a couple of shows and was eventually reduced to going to autograph shows where he had a booth between Burt Ward and the Eddie Munster guy. And now he was dead.

I talked to Robyn for an hour or so and calmed her down. She just needed to grieve. I know the feeling. It’s funny how you never forget your first love. But it seems like all these stories seem the same after a while. And it seems more and more I have to hear about people from those days that are passing from the scene. Now so many of them are gone. And W’s fucking pain in the ass mother just goes on and on and on.

Life is just unfair sometimes.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

I don't understand why you don't realize that Steve and I deserve to be together. I mean I did everything for him. I carried his bags and got him his stats and got him his diet Cokes and I let him give me a dirty Sanchez while we were on the road. I even watched the Mets with him and you know I had to love him if I was watching the dog ass Mets.

I even hid under the desk while he did MLB Tonight so he could teabag me while talking about the pennant race. He said it calmed him down. He told me I was the best production assistant he ever had!

I don't know how you are blocking my calls. I guess you changed Steve's cellphone number without telling him so he doesn't know I am calling. I know you blocked his email account. You know you can't keep him away from me. He wants what I got and he wants it bad.

So you better tell him that I am waiting. But he better not wait too long. David Letterman called me for an interview. There's more than one bee buzzing around this honeypot.

Toodles,

Your friend,

Brooke.

HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP THAT!

"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP THAT!"

"I can see what you are doing through the computer. ..I am calling the cops. ....You should only do that in the privacy of your bedroom. .....What...you are getting coffee....well what are you're hands doing down there...I'm calling the cops."

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE....ME?"

Hey we are also in style in InStyle

To continue on our roll we were chosen as one of the "Best of the Web" for November's InStyle magizine. And we have a 10% discount if you use the code in ordering on-line. For those of you who are afraid of ordering on-line and just want to dip your toe in.

I had hopes that Dust Bunny Queen would order online someday until I found out she was a nudist. Oh well you can't win them all!

Aye, Aye Miss Moneypenny!

"Well Miss Moneypenny I see you are in uniform this morning. I didn't know you were under Her Majesty's colors."

"Oh I am not Commander Bond. I just joined the Old Navy. They had a sale on Michael Jackson military wear. You might think about signing up as well."

"Why would I do that? I am already a Commander in the Royal Navy."

"Well because you are naked."

"I just wanted to make some coffee. Would you like some? One lump or two?"

"Ohhhhh Jaaaammmmeessssss!!!!!"

AJ Burmett is a douche bag!

You know I have had enough of AJ Burnett. He bitches and moans about Posada and wants his own personal catcher. I mean I know other pitchers like Roger Clemins did the same shit but they produced. Y0u don't put a Hall of Famer like Posada on the bench because you are a pussy.

I wish Billy Martin was still the manager. He would have went to the mound and punched him in the face after he gave up four runs. What a douche.

Hey I am gonna give you the boot!

The wife had to write about boots on her blog at Never Say Diet. Every single woman who comes into the store askes us if we are going to get in boots. It seems one of the toughtest things for people to find. You see it always a tough fit principally because of the calve issue. You see many woman have shapely legs but their calves a little wider than you would think because of their shoe size. So when they get a boot with a wide enough calve it is too bunch at the ankle and looks silly. You know think the oppisite of Hillary Clinton. No cankles. Just a slim ankle with a wider calve.

Well she found the answer in this website called WideWidths.com which has a whole explanation on how to buy boots by measuing yourself properly. The wife bought two pairs of boots and is really really happy. It's crazy. Check it out if you want to get boots or if you want to buy them for you wife. It is highly recommended.

Hello AM New York!

With the decline of newspapers into junk you wouldn't want to wrap fish in, there is a trend to have free giveaway papers since that is the only way many people will get one. With the internet there really isn't any reason to buy a paper so various free local papers have been created. Hey even the Village Voice is a freebie now.

Usually what happens is they hire some people to stand outside the subway entrances and hand out papers to people rushing to work. Many people take them because they are usually smaller than a regular newspaper and it gives them something to read without having to pay for it. Advertisers like it because it gets their ads out to a wider audience at a lower rate but still enough for the publisher to make a profit. You know the market at work.

