A Rod does not use steriods....I have proof!

How can you argue with a photo?

There is no way this guy does steroids.

What is all the fuss about?

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend- the Next Generation

Yankee's Locker Room Spring Training in St Petersburg February 28, 2009

Jorge Posada: Hey they have a big spread about A-Rod and Cameron Diaz in the Post’s Page Six today. They say they are back together. Last I heard he was banging that Kate Hudson bitch. Why would he jump that pimple pocked pussy when he can get that young cooze?
Derek Jeter: A-Rod just likes to be in the papers all the time. I don’t think that other bitch is famous enough for him. Plus he likes them skanky. And old. I just surprised he ain’t banging Amy Winehouse.
Jorge Posada: You think so. That’s a piss poor excuse. Maybe he just digs that droopy loose pussy. I heard they did the deed with a three way with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and they used old Tom as a strap on.
Joba Chamberlin: Well that’s better than that smelly pussy right Mr. Jeter?
Derek Jeter: I told you rook, don’t mention Mariah again, all right?
Joba Chamberlin: Sorry Mr. Jeter.
A-Rod: (saunters into the locker room) Hey Chico’s how’s it hanging?
Joba Chamberlin: Like you sheets on Monday morning Mr. A-Rod.
Jorge Posada: What the fuck?
Derek Jeter: That must be a Nebraska expression man.
Joba Chamberlin: You seem to have gotten a lot of fan male this week Mr. Rodriquez.
A-Rod: I always do. My public loves me.
Jorge Posada: Yeah all the booing must be for somebody else when you get up there big guy.
Joba Chamberlin: You sure got a lot of packages. Here’s one somebody sent FedEx.
A-Rod: Oh man, I wish these bitches would leave me alone.
Derek Jeter: Well you should stop wearing that Hi-Karate bud.A-Rod: (opens the box and finds a six jars of pimple cream) What the fuck?
Joba Chamberlin: There’s a card attached. “Here you can use this for that pimple pocked puta you are banging. But don’t put it on your dick cause that’s the herp pendajo!”
Jorge Posada: Dude, you got to keep that shit out of the locker room, it’s bad for the team.
A-Rod: Let me see that. To A. Rodriquez Legends Field Tampa Florida….with love from Madonna, Cynthia, Kate and…….what the fuck…..Jeter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh AJ that's not nice.

I see our old friend AJ is busy dissing the Yankees where I can't get at him (at the evil blogger ladys joint). Someone tipped me off.

Alls I got to say is the say thing that A-Rod said to Ozzie as he picked against the Yankees in every series.

I got your A-Rod right here!

Hey it's Playoff Time!

WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
THE YANKEES WIN!!!!
TTTTHHHHHEEEEE YYYYAAAANNNKKKEEEESSSSWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Hey how ya doing. It’s not John Sterling. It’s me A-Rod’s urine sample. Sorry I am late commenting on the game today. But I had to report to Major League Baseball this morning so they could check me out. AND I WAS CLEAN BABY!

No drugs, no steroids, no performance enhancing drugs. Ok there were a couple of Kate Hudson’s pubes in there and that was kinda embarrassing. But we passed baby, just like the gas that Jorge Posada passes when he eats pork. What a game!!!!!!

First off what’s up with that fucking AJ Burnett asshole? He puts Hip Hip Jorge on the bench so he can pitch to Mo-lina that douche. He is supposed to be such a great catcher, WTF he had a guy steal on his ass. It was a pitching duel and freaking Girardi brought every freaking pitcher on the roster into the freaking game. I mean I expected to see Herb Pennock or Waite Hoyt or fucking Whitey Ford or something. Of course there aren’t many whiteys left in the game only a whole lot of Pedro’s and Francisco’s and shit. Anyway the Angels squeezed out a run to to get the lead in the top of the eleventh and it was looking grim for the home team. The Angels put in their closers Tito Puente or whatever and my man A-Rod took him deep to tie the game up. Finally he did it under pressure with the money on the table. Then we went into the twelfth and the Angels throw away the game. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Stay tuned for those loser Phillies tonight. They should win cause I think Torre has that Jap guy from Heroes as his starting pitcher.

WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
THE YANKEES WIN!!!!
TTTTHHHHHEEEEE YYYYAAAANNNKKKEEEESSSSWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Hey it's Playoff Time!

Hey you little pissers the Playoff’s are in full swing baby!!!

A-Rod’s urine sample reporting to you on all the games!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Yankees won riding CC Ryder all the way through eight innings till the great Mariano closed them out. The Angels sort of Lackeyed something. Hee, hee. It was as cold as Hillary Clinton’s tit last night but the Yankees did what they had to do. I mean did you see Johnny Damon with that Elmer Fudd hat. What’s the matter with that asshole? And Robbie Cano wore a ski-mask like he was gonna rob a bodega on East Tremont Avenue. They better man up or I will have to go there and smack the me out of them.

Speaking of manning up. How did A-Rod tip toe into home plate last night! Didn’t ever even hear of Pete fuckin Rose. You have to hammer the guy. He needed to plow into him like he plowed into that skanky whore Madonna for crying out loud. He’s just lucky we won or he would have gotten his ass handed to him.

Now the Phillies blew it. Like you knew they would. I mean they rode Pedro as long as they could and then they put every pitcher they had on the team in the game. Except for their closer. What’s up with that shit? I expected them to put Terry Mulholland in the game soon. And poor Pedro. He pitches great and has nothing to show for it. I bet he gets drunk tonight and starts posting thousand of comments on the computer again. I hate when that happens. There’s nothing worse than a really depressed Dominican on the internet.

Saint Joe Torre pulled another one out of his ass. I hope the Dodgers make it to the Series and play my Yankees. I bet George Steinbrenner can kick the shit out of a couple of Dodger fans in the elevator again like he did the last time they played in the series. I mean the man is senile and 90 years and all but he should still be able to handle some tofu eating, seventh inning leaving, sun glass at night wearing California pussies.

The playoffs are going just the way that I thought. And what’s great is that MLB is gonna ask for me cause A-Rod looks like such a pussie he can’t be taking extra testosterone. So I won’t be missing any of the game. Cool.

What a pisser!!!

Wow what a pisser. So to speak.

Hey Sports fans its A-Rods urine sample reporting to you on the baseball playoffs. And what a playoff it has been. My man A-Rod shut up all the doubters with his clutch two run homer to tie up the game in the bottom of the ninth. Off the closer Joe Nathan. You would think A-Rod would have no problem with this douche since Nathan has a lot in common with Kate Hudson legs. They can’t stay closed. Plus Alex had another ribby hit and he is coming out of his shell. Carol Burnett stopped with the drama and Posada was able to come in the game after he did six innings pitching to his pet catcher. Then Tex comes through with a homer in the eleventh to seal the deal. Sweet. Mystique and Aura moved over across the street to the new stadium. One more win and the Yank will roll into the ALCS.

It looks like they will be playing the Angels who are bitch slapping the Red Sox like they were married to Ike Turner. They are ahead two games to none and unless they get Bernie Carbo to pinch hit they are kinda screwed. Hee.

Saint Joe Torre has his Dodgers winning too. Tony LaRussa is gonna have to get tanked up and run over a few of the Dodgers if they are gonna have a chance. The funny thing is Manny has been sucking it for a while. I think he is off the juice so he ain’t hitting the way he can. But even so they are kicking Cardinal ass big time.

The Phillies are sucking it, letting the Rock Heads tie up the series. What’s wrong with these chumps. I thought they were the World Champs. They are playing like the World Chumps. And they are gonna play in the snow tonight at nine ‘o fucking clock at night. In Colorado. I bet they freeze their cheese steaks off. I just hope the Phillies make it to the Series because they should be the easiest team to beat. I mean they only beat out the Mets the last few years and how hard could that be.

