Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, June  28, 1962 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a tuna fish sandwich left out in the sun)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I divorced Artie you know But I told you that already. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe. That dirty Jew cocksucker. He is a cocksucker you know. All of those theater type are homos.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah we heard about that keed. That’s a shame. But you shudda know that he was a sword swallower.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. But everybody is treating me different. I told you that most of them have stopped taking my calls. Sinatra dropped me. Dean won't answer the phone.  Even Jack won't let me visit him in the White House. I fucked him you know. Right in the Oval office under the desk where his children play. He stuck in me for about ten seconds and squeaked like a dog toy and came it two seconds. Why did he drop me Joe? Ain't I a good lay? I fucked his brother too. They made a sandwich of me in Camp David. Why doesn't he call me back. You always call Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear this shit. You life is your life but he don't wanna hear this. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? They all fucked me. Every one of them. I banged them all. Frank. Dean. Joey Bishop. I even did a three way with Sammy Davis and Mel Torme.  That's right. I fucked that little moolies eye right out with my clit. I showed that greasy prick Torme who had a golden fuckin' throat. I did em all Joe. So you ain't nothing special.
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you? You were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow. I fucked them all.   WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Sammy Davis. That little spook.  Tell Frankie Carbo I want to see Bumpy Johnson here tomorrow.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. They got rights now. Someday they will be running this fucking country. You wait and see. You don't want your fingerprints on this.

 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

Greatest hits!

Ricpic said that not everyone knows the personal of mob hits but some of them are so famous that any well informed person has to be informed of them. Here are the top five greatest hits of all time.

5. Carmine Lilo Galante getting it in the backyard of Joe and Mary's in Bushwick. The shooters were
    Anthony Indelicato, Dominick Trinchera, Dominick Napolitano and Louis Giongetti. His two bodyguards were also implicated.


4. Dion O'Bannion was shot in his flower shop by Frankie Yale from Brooklyn will two famous Capone hit men Scalise and Anslemi held his arms. This is the hit we were talking about that was recreated in "Boardwalk Empire." Scalise and Anslemi were also famous for being beaten to death with a baseball bat by Capone as depicted in the movie "The Untouchables."

3. Salvatorre Maranzano was hit in his office by Jewish gunmen sent by Lucky Luciano. These hitters were from the "Bugs and Meyer" gang and included Red Levine and Charles "The Bug" Workman. These guys were later to be the nucleus of Murder Inc.

2. Joe "The Boss" Masseria was whacked at Nuova Villa Tammaro in Coney Island. Various people are credited but it is generally agreed that it was Bugsy Siegal, Albert Anastasia, Joe Adonis and Vito Genovese with Ciro Terranova driving the get away car.

1. Albert Anastasia in the barber shop chair is the most famous and most often revisited on TV and movies. He was hit by members of the Profaci family including Joe Gallo, Larry Gallo, Carmine Persico and supposedly Joe Colombo. There has been some controversy over who did it but Joe Gallo always claimed credit for it so who knows.

Anyway as an actor don't you have to do research? You would think. Whatever dude.