Now this week one of those papers "AM New York" published their "Best of New York" segment where they list great stores and events and activities for New Yorkers. And wouldn't ya know it they picked Lee Lee's Valise to lead off the segment as one of the best boutiques in the city. Pretty cool for a little store in Brooklyn. Now unlike several other corrupt newspapers I can name, I didn't have to buy an ad to get covered by the paper. That's one of the reasons I have such a low opinion of journalists. You see they prostitute their editorial judgement for ad sales. Not happening. It is really satisfying when they feature you just because you have good stuff. Because that is just the way it should be. So this unexpected feature is very gratifying.

Thank you "AM New York!" (CLick on it to enlarge it to read the post)

Hey sorry the postiing is light!!!

But I have been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

We are in InStyle magazine as one of the top websites with a 10% discount coupon and the orders are flowing in.

Also one of the giveaway papers listed us in their "Best of New York" as a great boutique. What's cool about that is they have people standing outside the subway stops handing out the paper for free so a lot of people take them who don't normally read newspapers. So many people who ordinarily wouldn't read about us found out about the shop.

Plus we might have another show filming in the store next week so of course the wife is changing everything around to freshen up the store.

So I will get to the Yankees and why AJ Burnett should have his balls cut off and Soupy passing and all the rest later or maybe tomorrow.

Meantime talk amongst yourselves. Oh and have some soup.

Why I believe in the trickle down theory Moneypenny!

"I see this photo on your desk Moneypenny. You were quite the little minx in your youth weren't you?"

"Oh I had my fun Commander Bond. I worked at the Army Department during the war."

"Who is the young man, you're boyfriend?"

"Oh no just a young man that I gave a VD card to as he was cleared of all disease. I hear he later went into politics. I bet he wouldn't want this photo to get out."

"I would think not. What a terrible disease. Thank God I have never had the misfortune."

"Well it isn't all bad. It made you think. In fact this young man said it was very important in his political philosophy. In fact it gave rise to one his main planks in his political platform."

"Really what was that?"

"Why the Trickle down effect....for obvious reasons."

"Quite."

It's all there in black and white.

"Hello, is anyone there....knock, knock?"
"Oh come in Trey. I have transformed the day room into an artistes studio. Meet my friend Davey, but I like to call him Chickenlittle...because he has the cutest little drumstick."
"Errrr ok Selina, but you do know it is time for our session."
"I don't think so Trey. I am having a session with my little artiste. He says I am his muse. He want's to dip his brush in my little paint pot ....don't you my little chickenlittle? Look under my smock, I am not wearing anything below the waist other than these little white sox...."
'Hamana, hamana, hamana uuurrrrphhhhh (in stereo and then there are two loud thumps)"
"Trey....Davey...Trey....Davey....my goodness I guess the aspect of true art was too much for them."

Quick and dirty Lentils by Trooper York

1 bag of Lentils
4 large Potatoes
1 Bag of carrots
2 large Spanish Onions
1 Bunch of celery
6 cloves of garlic
2 Packages Goya Chorizo sausages with 3 in each package.
½ teaspoon of red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon paprika
Optional
1 lb of tubitini pasta

Here is the quick and dirty Trooper York Lentil Soup Recipe.

First dice up the garlic and one of the onions in your food processor. Put some olive oil in the bottom of a soup pot, not to much just enough to cover the bottom of the pan. Put in the garlic and the onion and caramelize. (Hey I almost wrote camelize…better yet cameltoeize…Hee) When it is halfway done add one package of the chorizo’s cut into dime size slices and sauté till all the hot juices come out and you kitchen smells great.

In the meantime you were soaking the lentils in cold water to wash them. Drain and have them ready.

Cut up the carrots in large chunks country style along with the peeled potatoes and the celery.

When the onions and chorizos and garlic are cooked add cold water up to the handle rivets on your six gallon stock pot. Drain the lentils and put them in the water. Bring to a boil and then lower the flame. Add the carrots and the celery. Cook for about an hour. Add the potato in the last 20 minutes along with the rest of the cut up chorizos. Add the salt, red pepper and paprika and stir. Cook only long enough for the lentils to get soft but not the point that they bursrt and lose their shape.