All in all it’s been a pisser. My favorite kind.

Diamonds are a girls best friend, the next generation.

(Yankee batting practice, Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter just steps out of the batting cage)
Jorge Posada: Hey Jeter come over here.
Derek Jeter: What’s up dawg?
Jorge Posada: Rudy wants to talk to you.
Rudy Giuliani: Hey Derek I want you to meet someone. This is Governor Sarah Palin with her daughter Willow and their cousin Chris.
Derek Jeter: Nice to meet you Governor. Hey guys are you Yankee Fans.
Willow and Chris: Yes sir.
Derek Jeter: Well let me get you guys a couple of autographed balls and maybe a couple of autographed bats.
Governor Sarah Palin: Thank you Mr. Jeter.
Derek Jeter: You can call me Derek, Governor.
Governor Sarah Palin: Thanks Derek. The girls are big fans of yours. They love the Yankees. We used to watch you in the World Series all the time.
Derek Jeter: Ouch Governor. It has been a while. But you can’t win them all. You know something about that don’t you? Say do you guys know the three most important things about being a Yankee Fan?
Willow: Yes it’s great to be young and a Yankee.
Chris: It’s not over till it’s over.
Governor Sarah Palin: Boston Sucks. Especially the Kennedy’s.
Derek Jeter: Hey you guys really are fans.
(A-Rod comes running out of the dugout)
Willow and Chris: Hey Mr. Rodriquez can we have an autograph.
A-Rod: Fuck off kids your mother is too Republican.
Jorge Posada: (under his breath) what an asshole… (In a normal voice) Ah don’t pay attention to him guys, he is a little upset because he hasn’t been feeling well. He hurt his hip. I think he caught it from Madonna. All those old people have problems with their hips. Plus he only like old women who had lot’s of plastic surgery. So don’t take it personal. He would be all over you if you were Nancy Pelosi.
Derek Jeter: Sorry about that Governor. I hope you don’t hold it against the Yankees?
Governor Sarah Palin: Never Derek. I have always been a big time Yankees fan.
Derek Jeter: Well there is one good thing.
Governor Sarah Palin: What’s that?
Derek Jeter: A-Rod’s divorce should be coming up soon. I think the Judge that’s hearing it is a Republican.
Governor Sarah Palin: Great idea Derek. Can I leave the girls with you for a minute; I have to make a few calls.
Derek Jeter: Sure thing Governor. Com’on girls. Let me introduce to some super Models. They are all sitting in my private box and I bet they would be glad to talk to you. We can even give Heidi Klum a hotfoot. Her bazonka’s are so big she can’t see her feet.
Willow and Chris: Cool

Diamonds are a girls best friend, the next generation.

(Yankee batting practice, Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter just steps out of the batting cage)
Jorge Posada: Hey Jeter come over here.
Derek Jeter: What’s up dawg?
Jorge Posada: Hey I want you to meet somebody. This is Judge Sotomayor, she is a big Yankee fan and wanted you to meet her nephews (under his breath) she fixed a couple of parking tickets for me man, somebody you should know.
Derek Jeter: Nice to meet you judge. Hey fellas are you Yankee fans?
Conner and Corey: Yes sir.
Derek Jeter: Well let me get you guys a couple of autographed balls and maybe a couple of autographed bats.
Judge Sotomayor: Thank you Mr. Jeter.
Derek Jeter: You can call me Derek, Judge.
Judge Sotomayor: You can me Judge Sotomayor.
Derek Jeter: Sure thing Judge. Say do you guys know the three most important things about being a Yankee Fan?
Corey: Yes it’s great to be young and a Yankee.
Conner: It’s not over till it’s over.
Judge Sotomayor: Boston Sucks.
Derek Jeter: Hey you guys really are fans.
(A-Rod comes running out of the dugout)
Corey and Conner: Hey Mr. Rodriquez can we have an autograph.
A-Rod: Fuck off kids your mother is ugly.
Jorge Posada: (under his breath) what an asshole… (In a normal voice) Ah don’t pay attention to him guys,he is a little upset because he hasn’t been feeling well. He hurt his hip. I think he caught it from Madonna. All those old people have problems with their hips.
Derek Jeter: Sorry about that Judge. I hope you don’t hold it against the Yankees?
Judge Sotomayor: Never Derek. I have always been a big time Yankees fan.
Derek Jeter: Well there is one good thing.
Judge Sotomayor: What’s that?
Derek Jeter: A-Rod’s divorce should be coming up soon.
Judge Sotomayor: Great idea Derek. Can I leave the boys with you for a minute; I have to make a call.
Derek Jeter: Sure thing Judge. Com’on fella’s let me take you into the dugout. We can give Sabathia a hot foot. He’s so fat he can’t see his feet.
Corey and Conner: Cool.

