Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Sure who do we got? And don’t say a Polack just because a whole plane load of them just showed up! It’s like those damned Haitians….there are just too many of them here in hell….almost as many as there are lawyers and that’s just crazy.
Forcas:Well we just got a new actress my dread Lord.
Lucifer: What! Elizabeth Taylor is finally here! I have been waiting for that bitch ever since she whacked off my friend Flicka!
Forcas: No my Lord. A Miss Dixie Carter. Or Julia Sugerbaker if you prefer.
Lucifer: Oh no not that boney twat. I can’t take another of these super feminist cunts. They never stop yapping about equal rights. I mean everybody gets treated equally here in hell. Like shit! It’s fuckin hell for crying out loud!
Forcas: I will activate the trap door my Lord.
Dixie Carter: (Falls through the trapdoor in front of St Peter’s gate to fall down at the feet of Lucifer) Oh my Lord…. Where am I?
Lucifer: You are meeting your Lord. Me. Satan. Bezelbub. Old Scratch. You know the Devil. Lucifer. Lu-Lu to my favorite Demons. But you can call me your Dread Lord.
Dixie Carter: But how did I end up here? I belong in Heaven with Susan B. Anthony and Eleanor Roosevelt and Betty Friedan.
Lucifer: Boy are you one dumb bitch. You do belong with them. And you are with them. They are all here….roasting in Hell!
Dixie Carter: How could they be here in hell? They are strong vibrant women who led the way to gender equality. There is no way they should be burning in Hell!
Lucifer: You really are a maroon. The big guy doesn’t like broads yapping in his ear. That’s why it’s the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost and not the Father, Son and Nagging Twat! He sends all you feminazi’s down here to me. In fact I got more feminazi’s then I got regular Nazi’s. Plus you got here on two counts.
Dixie Carter: Why whatever do you mean?
Lucifer: Well you are not just a feminazi you are one skinny twat. The big guy likes a woman with a little meat on her bones. He likes em with some junk in the trunk. That’s why the skinny skanks like you get an express ride to River of Fire. He doesn’t want to hear your bitching and moaning. And neither than I. Take her away. (Two burly demons grab her and take her boney ass away kicking and screaming towards the pits of Hell)
Forcas: Very nice milord. Where should we put her?
Lucifer: I know. Have her go to the blow job room and let her spend all Eternity giving Oscar Wilde a hummer. That should be misery for both of them. Sometimes I love my job!
Lucifer: Sure who do we got? And don’t say a Polack just because a whole plane load of them just showed up! It’s like those damned Haitians….there are just too many of them here in hell….almost as many as there are lawyers and that’s just crazy.
Forcas:Well we just got a new actress my dread Lord.
Lucifer: What! Elizabeth Taylor is finally here! I have been waiting for that bitch ever since she whacked off my friend Flicka!
Forcas: No my Lord. A Miss Dixie Carter. Or Julia Sugerbaker if you prefer.
Lucifer: Oh no not that boney twat. I can’t take another of these super feminist cunts. They never stop yapping about equal rights. I mean everybody gets treated equally here in hell. Like shit! It’s fuckin hell for crying out loud!
Forcas: I will activate the trap door my Lord.
Dixie Carter: (Falls through the trapdoor in front of St Peter’s gate to fall down at the feet of Lucifer) Oh my Lord…. Where am I?
Lucifer: You are meeting your Lord. Me. Satan. Bezelbub. Old Scratch. You know the Devil. Lucifer. Lu-Lu to my favorite Demons. But you can call me your Dread Lord.
Dixie Carter: But how did I end up here? I belong in Heaven with Susan B. Anthony and Eleanor Roosevelt and Betty Friedan.
Lucifer: Boy are you one dumb bitch. You do belong with them. And you are with them. They are all here….roasting in Hell!
Dixie Carter: How could they be here in hell? They are strong vibrant women who led the way to gender equality. There is no way they should be burning in Hell!
Lucifer: You really are a maroon. The big guy doesn’t like broads yapping in his ear. That’s why it’s the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost and not the Father, Son and Nagging Twat! He sends all you feminazi’s down here to me. In fact I got more feminazi’s then I got regular Nazi’s. Plus you got here on two counts.
Dixie Carter: Why whatever do you mean?
Lucifer: Well you are not just a feminazi you are one skinny twat. The big guy likes a woman with a little meat on her bones. He likes em with some junk in the trunk. That’s why the skinny skanks like you get an express ride to River of Fire. He doesn’t want to hear your bitching and moaning. And neither than I. Take her away. (Two burly demons grab her and take her boney ass away kicking and screaming towards the pits of Hell)
Forcas: Very nice milord. Where should we put her?
Lucifer: I know. Have her go to the blow job room and let her spend all Eternity giving Oscar Wilde a hummer. That should be misery for both of them. Sometimes I love my job!
1 comment:
Wow, Dixie Carter is a dead ringer for Helen Gurley Brown, who will also fry.
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