Why are you over there?

"Why are you hiding over there?"
"I have to watch out. A bunch of chinks have been chasing me. They want to make soup out of me. What's up with that?"
"I don't know that doesn't sound right. Do you have a birds nest under that mask?"
"No. Just a couple of horns. But that's another story."

I am not gay.... I just play one on TV

"Seriously girls. I like pussy. Not just the Catwoman's pussy. All pussy."
"So are you girls really twins. Maybe you to meet me later. I am having some drinks with my pal Don Draper. It will be fun."
"I will let you slide down the Bat Pole."

Holy redtape Batman! What is that?

"It is the paper application for Obama Care Robin. My insurance with the Justice League was just canceled and I have to get us new insurance. I can't use the website so I will have to do it by hand." "Well I know you love to do it by hand Batman." "Hey what happens in the Batcave stays in the Batcave."

Seriously Batman...you are gonna love it.

"You just have to stop by this bar. It's called the Stonewall. You have a lot of friends there." "Here is one of them now. We call him the first hipster."

Hey why aren't you staring at my tits?

I think there are women with no clothes on behind the curtain. We must avert our eyes Robin."
"Holy nipple Batman are you sure?"
"Hey you have a beautiful woman right here you can look at. Why aren't you staring at my tits? Look I am posing for you."
"Nevermind Batgirl. We don't have time for this. We have to repair to the Batcave. Robin and I will have to practice wrestling moves. Naked."
"Holy prickly heat Batman. Do we have to?"
"Of course we do Robin. Let's go!"

All the Best Batman's

Have Chinese eyes!

It's all there in black and white.

"Whose is this Selina? This is not group week?"
"Oh I don't know Trey. I thought we might try a different group thing this week. I invited an old friend. He used to help me with my last boyfriend when we wanted to do group things."
"Oh what do you mean....like go to the ball game?"
"Well balls and games were involved but not the way you think. Why are you turning so red Trey? He doesn't have to slide onto your Bat Pole if you don't.......oh my goodness it looks like he has fainted."
"Holy Mouth to Mouth Selina.....I know just what to do....Bruce had me do this all the time>"
"Wait I don't think you are doing this right....you don't put your mouth there."

Holy Hekawis Batman!

"Ugh. Gay man in blue tights scare chickens. Please do not rub against my wariors. Especailly Bald Eagle. Just because he manscapes does not mean anything."
"Well my good fellow. You are mistaken. I am very heteronormal. You need not worry."
"If you no bang Julie Newmar as a Catwoman you no bang her as Indian maiden. You are fooling no one Berdacheman."
"I bet you I can bed one of your squaws before the night is over Chief."
"Fine. We seal bet with old Indian tradition. Pinky swear."
"You bet Chief. Bring me to the girls. Get me some with big tits. But first I have to pinch a loaf." Clouds."
"Pogan me Berdacheman."

What if?

Batman were straight?

I would still be buying comic books.

Holy Uni-ball Batman!

"Quick Batman....get your hands off that Ball!"
"What the fuck's that matter with you. This is getting ridiculuous."
"You are just lucky that people are too stupid to understand metaphors in the 1960's."
"That's why Jose Jimmenez still has a fuckin job!"

Everybody knows the Bat TIme!

"It is very kind of you and your ward to come to the Policeman's Ball Mr. Wayne. Thank you."
"We are very fond of balls Commissioner Gordon."
"Errr what ever do you mean by that?"
"We love balls. The Policemans Ball. The Masquerade Ball. The Ball to benefit the Opera. We even love baseball. We are even buying a baseball team. The Boston Red Sox. They are my kind of people."
"Well that's a relief. The velvet smoking jacket threw me off. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Holy Titus Batman!

"Look I don't want to go in there. Those women might be naked. And Robin is too young to be exposed to that. And I am too grossed out. You go in Batgirl."
"You really are a fanook. Chief O'Mara said you were light in the Bat loafers but I didn't believe it. And one more thing."
"Yes Batgirl?"
"Stop staring at Robins Tits you perv. Jeez. Where can a girl go to get felt up around here. I better give the Green Hornets chink a call. He is a horny little fuck."

Holy Titus Batman!

"They don't me us do they Batman?"
"Of course not Boy Wonder. You are too young and innocent to think about girls and I don't like them........err.....I mean......errr....maybe Batgirl should go in alone."
"No wonder you are not staring at my tits. And they are so perky in my costume. Hah!"

I think we what we have here is a failure to communicate!

" I think we what we have here is a failure to communicate!"
"Don't look at me Riddler. I am a private eye. I get paid to listen not to talk."
"Well you just don't get me."
"Sorry."
"Oh and one more thing."
"What?"
"Stop staring at my tits."

Same Bat Time

"My goodness Batman is that a Bat Phone in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"
"It's a Bat phone. I am not that happy to see Miss."
"Oh and one other thing Batman. Stop Staring at my Tits."
"I assure you I am not madam. But I am admiring you eye liner. Where did you get it?"
"Get lost you freak!"

Same Bat Time

"Finally all of the Super Villains are gathered together in one place. Remember our Mission. To Dominate the World!'
"Quack, Quack!"
"Riddle me this. Why aren't we holding a globe instead of a basketball?"
"You will find out you fool? Only one evil empire will suceed. BBBAAAWWWWAAAAA!!!!"

Same Bat Time

Get those Chinese eyes
Pay the highest price

Get those Chinese eyes
Live in love and lies.
Her love is my defeat
Desire has turned to heat and more.
My mind has gone insane
My body burns in flames and more.
Fire in your eyes - get those Chinese eyes.
Fire in your vains - chains and pains.
Fire in your eyes burn me twice

Love me with your Chinese eyes.
Fire in your vains
Chains and pains

Show me all your Chinese games.
(Fancy, 2006)

Same Bat Time

"What is that Red Phone Commissioner Gordon?"
"That's the Bat Phone. It is the direct line to Batman. Whenever we need him I just pick it up and call him."
"Why do you need that? Don't you have his phone number? He gave it to me when I met him one night while I was walking my rare clumbers."
"No I do not have his number and I do not know his secret identity. Do you sir?"
"Oh I know his secret. Actually it is not all that big a secret. I mean who goes around wearing spandex for crying out loud. It ain't no secret."
"Bejesus I thought so"
"Shut up O'Hara."

Let me rephrase that.

"Robin will be impressed with what I have between my legs."

"Let me rephrase that."

Definitely the wrong signal?

"Oh my God. Who is that next to the Bat Phone?"

"I don't know. But maybe they should have their own series."

"No they specifically requested that not happen."

"Well I guess we will listen. For now."

"Cool. Lets start making fun of asian people now."

"All Righty then!"