Spring starts now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring starts now!!

Tax season is over and it is opening day at Yankee Stadium. The Yanks have been on the road to start the season and are finally going to open the new ballyard in the Bronx. I think we have a real good chance to go to the series this year. AJ Burnet already looks like a stopper and CC and Petitte and Chamberlin give us some great starting pitching. Wong has been ineffective but sinker ball pitchers get better as they get more use and he has to work out the kinks. Or the chinks which is what he might have. Whatever.

The loss of Nady was a blow but that maniac Swisher will be just fine as an everyday player.

A-Rod is the only flaw in this design. He will be coming back just in time for Selena Roberts book to come out where he will be outed as playing on Titus's team. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But I think he will scramble to lie and cover up and bullshit like he always does about everything and it will be a big distraction. I hope the rest of the team can just ignore it and win.

The Sox have a bunch of injuries and it is so hard to repeat that I discount the Devil Rays.

It should be a lot of fun.

Let's play ball.

Diamonds are a girls best friend

George M Steinbrenner Field, Tampa Florida Yankee Spring Training

(Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada are soft tossing the ball on the field. Suddenly a very tan young man starts making a commotion in the box seats)
Lance Bass: A-Rod where are you? A-Rod I know you are out there where are you?
Joba Chamberlin: I am sorry sir but Mr. Rodriquez is hurt and had to have an operation. He is recovering at home right now.
Lance Bass: Oh damn him. He is just like all the rest. He will never call. (He turns and runs up the aisle weeping).
Jorge Posada: Hey rookie who was that?
Joba Chamberlin: That was Lance Bass. He was a famous singer when I was a kid.
Jorge Posada: Lance Bass? Isn’t he the guy from New Kids on the Cock? He is some kind of maricon right. What does he want with A-Rod?
Derek Jeter: Hey leave the kid alone. Don’t start that shit again. Who cares what he is into? It’s none of our business. More pussy for me ya know Chico.
Sweeny Murti (WFAN reporter is listening in) Hey Jorge don’t you know what’s happening. Selena Roberts’s book is coming out and she has a lot of stuff about A Rod and guys and stuff. He wasn’t just taking needles in his kesiter.
Jorge Posada: What the fuck? That jerk off was getting Julio in the Coollio? Man fuck this. (He throws his glove on the ground and goes into the clubhouse)
Joba Camberlin: Why is Mr. Posada all upset Mr. Jeter? I mean what is the difference if Mr. Rodriquez is a switch hitter?..
Derek Jeter: Don’t mind him rook. He is just sensitive. In the minor leagues Buck Showalter touched him in the shower and he got all freaked out and stuff. Showalter was always walking around doing shit like that. That’s why they called him Buck Naked Showalter. Now Jorge thinks everyone is checking out his ass when he squats and stuff. He will get over it. Hey Sweeny?
Sweeny Murti: Yeah Derek?
Derek Jeter: Is what you said true? Is this story gonna break. I mean I knew he liked muscle broads and Madonna only likes gay guys but is it true?
Sweeny Murti: Yeah I am afraid it is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Derek Jeter: Yeah not that there’s anything wrong with that. Like I said more pussy for me. Man it’s gonna be a long season.

