An Annoucnement

I have been meeting with several television executives as the process of the show has enfolded. TLC is very fond of strange and different TV shows. They have such hits as "Strange Addictions" and "My 600pound life" and "Extreme Couponing" and "Sister Wives." They are always looking for new content and when they got excited about my performance and they started pitching some spin offs to me. I finally found one that looks like it might be fun.

You see I introduced them to our friend the Crack MC and they thought doing a salt and pepper buddy show was the way to go since all those cop shows and movies have to have the black guy and the white guy as partners. So the came up with the concept of our new show "It's not over till it's over."

You see the Crack MC and I are going to every Yankee game with members of various New Age religions and we will interview them during the game. I will be dressed like Yogi Berra and Crack will be dressed like that Maraschino Yogi guy. I will be quizzing them on baseball trivia and Crack will be ranting at them about how their philosophy will ruin the world. Salt and pepper. It will be a lot of fun.

I hope to have all of you guys appear as guest stars when the Yankees are playing in a city near you!

Look for it on TLC this July.

Nestle Quick Sensi

So today was the first day in nine weeks that we could take some time for ourselves. We scheduled a day to exercises and treat our hurts. We had massages and acupuncture. And we tried Yoga for the first time.

Now the wife lied to me because Yoga didn't have anything to do with picinic baskets or Yankee baseball. It meant we had to twist ourselves into pretzels on smelly mats. But you know what? It was kind of fun.

The girl who is the receptionist is the one who teaches Yoga and all I ever do is bust her chops when I come into the shop. So know it was the time for the Yogi's revenge.She had us do all these poses that burned my fucking balls they hurt so much.

The first thing we had to do is sit on these blankets on the floor in a lotus position. Naturally as I try to lower myself onto the blankets I fall over and knock over the table with the Ipod that places the cult music that they use to brainwash you. I almost broke it and it took ten minutes to figure out what was wrong. Anyway we did a bunch of these crazy poses. The Happy Warrior. The Downward pissing dog. The Stretching open handed squat or something. Each one hurt more than the next.But we got through it. You definitely felt like you did a workout and stretched and used your muscles. So it was all good.

Then we had massages and acupuncture to try to come back to human. Which was great.  A soak in the tub. A steak wrapped in bacon and a bottle of wine and all is good.

At the end of the session you bow and say that little saying "Nestle Quick Sensi."

Or something like that.

Commenter Memories Number 127 Allie makes yogurt for Jamie Lee Curtis

Allie said...
You got a point there Ken. I incubate my yogurt for up to 24 hours, it gets tart but not nearly as sour as commercial yogurt. The whole milk makes it less so I think. I then drain it in cheesecloth and get a beautiful Greek yogurt, it's amazing. Drain it even longer and you get yo- cheese, so healthy.

What's next is a healthy almost 60 year old woman, and lotsa life worth living to the fullest. But overindulgence in anything isn't good for you, alcohol, blogging, self adoration, clutter phobia.

On the other hand deprivation isn't healthy either, lots of good female friends, handsome older gents(my son in law calls one of my admirers " the silverback" because of his resemblance to an aging gorilla), an occasional overnight guest and a sense of humor above all. It's all a balancing act, makes life interesting , nooooo boredom allowed, oh noes.

That's why when Jamie Lee Curtis called me up to try my yogurt recipe I was happy to have come over. We made yogurt and experimented with a couple of flavors. Apple. Raspberry. Boysenberry. Pumpkin. Baily's Irish Cream. Glenn Fiddich. Mary Jane. We kept eating yogurt and going to the bathroom. It just kept getting hotter and hotter and we started taking off one piece of clothing after another. Before you know it we were topless in our panties smearing yogurt on each other's nipples and licking it off. It was one of the wildest nights I have had.

And it's true.

She is a hermaphrodite.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.