Serve with Italian pepper biscuits and a hearty red wine.

PS if you want pasta lentique well make a pound of tubitini pasta, drain and mix in with the soup. Note that it will soak up a lot of the soup so be aware and don’t put too much in the pot so you don’t lose the soupiness.

Dear Mrs Steve Phillips

I don't know why you are making this so difficult. I mean I am sorry I ran over your Chinese mailman and your rose bushes and hit your front column of your fence. But I really wanted to make it easy for you. To give up Steve. He loves me you know.

You have to realize that Steve loves me. He loves me just as much as he loves baseball. He said he thought that I reminded him of the Mets. I asked him is that because he loved me with all his heart. He mumbled something about getting his rocks off and leaving but I don't think that is what he meant. He was just mad because Theo Epstein was on the TV and he hates him because he is still a GM and Steve is just a talking puppet on basic cable. I mean he did such a great job as general manager. Look at how he got rid of that loser Scott Kazmir. He couldn't even beat the stinky Yankees. He was right to trade him for that pitcher with one arm.

Steve is so smart. I loved to work with him at ESPN. He was so witty and funny and cool. I think it is so true that he was right to not sign A-Rod for the Mets. Then the team would have definitely been 24 plus 1. I mean Steve knows that A-Rod is just a big cheater. And he even cheated on his wife with that whore Madonna. I am so glad that the Mets didn't sign him.

Now don't get me wrong. Steve didn't cheat on you. Not really. I mean your marriage is over he was just staying because of your seven kids. You should have a reality show. You know like that crazy bitch who married that vaguely chinky guy like the mailman I ran over. They lost their show maybe you can get it. Just so long as you let Steve go.

I want to say I am sorry that I was writing to your oldest son on Facebook. But I had to find out what was going on. I sent him this picture of me in my bunny costume. Steve loved that costume too. He said we had to fuck like bunnies. He loved for me to dress up. All three times we did it. Once he made me dress up like Joan Payson. That was kinda kinky you know. I just didn't like it when I had to wear that Big Mr Met Head. That was very stuffy. And it smelled like cum. Just like I did when Stevie was done with me.

I think you should stop going to the newspapers and just realize that my Stevie and I have to be together. I don't want to keep dropping these letters off at you house because I have to get my Camry fixed. So please just let my Stevie go.

Otherwise I might have to do something I don't want to do.

Toodles,

Your pal
Brooke Hundley

It's all there in black and white.

"Why hello Trey. And look whose here. Theo as well. It must be my T day. Maybe we should have a T party."
"I don't think so Selina. I do think it is time for our session."
"Yes and I thought we were going to practice the flute Selina. Look I put on my official professor's velvet robe that I always wear when I am about to instruct a sweet young thing."
"Boys, boys I am afraid I don't have time for that. My friend Michael H and I are going out. He brought his motorcycle and we are going to ride and ride and take some photo's wherever we go."
"But Selina, a motorcycle is so dangerous. Especially with all the medication you are taking. It must affect your balance."
"Maybe you are right Trey. Perhaps I can stay here and use a alternative means of transportation. I know how about a train....Trey...Trey...and you Theo....why are you both laying on the floor.....you aren't going to get anywhere that way....oh my...I think you might miss the train."

Everybody loves Soup!

Everybody loves soup. We are off to a good start with our poll and there is surprising support for my favorite (you were right as usual chickenlittle) Italian wedding soup.

I will be putting up my recieipe soon but it complicated so I have to consult with my mom to make sure I get it right.

But if you are shopping you need a pound of beef a pound of veal and a pound of pork, eggs, breadcrumbs, pototoes, carrots, celery, soup bones, a gravy round, onions, garlic and a whole bunch of stuff. Details to follow.

Are you pointing those things at me or are you just happy to see me?

Hey blake has a very interesting discussion on his great blog the Bit Maelstrom. Oh the post is about some stupid movie bullshit but he digress into Trooper York territory when he talks about a woman wearing bra's to bed.

Our other good friend Theo Boehm also has a great post on his super blog "A Quiet Evening" post something about that famous pointy bra wearing Madonna skank, but misses his chance to post his favorite photo of Madonna and her two childs.