Diamonds are a girls best friend. the next generation

Yankee's Visiting Locker Room Spring Training in St Petersburg 2009

Jorge Posada: Hey did you hear? A-Rod had to leave the Dominican team. He has a big problem with his hip.
Derek Jeter: What he broke it? He must of caught it by hanging around with Madonna. Old people break their hips all the time.
Jorge Posada: The post called them the tragicly hip couple.
Joba Chamberlin: She is pretty old. I think she is older than my mom.
Derek Jeter: The Olsen twins are older than your mom rook.
Joba Chamberlin: Sorry Mr. Jeter.
A-Rod: (limps into the locker room) Hey guys. How is it going.
Joba Chamberlin: Great Mr. Rodriquez. I am sorry you caught your broken hip from Madonna. That’s why I always wear a condom.
Jorge Posada: What the fuck?
Derek Jeter: Good plan there rook.
A-Rod: I didn’t catch it from Madonna you stupid hillbilly. It is a degenerative condition.
Jorge Posada: Well anybody that would bang that hose bag has to be a degenerate.
A-Rod: Well we broke up so you busting my balls don’t bother me at all.
Derek Jeter: Don’t worry we won’t be breaking your balls man.

A-Rod: Yeah right. Like I believe you.
Joba Chamberlin: But it is true. Mr. Girardi said that since you took steroids your balls have shrunk down to the size of peanuts. So we can’t break them or you wouldn’t have any balls left at all.
A-Rod: Just leave me alone. I can’t take this shit anymore.
Derek Jeter: No problemo there dude. Let’s get on the field fella’s there’s a game today. (under his breath) fuckin’ loser.

A-Rod is back in action.

The Yankees had their first preseason game with the Blue Jays today and A-Rod got a home run. As opposed to getting hit on which happens to him whenever he takes his shirt off in Central Park.

Here his cousin Lem is giving him a rub down before he hits the bodega for a 24 pack of Bud nips and a long night of commenting.

Single White Female, MVP Edition (Most Vulnerable Pussy)

Derek Jeter: I know you weren't yourself when you did this, Alex. A-Rod: I know, I was YOU.
Derek: Hey man, you have to be yourself. Don’t worry the fans will like you if you bust your hump. Even Mr.Torre will start to respect you.
A-Rod: I hate myself.
Jorge Posada: Join the club homey.
A-Rod:What?
(Single White Female, 2009)

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend.

Yankee's Visiting Locker Room Spring Training in St Petersburg February 28, 2009

Jorge Posada: Hey they have a big spread about A-Rod and Madonna in the Post’s Page Six today. They say they are back together. I thought he was banging that Kate Hudson bitch. Why would he jump that old hag when he can get that young cooze?

Derek Jeter: A-Rod just likes to be in the papers all the time. I don’t think that other bitch is famous enough for him.

Jorge Posada: You think so. That’s a piss poor excuse. Maybe he just digs that
droopy loose pussy.
Joba Chamberlin: Well that’s better than that smelly pussy right Mr. Jeter?

Derek Jeter: I told you rook, don’t mention Mariah again, all right?
Joba Chamberlin: Sorry Mr. Jeter.
A-Rod: (saunters into the locker room) Hey Chico’s how’s it hanging?

Joba Chamberlin: Like the Flag on the Fourth of July Mr. A-Rod.

Jorge Posada: What the fuck?

Derek Jeter: That must be a Nebraska expression man.

Joba Chamberlin: You seem to have gotten a lot of fan male this week Mr. Rodriquez.

A-Rod: I always do. My public loves me.

Jorge Posada:Yeah all the booing must be for somebody else when you get up there big guy.

Joba Chamberlin: You sure got a lot of packages. Here’s one sent FedEx.

