Dear Eliot, Release the Kagan

To: Eliot Spitzer

From: Elena Kagan

Re: Release the Kagan

Eliot I know you are mad that we didn't hook up when we were in college. I mean I know you wanted to but I am just not into that back door stuff. I mean there were plenty of other girls that were and I know you paid....err found them. But I thought we were friends.

So why would you email a photo of me and Rachel when we first met on the quad that night. Well I was on her quad. You know that those rascally Republicans are floating a lot of rumors about me. I mean Rach and me are just friends. Seriously. We just play on the same softball team. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I wish you would stop. Please. I have enough on mind.

Dear Eliot, Please Release the Kagan

To: Eliot Spitzer

From: Elena Kagan

Re: Release the Kagan

Eliot I was so pleased to hear about your new gig at CNN. I think this will really be the way for you to get back in the arena and start to reignite your political career. As a pundit for the very least.

But I have to ask you to do me a favor. Please stop emailing these photos from our time in college. Shots like this one in particular. The Supreme Court is a stuffy place and I don't think old ladies like Scalia or Roberts will appreciate it. Clarence would for sure. But I hear that Ginsberg is a fussy old twat and I don't want to rock the boat.

If you can keep this under you hat I will give you some juicy dirt about the Court. Did you know that one of the Justices wears frilly panties and a nipple cut out bra under the judicial robes. And that's just Kennedy. Wait to what else I can find out and feed to you for your new show.

Just keep the college stuff on the Q-T. Okay?