You guys have to realize the eternal blogger equation:

Point Breasts= hits.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

Hi you don't know me but I am the assistant who has been having sex with your husband for the last year. You know while he was working up at ESPN. Now you must know that it is a requirement that all of the assistants who live and work in Connecticut have to have stinky dirty sex with the on air talent. And not just at ESPN. That's also why David Letterman lives up here.

Anyway I want you to know that it wasn't just dirty filthy nasty sex between Steve and me. We love each other. I know that because all three times that he banged me he grunted that yes he loved it. And by it I am sure he meant me. I mean I know he made me wear a bag over my head with a picture of Robbie Alomar on it but that was just kinky stuff you know. I mean after all the man ran the Mets so he has to be kind of kinky.

Oh and if you don't believe me I just have to tell you that is dick is kinky too! It bends to the left and he has a birthmark in the shape that looks a lot like Jerry Koosman right on his taint. Just in case you think I was making this up.

Now Steve told me all about your family. About your seven kids. I have been facebooking them all and I know everything about you. You know you should tell your sons not to write back to every woman who facebooks them and sends them pictures of her pooter. I mean it was ok for me to do it but then I am practically part of the family.

So you should know that Steve and I were meant to be together since you don't love him and would never give him anal like I would. I think you might have seen me when I dropped off this letter and you were walking up the driveway. I drove off kind of fast and I am sorry that I ran over your mailmen. But he was Chinese so I am sure there are plenty more where he came from. Sorry about that.

Anyway I think you should realize that you can not stop Steve and me from being together. You can keep the mansion and the cars and the jewelry and the seven kids. All I want is Steve to live with me in my studio apartment in my fathers basement. We just want to be together! You have to realize that Steve doesn't love you since I am the fifty seventh woman he has fucked this year. But I am the last. He loves me. So I think what you should do is give Steve his freedom.

I think that would be best for all concerned.

Anyways, thanks for listening. I am on my way to the pet store to buy a bunny.

Your pal,

Brooke Hundley

You're back Moneypenny!

"Why you're back Moneypenny! And I am glad to see it!"

"Yes I imagine you are Comander Bond. But there is one thing that you would like even more."

"And what would that be my dear?"

"Why my front of course!"

"Indeed Miss Moneypenny, indeed."

The Umpires have been named for the World Series!

And they are all National League guys. Which is the only chance those Phillies have. Just sayn'

Hey Asante, GOT MELKY!!!!!!!!!

For all of you dudes who say the Yankees outfield sucks, I have just one thing to say: GOT MELKY!!!!

Oh, also.....IT'S THE MELKY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soup's On!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No soup for you!

Well there is soup for you. Pick out your favorite:

Tomato

Lentil

Split Pea

Mazta Ball (Chicken)

Italian Wedding Soup (Meatball)

These are my personal favorites. A lot of good ones didn't make the cut. Eat hearty!

Everybody hates the Met's owners!!!!!

Hey we finished our poll of who you would want to buy your football team and Osama Ben Laden got 16 more votes then the Coupons (Wilpons) who own the Mets. Hee. The Mets owners got exactly no votes. The results:

Rush Limbaugh 18

Osama Ben Laden 16

George W Bush 11

Al Sharpton 3

Feddy Coupon 0

Next up is our soup poll.

It's all there in black and white.

"Well you are finally back Selina. You do know it is time for our session."
"Oh I am sorry Trey. I was out. All night. I had another type of session."
"Really Selina. With that long haired musician Theo I suppose?'
"You suppose incorrectly Trey. I was out with one of his friends. A Mister York. Kirby York. We went dancing.....oh it was so much fun."
"Really Selina....I think all this socializing is most unseemly. For a woman in your condition."
'What condition might that be Trey....I am in fine fettle....here look at this photo of us dancing last night.....examine my condition....I was during my favorite dance.....the Twist....actually the Twist of the engorged nipples....Trey....Trey....you have to stop falling off your chair!"
"Hamana....hamana....hamanan.....uurrrppppphhhhh!!!!!"

AJ too much Cheese Wiz on on Philly Cheese Steak has rotted out your brain dude!