A-Rod: Oh man, I told that bitch to leave me alone. Why can’t these bitches leave me alone?
Derek Jeter: Hey dude that kinda reeks, what is it?
A-Rod: (opens the box and finds a smelly dead fish in it) What the fuck?
Joba Chamberlin: There’s a card attached. “Here you can use this when you can’t get that dried up old whore in your bed you bastard.”
Jorge Posada: Dude, you got to keep that shit out of the locker room, it’s bad for the team.
A-Rod: Let me see that. To A. Rodriquez Legends Field Tampa Florida….from
Mom…what the fuck…..Jeter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the pilot made an emergency landing on Hudson, Big Deal!

So the pilot made an emergency landing on Hudson whats the big deal. Any red blooded American man would do the same thing. Even though I hear she is pretty cold this time of year. I even hear she froze off A-Rods burrito with her icy fish taco.

Enough with the crying lets talk about the Yankees.

The worst part of what happens when you team loses is you can't listen to the sports radio station or read too many newspapers because everyone is crying. Hey the Giants lost. It sucks. But the Eagles outplayed us and won fair and square. Just because they were jacked up on meth is no reason to piss and moan. Get over it.

The real problem I have is that it seems the Madonna has dropped A-Rod. That sucks, I just lost a lot of material. I can't get as much out of Kate Hudson who he is banging now.

Maybe he can hook up with Jennifer Aniston or the Olsen twins or something.

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, MacArthur Park Edition

The Latin Quarter 2 am at the club.
Jorge Posada: Hey Derek it’s really strange being here in the city off season. The tour of the new Stadium was sweet.
Derek: Yeah I can’t wait for spring training.
Jorge Posada: Yeah me too. Man those Giants are getting all the action man. Look at that Armani Bradshaw. That’s one hot chica he’s got hanging on him there. Thank God Eli Manning is married. Otherwise you would never get any poontang Jeter.
Derek Jeter: Hey I do ok. Why should I complain? They are the World Champs. They get the glory and the girls now. It’s been a while since we won.
Jorge Posada: Yeah right.
Joba Chamberlain: That’s all right Mr. Jeter. You get all the girls.
Derek Jeter: True. It's been a lot better since Plaxico shot himself in the balls. Hey look over there. Holy Shit! It's A-Rod.
Jorge Posada: And he's got that puta Madonna with him.
Derek Jeter: Oh man we got to roll up on that. This is too sweet.(Jeter, Posada and Joba walk across the club to say hello)
Derek Jeter: Hey guys howz it going? (Fist bumps and air kisses all around)
Jorge Posada: Hey Jefe. How ya doing?
A-Rod: Hey honey you remember my teammates. Derek, Jorge and Joba.
Madonna: Are you a member of the tribe Jewba?
Joba: Well I am part Chippawa if that’s what you mean.
Derek: It's just an expression rook. She wants to know if you are Jewish. You guys were really all over the papers.
A-Rod: Well you know how it is Jeets. Sometimes you can’t help it.
Jorge Posada: What Jeter? He keeps all that stuff private.
Madonna: Well I don't see why. Any publicity is good publicity.
Joba:(under his breath) Not that photo in Central Park.
Madonna: What?
A-Rod: Something about a park. (The song "Mac Arthur Park" comes on)
Madonna: Oh Allie Baby it's our song. (Madonna strips off her top and starts giving A-Rod a dirty lap dance)
Jeter and Posada look at each other and mouth: "MacArthur Park"
Madonna:(The song ends and Madonna slug a shot of Kabala water and Patron) Oh shit that was great. It reminds me of when we were massaging each other in Central Park. I poured Kabala water on you and licked it off like a cake in the rain.Hey Derek you have to look after your soul. Do you want to know about kabala.
Derek Jeter: Thanks but I have a Satellite dish, I don’t need cable. We have to go. We are working out tomorrow so we'll see you.(Jeter, Posada and Joba flee the club)
Jorge Posada: Oh man, did you see the stringy arms on that bitch. I seen more muscle tone on dead junkie’s man. If she is gonna be around, it is going to be a long season man.