One of the smartest guys on the internets just put up one of the dumbest posts I have ever seen analyzing the potential World Series between the Phillies and the Yankees.Our good buddy AJ Lynch of Philly has posted his musings on his great blog "The Ringleader." Since he has such an obvious unfamiliarity with the Yankees we will have to set him straight. Here is our post with some corrections attached. (The corrections are the ones that make sense).

Here is how they match up:

Phils have the edge:
1B Howard over Txeriera (You are delusional dude. Texeira was the MVP in the American league and is a far better fielder than Howard. Howard only had 6 more homers and 19 more RBI's and is a fat lazy fuck besides. At worst this is even but I think the fielding that Tex brings makes it a win for the Yankees)
2b Utley over whoever plays 2nd for the Yanks (Robbie Cano plays second for the Yankees but he is not one of my favorite players and Utley is the best guy on your team so I give you that one)
LF Ibanez over Damon (you must be kidding me. This one is dead even. Johnny Damon is a proven winner who has produced in big spots in the playoffs. Ibanez had one lucky game. Even)
CF Victorino over Swisher (Swisher doesn't play center for the Yankees. That's a platoon of Melky and Gardner. I think the speed and defense we have in that platoon gives us an edge over your guy. I call this one for the Yankees. Got Melky? It's the Melky way!!!)
RF Werth over Matsui (is he in his fifties?)Yanks have the edge: (Wrong, Matsui is the DH and can't play the field because of his bad wheels. Swisher is in right so I will give you this one.)
3B Arod over FelizPush: (Dude are you stoned. A-Rod is a first ballot Hall of Famer who will have over 700 home runs when he retires. As much as I hate him he is producing finally in the clutch witness his performance against the Angels. The monkey is off his back. This is easily one for the Yankees. No contest.)
SS Rollins vs. Jeter (Again Jeter is a first ballot Hall of Famer in his prime who always makes the smart plays to win the game. Rollins is just another good hit poor field shortstop. Jeter all the way.)
CA Ruiz vs. Posada (No contest. Posada is an adequate fielder but his bat is so much better than Ruiz it is not funny. He is another Hall of Famer with 4 rings to Ruiz's 1 so you have to go with HIP HIP JORGE!!!!)

Other:
The Yankees have the edge in pitching but not enough to be significant so the Phils repeat as World Series Champions! (The Yankees edge in pitching is very significant especially with the best closer of all time in Mariano and lots of help from Hughes and Robertson. The only problem will be if the over manager continues with his infection of Larussism and makes too many moves. If he just lets his pitchers pitch it will be a cakewalk)

YANKEES IN SIX GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe you dick, you aint him.

You ain't him by a fucking long shot you stupid dick.

Yes Indeed Miss Monneypenny!

"So Miss Moneypenny, you always seem so tightly buttoned up. Behind your desk shuffling your papers."

"Well apperances can be decieving Comander Bond."

"Really Miss Moneypenny? However do you mean?"

"Well I may be behind a desk. But I am not wearing any pants."

"Yes indeed Miss Moneypenny!"

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Damn blood this shit sucks.

My Giants got hammered by the damn New Orleans Saints. You believe that shit. Who knew that Tom Fears finally learned how to coach. The Giants defense was just a big sucking sound sort like the one all that water made after they pumped it out of NOLA like it was cum in Rod Stewarts stomach or sumthing. They scored at will which usually happens when then there college ho's get hammered at Mardi Gra. Oh well you can't win every game. Maybe it will be good if they meet in the playoff's cause it is real hard to win two games against a quality opponent.

Now that poor Mexican Boy got intercepted about thirty times by the Bills when they played the Jets. Man they should have had Bennie be the quarterback then the Jets would have had a better chance. I mean the Bills are one of the worst teams in the leauge for crying out loud. The only ones who suck more are the Lions and the Raiders.

Oh yeah the Raiders beat the Eagles. Hee. I bet a bunch of puppies are gonna get strangled this week.

At least my Steelers beat on the Browns. I wonder what Jim Brown in gonna do to those suckers. Thank God the Steel Curtain is still active baby. That's all I got to say.

I'm looking forward to the Broncos tonight on Monday Night football. I ain't seen John Elway play in a while so it should be fun.

Hey watch the meter, Jeter!

So I am in the store on a Monday which is unusal because we have a girl who can handle the store herself in the morning. But she went on vacation so I have to cover.

Anyway we had a big client come in which is great because it is not as crazy on a Monday. Except it is. We are also shooting some dresses for the website. One of our other customers is posing. We like to use the real women who actually wear our clothes so when you look on the website you can get a better idea of what it looks like on a real persons body instead of a perfect hour glass model.

The only fly in the ointment is that she parked about five blocks away. And the meters are only for an hour. So I have my trusty egg timer to make sure I can run the five blocks to put money in the meter. The dude in the store in front of where she parked said he would keep an eye on it but I can't trust that. So I run out every hour to feed the meter.

The only upside is that he just put in soups in his snack shop. So everytime I fed the meter I bought a pint of soup. I love soup. So far I have had the lentil, tomato and split pea.

Maybe I will do a soup poll.

Carlos is spread all over.

Carlos Mencia is spread all over these days. Like a sandwich ya know.

It makes me laugh.

How long till we see some camel toe?

I am up here Paul.....hello

"I have really missed you Joan."
"Really that is very nice of you to say Paul"
"Yes indeed. In fact late at night I often look at the company photo where are standing in front of everyone. You know the one that Peggy started all the gossip about."
"I am up here Paul....Hello!"
"Oh yes sorry. Say do you like Ernst Borgnine movies?"

Cut the crap!

"I don't have time for this."

"Cut the crap."

"Have them come to my office. Bring the Ann Margaret photos and the storyboards. Oh and three cartons of cigarettes and two bottle of scotch."

You guys know how old we are right?

There has been a lot of talk and speculation about Linda Ronstadt in the last few threads. You guys are really into her.

There is no clearer indication of how old all the dudes who hang out here really are.

Well except for the Julie Newmar, Barbara Eden, Angie Dickensen, Stella Stevens and Charo posts.

Face it dudes, we are old farts.

It's all there in black and white.

"What? Who is there? Oh hello Trey. I was sleeping. It is very early in the morning."

"I know Selina. But we need to get working. I am troubled by your relationship with that young man you were with yesterday. I don't think he is for you."

"Why Trey, why would you say that?"

"He just doesn't seem like a serious person."

"Well he is my little monkey. He is always singing but unlike you he never likes to put people down. He is always just monkeying around."

"None the less I don't think you should see him anymore."

"Well I am afraid you don't get to decide that Trey. I like him. In fact I like his roommates. I might date all of them. Now let me get changed."

"You look fine Selina, no need to change."

"Oh this. I just threw it on. I was sleeping. And you know I always sleep in the nude. With a pillow clasped between my legs. It helps me sleep. You know I have restless leg syndrome. They always want to spring open. Would you like to be my little pillow......Trey....Trey....you have to stop falling off your chair."

Pick of the week is here!

Hey check out the wife's Pick of the Week over at Never Say Diet. She picks the Molly which is a short camisole that the girls love to cover the girls. Now I hate when they cover the girls but sometimes you need to do that, like at church and stuff. What's great about a Molly is that unlike a regular cami you can quickly take it off and stuff it in your purse.

Then you can let the girls come out to play!

Hey it's Playoff Time!

WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
THE YANKEES WIN!!!!
TTTTHHHHHEEEEE YYYYAAAANNNKKKEEEESSSSWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Hey how ya doing. It’s not John Sterling. It’s me A-Rod’s urine sample. Sorry I am late commenting on the game today. But I had to report to Major League Baseball this morning so they could check me out. AND I WAS CLEAN BABY!

No drugs, no steroids, no performance enhancing drugs. Ok there were a couple of Kate Hudson’s pubes in there and that was kinda embarrassing. But we passed baby, just like the gas that Jorge Posada passes when he eats pork. What a game!!!!!!