The Latin Quarter 2am at the club.

Jorge Posada: Hey Derek it’s really strange being here in the city off season. The tour of the new Stadium was sweet.
Derek: Yeah I can’t wait for spring training.
Jorge Posada: Yeah me too. Man those Giants are getting all the action man. Look at that Armani Bradshaw. That’s one hot chica he’s got hanging on him there.
Derek Jeter: Well they are the World Champs. They get the glory and the girls now. It’s been a while since we won.
Jorge Posada: You’re breaking my heart Chico. You get all the pussy you want man.
Joba Chamberlain: That’s right Mr. Jeter. You get all the girls.
Derek Jeter: True. It's been a lot better since Plaxico shot himself in the balls. Hey look over there. Holy Shit! It' A-Rod.
Jorge Posada: And he's got that puta Madonna with him.
Derek Jeter: Oh man we got to roll up on that. This is too sweet.
(Jeter, Posada and Joba walk across the club to say hello)
Derek Jeter: Hey guys howz it going? (Fist bumps and air kisses all around)
Jorge Posada: Hey Jefe. How ya doing?
A-Rod: Hey honey let me introduce you to my teammates. Derek, Jorge and the Beaver.
Madonna: Hey I'm the beaver.
Joba: Nice to meet you Miss Beaver.
Derek: It's just an expression rook. So how have you been. You guys were really all
all over the papers.
A-Rod: Well you know how it is Jeets.
Jorge Posada: What Jeter? He keeps all that stuff private.
Madonna: Well I don't see why. Any publicity is good publicity.
Joba:(under his breath) Not a DUI at a strip club.
Madonna: What?
A-Rod: Something about a strip club (The song "When I think about you I touch Myself" comes on)
Madonna: Oh Allie Baby it's our song. (Madonna stips off her top and starts giving A-Rod a dirty lap dance)
Jeter and Posada look at each other and mouth: "Allie Baby"
(The song ends and Madonna slug a shot of Kabala water and Patron) Hey Derek it's time for you to find a real woman. Not a skank like Mariah. Hey I got Whitney Houstons number. Let me give her a call, she's always ready for a party.
Derek Jeter: Thanks but we have to go. We are working out tommorrow so we'll see you.
(Jeter, Posada and Joba flee the club)
Jorge Posada: Oh man, Whitney Houston. "Bobbie wheres my crack at." It's going to be a long season.

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend.

Toot’s Shors Saloon, August 1, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t you just go up and say hello.
(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: ( stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I have. I have been seeing the President. President Kennedy. I know he’s married to that ice cold cunt. But he loves me. He loves me Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Carlos Marcello on the phone.
Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUP!!

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, the Next Generation

Yankee's Visting Locker Room Spring Training in St Petersberg February 19, 2009

Jorge Posada: Hey they have a big spread about A-Rod and Madonna in the Post’s Page Six today. It says here he writes her love notes. Jeeez what a maricon!
Derek Jeter: I bet she sends him little gifts too. I bet he gets little tokens from a lot of his girls.
Jorge Posada:Whadda ya mean by that Jeets?
Derek Jeter: Oh you’ll see.
A-Rod: (saunters into the locker room) Hey chico’s hows it hanging?
Joba Chamberlin: Like laundry on cleaning day Mr. Rodriquez.
Jorge Posada: What the fuck?
Derek Jeter: That must be a Nebraska expression man.
Joba Chamberlin: You seem to have gotten a lot of fan male this week Mr. Rodriquez.
A-Rod: I always do. My public loves me.
Jorge Posada:Yeah all the booing must be for somebody else when you get up there big guy.
Joba Chamberlin: You sure got a lot of packages.Here’s one from Miss Madonna.
A-Rod: Oh man, she sends me little gifts ….lets see….oh man a Victoria Secrets box…what’s this…Depends…..used Depends with vagina ring stuck in it…what the fu….Jeter!!!!!!!!