First off what’s up with that fucking AJ Burnett asshole? He puts Hip Hip Jorge on the bench so he can pitch to Mo-lina that douche. He is supposed to be such a great catcher, WTF he had a guy steal on his ass. It was a pitching duel and freaking Girardi brought every freaking pitcher on the roster into the freaking game. I mean I expected to see Herb Pennock or Waite Hoyt or fucking Whitey Ford or something. Of course there aren’t many whiteys left in the game only a whole lot of Pedro’s and Francisco’s and shit. Anyway the Angels squeezed out a run to to get the lead in the top of the eleventh and it was looking grim for the home team. The Angels put in their closers Tito Puente or whatever and my man A-Rod took him deep to tie the game up. Finally he did it under pressure with the money on the table. Then we went into the twelfth and the Angels throw away the game. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Stay tuned for those loser Phillies tonight. They should win cause I think Torre has that Jap guy from Heroes as his starting pitcher.

WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
THE YANKEES WIN!!!!
TTTTHHHHHEEEEE YYYYAAAANNNKKKEEEESSSSWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Hey the Devil's team has won!

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.

Lucifer: No I can't. I have to watch the game. My New Orleans Saints are playing those Nasty New York Giants.

Forcas: I didn't know that the Saints were your team milord. I thought you liked the Packers. That seems strange.

Lucifer: Why? After all I am a fallen angel and they are the fallen Saints.

Forcas: What do you mean? Fallen Saints?

Lucifer: Well they are the epitome of evil and have sold their souls to me. Especially Reggie Bush. That's where I have been all week. Banging his girlfriend.

Forcas: Who that woman with the big ass?

Lucifer: Yeah. She's having my baby. And that's a wonderful way of saying she loves me. Hee. I love that song.

Forcas: Congratulations Sire!

Lucifer: Yeah I am glad I sired another one. Hee, hee. Hey here is a copy of the ultrasound. That's what he looks like in her womb. Of course her womb is just as big as her ass so it's perfect. Much better than the skinny Farrow bitch.

Forcas: Very nice milord. He has your horns.

Lucifer: I know, cool right. That's why my Saints are gonna win. The big guy is asleep today since he stayed up so late watching the Yankees last night so he isn't paying attention. So chalk one up for the bad guys.

Forcas: Very cool sire.

Lucifer: Let's celebrate. Get Howard Cosell and Curly Lambeau and lets make them dance. It's party time. Hey is it getting cold in here? Hey is it snowing? Cool. Let's make snowballs!!!!

It's all there in black and white.

"Oh hello Trey. I am afraid I can't have a session today. I am going out on a date with my new boyfriend."
"Really Selina? Why don't you introduce me."
"Of course. Trey say hello to my friend Theo. His is a musical prodigy. "
"Nice to meet you Theo."
"Yeah same here Doc."
"Where did you youngsters meet."
"Why right here at the hospital. Theo volunteers several days a week.....he teaches music....I love music."
"Well I don't know if that is quite enough to build a relationship."
"We have a lot in common. Theo plays the flute. I love to play the skin flute....Trey....Trey...why did you eyes roll back in your head?"
"Hey are you OK there Doc?"

Papa's got a brand new bag!!!!

Come here sister.....

Papa's in the swing

He ain't too hip...

about that new breed babe

He ain't no drag

Papa's got a brand new bag

Come here mama....

and dig this crazy scene

He's not too fancy....

but his line is pretty clean

He ain't no drag.

Papa's got a brand new bag

He's doing the Jerk....

He's doing the Fly

Don't play him cheap

'cause you know he ain't shy

He's doing the Monkey, the Mashed Potatoes,

Jump back Jack, See you later alligator.

Come here sister
Papa's in the swing

He ain't too hip now

but I can dig that new breed babe;

He ain't no drag

He's got a brand new bag

Oh papa! He's doing the Jerk Papa

...he's doing the Jerk

He's doing the twist ...

just like this,

He's doing the Fly ev'ry day and ev'ry night

The thing's....like the Boomerang.

Hey....come on Hey!

Hey.....come on Hey!

Hey....he's pu tight...out of sight...

Come on. Hey! Hey!

Well Miss Moneypenny

"Hello Miss Money Penny, you seem very relaxed."

"Indeed I do Commander Bond."

"Normally I see you working at your desk."

"Well Commander, I really do my best work on top of my desk, so to speak."

"I see. But the real question is ....how good are you under the desk?"

"Ohhhhhhh James!"